This Is So Not Happening

by Kieran Scott

  I hurried down the front walk and across the crunchy frozen grass, relishing the fact that I could walk home from Faith’s. At least something good had come out of moving to Gray’s.

  Suddenly, out in the frigid cold night air, everything seemed crisply clear. I was in love with Jake. Whatever he’d done, whatever was going on in his life, however mad at him I was, I was in love with him. I could never kiss another guy while we were together. I wouldn’t do that to him.

  Good. That was good to know about myself. But it didn’t solve the other ten million problems with our relationship. One thing was for sure, though. Right then, I felt like the worst girlfriend of all time, and as I turned and headed toward “home,” I decided that from now on, I was going to do everything I could to be better. I promised myself I was going to be the best girlfriend I could be. I was going to act like everything was okay even if it wasn’t. Because maybe the more I acted like it was okay, it would actually start to be okay.

  Or maybe I was just making no sense. Either way, I decided to walk slowly, even though it was freezing-cold out. If I walked slowly enough, maybe by the time I got back to the house, I’d have it figured out.

  jake

  “This is gonna sound weird, but I feel like I haven’t seen you in, like, a month.” Ally hooked her arms around my neck and we started to slow dance. Fake stars winked and streaked over our heads, as couples moved around us. I looked down into her brown eyes and she did, freakily, look different.

  “Did you do something? Like, to your hair or something?” I asked.

  “See what I mean?” she said with a laugh. “You don’t even remember what I look like.”

  I blushed and rolled my eyes. “I remember. I see you every day.”

  “I know, but we’re both always so busy,” Ally said as we moved in a tight circle. “It’s like ‘hi’ in the hall and ‘what did you get on your quiz?’ and then that’s it.”

  I nodded even though I didn’t get it. We ate lunch together no matter what, and I drove her to school every morning. I’d been seeing just as much of her as usual, except for being grounded until I finally got a good grade yesterday. What was she looking for? An apartment together downtown?

  Near the edge of the dance floor, Chloe was slow-dancing with Hammond, but keeping a serious distance. Like a full arm’s length. I guess with her trying to hide her stomach, she had to. She was wearing this black dress that was tight under her boobs and then seriously loose to her knees. You couldn’t tell she was pregnant, but all the guys were staring at her boobs. They had never been that big before, and every dude in the room knew it.

  “What’re you looking at?” Ally said, glancing behind her.

  I stepped on her foot to keep her from looking. I’m not proud of it, but a guy has to do what a guy has to do.

  “Ow!” she said, pulling her toes up.

  “Sorry.” I gritted my teeth. “I know it sucks that I’ve been grounded, but at least it’s over. Now we can do whatever.”

  Ally put her foot down again and gave me this insanely sexy smile. “What kind of whatever did you have in mind?” she asked, pulling me in a little closer.

  Instantly every inch of my skin was on alert. Actually, come to think of it, it had been a long time since we’d been alone together. Like, alone alone. I hadn’t done much more than peck her on the lips in days. Weeks maybe. I held her closer, and her breath caught, which just got me going even more.

  “Think there’s a private room around here somewhere?” I said.

  She blushed purple. “I know my mom’s around here somewhere.”

  I loosened my grip a little. “Talk about a buzz kill.”

  Ally laughed, but I wasn’t exactly kidding. Then a fast song started up and the only semicrowded dance floor was suddenly claustrophobic. Ally started to bounce around to the music, so I tried to do the same. I’d never been very good at fast dancing. I just sort of stepped from side to side and counted the seconds until it was over.

  There was a whoop and a shout and suddenly a circle was forming. Being taller than most people had its perks. I could see over everyone’s heads that Faith and this junior girl, Ava Strathmore, were pulling Chloe out into the center. They started to do this dance together, like doing the same moves, and everyone clapped to the beat. Chloe was laughing and I had to smile. It had been a while since I’d seen her laugh.

  “Did they actually choreograph something?” Ally said, standing on her toes so she could see. She was taller than most girls, too, just not most guys.

