This Is So Not Happening

by Kieran Scott

  With a grin, I took the ball from her, turned around, and let it fly.

  june

  O.M.G., you guys, Jake Graydon didn’t get into college.

  Come on! Not possible.

  Not even one?

  Not. Even. One. I just overheard him talking to his counselor. He was practically in tears.

  Please. Couldn’t he, like, charm his way in?

  He’s not a vampire, okay? He’s just a normal, very hot guy with zero powers of mind control.

  I don’t know about that. He does have a way of talking girls into—

  That’s different. Hot guys are, like, a dime a dozen to college admissions boards.

  Did I tell you guys my school has a three-to-one ratio of guys to girls?

  Yes. You’ve told us. Hello? This is not about you and your future sexcapades.

  You’re right. You’re right. So what’s he gonna do?

  I don’t know. But I heard they have an opening for a janitor here next year.

  ally

  The prom was completely amazing. Thanks to Chloe’s intervention, Faith’s pink, black, and white color scheme had been dropped, and now everything was blues and purples and greens. One side of the country club ballroom was decorated to evoke Paris during the daytime, with colorful flowers bursting from baskets, a carefully constructed Pont Neuf over a glimmering fake Seine, and Notre Dame painted on a mural that took up one entire wall. The food was laid out on graded tables, so it felt like browsing an outdoor market, and the waiters, with their trays of hors d’oeuvres, wore black cropped pants, white T-shirts, and berets. The other side of the room was decorated to look like Paris at night, with a huge Eiffel Tower lit up by twinkle lights and glittering fireworks painted onto the mural of the nighttime skyline. Prom photos were taken in front of the iconic tower, which in my humble opinion was way better than a toxic, nuclear mushroom cloud.

  But the best part about prom? Jake hadn’t stopped holding my hand since we’d arrived.

  “So what do you think? Should we do the formal pose thing and face each other or do the arms-around-you-from-behind thing?” he asked me as we stood on line to have our picture snapped.

  I leaned back into his chest, savoring the feeling of having his body so close to mine again. “Arms-around-me-from-behind thing. Definitely.”

  Jake grinned, and for a second I thought he was going to kiss me, but then the photographer called us up and the moment passed. I was kind of stunned that he hadn’t gone in for the kiss yet. Not at pre-prom pictures at Chloe’s house, not in the limo, not once at the table. I knew I’d thwarted a couple of attempts at my birthday, but I was still wary then, and yeah, maybe having some fun with him. But had I totally screwed it up? Was he never going to try again?

  We stood together on the square of black velvet in front of the Eiffel Tower and toed the tiny masking-tape line. Jake slipped his arms around the waist of my deep purple, one-shouldered dress and I put my hands on top of his.

  “All right, say ‘fromage!’” the photographer requested with a flourish.

  Jake and I just smiled. The flash went off and we walked over to the computer screen to see how it had come out. Jake looked so happy, standing there with his arms around me. So giddy, almost. And I looked even giddier.

  “That’s it. That’s our senior prom picture,” I mused quietly.

  Jake squeezed my hand and rolled his eyes. “You’re not gonna get weepy on me now, are you? Because we’ve only been here an hour. It’s not over yet.”

  Just then the pounding dance music switched over to a slower song. I looked up at Jake and grinned. “No, it’s not.”

  I tugged his hand and we strolled slowly to the center of the dance floor. My arms slid up around his neck and he held me close around my waist. So close I turned my head and rested my cheek against his chest. Nearby, Chloe was dancing with Will, David twirled Annie around as they laughed, Quinn and Hammond were practically melded together as one. Faith was just leading her date, some guy from Valley we’d never heard of until last week, onto the dance floor, and Shannen, who had decided to come solo, had momentarily snagged some other girl’s date. Lincoln was even there, dancing with Marni Burt, whose mother—perfectly—owned the homemade-candy store over in Westwood. I watched each of them for as long as they were in view, trying to solidify the moment in my mind. In a few weeks, we were going to say good-bye. After graduation, we might never be in the same place together again. Watching them now, it felt like they were already fading away.

  “Hey,” Jake said.

