Another drop landed on a car windshield parked in front of me and then I felt another.
Before I could do anything, the sky opened up and started to pour.
I looked around as all the people in the street were now running for cover.
Everything was chaotic. Well, everything but us.
I looked back and saw Mike walking slowly toward me.
"Please don't do this."
I knew he couldn't hear me through the roar of the rain but I begged anyway. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold myself back from him.
He continued to get closer. I was so torn.
"Daisy."
I had closed my eyes and lifted my head up to the sky, hoping for something—anything—to make this easier.
"Open your eyes and look at me, Daisy."
I complied. His voice was no longer slurred from the alcohol or shaking from nerves. The man that stood before me was the very one I used to dream about in college. Looking at him only made letting him go that much harder, especially since I didn't really want to. I wanted everything to go back to the way things were.
"I need you to let me go. You deserve who I was, not what I am."
He grabbed the back of my head and slowly dipped his nose under my hair to move it out of the way so his lips could find my forehead.
All thoughts were lost as I closed my eyes again, letting myself feel for once.
His lips traveled down to the tip of my nose, softly pecking it before sliding down to my lips.
Once they connected with mine, I was home again. His tongue grazed across the crease, parting them, asking for the access I couldn't help but grant him.
My hands came up from my sides, landing on his chest as his tongue swept against mine.
The only way I knew I was crying was the taste of salt mixed with the rain as I began to drown myself in him.
The deeper the pull, the harder it was to see the truth. I fell back into a world where he and I could be happy together, where our past wouldn't keep us apart any longer.
His grip got stronger but it only made me want more. I needed to climb inside of him where it was safe, where he would protect me.
Thunder roared, causing us both to jump and him to break free from my lips.
It was like we were moving in slow motion.
My head fell back again, letting the rain drops beat against my face, taking in what I just allowed to happen.
"Stay with me now, Daisy. Don't go running off into that head of yours and overthink this. You still want me, I know it. We can do this. You can come back home with me tonight and pretend like none of this ever happened. It will—"
"Like it never happened? I couldn't do that if I tried, Mike!"
"That's not what I meant..."
"But it's what you wish for. You're not wrong to want it easy. People shouldn't have to work this hard."
"Just STOP! I have never taken the easy road, so don't paint me out to be the bad guy. I am here. Right here, begging for you to come home. Do you think this is easy? Do you think living without you is easy?"
"I'm never going back there, Mike. You need to accept that."
"Bullshit! You belong with me."
"Not anymore I don't."
I started to walk backwards one step at a time.
"Don't do this, Daisy."
"I have to, Mike. Just go. Tell everyone how sorry I am and that I love them all."
I turned and walked out into the street before he said, "Tell them yourself! I can't keep doing this, Daisy! I can't keep coming here and having you rip my fucking heart out."
Spinning around I said, "Then don't. I'm sorry I‘m hurting you. I'm trying so hard not to." Then I ran to the other side of the street and started walking as fast as I could.
"I FUCKING HATE YOU FOR DOING THIS TO ME!"
I heard him scream it at almost a block away and all I could think was, thank God. Maybe if he hated me, he could let himself move on.
Chapter 26
I almost made it back to the apartment. I was truly a block away when I lost it. Falling to my knees I screamed at God for making it hurt so bad to do the right thing.
"He's not going to answer that, you know?"
Never in a million years would I have expected to hear Adon's voice, or for him to pick me up off the ground and carry me back to Zoey's apartment while I cried in his arms.
"You're going to be okay, Marissa. You just need time to heal. Give yourself that."
He laid me on the couch and I immediately rolled over to face the back as Adon closed the door behind him on his way out. He never did say much, which I appreciated.
***
Zoey came home hours later—drunk—took one look at me watching the video of Mike and said, "Please tell me this means you've changed your mind."
"It means it's over."
"That's just until—"
"No, it's done. I've already called my parents and they bought me a ticket back to California for tomorrow."
"Wait, WHAT? What did I miss?"
I stood up, walked over to her and pulled her into my arms.
"Thank you for always being the best kind of friend there is but I need to let you get back to your own life."
"That's not true. You can stay here, test in again. I'm sure all of your credits will transfer—"
"Stop. I need to go home and start over again fresh."
"I will miss you so much."
"We always have our Christmas break."
"That's true but it won't be the same."
"Nothing will I hope. I'm banking on it."
***
The next morning I flew from New York to Santa Ana, California direct. My parents were both at the airport waiting for me along with my brother. To say it was good to be home would be misleading. Yes, it was great to be back with my family where I grew up. The idea of “Home” took on its own meaning after Mike.
True to his word, he didn't come back for me. Months went by and I found myself wishing I had made different choices all along. What's done is done, right? I know I could have tried harder to make things work. I just held out hope that maybe he had found his own happiness somehow. That all of the suffering wasn't for nothing.
