Falling from Disgrace

by Maretta, L

  As she twisted to bring her feet to the floor she whimpered. Man, was she aching and not in the good way. Glancing at the clock next to Jack’s bed, she was shocked to see that it was almost five a.m. Not only had she slept for almost five hours, it had been almost six since she last had a pill. Adding to her misery, her stomach and head were also now alerting her to the fact that they weren’t happy either. Adrianna closed her eyes and tried to breathe through the pain.

  Jack woke when he heard Adrianna make a noise of discomfort and he quickly reached over to turn his bedside lamp on. Squinting in the dim light, he saw Adrianna sitting at the edge of his bed, curled forward, the scar on her back prominently on display.

  Jack had seen and felt the scar before but this was the first time he was getting a close look and he cringed at the severity of it. It was about a half an inch thick and started right at the base of her spine, disappearing under her curtain of hair. He knew though, by having touched that part of her, that it ran all the way up her neck to her hairline.

  When the light came on in the room, Adrianna started, and began searching the floor at her feet for something to cover herself with, ignoring her protesting back in the process. As she reached down for Jack’s t-shirt, her head started to pound and she had to sit back up before she thought it would explode.

  “Are you okay, Ade?” Jack asked, his voice still thick with sleep.

  Not trusting her voice, Adrianna only nodded and then inhaled sharply when a shooting pain traveled from the base of her neck down to her tailbone.

  “No you’re not,” Jack said with worry in his voice. He moved quickly to sit beside her and put his hand gently on her shoulder. “You sound like you’re in pain, what’s wrong.”

  Adrianna closed her eyes again and leaned into him, allowing his arm to wrap around her. She took a few deep breaths before telling him, “I’ll be okay. Just give me a minute.”

  Jack held her to him, stroking down her arm and kissing the top of her head. He let her just lean on him, and waited for her to feel better. He was hoping she would explain the scar to him now, for it was obvious that whatever happened to her back was the cause of her pain. He was curious about it of course, but he never asked, knowing by her reaction whenever his hands went near it that she was not comfortable talking about it. When she didn’t offer any information he decided now might be the time to question her.

  He moved his hand from her arm to settle on the bare skin of her lower back. Adrianna tensed and he paused there, not moving, not saying anything, until he felt her relax again. Then he lightly trailed one finger up her scar, just an inch, and asked, “What happened here, sweetheart?”

  Adrianna felt her eyes sting with tears. She wasn’t ready to talk about the accident with him yet. She didn’t know if she ever would be. So even though she didn’t like doing it she lied.

  “I used to row in high school and college. Ended up with herniated disks.”

  That was complete bullshit and Jack knew it. Surgery to repair herniated disks wouldn’t leave you with a scar that looked like a zipper up your back. He worried that whatever had happened to her left more than just physical damage behind if she was willing to lie to him about it. He was also hurt that she didn’t trust him enough to tell him the truth. He said nothing, though, and watched sadly as she rose from the bed and walked to the bathroom, stiff with discomfort. “Can you get me my purse?” she asked before closing the door behind her.

  In the bathroom, Adrianna turned the sink on full blast and ran handfuls of cold water over her face again and again. It didn’t help. She felt awful; in addition to her back, head, and stomach, her entire body ached. A wave a nausea came over her and she gagged, dry heaving over the sink.

  Jack searched his apartment for Adrianna’s purse and found it sitting on a chair in his kitchen. He was careless when he grabbed for it and the strap caught on the back of the chair. The purse tipped, spilling half its contents onto the floor at his feet. He quickly gathered her cell phone, a pen, and a hair clip and shoved those back into her bag, but when his hands closed around the plastic cylinder that rattled, he brought it closer to his face to inspect.

  Adrianna had a bottle of Vicodin. Well, he thought, that’s nothing out of the ordinary. The label had her name on it so they were prescribed to her, but still, his stomach twisted with concern. He was too familiar with the misery of being addicted to painkillers. He tried recalling if there were any signs from Adrianna that he missed but he didn’t come up with anything solid. Then again, he didn’t spend more than a few hours at a time with her and those were a couple of days a week. She didn’t have a job and she didn’t go to school. She didn’t talk about herself and was always fidgeting. Pieces were starting to come together for him.

  When Adrianna heard Jack knock on the bathroom door, she quickly took her purse, thanked him, and shut herself up again. Popping two pills, she sat on the closed lid of his toilet, and prayed the effects would take over soon.

  Jack drove Adrianna home in silence. When she had emerged from the bathroom fifteen minutes after he had delivered her purse, he had been hoping she would go back to bed with him. Unfortunately, she had insisted on going home and after putting up an argument for another ten minutes he finally relented. He didn’t understand why she was shutting him out.

