A Band of Steel

by Rosie Goodwin

  Adina paused to compose herself, then with her head held high, she walked purposefully on and entered the shop. The bell above the door tinkled just as it always had, and when her father turned from arranging the sweet jars to see who had entered she struggled to stop the shock from showing on her face. He seemed to have shrunk to half his size and had lost so much weight that his clothes hung off him in loose folds. His face was ingrained with deep wrinkles that she was sure had not been there when she left, and he suddenly looked very old.

  ‘Adina!’ His voice was choked as he stared at the sophisticated-looking young woman standing before him. She had grown up all of a sudden and he felt a stab of pain as he realised that he had not been there to see it.

  She placed her suitcase down on the floor and crossed to him and held him in her arms as her heart cried out at the injustice of it all.

  ‘You look marvellous. London obviously suits you,’ he told her when he eventually managed to untangle himself from her arms. ‘But why did you not write and tell me that you were coming? I’m afraid it isn’t too tidy in there.’ He looked anxiously towards the door that led to the living quarters.

  Adina smiled. ‘Don’t worry about that. I shall have it spic and span again in no time,’ she assured him. ‘I understand that you probably don’t get too much time to do housework, with this place to run single-handed.’

  ‘I do my best,’ he muttered, then his face became hopeful as he asked, ‘Are you home to stay? Is the job in London finished?’

  ‘I’m afraid not. In fact, I think it will go on for at least another year or so,’ she told him regretfully. ‘But I will be here for a couple of days at least.’

  Hiding his disappointment, he forced a smile. ‘Then we shall have to make the best of every minute, shan’t we? I shall shut up early tonight and you can tell me all about the exciting life you must lead in London.’

  ‘It isn’t exciting,’ Adina told him truthfully. ‘In fact, it is quite grim. The city was devastated by bombs and I think it will take many years of hard work before it is back to the way it was before the war.’

  He nodded sadly but brightened again as he eyed her up and down. ‘Well, you certainly seem to be thriving on it,’ he declared. ‘And so grown up; I scarcely recognised you when you first walked in. You are quite the young lady now.’

  Adina lifted her case and strode past him. ‘Right, I think I’ll make us both a nice cup of tea before I unpack, shall I? And then perhaps I could take over the shop for a few hours before I prepare a meal for us whilst you have a lie-down. You look tired, Papa.’

  He opened his mouth to say something but then promptly closed it again. How could he tell her that some days he had to force himself to get out of bed? That he missed Freyde and Ariel and Dovi more than he could say? Everything seemed so pointless now that the family were gone and all he could see stretching before him was a lonely old age. Admittedly he had seen a little more of Ariel lately, but his pride was such that he could not allow her fully back into his life again, although he secretly thought that his little granddaughter, Freda, was a beautiful child. She reminded him of Ariel at that age.

  He watched his daughter disappear into the kitchen and pushed his sad thoughts to the back of his mind as the shop bell tinkled and another customer entered the shop.

  As Adina looked about the room her mouth gaped open. It appeared as if a whirlwind had swept through it. There were dirty dishes everywhere and the hearth was full of cold ashes although the day was bitterly cold. She sighed as she took off her coat and hat. Her mother would have turned in her grave if she could have seen the way Ezra was living. Still, it was nothing that couldn’t be put to rights so she rolled her sleeves up and set to with a vengeance. First of all she mashed a pot of tea and when it was brewed she carried a cup through to her father and hastily drank one herself. Then she filled the sink with hot water and set about the piles of washing-up.

  Two hours later, the room was transformed back to the way her mother had once kept it. The floor was swept and mopped. She had taken the carpets outside and beaten them and there was a large fire roaring up the chimney. A shepherd’s pie was cooking in the oven and she had even made a start on the upstairs which she had soon discovered, to her dismay, was little better than the downstairs.

  She hastily stripped the dirty sheets from the beds and replaced them with clean ones, then she collected up all the dirty clothing that her father had slung haphazardly about his room. And now a large pile of laundry was placed at the side of the sink, but she decided she would not think of tackling that until the next day. The long journey and all the housework were beginning to catch up with her and she was already missing little Dottie so much that it hurt.

