Her nose and eyes burned with tears as she regarded her son. Hers. She was a mama. She blinked the tears out of her eyes so she could focus on the baby in her arms. Right away, she knew he looked just like Ethan—the hair, his mouth, the shape of his eyes—and that made her so very happy.
“I was thinking Pierce …” Ethan said, to which Mia nodded. She’d loved that name when he had mentioned it during their many name discussions. Pierce was perfect.
“Pierce Aidan Christopher.”
Ethan kissed her and then Pierce’s foreheads. She smiled at the sound of her husband inhaling the baby scent. He took Pierce for a moment and handed him to Luke before bringing the second baby to her.
She held her other son and peeked under the cap and saw dark brown hair like hers. “So they’re not identical.”
“No …” Ethan said. “This little guy has his mama’s hair.”
Mia studied him some more. He may have had her hair but he looked just like Pierce. This was her Rory. Out of all the names she and Ethan had gone over, those two names had pulled at her from the start.
“Rory Anders Christopher.”
“Pierce and Rory. I love it,” Luke said.
“Me too,” Ethan spoke before kissing her hard and long. “I love you, Mia. Thank you for making me a daddy.”
“I love you,” she replied before turning to Luke. “Give me that baby!”
Luke placed Pierce in her other arm. Her two boys. Carrying these boys around all the time was going to be the best upper body workout, she thought with a smile.
“Now take our first family picture.”
“With pleasure,” Luke said, getting in position. Mia looked down at those two identical faces then glanced up at who they looked like. Her three boys—her family.
“You need to look at me,” Luke said, making her laugh.
“Sorry. Hard to take my eyes off them.”
But finally, Mia focused on the phone and smiled and let Luke take the picture of them. She finally had a family. She could almost burst from how happy she was. She loved Ethan so much and her heart swelled with love for her two sweet babies. As she kissed each little forehead, tears escaped her eyes.
Mia leaned down and whispered to her sons. “Mommy loves you so much. Don’t you ever forget that.”
Mia
She felt like she was in the hospital forever. Five long days of doctors and nurses checking up on her. Ethan’s mother arrived the day after the twins were born and had been keeping her company during the days when Ethan was at practice. Mia was so glad to have this time alone with her mother-in-law. They talked—a lot. Mia told her with ease things that had taken forever to speak to another soul. The woman just had something about her that made her want to share.
Another everyday visitor was Allie, despite the fact that Mia could tell the boys freaked her manager out. Still, Allie scooped them up and showered them with attention. It was weird seeing her manager—no, her female Luke, her best friend, Mia thought with a laugh—so loose with the babies. If she wasn’t mistaken, there was longing in Allie’s eyes.
Ethan came in the evenings, always with a treat in hand. Day one he brought her one of the best pieces of chocolate cake she’d ever eaten. The following days he brought her slices of apple and pumpkin pies and the most delicious peanut butter cookies. He’d then flip on the television, crawl in bed with her, and sneak bites of the goodies, or if the boys were up, the four would sit in bed staring at one another. Pierce had the same set of freckles right beneath his right eye just like his daddy. Besides the hair and eyes and the freckles, there really wasn’t any difference between the two boys. That would make life interesting.
It was a happy day when Mia was released from the hospital. Her recovery pleased the doctors, though she still left with a list of appointments for the next few weeks.
Everyone descended upon their home over the Thanksgiving holiday. Her father arrived late Wednesday after his classes let out for the long weekend. Ethan had informed her father of what had happened during the delivery so when he walked into their home, he pulled her into his arms and held her so tight. She could feel him fighting his emotions.
“Papa, I’m okay. Really.”
“I know, ma fille.”
“Want to meet your grandsons?”
“They’re up?” he asked, surprised.
“They were stirring when I answered the door. Ethan’s up with them.”
Her father grinned in answer and Mia took his hand to lead him upstairs to the nursery. Opening the door, she entered and saw Ethan standing in the middle of the room, a baby in his big arms, crooning to him. She loved that man so much, even more now with the babies. He was really just perfect.
Her husband looked up and smiled at her. “Rory decided he didn’t want to stay in the crib,” he said, indicating his son in his arms.
Mia pulled her father forward and stopped in front of Ethan and her son. “Papa, this is Rory Anders Christopher.”
Ethan then placed the sleeping baby into her father’s arms. The instant look of love on her father’s face was a sight to see. He brought her son close to his face and Mia smiled when she caught him breathing in the unique baby scent. Nothing like it in the world.
“And over in the crib is Pierce Aidan Christopher,” she said, guiding her father over. He smiled down at the little boy in the crib then looked up at Mia. “Rory, Pierce, this is your pépère. My papa,” she said, tears of joy choking her voice.
“I’m so proud of you, Mia. They are such handsome boys and they will bring you so much joy and love.”
“I can’t wait, Papa.”
Having everyone there—her father, Ethan’s family, her bandmates, as well as Allie and Luke and Kaitlyn—made it easy for Mia to rest like her doctor ordered. She loved seeing everyone with her boys, especially Kaitlyn. Luke needed to work on making her a big sister.