  “They did this for the talent show sophomore year,” Shannen said, coming up behind us. “It just ain’t a party until Faith snags the spotlight.”

  In the center of the circle, Chloe leaned over and swung her hair around and around like she was a propeller … or maybe a stripper. I swear I thought one of her boobs was gonna pop out of her dress, and I think everyone else did too. Every guy in the room was holding his breath. Then her mother broke through the crowd and went pale, hanging on to her pearls for dear life.

  “Um, should she be doing this?” Ally asked.

  “She’s fine!” Shannen shouted, raising her arms over her head. “God, let the girl have a little fun.”

  Then Chloe flung her head up and stood straight and suddenly her eyes sort of crossed. Just like that I remembered that day on the side of the road. The day she almost fainted. Someone in the crowd gasped. Chloe staggered sideways. Her dad jumped out of the crowd behind her with his arms outstretched, and she went down.

  “Omigod!” Ally cried, hand over her mouth.

  My heart completely stopped beating.

  The baby. Just don’t let the baby be hurt.

  I shoved through the circle and was on my knees next to Chloe. Hammond did the same on the other side. Luckily her dad had caught her before she hit the floor, but she was completely out.

  “Chloe! Chloe, can you hear me?” her father asked.

  “Charles?” Chloe’s mother wailed.

  “Get Gray!” he growled. She disappeared into the crowd just as Dr. Nathanson came into the circle from the other side. Ally’s mom went straight to Ally’s side.

  “What happened?” Dr. Nathanson asked, kneeling next to me.

  “She just fainted and went down,” I said.

  Mr. Nathanson looked Chloe over. “Charles, I hate to have to ask this, but is your daughter … pregnant?”

  I looked down. On her back, with her dress flopped to the floor, it was obvious. Chloe’s belly was like a mountain. Mr. Appleby nodded and Gray looked, well, gray.

  Everyone was dead silent, but the music was pumping. Kids started snapping pictures with their phones, sending texts or tweets. I wanted to pummel every one of them.

  “Boys, I’m going to need a little room,” Dr. Nathanson said to me and Hammond.

  “Yeah, dude,” Hammond said, glaring at me.

  “Me? You’re the one that should back off,” I spat.

  Hammond’s eyes went wide. “I was with her for two years!”

  “Yeah, and she broke up with you, like, six months ago, jackass!” I shot back.

  “Boys! Both of you! Get out of the doctor’s way!” Mr. Appleby shouted. “This is not about your egos right now!”

  Hammond and I both stood up. I turned away, turned toward Ally, but her expression kind of killed me. She looked sad, helpless, jealous, and mad all at once. I put my hand on the back of my head and looked at the floor. I could feel everyone watching me. Wondering why I had gone to Chloe’s side. Maybe even realizing the truth. Thumbs flew over keyboards, everyone here telling everyone I knew what they thought they now understood. Finally the music was cut dead.

  “Chloe? Are you okay?” I heard Mrs. Appleby say, after what seemed like forever.

  I whirled around. Chloe was sitting up. Blinking.

  “Where are we?” she asked, staring up at the fake sky. Then her face filled with terror. “Oh my God. The baby! Is the baby okay?”

  Now there were gasps. As if th
ey hadn’t seen the belly bump, hadn’t heard the doctor’s question.

  “Let’s get her out of here,” her father said. “She needs some fresh air.”

  Dr. Nathanson and Mr. Appleby helped Chloe to her feet, supporting her on the way out the door.

  “Wait, but the party,” I heard Chloe say. And then she was gone.

  Mrs. Appleby stood there in the center of the dance floor by herself, sort of wavering back and forth on her heels. Shannen’s mother came out of the crowd and went over to her, and the two of them clasped hands for a second. Then Mrs. Appleby looked up and focused. It was like she finally saw the audience. Saw everyone staring at her.

  “Yes, my daughter is pregnant, okay?” she half-cried, half-screeched. “And this party is officially over.”

  Then she yanked her hand away from Mrs. Moore, turned, and stormed out. The whole room was consumed by whispers and questions and some laughter. I walked over to Ally and her mom. Ally kind of robotically took my hand. I squeezed her fingers, but she didn’t squeeze back.