  As promised, her father closed the shop early, or at least earlier than he usually did and they chatted about happier times as he tackled the meal she had cooked for him. He had grown used to snatching a bite here and there, and was no longer used to big meals although he did make a valiant attempt for her sake to eat some of it.

  ‘That was delicious, bubbeleh,’ he sighed as he sat back in his seat and rubbed his stomach contentedly.

  Adina had to swallow quickly as the endearment he had always used to her slipped easily from his lips. She wanted to fall into his arms and tell him of all that had happened to her, but she knew that even loving her as he undoubtedly did, it would be the end of their relationship.

  She was just putting away the clean dinner pots when the back door was flung open and Mrs Haynes breezed in with a broad smile on her face.

  ‘So it were true then!’ she cried with genuine delight. ‘I heard as you were back an’ I couldn’t rest till I’d come round to see for meself. By, you look a fair treat, love. You’ve put a bit o’ weight on an’ you look all sort of . . . oh, I don’t know – grown up.’

  Adina laughed. ‘Well, I am almost twenty-one now, Mrs Haynes. We all have to grow up sometime,’ she quipped.

  ‘Hmm, an’ got a bit mouthy an’ all, so you have,’ the neighbour retaliated, but her eyes were twinkling. ‘So are you ’ome for good then?’

  ‘I’m afraid not. Just for a couple of days.’ Adina filled the kettle and set it on to boil as her father settled down contentedly in the chair and stretched his feet out towards the fire. Mrs Haynes meantime sat down at the kitchen table. She was never one to say no if there was a cup of tea going and she wanted to hear about all Adina had been up to.

  ‘Met any nice young men in the big smoke then, have you?’ she teased as Adina warmed the teapot.

  ‘I don’t have time for young men,’ the girl replied a little too shortly. ‘I am there to work.’

  ‘Oh, sorry luv, I wasn’t meanin’ no offence. But a lovely girl like you . . . why, I reckon you could ’ave your pick o’ the chaps now. You’ve turned into a right little stunner an’ no mistake.’

  Adina’s face softened as she poured milk into three mugs although it was already apparent that Ezra would not be wanting his. He was snoring softly and the two women exchanged an amused glance.

  ‘My father,’ Adina said, serious again now. ‘How has he been?’

  ‘Not so good, if I was to tell yer the truth,’ Mrs Haynes whispered back. ‘He misses you lot an’ yer mam somethin’ terrible, though he’s a cussed old bugger an’ he won’t admit it. He has let Ariel call round a few times, which is a start I suppose, but he’s so independent. I sometimes make him a dish of stew or a hotpot, but it takes him all his time to accept it. An’ once I asked if he’d let me do a bit o’ cleanin’ fer him but he almost snapped me bloody ’ead off.’

  They fell silent for a time as they sipped their tea then Mrs Haynes said softly, ‘I was sorry to hear what happened to yer brother, love. I know what he did were wrong – especially what he did to our little Sarah – but she’s over it now an’ she brings us a lot o’ happiness. I want yer to know I bear no grudges. It weren’t really him that were bad. The war changed him an’ he couldn’t help it. It’s a wicked sin, if yer
were to ask me. But there, that’s enough o’ that talk, eh? Here’s you only back for a while an’ I’m depressin’ yer.’ She drained the rest of the tea left in her cup then standing, she patted Adina’s arm affectionately.

  ‘It’ll do ’im good to have a bit o’ company again,’ she said, nodding towards Ezra. ‘Happen it’ll perk him up a bit, eh? An’ now I’d best be off. Yer know what me old man is like if he don’t get his last cup o’ cocoa, an’ Sarah an’ our Freddie will be screamin’ fer their supper. Goodnight love, sleep tight.’