Eventually, though, it was just Mia and Ethan again. Or often just her—Ethan was still in the middle of the football season. He was having a phenomenal year—a career-best kind. After Christmas, the team traveled a lot. She didn’t see him much during the day, and if it was an away week, she saw him even less. On the nights he was home, Mia made sure to have a meal prepared for him. She enjoyed making it and he enjoyed eating it.
She loved being a mother and taking care of her boys, even though they took up a lot of her time. Everything times two. Feedings, diapers, washing. It all made her feel very domestic. She loved taking care of the boys and being there for Ethan, but as the days turned into weeks, the feeling that something was missing overwhelmed her.
Maybe it was because she was alone a lot, she couldn’t say, but on those hard days when she really needed a break, thoughts of being like her mother pushed into her mind. And that fucking scared her. She didn’t want to be like her mom. Mia loved her boys and those thoughts made her feel guilty. That guilt pushed her into an abyss. She became depressed and started to withdraw from everyone except her sons. All her energy focused on taking care of Pierce and Rory. With everything else, she found herself just going through the motions.
In those rare moments of silence, she admitted to herself that she missed her music—the screaming fans, playing with the guys, and creating new music. And again, that made her feel guilty. Shouldn’t this—her family—be enough?
But it wasn’t. Had her mother felt this? Was that why she’d left? Well, Mia knew it had been more than that because her mother hadn’t been able to stand the sight of her. Mia, on the other hand, never wanted to leave her boys. They gave her life a different purpose.
She had thought to bring these feelings up to Ethan, discuss them with him, but with playoff season in full swing, Ethan was gone even more. She knew his goal—another championship. Mia was confident that he would get it. And when he did, she was ecstatic for him. He was doing what made him happy, but a small part of her, a part she hid deep within her, was jealous.
She did her best to bury that feeling far away. May
be these thoughts would go away now that the football season was over and he’d be home more often. Because right, now she didn’t feel like herself—didn’t feel complete. But the thing was she didn’t know how to fill that hole.
Ethan
April 2012
Sitting down at his bar, Ethan mindlessly stared at the picture on the television screen, nursing a beer. A lot had happened these past six months.
His wife almost died giving birth. He was now a father to two baby boys. He had a career season capped off with another championship win in March. And he’d still not had sex with his wife. He’d thought after the eight week mark, they’d have been fucking like bunnies. That so hadn’t been the case. He figured with the Championship win, she’d be willing, hell, even excited to have sex with him again. He remembered last year, after they’d got back together and he’d won the championship, they’d made love for hours. So this year, he was pretty shocked when she’d begged off long enough for the boys to wake up, needing to be fed.
He tried not to let it bother him, but it did. It had been six months since they’d had sex. Six months of not being able to feel his wife wrapped around his cock, his hands roaming her skin, her mouth tasting him.
He had to remember all that she’d been through with this pregnancy—the bed rest, the drama surrounding the birth of Pierce and Rory, almost dying. He’d decided to give her some time. Just because the doctor had said she was physically ready to have sex, didn’t mean she was mentally ready.
Over the next few weeks with him being home, Ethan started to see that something was wrong with her. It was impossible for her to be on all the time and he began to notice her far-off looks, the lack of light in her eyes, and the disappearance of her laugh. He knew it was more than what she’d gone through with her pregnancy and delivery. Something else was troubling her. He needed to find out what that was.
Sex had always been easy for them … when they were around each other. But now, Mia rebuffed his attempts which left him feeling a little rejected, a lot frustrated … and drunk in the basement.
Tonight was a little different. He’d called Luke to come over. Ethan needed to talk to someone and who better than their best friend. Maybe he could help.
With the sound of the door opening, Ethan pulled out two beers, popped the tops and set one on the bar for his friend.
“Whoa … beer’s already out? What’s up, man?”
With a swig of his drink, Ethan put his bottle on the counter then ran his hand through his too-long hair. “I’m concerned about Mia. I think something is bothering her. Have you noticed anything?”
Luke sat down across from him and took a long pull before answering. Right then, Ethan knew Luke was about to agree with him.
“The last time I saw her was a couple weeks ago for a short visit and she seemed off, but at the time I just thought she was tired. She was out of sorts—not her normal, bubbly self. But the biggest thing—her eyes—they seemed dull, kind of lifeless.
“She didn’t say anything?” Ethan asked, trying to process what Luke just told him.
“Not a word. All she talked about were the boys, Kaitlyn, and the championship game. Nothing about her.”
That seemed to be the gist of their conversations lately as well. He had the feeling his suga was lost.
“She’s not talking to you either?” Luke added.
“No. She’s, uh, tuning me out of a lot of things,” Ethan admitted uncomfortably. Tuning him out of her mind and her body. He needed to connect with her.
“Dude!”
Guess that need was noticed by Luke too. He would laugh his ass off if he realized exactly how long it’d been since Ethan last had sex. Close to seven damn months.
“Forget I said anything,” he said, realizing that her shutting him out stung more than he cared to admit. “I wish she would talk to me. All I want to do is help her.”