  “Well, I guess we should—”

  “Jake?” Mrs. Appleby’s voice stopped me cold. She had her coat over her arm and she snapped her fingers at me from across the room. “Chloe’s asking for you. Let’s go.”

  My mouth fell open. Every single pair of eyes in the room was on me. I felt like someone had jammed a dirty sneaker into my throat, making it impossible to speak or breathe.

  “Let’s go,” she ordered me.

  I turned to Ally. Her eyes were shining. She dropped my hand, crossed her arms over her stomach, and looked at the floor.

  “Um, you have a ride, right?” I said.

  “Of course she does,” her mother said, putting her arms around Ally’s shoulders. Her mouth was this ugly thin line, and she looked like she wanted to put me in a chokehold. Guess someone had figured out for sure what was going on around here.

  “Okay. Thanks. I’ll call you later?” I said to Ally.

  She barely nodded. I turned around and strode across the room, trying to keep my head up. When I passed Hammond he shot me a death glare. I paused and looked him in the eye.

  “Well,” I said. “There you go.”

  I couldn’t help it. Then I followed Chloe’s mother out to the car. Her dad was in the front seat. Dr. Nathanson was in the back with Chloe. I got in next to her and she fell sideways into me, resting her head on my lap.

  “Do you think the baby’s okay?” I asked Ally’s almost-stepfather.

  “It wasn’t that bad of a fall,” he said, his face stiff. I was sure he was judging me. Realizing his fiancée’s daughter was going out with someone else’s baby daddy. “But we won’t know anything for sure until we get her to the hospital.”

  The hospital. My throat felt dry and coarse. Please just let the baby be okay. Please just let the baby be okay. Chloe was crying, but totally silent. I had no idea what to do with my hands. Then I noticed her hair was over her face, so I brushed it back behind her ear. It took a few swipes, but she stopped crying. So I just kept doing that, all the way to the emergency room.

  ally

  The garage door scrolled open in front of us. My mother and I sat there in silence. Just like we had the entire drive from the city. My mother put the car in park and I held my breath.

  Here we go.

  “So, are you going to tell me what’s going on?” she asked.

  “As if you haven’t figured it out already,” I replied acerbically, toying with the strap on my black evening bag.

  She shifted in her seat, angling her back against the door and her knees toward me.

  “Why don’t you try me?” she asked. “Because I’m hoping that what I’m imagining is actually worse than the truth. That’s often the case with parents, fyi. Our imaginations are hugely overactive.”

  I scoffed and shook my head. My eyes stung like they’d been branded. The moment I’d been dreading for so long was finally here, but I somehow couldn’t believe it was happening. I couldn’t believe I was going to have to talk to my mother about this. I decided for the Band-Aid approach. Quick and painless. Well, quick, anyway.

  “Okay, here it is. Over the summer when Jake and I were broken up, he and Chloe had sex. Apparently they made a baby. So now, here we are.”

  My mother stared. “How long have you known about this?”

  “Since the night before school started,” I said, then braced myself.

  “That long? Ally!” My mother dropped her hand into her lap and raised her eyes to the heavens. “How could you have kept this a secret?”

  “It’s not like it was easy, okay?” I said, my voice breaking as I turned my palms to the sky, my hands in my lap. “But it wasn’t my secret to tell! Chloe’s parents didn’t even know about it.” My mother had this incredulous look on her face. Like our relationship should have trumped everything else. I looked down at my lap again. “Besides, you’ve kind of had other things on your mind.”

  “Oh, don’t do that. Don’t act as if the wedding prevented you from confiding in me,” she snapped, annoyed. “I knew something was up with you. I tried to talk to you. You wouldn’t tell me.”

  I gazed out the windshield, frozen. She was right, of course. She’d asked and I’d lied. But I just didn’t feel like talking about this right now. This wasn’t my fault. None of it was. And all I cared about right then was finding out where Jake was. And, maybe a little bit, finding out if Chloe was okay. I couldn’t believe the way she’d just gone down. I’d never seen anything so scary in my life. For the first time in a long time, I remembered that she wasn’t just a villain. She was someone who needed taking care of.