  Adina smiled as the woman left the room then hurried away to fetch a blanket, which she draped across her father’s legs. He looked so worn out she didn’t like to disturb him. Soon after, she made her own way to bed and as she slid between the cold sheets she shuddered. She had forgotten how cold it was in this room, or maybe she had grown used to the comforts she had back in London. She wondered what Dottie was doing now. Would Fliss have remembered to wind her after her last feed? Her heavy breasts ached as she thought of her.

  Her thoughts then moved on to Karl, and a sense of utter despair swept through her. Strangely enough, she hadn’t thought quite so much about him since giving birth to the baby, and more frightening still was the fact that, when she closed her eyes now and tried to picture him, the image of his face was blurred around the edges – until she looked at Dottie, that was, and then there he was, looking up at her again with those deep blue eyes that had always been able to turn her legs to jelly. And still she clung to the hope that one day he would come for her. What would happen to her and Dottie if he didn’t? She knew without a doubt that she still loved him with all her heart, but as sleep claimed her it wasn’t his face that she saw but her baby’s, far away in London.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  The next couple of days passed in a blur for Adina. The washing was all done, ironed and put away, and the house was shining like a new pin, so on the afternoon before she was due to go back to the Montgomerys she marched into the shop decked out in Fliss’s posh coat and hat and told her father, ‘I’m going to see Ariel. I’d like to see her and the baby before I return to London.’

  He lowered his eyes but made no objection as she swept past him. Somehow he knew that the days when he could tell his daughter what to do were long gone. She was a young woman now and used to fending for herself.

  Ariel was delighted to see her sister again and welcomed her with open arms. ‘But you look so grown up!’ she cried as she surveyed her, much as their father had done a couple of days earlier. A chubby bright-eyed girl was sitting in a playpen amongst a mountain of toys and teddies, and Adina beamed at the sight of her. Freda had been just a tiny baby the last time she had seen her, but now she had grown so much Adina would never have recognised her.

  ‘She’s a little terror now,’ Ariel said as she looked down on her daughter. ‘She’s teethin’ like mad an’ keeps us up half the night,’ she added, although her eyes were full of affection. ‘Brian reckons we’ll need matchsticks to keep our eyes open at this rate.’

  Adina chuckled as she stroked her niece’s shiny hair and was rewarded with a gappy smile.

  ‘She’s really beautiful,’ she whispered, thinking of her own baby back in London. She had intended to tell Ariel all about her, but suddenly the words stuck in her throat and they spoke of other things instead.

  ‘Everything is wonderful,’ Ariel assured her sister. ‘Although – well, to be honest it would be nice if Brian and I could get our own house. It’s a little crowded here now Freda is getting bigger. The trouble is, Brian is struggling to get a regular job. He’s willing to turn his hand to anything, but obviously he is quite restricted in what he can do now.’

  Adina nodded sympathetically, wishing that there was something she could do to help.

  ‘I’m sure something will turn up eventually,’ she murmured as she lifted the baby from the playpen, then Ariel left them to get acquainted whilst she hurried away to fetch a clean nappy.

  ‘How long are you staying for?’ she asked sometime later as they sat laughing at little Freda’s antics.

  ‘I’m going back tomorrow. To be honest, I’ve already stayed for a day longer than I intended to,’ Adina admitted. ‘I’m so concerned about Papa. He just doesn’t seem to be himself at all.’

  ‘I agree, but I suppose it’s hardly surprising, is it? Not when you consider all the knocks he’s had over the last few years,’ Ariel said sadly. ‘I do go round there and do as much as he will let me, but he still tends to hold me at arm’s length for most of the time, although he is speaking to me now, which is a step in the right direction.’

  The rest of the afternoon was spent in talking about the work that Adina was doing in London, and Ariel’s eyes grew misty as she heard all the sad stories about the poor children who no longer had families to go home to.

  ‘And I hear that Beryl isn’t very happy either,’ Ariel said at one point. ‘I bumped into her mother in the market a few weeks ago and she told me that Tye is giving her a hard time of it in America.’