I went out a few times with old high school friends but mostly focused on getting myself back to right.
I found a job working in a boutique full of eclectic, retro, grunge wear, but that's what you typically find near the beach.
I know you’re thinking, "Aren't her parents the least but curious as to why she dropped out of school and went to live with her best friend across the country instead of moving back here and what the hell happened to her face?"
The answer is lies, a whole string of them. First it was that Zoey needed me over a bad break-up. Then, I wanted to change schools and finally, I didn't get in. The eye took a little more convincing but the story was a bar fight went bad. My parents are the hippy type who pretty much let their kids do what they want so it wasn't hard to convince them.
Everything was starting to fall back in place until the day Bryan got a call from Jason. I had been cleaning the kitchen when his phone rang. I knew he had jumped in the shower so I thought nothing of answering it for him and letting whoever know he would call them back. All that changed when I saw who the incoming call was from.
My body locked up with my hand hovering over it.
I would have loved to just hear his voice, ask how the baby was, how everyone was actually.
I never got a new phone to replace the one I broke. Cutting myself off from all communication seemed like the best thing to do if I wanted to start over. I was wrong, and the longer time went by, the more I convinced myself that everyone hated me for my choices.
The ringing stopped, taking away my decision. When the phone beeped, I knew he left a message and everything in me wanted to listen to it. I actually stood over that phone for minutes, wondering if anything good could come from it.
"What are you doing?"
"I didn't sneak up on you, you were just spacing out again and not paying attention."
"Yeah, sorry about that. You got a call from Jason while you were in the shower."
"No shit! I've been waiting to hear back from him on tickets, thanks."
He grabbed the phone off the charger and walked out of the room, leaving me there to wonder.
"What tickets?"
I yelled loud enough that he would hear me, even though he was back in his room already.
When he didn't answer I walked down the hall and stopped outside his door.
"Yeah, I wouldn't miss it.
“Crap that is expensive!
"Is he okay to do this?
"No, she still won't say his name.
"Then talk him out of it.
"He can't go in like that. He will get crushed.
"I'll try but dude, you have no idea what she's been through. She's finally getting back to her old self.
"Talk some sense into him.
"All right, I will see you in Japan.
"Later."
I couldn't breathe. Mike was going to go through with the title fight? What was he thinking?
"I know you're out there, I can hear you hyperventilating."
I walked into his room and dove across his bed.
"He can't do this, Bryan."
"We know that, but he doesn't care. He's fighting anyway."
I stared at the ceiling, wondering what could be going through Mike's head. I know he wanted to kill Reynolds for what he did but it would never work. He has no chance if he walks into that fight. There will be no way he can think clearly to calculate moves.
"You're going, right?"
I sat up and looked at my brother like he had lost his mind, which obviously he had if he even asked the question.
"What? Why wouldn't you? You'll get to see everyone again, it will be fun. Even if you don't want to go to the fight."
"No."
"No? Seriously?"
"NO!"
"Look, I've sat back and let you deal with all of this however you needed to, but this is ridiculous. These are your friends, Mar, I know you miss them."
"I'm not going, the end."
I got up and walked out of his room just as he said, "I wish you would change your mind."
I screamed, "You can stop now" over my shoulder as I walked out the front door.
I walked the sixteen blocks it took to get down to the beach. Where we live isn't as touristy as ten miles down the stretch. Actually, it’s one of the most secluded areas around Long Beach. The waves are stunning where they crash against the giant rock formations that I have come to visit since I was a kid.
I needed to clear my head. I’d refused to think about anything to do with Keith Reynolds in so long that the mere thought of him made me violently ill.
I climbed out over the rocks on my hands and knees until I reached the furthest one I could get to. I had picked this particular spot around the age of fourteen, when the first boy I ever had a crush on got beat up by my brother and then refused to look at me. Back then I thought nothing could be worse. I didn't have any idea how bad life could really be.
The cool spray of the water that reached me every time a wave would hit brought me back to a time when things were simple. Life was easy and nothing seemed impossible.
"You will get there. You just have to do the impossible to realize it never was."
I spun around, looking everywhere for the man who owns the voice I hadn’t heard in months.
"Adon?"
I shouted out several times but no one was around.
"Am I losing my mind or what? HELLO?
I waited to hear if anyone would respond but got nothing again. Did I really hear that or was it a memory? If he had told me something like that you would think I would remember.
I crawled backwards over the rocks until my feet were planted on solid ground, then I ran around like a crazy person looking for him, only to find nothing. A cold wind blew giving me chills all over my body, like I didn't already have them!