  I just wished, for the millionth time, that it wasn’t my boyfriend taking care of her.

  “I’m sorry, okay? I am. I wish I’d told you, believe me. But now you know,” I said with a shrug. “Can we just go inside and see if Gray is back yet?”

  “I need to ask you something,” she said.

  I sighed, my shoulders slumping. So much for this conversation being over.

  “Okay.”

  “Have you … I mean, you haven’t … slept with Jake, have you?”

  I never knew my body could get that hot that fast. “What? Mom! No! What do you think he’s doing? Running around school knocking everybody up?”

  “I’m sorry!” she said, raising her hands. “It’s just when you find out your daughter’s boyfriend has been sexually active, you start to wonder if—”

  “Oh, God, Mom!” I groaned, gagging. “Please never say that again?”

  “What? Sexually active? Well, it’s pretty clear he is, kiddo!” she replied indignantly.

  “Okay, okay!” I was so uncomfortable I could have clawed my way out of the car. “Look, I’m not an idiot. I’m not Chloe.”

  My fingers clenched into fists. I just wanted to end this awful night.

  “I know you’re not, Ally. I know.” She reached over and patted my hand. She blew out a sigh, and I imagined it was pure relief. Until she said: “But we’re clear on everything, right? Condoms can prevent diseases, but they don’t always prevent pregnancy—”

  I scoffed, my face prickling. “Yeah. Apparently not.”

  She paused. “They used a condom?”

  “I cannot believe I’m talking about this with you,” I said, looking out the side window.

  “But they—”

  “Yes, okay!? They used a condom. Jake’s not an idiot either.”

  Just kind of a slut.

  Suddenly I wanted to punch someone. Maybe myself. Maybe Jake. I wasn’t sure.

  “Okay, well, that’s good. That’s … good to know. So are you okay?” she asked, tilting her head. “I can’t imagine it’s easy, the guy you love having a baby with someone else.”

  A tear unexpectedly plopped onto my lap. I felt more coming and bit them back. “No, it’s not,” I said, my voice full. “But, Mom? Can we talk about this tomorrow? I’m tired. I just want to go inside and go to bed.”

  She presse
d her lips together and I could tell there were ten million more things she wanted to say, ten million more questions to ask. I was grateful beyond imagination when she faced forward, put the car in gear, and nodded.

  “Sure, hon.” She sighed again and pulled the car into the garage. “Whatever you say.”

  ally

  Everyone was watching me. At least that’s how it felt. Two hundred people, a dozen scantily clad cheerleaders, and a huge, face-melting bonfire, and they were watching me. I stood on the baseball field with Annie, David, Marshall Moss, and Marshall’s girlfriend, Celia Linklater—all five-foot-one, ninety-five pounds of her—a safe enough distance from the fire to not catch a spark, but close enough to stay warm, and tried to be inconspicuous. Marshall had been my prom date last year and was still a good friend, but I barely saw him because he was always with Celia. Still, I was glad they were both here tonight for extra support. Somehow I’d thought that the night-before-Thanksgiving football pep rally—a traditionally Norm-only event—would be a respite from the rumor mill. Apparently I was wrong.

  “Oh, man. I forgot my flask! Did you guys bring a flask?” Annie joked, clucking her tongue.

  I glanced in the direction she was looking and, sure enough, saw three members of the JV football team passing around a leather bottle. They couldn’t have looked more suspicious if they tried, their eyes darting around, their feet so close their toes were touching.

  “Nope. Forgot the pot, too,” David said, sniffing the air, his hands jammed into the pockets of his varsity soccer jacket. “How does anyone get away with this stuff when there are cops and firemen everywhere?”

  “Because half the cops went to our school and don’t give a crap,” Marshall said, wrapping his arms around Celia from behind. He had to bend down to rest his chin atop her curly brown hair. “Jason Krantz will probably confiscate all of it and have a party in his parents’ pool house.”