  ‘Yes, Beryl told me the same in one of her letters,’ Adina agreed with a worried frown. ‘I just wish I could afford to buy her an air ticket so that she could fly home.’

  Ariel hesitated. There was something she had been longing to ask and now the question just slipped out. ‘And what about Karl? Have you heard from him?’

  ‘No . . . I never did,’ Adina replied dully, averting her eyes, but not before Ariel saw the pain that briefly flared in them. She quickly changed the subject but she felt sorry for her sister, since she knew she had loved the man.

  The time passed by so quickly as the two sisters caught up on all the gossip that Adina was amazed when she glanced at the clock and saw that it was almost four o’clock.

  ‘Goodness me! Where has the time gone?’ she exclaimed as she stood up and began to pull her coat on. ‘Papa will think I’ve got lost. I shall have to be going or he’ll have no dinner this evening.’

  After Adina had kissed her niece, Ariel followed her to the door with tears in her eyes, not knowing how long it might be before they saw each other again. They hugged each other warmly then Adina hurried away through the darkening streets in the direction of the shop.

  The following day, as Adina stood in the back room saying goodbye to her father, she felt as if she was being torn in two. She hated to leave him, since he looked so lonely and ill, and yet she could scarcely wait to get back to London and her baby.

  ‘Now you be sure you take good care of yourself,’ she scolded. ‘And write to me often, do you hear me? Mrs Montgomery is talking about having a phone installed and at least we will be able to speak to each other then.’

  He nodded numbly, missing her before she had even gone, not that his pride would have allowed him to tell her that. Instead, he kissed her warmly and bundled her towards the door. ‘Go, bubbeleh,’ he urged, ‘otherwise you will miss your train.’

  Adina turned and left without another word, but she cried silently all the way to the station and could not shake off the awful feeling that she was never going to see her papa again.

  It was late afternoon and the light was fast fading by the time the train pulled into Euston after an uneventful journey. Outside the station, Adina stepped into the road and hailed a cab, something she had grown good at doing since coming to live there, and soon she was heading towards Camden Town.

  Fliss had given her a key some weeks ago, so now she hurried up the steps, longing to see her baby again. Beattie was in the hall on her way to the dining room as she entered and she stopped with her hands full of gleaming silver cutlery.

  ‘That were good timin’, luvvie,’ she chuckled. ‘I were just settin’ the table fer dinner. Had a good visit, did you?’

  ‘Yes, thanks, Beattie.’ Adina hung her hat and coat up then asked, ‘Where is everyone?’

  ‘The old dear is in the drawing room and the others are all up in the nursery.’

  Adina frowned. ‘What are they doing
in there? Dorothy sleeps in my room with me.’

  Beattie shrugged and looked decidedly uncomfortable. ‘No use askin’ me, luvvie,’ she mumbled. ‘Perhaps you’d be better askin’ them.’ With that she shuffled away as Adina strode towards the stairs.

  At the end of the third-floor landing she could hear voices, and as she marched towards the nursery, anger flooded through her. She was grateful for all Fliss and Theo had done for her, and also for them caring for the baby, but she wasn’t happy at all about the thought of Dorothy being in her own room yet, and intended to tell them so.

  The door to the nursery was ajar and as she approached it she paused to listen.

  ‘Who’s a clever girl then?’ she heard Fliss coo as she peeped through the door. Theo was holding the baby and Fliss was leaning over her with so much love shining in her eyes that the breath caught in Adina’s throat. It struck her again that they looked like a family, and for no reason that she could explain she was suddenly frightened. Dorothy was her baby; they would have to understand that.

  ‘Hello.’ Her voice was cold as she stepped into the room and they both turned startled eyes towards her.

  ‘Oh . . . Adina, we weren’t sure when you would be back,’ Fliss spluttered like a child that had been caught in the middle of a naughty act.

  ‘Well, I am back now, so I’ll take over, shall I?’ Adina walked up to Theo and took the baby from him without a word as he and Fliss glanced at each other guiltily. Pure love coursed through her as she stared down at the perfect little face and she realised just how much she had missed her child.