“Mia …” he spoke against her ear, desperately wanting to rake his teeth against the soft lobe.
Her breathing became more erratic, but she tamped it down with a deep breath, clearing her throat. Her need to bolt. He wasn’t going to let her go. “We should probably go to bed now.”
“I miss you,” Ethan said, kissing the spot right below her ear, the spot that always turned his wife on. She tilted her head into his, blocking him. He felt the vibrations of her fidgety legs before she tried to step away, but he held her to him. “No, Mia. No more running away. Please. I miss you. I miss us. I don’t understand why you’ve been like this. Don’t you …” he stopped. He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t ask her if she loved him. He was too afraid of the answer. So instead, he said, “Nevermind,” and did the thing he said he wouldn’t do—he let her go.
Might be a night to get piss-ass drunk, he thought as he left to go downstairs to his bar. He’d taken two steps when he felt her fingers grab a hold of his wrist.
“Don’t walk away from me,” his wife said, her voice trembling with emotion.
Slowly turning around, he saw the tears streaming down her face.
“Please don’t go,” she pleaded, her other hand clutching his arm as well. “Don’t leave me.”
“I’m not going anywhere, suga,” he answered, shocked by the way she reacted, the way she cried harder in reaction to his words.
What the hell is going on? he thought as he pulled her into his arms for an embrace. She grasped his face and then her lips were finally against his. Desperation laced her kiss. He wanted to question it; he wanted to know what was bothering her, but it had been so long since she had kissed him like this that his body overruled his mind and he returned the kiss, backing her up against the wall. Eventually, he stopped and spoke her name.
“No, I don’t want to talk, Ethan,” she said desperately, her lips all over his face.
“You’re avoiding the problem.”
“I know. Just let me. Please?” she begged, kissing his lips. “Please?” she repeated, kissing his chin.
The best way to let her know was to show her. Lifting her in his arms, Ethan took her into their bedroom and gently placed her on their already turned down bed.
“Please, Ethan,” she said, removing her shirt, revealing a sight he hadn’t seen in a long time. The only times in the past half-year had been when she was breastfeeding Rory and Pierce. Not for him. But right now, they were his. He needed them.
“God, Mia,” he exclaimed, letting her win that round. He quickly joined her in bed, kissing her face, her neck, then her breasts like he hadn’t eaten in forever. The taste of her, the feel of her, her sexy moans. He’d missed her, more so than when they had broken up. Then he had anger; now he just had fear.
Sliding her fingers up his shirt, she pushed up the fabric, her hands moving all over his back. He stopped kissing her and made quick work of removing his shirt. He craved those hands on his body.
Her eyes were focused on his stomach before she tentatively reach out with her hand, touching right above the waistband of his jeans then flattening it and running it all over his abs. His head fell back and his eyes closed as he reveled in her touch.
When she tugged at his jeans, he opened his eyes just a crack and a thankful grin shot across his face as she began to unfasten them.
With one swift movement, Mia pushed both his jeans and boxers down. He regarded her as she looked upon him, her hands hovering at his sides. She looked indecisive for a moment. But he saw the choice on her face a split second before her hands and then her lips found his hard cock. He hadn’t expected that and temporarily lost his balance before he placed his hands on her shoulders to steady himself.
“Fuck,” he moaned as she continued to move her warm mouth on him. He couldn’t handle much more of this. The last time they’d been intimate, she’d had her mouth wrapped around his cock like right now. Seven long months ago. But he didn’t want this, awesome as it was. He wanted more. He wanted to bury himself inside her sweet pussy and watch her face as she orgasmed.
Ethan stepped away until his cock popped out of her mouth and then pushed her to the bed, quickly following and hovering above her, a smile on his face as he looked down at his gorgeous wife.
“Thank you, suga, but I require something else,” he said, pulling off her pants.
She raised her eyebrow as he placed himself between her legs. “Oh yeah?”