  He thought they were great together and he was really beginning to care for her. Not in just the “I know when I see her I’m going to get laid” way, but as a person he enjoyed spending time with. He thought she felt the same way and when she fell asleep in his arms last night he thought they had reached a bit of a milestone. Every other time they had sex she would go home if they were at his place and she never invited him to stay the night at hers. He really thought their relationship was going somewhere but now that she lied to him about her back injury he wasn’t sure. In addition to that, he had the nagging suspicion she was hiding something more than just her injury and that bothered him. He didn’t know if he had it in him to get involved with a troubled person. He had seen what that did to his mother.

  When he pulled the Charger up to her apartment building he was disappointed that she didn’t ask him to come up, but still he got out of the car to open her door for her.

  “Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked.

  “Yeah, I’m fine, Jack. Don’t worry about me,” she promised.

  “Get some sleep and call me later,” Jack told her and placed a sweet kiss on her lips.

  Chapter 6

  Twelve hours later, Jack hadn’t heard from Adrianna and he was pissed. He didn’t know what the hell was going on but if she didn’t trust him enough to tell him the truth, maybe he should just end it now. She obviously was hiding something, if not several things from him, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to put forth the effort to build their relationship.

  She was worth it though, wasn’t she? He saw things in Adrianna that he didn’t see in others and he really felt that he would be missing out on something if he let her disappear from his life. He remembered when they went to Starbucks after going to dinner the one time she actually let him take her out. They had passed a homeless man on the street corner that Adrianna had given a sad smile to. Then, she had ordered three coffees, which she insisted on paying for since Jack paid for dinner, and took one back down to the corner to give to the man begging for money. She handed him the coffee, offered him a cigarette, and both she and Jack chatted with him for a few minutes before Adrianna wished him well and they went on their way. A girl who would go out of her way like that for a total stranger was worth fighting for, wasn’t she?

  Jack found himself standing outside her door later that evening, again showing up after she didn’t answer his calls. He knocked loudly, but could hear music blasting from inside her apartment and he figured she couldn’t hear him. He knocked one more time, waited a minute and then just tried twisting the knob. Lucky for him, the door was unlocked.

  He found Adrianna in her bathroom, dressed in a grey v-neck shirt and
cut-off shorts. She was bent over at the waist, blow drying her hair and shaking her ass to the R&B song blasting from her stereo. Unnoticed and amused, Jack just leaned against the doorframe and watched her.

  When her hair was dry she shut off the blower, wrapped the cord up and placed it underneath her sink, still moving to the music by tapping her bare feet. As she applied moisturizer to her arms then legs, Jack was sure she would look into the mirror across from her any second and notice him standing there but she seemed to be avoiding her reflection. Jack wondered why.

  It wasn’t until after he watched her reach into her medicine cabinet, remove a bottle of pills, and take two of them with water from the sink, that Adrianna finally looked into the mirror and saw him standing behind her. She gasped in surprise.

  “Jesus Christ!” she cried, spinning around to face him. “You scared the hell out of me, Jack!”

  “Sorry,” he apologized with a smirk. “I was enjoying the show.”

  Adrianna looked at him in his dark jeans and blue shirt that matched his eyes. He looked so good but she scowled and exited the bathroom, walking right past Jack without greeting him with a kiss hello. He followed her into the kitchen where she aimed a remote at the stereo in the living room to shut the music off and then busied herself with washing the few dishes and cups in the sink.

  She wasn’t in pain anymore but she was still in a foul mood. Waking up in Jack’s bed and him seeing her so vulnerable like that had disturbed her. After coming home, taking more pills, and then crashing, she avoided his calls, not up to answering any questions she knew he was going to have. She had planned on calling him that evening to let him know she was fine and that she’d see him later during the week but he had just shown up again and she knew he saw her take the Vicodin in her bathroom. She was annoyed, anxious, and embarrassed.

  Jack could tell Adrianna was in a bad temper but when she was finished at the sink he stood before her. He bent at his knees, bringing himself to the same height as her and looked at her expectantly. “Hi,” he spoke, the word coming out almost like a question.

  “Hey,” she answered and then half-grinned at him, her eyes conveying that she was, for some reason... worried?

  Jack kissed her and then straightened, pulling her into an embrace that she did not return. He ignored that though, and kissed her temple before asking, “Are you feeling better?”

  “I’m fine,” Adrianna answered tersely, pulling herself from his arms. She stood across from him, leaning her back against the stove.

  “You don’t seem fine,” he pressed.

  “Jesus, Jack, I’m fine! Give it a rest, okay?”

  Jack was taken aback by her outburst but he went to her once again and brushed her bangs across her forehead. “Alright, Ilsa, take it easy.”

  Adrianna’s face twisted in confusion and she scathed, “Ilsa?”

  Jack waited a beat for her to catch on and when she didn’t he said, “Rick and Ilsa? Tell me you’ve seen Casablanca.”

  Adrianna shook her head with a, “No.”

  “Holy shit, you’ve gotta be kidding me!” he teased. “You claim to be a movie buff and you haven’t seen Casablanca? That’s practically blasphemy.”