  I felt the word rumble through his chest. I leaned back to look up at him.

  “Yeah?” I asked.

  “There’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a while,” he said.

  My feet stopped moving. “What’s that?”

  He smirked. Like I didn’t know. “Just promise me you won’t move this time.”

  I smiled and tightened my grip around his neck. “I promise.”

  “Good. Because you’re not getting away from me again,” he said quietly.

  “No. You’re not getting away from me,” I replied.

  But I felt the sting of it even as I said it. Because who knew where Jake was going to be next year? Who knew if we’d be able to make a long-distance relationship work? But I didn’t want to think about that now. I wanted to think about this. This moment. And what Jake had been wanting to do.

  Ever so slowly he smiled that sexy smile of his and slid his hand under my hair. I tilted my head back, my eyes fluttered closed, and he kissed me. It was a kiss that felt like something I’d been waiting for my entire life, not just the last few months. It felt like we were the only two people who had ever kissed and that no one else could ever understand how completely, mind-blowingly perfect it was.

  And whatever fears were poking around in the back of my mind, whatever doubts about the future my heart was clinging on to, it really did feel like it was never, ever going to end.

  jake

  The call was from a 732 area code. My mouth went completely dry. I glanced across the kitchen at my mom and she stood right up from her stool at the island. The terror and hope must’ve been written across my face.

  “Well? Answer it!” she cried.

  At that moment the doorbell rang.

  “Jonah!” my mom shouted. “Get the door!”

  “But it’s not for me! It’s Jake’s girlfriend!” the twit shouted back.

  “Just getthedoor!” my mother yelled through her teeth.

  I picked up the phone. “Hello?

  “Hello, is this Jake Graydon?” The voice was familiar. Male. It was a person I had only spoken to once before, but who I’d kind of pinned all my hopes to.

  “Yes,” I said, turning toward my mother. We faced each other over the kitchen island. She pressed her fingers flat against her lips. Behind her, Ally walked in with Jonah, looking perfect in a green dress with her hair back in a ponytail. She shot me this look like What’s going on? But I couldn’t even respond.

  “Jake, this is Coach Turbeck from Rutgers Lacrosse,” the man on the other end said, his voice booming. “How you doing today, son?”

  “Good,” I said, then cleared my throat. “Fine. How’re you?”

  Did I sound like as much of a tool as I thought I did? I turned away from my audience. I couldn’t take them staring on top of everything else.

  “Well, I’m great, son,” he replied. “I’m always great on a day that I get to deliver good news.”

  “Good news?” I repeated.

  I put my free hand over my eyes. I did sound like a tool. But I couldn’t take this. My heart was in my throat. I was sweating so bad I was going to have to change my shirt before we left for Shannen’s birthday party.

  “Yep. I’m calling to let you know you’ve been accepted at Rutgers University, and you’ve got a spot on my team next spring, if you want it.”

  My knees buckled and I turned around. Every last ounce of uncertainty and anguish, disappointment a
nd anger and fear … everything negative I’d felt over the past year … was obliterated with that one sentence.

  “I’m in?” I said.

  My mother squealed and hugged my brother. Ally’s eyes widened.

  “You’re in. Not only was I impressed by your skills on the field, but everyone in admissions loved your essay. That was what really put you over the top.”

  I glanced at Ally, loving her more than ever right then.

  “Whaddaya say, son? Want to play Scarlet Knight lacrosse?” the coach asked, sounding like he was stifling a laugh.

  “Of course! Yes! Definitely!” I replied. “Coach, thank you so much,” I said, gripping the phone to my ear. “I swear I won’t let you down.”

  “I had no inkling that you would, Jake,” the coach replied. “You’ll be getting your official acceptance letter and forms in the mail next week, but I wanted to let you know as soon as I could.”

  I swallowed a tremendous lump in my throat. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome, son. And welcome to Rutgers.”

  “Thank you. Thanks again, sir,” I babbled.

  “Anytime. I’ll talk to you soon, Jake. Have a good night.”

  “Bye!”

  I hung up the phone, dropped it on the counter, and screamed. “I’m in!”