He slid inside of her slowly. Oh dear God, did she feel so fucking good. “Yeah.”
She grabbed onto him like she was afraid to fall. He continued to ease himself in; she was so damn tight. “Are you okay? Does it hurt?”
She shook her head which confused him. “No, you’re not okay, or no, it doesn’t hurt?”
“It doesn’t hurt,” she panted, her fingers digging into his ass, keeping him in place. He pushed himself all the way in and listened to her sweet moan. It was heaven to his ears.
“Miss me?” he asked with his mouth right above hers. She didn’t answer in words. No, she captured his mouth in a slow, yet demanding kiss.
“What do you think?” she replied after releasing his lips and pushing up with her hips.
Moving inside of her, he savored the feel of her surrounding him, her smooth skin against his, those long, graceful fingers traveling all over his body. She moaned his name repeatedly as she grew closer to her release. He reclaimed her mouth in a deep kiss as he thrust a few more times, muffling her scream as her orgasm overpowered her. He followed shortly after, filling her as he came.
Mia held on to him, her grip tight as he rolled off her. She hurried to lay upon him, her head resting on his chest, her legs entwined with his … like it normally was after sex. Her fingers found his ear while playing with his hair. She remained quiet, but by the way she was rhythmically playing with his hair, he knew she was thinking—hopefully about to talk. And a few minutes later, she did.
“I know I haven’t been myself lately. Just please don’t give up on me. I’m getting back to me …”
“Mia, I love you and I’m not going anywhere. Just remember that I am here, all right? I’m always here for you,” he said as she burrowed her head against him, trying to hide. “Are you going to cry again?” he asked her, feeling her trying to compose herself.
“No!” she exclaimed, laughing a little but the tears came anyway.
“Could have fooled me,” he said, hugging her tighter as the sobs wracked her body. “Mia, I don’t know what to do for you. I don’t know what’s going on.”
“Please let’s not talk about this tonight. I just want to enjoy you and me. Is that okay?” she pleaded with him.
No—that’s not what he wanted at all.
“I need to know what’s going on.”
After a loud sigh, she stayed silent in her thoughts for a few moments before kissing him quickly and scooting off the bed. “Be right back,” she said and hurried from the room.
Where the fuck was she going? While he waited for her to return, Ethan grabbed his phone and sent off a quick text to Luke.
Luke
April 20, 2012, 11:48 PM
She still won’t talk. She refuses. Deflects. Admits she’s avoiding it. But she has cried … sobbed really. WTF! I don’t know what to do. I am officially worried.
He hit the send button and checked his other texts while he waited for Mia to return. Ethan abandoned the other messages when Luke’s reply came through.
Do you have any idea what it could be?
None.
Time to call the doctor?
I don’t know … I told her I loved her and she cried. She said, ‘I’m getting back to me.’ Where is Mia then?
Do you think she’s depressed?
A little. Yes. God, can’t believe I just admitted that.
Want me to take the boys one day this week for a bit so you guys can talk?
She won’t let that happen. She watches them like a hawk.
Has she been sl
eeping well lately?
As well as can be expected with two boys who are not sleeping through the night. I know she’s exhausted but … it’s definitely something more.
Keep at it. Be relentless. She needs you to be that for her.
Ok. Gotta go. I hear her coming. ttyl
Ethan put down his phone as Mia walked through the doorway, her iPad in her hands. She closed the door and then climbed back into bed.
“Uh, you left to get your iPad?” he asked.
“Yep, and I had to go to the bathroom too, plus I also checked on Pierce and Rory who are sleeping quite nicely. Yay!” she exclaimed, raising her arms in the air, cheering. He cheered with her, causing her to laugh.
He loved that laugh of hers.
“I’m sorry I didn’t want to discuss this earlier. It’s like my brain has some automatic response when it comes to talking about difficult things. I know I need to talk to you—I want to talk—it’s just hard. So, we can talk now,” she said, getting serious, “but I also want you to read this because my brain is so scattered lately. I forget to brush my teeth so often that I know I’ll leave something out.”