Walking back the sixteen blocks went way faster than they did getting there. I kept looking over my shoulder feeling as if I was being followed but never saw anything out of the ordinary. I knew I wasn't crazy. A lot of things had happened that could have tipped me over the edge but I held myself together enough that I knew I don't hear freaking voices if there’s no one there, it had to be a memory.
Do the impossible so you know it never was? What could that even mean? There's no way I was supposed to go to Japan. How could any good come from me facing Keith? I just couldn't.
The longer I walked, the more I thought of Mike and the suicide mission he was on. The only thing he ever wanted to do was protect me. It was the same thing I believed up until this point I had been doing for him.
I knew I had to keep him from going through with this, but the only way I could do that would be to face the one man I never wanted to see again.
We all know life isn't fair but shit!
What if I could get there and talk him out of it? If I could show him that fighting Keith wasn't going to fix anything? What if Mike took one look at me and told me to leave? What if he hated me for what I put him through?
I played all the possibilities over and over in my head until all I wanted to do was forget I ever saw who called that day.
I got back to the house but before I made it to the door Bryan came running out.
"I'm so sorry, Mar, I should never have asked you to go. I just thought..."
A thought never went through my mind before I found myself blurting out, "I'm going."
"It might help get you to see that life isn't all bad. That people still care about..."
"I'm going."
"You and want you to be... Wait, what did you just say?"
"I said I'm going to Japan."
Chapter 27
"Finally! I can’t wait get to get off this fucking plane."
It had been almost sixteen hours and I couldn't disagree with my brother more. As much as I was ready to get out of that seat, it would have taken another thirty hours easily before I would ever be excited about any part of what I was doing.
"Come on. The plane isn't going to take you back you know."
I stood and reluctantly followed Bryan off the plane and to the baggage claim area.
"Who are we renting a car from, I can go start doing that while you grab the bags?"
"We're not."
"We're not? How are we supposed to...?"
"Hey there."
I spun around and jumped into his arms as soon as I heard who said it.
"Oh my God! Ash! It’s so good to see you."
All my hesitation and angst flew out the window as soon as I saw him.
"You have no idea how much I agree with that. Man, it feels good to see you again. How are you doing? I've been so worried about you."
He set me back down just as Bryan walked up with our bags and switched his focus, thank God.
"Good to see you, man. Are you guys ready to go?"
Bryan screamed, "Hell yeah!" while I stayed quiet.
"You're not alone anymore, Marissa. We're all here for you."
I looked into Ash's eyes and knew it to be true. Just seeing him had me, for the first time, looking forward to everyone else.
"Let's go."
"That-a girl."
We followed Ash outside to the area where the shuttles were all lined up,
"Is this how you got here?"
He looked at me funny before saying, "Have you never been out of the country before? I'm not counting Mexico, either. You don't drive in places like this. You would be lost in a second."
He had a point. I had a passport but had never used it. This was all new to me, especially the language barrier.
"Good point."
The ride to the hotel wasn't bad at all. You would think seeing japan for th
e first time would have been at the top of my to-do list but it wasn’t even on it. The twenty short minutes were filled with questions I had about the twins and Sadie. I wanted more than anything to ask about Mike but I was scared to hear the answer. What if he had moved on like I asked him to? What if he brought her here?
"Earth to Marissa?"
I looked up at Bryan as he was pointing behind me. I turned around to see our hotel but what was more amazing were all of my old friends standing outside of it. Sadie, Kate, Tony, Jason, and OH MY GOD Heather!
I jumped off the bus, not paying attention to anyone else, as I ran at her and practically tackled her to the ground.
"You're PREGNANT!"
She grabbed her belly and said, "Yep, five-and-a-half months."
"Holy shit!" was all that came out of me.
Everyone started laughing and then open arms were all around me. I couldn't believe how much I missed them. Blocking out this part of my life, thinking it was better to help me move on, it was a huge mistake. I loved every one of them something fierce and it truly felt like a hole in my heart had been filled seeing them again.
Each one told me how good it was to see me, well, everyone but Sadie.
"How could you do that to us? Did you not get my video? How could you not coming running back after that?"
I wasn't sure how to explain why without drudging up emotions I wanted to leave buried.
"I'm here now."
She wrapped her arms around me again whispering in my ear, "Yes you are and we're all better for it."
After catching up, Bryan and I desperately needed showers and decided to check into our room before we met up with everyone for dinner.
The room was nice. Nothing I would write home about but everything was crazy expensive with the title fight happening. Well, not if I had anything to say about it.
After we both got cleaned up, I grabbed my purse and headed for the door when I heard, "Are you ready to face him? Jason sent me a text while you were in the shower warning me that he was going to be there tonight."
"How would you like me to answer that? Am I scared to death of what's about to happen? YES, of course it's yes. But I came here to do this and I have to prove to myself that I can."
Fighting Fate Page 29