  My mother let out a shriek and hugged me so hard I thought she was going to crack my ribs. Jonah slapped my hand.

  “In where? Who was that? What’s going on?” Ally asked.

  I walked around to her side of the island, grinning the whole way. She took one look in my eyes and her jaw just sort of dropped.

  “No,” she said, her fingertips touching my arm. “Not— Really?”

  “Yep,” I said. “I’m going to Rutgers too.”

  ally

  I gazed out across the ocean, the sun hanging low over the horizon. Jake put his arms around my waist from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder.

  “Four hours,” he said.

  I glanced back at him. “What?”

  “Four hours ago, we were still in high school.”

  I laughed, turning to look at him. “Wow. Who’s getting all weepy and nostalgic now?”

  “Why? What’d he say?” Shannen asked, twirling her gradu-ation cap between both index fingers.

  “He said, ‘Four hours ago, we were still in high school,’” I mimicked, pitching my voice low.

  “God. Who knew the ‘coolest guy in class’ was actually a dork?” Annie chided. She still had her graduation cap on, and tugged the tassel down in front of her face, crossing her eyes to look at it.

  Jake’s face reddened and he yanked me toward him, so hard we both staggered backward in the sand.

  “I’m just saying, thank God it’s over,” he announced.

  The Idiot Twins cheered and lifted two champagne bottles they’d already swiped from inside Faith’s house.

  “Hey! Some of us still are in high school,” Quinn complained.

  “And we feel sorry for you,” Hammond replied.

  Quinn shoved him away from her and he chased her, making her yelp as they kicked up sand on their way down the beach. We’d all driven down to LBI together in a long caravan as soon as all the picture-taking had been done and the parental tears had been dried. Chloe and Will meandered toward us through the sand, still in their graduation gowns, their fingers entwined. Faith was inside her house, opening windows and airing the place out.

  Two years ago, if anyone had told me that I would be standing here, on this beach, in front of these houses, with these people, I would have told them to have their prescriptions checked. Yet here we were.

  “So. What do we do now?” Shannen asked, leaning her elbow atop my shoulder and staring out at the water.

  I blinked, fully realizing for the first time that there was no school tomorrow. For real. School as I knew it was over. No papers to write, no tests to study for, no practices to attend. There were also no babies to worry about, no prom to plan, no wedding to stress over, no scouts to impress, no SAT to take, no applications to fill out. I had nothing I actually had to do, and the parents wouldn’t be arriving for another few hours.

  Never in my life had I felt so free. So happy. And so exactly where I was supposed to be.

  I turned around, my white graduation gown, open over my light blue dress, billowing behind me in the breeze. Jake squeezed my hand and I felt the endless possibilities of summer unfolding in front of us like a huge, warm beach blanket in the sun.

  “We do,” I said with a grin, “anything we want to do.”

  Acknowledgments

  I can’t believe the trilogy is already over! It seems like I just pitched the idea of Ally and Jake and the world of Orchard Hill, and now here it is, drawing to a close. A lot of people helped this little trio become what it is, so I’d like to take this opportunity to thank them.

  First of all, for helping me make this particular book all it could be (which is something I rather like), I’d like to thank Zareen Jaffrey, Julia Maguire, and Jenica Nasworthy. To those who believed in She’s So Dead to Us and its sequels from the very beginning—Justin Chanda, Emily Meehan, and Sarah Burnes—thanks for EVERYTHING! And to Paul Crichton, Lucille Rettino, Elke Villa, Krista Vossen, and Logan Garrison, you guys kind of rule (but you knew that).

  Big thanks to my family and friends—especially Matt, Mom, and Erin—for letting me bounce ideas off of you and listening to me go on about my fictional characters. And thanks to Jeff Palkevich for sharing my books with your friends.

  As always, I want to thank all the fans of the He’s So/She’s So Trilogy for keeping me inspired and letting me know you’re with me. Whether you’re a Facebook friend, a Twitter follower, a librarian, blogger, teacher, or a few of the above, I so appreciate your support. I hope you guys like this last installment and will check out whatever I come up with next!

  Finally, I have to thank my little guys, Brady and Will, for making everything worthwhile.