“And get laid,” Luke said, leaning back in his chair with a fucking smirk on his face before taking a drink out of his beer.
Smart ass.
Luke
It became a weekly ritual for Luke to stop by on Friday afternoons to visit Mia before he went to pick up his daughter from school. Last week, he hadn’t because Kaitlyn had been on vacation with her mother. After speaking with Ethan last night, Luke wouldn’t be missing this time. He needed to set his friend straight.
Pulling up to their house, he parked his Land Rover next to the garage and entered through the side door. He hadn’t knocked in ages. When he walked into the kitchen, he spied her in the family room, sitting on the sofa and staring out the windows. With a quick glance, he saw the boys were not around. Must be nap time.
It concerned him a little when he made his way to her that she didn’t bat an eye. He didn’t even register on her radar, she was that deep in thought. Yeah … he didn’t like that at all, he thought, plopping down on the cushion next to her.
There was no reaction. He had expected her to jump in surprise. Instead, she just slowly turned her head towards him and said, “Hi, Luke.”
He studied the troubled face of his best friend. “Vacant” was the word he’d use to describe what he saw. “What’s wrong, Mia?” Luke blurted out.
“Nothing’s wrong,” she said way too quickly, turning her head back to the window. Ethan had been worried about her and now Luke saw that there was a reason to be. Her quick denial, the sad eyes, the lack of warmth. There were none of their normal jokes, no humor, no sparkle.
“Oh, my sweet Mia. I do not believe you. Not one bit. And neither does your husband, for that matter.”
“I don’t like when you two talk about me,” she rebutted, whipping her head to glare at him. Ha! Still some fight in there.
“Well, talk to him then. Stop hiding it in there,” he said, taking a hold of her head and bringing her forehead to his, locking his eyes on hers. “Trust your husband to help you. Stop thinking you can do this by yourself. It never works, sweets.”
“It’s always been just me,” she said hauntingly.
“No, it hasn’t. I’ve been there for the past ten years. Same with Marty, Todd, Clark, and Allie. Ethan married you. It’s not just you anymore,” he said before kissing her forehead and hearing her unsteady breath. “Let us help you, Mia. There is no need to carry whatever this burden is alone.”
“I’m scared,” she whispered against his neck. Luke wrapped her in his embrace, his heart hurting for his friend, taken aback at her admission. He thought she would stay stubborn and stick to her story of being fine, but admitting something was wrong and her fear frightened him.
“Talk to Ethan. He wants to help. He wants to be there for you.”
Luke pulled back and was surprised to find silent tears running down Mia’s cheeks. Her pain was hard for him to see. With his thumbs, he wiped the tears away.
“You know what to do, Mia. You just have to do it,” he said, and then kissed her cool, damp cheek. “I have to pick Kaitlyn up from school now, but don’t forget what I said. Talk to him. Be with your husband.”
And with those final words, he left Mia alone with her thoughts, hoping she’d finally seek solace with her husband.
Ethan
Walking into his bedroom, Ethan noticed the balcony doors open, blowing in the surprising warm breeze. He took a few steps and noticed that Mia was standing on the balcony, overlooking the backyard. Her arms were spread out, her hands grasping the railing, and her head was raised slightly as the wind blew past her.
She was so beautiful like that. Almost free of whatever was bothering her. He wanted to go to her but he second guessed himself. He didn’t want her to say no to him again. Rejection got old.
After an internal struggle, Ethan took the remaining steps to her. He wouldn’t know unless he tried. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he breathed in her honey scent. Damn, he missed being this close to her. Though it hurt when she stiffened in his embrace.
But he didn’t let go.
“Hi, suga,” he said,
kissing the top of her head.
“Hi,” she replied simply, yet she still hadn’t relaxed her body. If anything she held herself away from him. With a deep breath of resolve, he continued to talk to her instead of retreating to the basement.
“It’s a beautiful night out. I can see why you’re out here,” he said, not believing he was talking to his wife about the freaking weather.
“It is. I miss the warmth.”
“Me too. It was a harsh winter. I can’t wait to use the pool.”
“Ooh … the pool does sound nice,” she said, turning her head to look at him. He smiled down at her, seeing the soft uptick of her lips and he decided to push just a little more.
“I can imagine you in your tiny white bikini … right before I toss you in.”
“Oh, I don’t think so,” she said, laughter lacing her voice—a sound that had been rare lately. “I’d be pushing you in.”
“Oh, you think so?”
“I know so,” she said. It was so nice to banter with her like this. Another thing he missed—just being silly with her.
“I’m going to want to pay you back for that,” he said against her ear.
“If you could even catch me. You’re a big old quarterback and I’m a lightning quick running back,” she said, making evasive running moves in his arms.
Laughing at her, he adjusted his hands, one flat on her stomach, the other on her hip, holding her against him. He rested his forehead on her shoulder. There was so much he wanted to do. He wanted to turn her around in his arms and kiss her like there was no tomorrow. He wanted to strip her and go down to his knees and taste her. Instead, she sighed and with that exhale of breath he felt her easiness go away.
Too bad if this is hard, Mia, he thought.
Never Over You Page 11