  “No, I haven’t seen it, alright?” she huffed and then stalked towards her living room where she deposited herself on the sofa.

  Jack sighed and ran a frustrated hand through his hair, not knowing what he was doing wrong. “Did you eat?” he called out to her.

  “No.”

  “You want me to order a pizza or something? I’m starving.”

  “I don’t care.”

  Jack sighed again and pulled out his cell phone. After being told their food would arrive in about forty-five minutes, he helped himself to a soda from her fridge and then reluctantly joined Adrianna in the living room. Figuring she needed some space, he didn’t sit beside her, but on the adjacent loveseat.

  “Mind if I put the television on?” he asked, reaching for the remote. “The Sox are playing.”

  Adrianna shrugged and studied her cuticles while Jack sipped his coke and watched baseball.

  He didn’t really pay attention to the game though, getting more annoyed by the second at Adrianna’s sullen demeanor. When she finished picking at her nails she sat with her elbow on the edge of the sofa, her chin resting glumly on her hand, and just stared at the wall across from her.

  Jack exhaled loudly, muted the television and spat, “Will you please tell me what the hell is going on, Adrianna?”

  Adrianna snapped her head around to glare at him. “If you don’t like how I’m acting you’re free to leave.”

  “Do you want me to leave?” he shot back.

  “If you want to leave, leave!”

  “No, I don’t want to leave; I want you to tell me what’s wrong.”

  “For God’s sake, I’m just tired, okay?” she huffed, throwing her hands up in exasperation.

  “Really? You’re going to feed me the ‘I’m just tired’ bullshit. Come on, Ade,” Jack admonished.

  “What do want from me, Jack?” Adrianna shouted, her voice cracking with strain.

  “I want you to talk to me,” he insisted, saying each word with careful deliberation and glaring right back at her with blue eyes that were dark and narrowed.

  Adrianna turned her gaze up to the ceiling, clenched her jaw, and wished Jack would just give up on her. Maybe now she should just spill her guts to him so he would become disgusted with her and go.

  They were interrupted by the ringing of her cell phone, and Adrianna reached to answer it, much to Jack’s irritation. Not recognizing the number on the screen, she brought the phone to her ear and mumbled, “Hello?”

  “Adrianna? It’s Jason Landon.”

  Adrianna gasped and quickly disconnected the call, tossing her phone on the coffee table like she burned her hand on it.

  “Who the hell was that?” Jack demanded, rising from his seat and going to her side, concerned now by her reaction.

  Adrianna said nothing and just stared at the phone, her heart beating frantically. Why the hell was Jason calling her? What could he possibly have to say to her after all this time? The last time they spoke was right after the accident and things had not gone well.

  “Ade, who the hell was that?” Jack repeated.

  Of course, after all this time, Jason would call while Jack was there. Adrianna tried to compose herself by shaking her head and then told him, “No one. A... telemarketer.”

  “Fucking hell!” Jack swore and slammed his fist into the cushion between them before rising up in fury. “A telemarketer? Adrianna, how fucking stupid do you think I am? A sales call wouldn’t have you looking like you’ve just seen a ghost! Why do you keep lying to me?”

  “What do you mean, keep lying to you?” she demanded.

  “You want to start a list?” he shot. “You won’t tell me how you support yourself, you keep telling me nothing is wrong with you when clearly you’re upset about something, and I know what you said about the scar on your back is complete bullshit, too!”

  Adrianna gaped at him in horror.

  “Surgery to repair a herniated disk wouldn’t leave a scar like that! Why the hell are you so afraid to talk to me?” he continued to shout. “Have I not done enough to prove to you that I care about you? You think I would be here if I didn’t? I want to know who the hell was on the phone!”

  Closing her eyes to keep the tears from falling, Adrianna turned her head away and whispered, “I want you to leave, Jack.”

  “No!” he cried, and kneeled before her, grasping her head between his hands and forcing her to look at him. When he saw she was crying it pained him.

  “I can’t see you anymore, Jack.”

  “Why not?”

  “I just can’t.”

  “That’s not a reason.”

  “It’s the only one I can give you.”

  “Well, it’s not good enough!” Jack shouted, sadness dwelling in his eyes. “Tell me what’s going on.�
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  “Don’t do this, Jack,” she sobbed. “Believe me; you’re better off without me.”

  “What the hell happened to you to make you think that?” he demanded. “What is it you think is going to drive me away?”

  Adrianna tried to pull her head from his grasp but he held on, rubbing one of his thumbs across her cheek.

  “Tell me, Adrianna,” Jack insisted.

  “Nothing,” she lied while the tears ran down her cheeks. “Nothing happened, I just... I’m no good for you.”

  “Why are you lying to me?” Jack seethed, angered now by her words. He didn’t think Adrianna was the type to be so self deprecating and he didn’t like it.