“Okay …” he said unsure of what she wanted. He watched her turn on her iPad. He was greeted with a picture of them and the boys after he had won the UFL Championship in March. “I love that picture.”
“Me too,” she smiled and his eyes teared up at her smile. It had been such a rare sight lately. Just like her laughter.
“I’ve been … uh … feeling off lately. Not myself. A lot of it was because I was trying to smother the thoughts that were coming at me—like how much like my mom I was and that scared me. I don’t want to be anything like her.” With those words, Ethan saw the haunted look cover her face before she carried on. “And the more I thought about it, the more I retreated and the less I was there. I didn’t even realize it—not until Luke said something to me about how I’d been acting. I’ve been fighting, warring with myself, and it’s done nothing for me. All it’s done is beaten me down. When you walked away from me earlier, that scared me so much because those moments before you let go, I had felt like me … and I missed me.”
She was silent for a short moment then she threw a leg over his middle and straddled him, her dark eyes meeting his light ones. “I knew if I let you walk away I would lose myself—and you. I need you, Ethan. Your love. Your support. I need you to help me make sense of this because I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I miss feeling your love.”
Ethan felt the same way and when her eager lips found his again, he didn’t stop her. He pulled her closer even though he needed to know what she was fighting, but he also needed to let her know he was there for her.
“Mia, I’ve missed you too,” he said against her lips and those pretty lips spread into the most beautiful smile he’d ever laid eyes on. “What do you need, Mia?”
“You.”
Though that made him happy, it wasn’t the answer he wanted and she knew it. With a long sigh, she spoke. “I need my music … I need to not be like my mom … I need you and the boys … and I need me back.”
Her eyes dropped from his as if she expected something bad to happen and didn’t want to witness it.
“You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“I rambled forever and I don’t even know what all I said.”
“I’m glad you rambled. I want to know these things, Mia. I want you happy. I don’t ever want you sad. I need to think on this for you, okay? But I will help you, suga.”
She nodded her head, her eyes still downcast. He lifted her chin and waited for her eyes to meet his. “We’ll figure this out. Do you believe me?”
“I do,” she said quietly, which was followed by a yawn.
“Tired?” he asked, smoothing his thumb along her jawline.
“Yeah.”
“Come on,” he said, opening his arm to her. She crawled off his lap and snuggled up against him, her head on his stomach.
“Ethan?” she spoke, lifting her head to look at him.
“Hmm?”
“My iPad. My journal is on it. Read it.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah … just in case I didn’t say it all …”
“Okay,” he said, putting her head back on his lap. “Sleep,” he ordered, smoothing her hair until he could hear her steady breathing.
Picking up her iPad, he couldn’t help but think of the last time he’d read her inner thoughts. Back then, she had been on the bed, passed out after a night of doing drugs. This time, her spent naked body was pressed up against him. It was a lot different and hopefully the same could be said for the tone of what was written in this journal.
Her entries didn’t start until after the holidays—after everyone had left. And it wasn’t enlightening—just a recount of the time from the boys’ birth to the New Year and how much she enjoyed having everyone around. The first time she had spent the holidays with so much family. And family was a major theme in these entries. She had a huge family now and loved it.
He knew how much that meant to her, coming from just her and her father for most of her life. She’d amassed more family along the way—both official and unofficial. Making her part of his family had been one of the best things to happen in his life.
He skimmed some entries about Luke … and Allie. Something Ethan would definitely have to ask his wife about in the morning. As he read further, he noticed something missing from her writings—besides absolutely no music, there was no emotion in her words. Both concerned him. Music was a portal for what she was feeling. But there was none to speak of and it showed. Why was she not writing any music?
Then he came across the entry that told him why.
23 March 2008 2:34 AM
Did you feel like being a mother wasn’t enough? Did you need more? Is that why you left? Papa and I weren’t enough for you? Did you hate me because I held you back and you finally had enough and that’s why you left? I wish I had these answers because they would help me out so much right now … help me make sense of what’s going through my head. I am so fucking scared of being like you. How could you fucking leave me? I can’t even imagine life without Rory and Pierce. Hell, I will never put them through what you did to me. I’ll stay miserable for the rest of my life before I do the same!
Ethan shook his head. That wasn’t happening. He needed to make sure she knew that. He’d do anything to make sure she didn’t think she was like her mother just because she wanted more—and he knew what that more was—her music. She needed it, and for the past seven months, she’d been without it.
The beginning of an idea began to formulate in Ethan’s mind about what to do, but he needed help to see it through. Grabbing his phone yet again, he sent off a quick text to Luke.
Dude … she talked to me AND made me read her journal.
Whatever she says about me, she’s so lying.
No, idiot. She’s making me read her journal … she’s let me in.
That’s good. Any juicy tidbits?
Yeah … what’s going on with you and Allie?
A big fat nothing. She’s weird, man.
?
Lots of mixed signals—I’m doing my own searching/figuring things out. And that’s all I’m saying for now.
Okay. I respect that. Just do your best not to hurt her.
I think it’s the other way around. You should say ‘better protect yourself, bro.’
You like her that much, huh?
………
Ethan laughed at that. He’d wondered when Luke would fall victim to the love bug … he just didn’t expect it to be with Allie. Hmm …
Anyway, I need to talk to you tomorrow. Can I stop by around 10?
No prob. See you then.
He closed out the conversation and then texted Allie. He really did need her help, but he also liked Mia’s plan about getting Luke and Allie together. Whatever he could do to facilitate that, he’d do because his wife’s plans took forever.
Allie
April 20, 2012, 1:18 AM
Got some things to discuss. 10 am. Luke’s house.
Not thirty seconds later, her sassy reply showed up.
You’re certainly very bossy.
LOL! I am that. 10 am. Don’t be late.
Am I ever late?
That’s what I like about you.
Ethan put his phone on the charger and placed her iPad on his nightstand, then carefully scooted down so he could snuggle with his wife. He held her to him, her head on his chest, his hands tangled in her hair. Things weren’t as bad as they seemed. He believed his idea would work. Just had to talk it over with Luke and Allie tomorrow.
Time to get Mia what she needed. Hopefully then, things would start getting better.
Mia
The sound of a crying baby pulled Mia from the best sleep she’d had in months. Kissing the chest of the most perfect pillow, she skillfully exited the bed. Before leaving the room, she regarded her sleeping husband and smiled. They’d needed last night, that reconnection.
Grabbing her glasses, she headed to the boys’ nursery. Pierce was sitting up in his crib, crying at the top of his lungs which normally meant a dirty diaper. His cries quieted when he saw her come into the space. “Shh … mommy’s here,” Mia whispered as she lifted him out and into her arms. Definitely diaper change, she thought, walking over to the changing table.
She changed the gross diaper and bundled him back up. Hugging him to her, she gave him a squeeze and then placed the little guy back in his crib. It didn’t take long for him to go back to sleep. Before she left, Mia checked on Rory. She hoped he didn’t wake up until the morning so she could snuggle some more with Ethan.
Her husband was in the same position that she’d left him. Mia wanted to wake him and have him make love to her again, but she had a feeling he’d stayed up late to read her journal. She hoped he could help her figure this out because she was done feeling so out of sorts. Mia knew she should’ve shared her thoughts with Ethan instead of her journal, but she’d been so ashamed, so unsure—she just couldn’t get her mind wrapped around it all. She’d ignored it … stuffed it far down in the cavern of her brain but it had still been affecting her. So when Ethan woke up, they’d discuss it some more. For now, sleep.
Never Over You Page 12
