by Tammy Knight
“I know. You have something on your mind, though, so you might as well spit it out,” Jamie said, his tone a bit colder than he intended. Craig winced, and Jamie grimaced in turn, reaching out to draw the omega in for a hug. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, I won’t be angry. I just need you to be honest and open with me,” Jamie assured the other man. Craig nodded slowly, seeming to enjoy his position pressed against Jamie’s chest. Jamie slowed his breathing, trying to sync it up with the soft breaths the omega was drawing in. His eyes nearly fluttered shut once more, but he managed to perk up when Craig pinched his cheek.
“I can’t tell you what’s on my mind if you’re sleeping, dunce,” the omega smiled. Jamie rolled his eyes, pressing a kiss to Craig’s forehead.
“Well hurry up and get it out, then. I was pretty comfortable with you in my arms,” the alpha pointed out. Craig chuckled, tracing his fingers along the soft hairs on Jamie’s chest. The alpha shivered appreciatively, resisting the desire to flop back in bed and drag Craig along with him. Whatever was bothering the omega was likely a pressing issue, and he’d feel like a terrible mate for simply dismissing it. “Seriously, Craig. I’m listening. I’m here for you,” he murmured. The omega chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck as he stared across the room. Jamie had an idea of what was on the omega’s mind, but he wasn’t going to press the issue. If Craig wanted to address it, that was on his shoulders.
“It’s just… I know you’ve been thinking about this whole… arson thing for a while. And I’d feel terrible asking you to drop your dreams on my account, but… I thought maybe we could make our own dreams together. New dreams. I want my child to have a father, and not one that’s behind bars,” Craig said quietly. Jamie felt as if his heart was being ripped in two, and he tried to guide Craig into facing him. The omega resisted, however, rising to his feet and methodically putting his clothes back on. Jamie frowned, not enjoying being ignored whatsoever.
“Craig…,” he began, cutting himself off as the omega turned tired eyes upon him.
“It’s your choice to make, and I’m going to leave you to make it. I just…wanted you to know how I feel,” Craig said gently. He reached out to touch Jamie’s cheek, caressing it with his thumb. “I’m going to call my dad to come pick me up. I’ve got to get my car from the store, and…from there, I need to talk to the old man. He can be an ass sometimes, but I’m hoping he’ll actually give me a chance to explain my side of the story this time,” the older male chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. Jamie sighed, nodding agreeably and wrapping his arms around his knees.
“Alright. I’ll give you time to talk to your pops. You know you’re always welcome in my apartment when you need a place to stay, though. I know it’s not much, but it’s always kinda been your home away from home. I mean... It’s just…,” Jamie sputtered, his face turning red as he tried to explain himself.
“I know, Jim Jam. I appreciate it. I just don’t want to be that much of a burden on you,” Craig smiled weakly. Jamie parted his lips to voice his opinion to the contrary, but Craig was shuffling through his pants pocket to grab his phone. He fidgeted with the cell phone for a moment, presumably sending his father a message. Then, slipping it back in his pocket, he turned to face Jamie once more. “I love you no matter what, alright? Remember that, always,” the omega smiled, blowing the bewildered alpha a kiss before slipping out the door. Jamie stared after him, an uncomfortable sensation settling in the pit of his stomach. As much as he wanted to chase Craig down and tell him that the plan meant nothing to him at that point, he couldn’t ignore the desire deep within him to go out for one last hurrah. There was the chance that he could be caught, and that would entirely ruin his future with the man he loved. But the chance seemed so small and insignificant that it almost didn’t feel as if it mattered. It was Jamie’s selfish brain talking, and that’s something he was well aware of. As much as he looked forward to being a father, he didn’t want to throw away what he’d been cultivating for years. Though Craig had tried to assure him that he would be loved regardless, he knew that the omega couldn’t simply stand by and watch Jamie potentially throw his life away.
“What am I going to do?” Jamie muttered, rising from his bed and shuffling towards the bag in the far corner of the room. It was everything he needed to do the deed. Craig had even ensured he got the proper supplies. He knew it was piss-poor thinking to assume Craig would be okay with it just because he kept the alpha from getting caught immediately, but still… a part of him wanted to believe that Craig would really be okay if he went through with his selfish plan. Taking a moment to rummage through the bag, he turned the ski mask over in his hands. It would be so easy to simply set the place alight some night. No one would ever think to suspect he had done it--Craig aside, of course. If he did it at night, there would be no potential loss of life. Hell, the fire department would probably even arrive before any major damage was done. Just a bit of an inconvenience for the feds; that’s all it would be. They might even do all the repairs that the post office had been long due to receive. The sign was nearly falling off the building, and there was only one person working at any given time. If he went through with his plan, maybe it would be just enough to kick-start a proper restoration. He’d be doing the town a favor, really, and he’d go down in local history, not just as a nuisance but maybe even an unsung hero.
He tossed the ski mask on the floor, walking towards the wall where he’d taped up his map. He gently plucked it off the wall, examining all of the police routes that he had mapped out. Hell, if he really wanted to do it, that very moment wouldn’t have been such a bad time. The post office was generally empty when the manager went on break, and the police wouldn’t be making their cycle near the post office any time soon. There was a small chance there would be a worker inside, but there would be plenty of time for anyone with a bit of sense to escape. The fire wouldn’t spread too quickly--he could even skip the use of accelerant. That was generous, wasn’t it? More than anyone in his life would have ever expected of him. Everyone except Craig expected him to go down in flames, though he wasn’t sure if they suspected it would be in a literal manner. He was a deadbeat, no two ways about it. He had promised Craig that he would be every bit the father that their pup deserved, but how could he go on with his life with such a major dream gone unfulfilled? Surely anyone could understand why he’d want this last bit of his life, this one tiny goal before turning himself in to the establishment for the rest of his life. Even Craig could understand that, he was sure.
He frowned a bit, rolling up the map and shoving it in his pocket. He shuffled back over to the bag that he’d placed in the corner of his room. He grabbed the ski mask, glancing over it for a moment before shoving it in the bag with the rest of his supplies. He had to do something. There had to be something he could do, something that would seal the rest of his life. Arson likely wasn’t the only option, but it seemed the most apparent. He chuckled to himself, pulling on some clothes before grabbing everything and slipping out of his apartment. He made his way to his truck, shoving all his supplies inside the bag. For a brief moment, he felt eyes upon him, and he wheeled around to face off with any potential assailants. Instead, he saw Craig in the passenger seat of his father’s truck, staring at him with a look of obvious distress. Jamie hesitated, glancing into the bed of his truck before wheeling around and turning to face Craig once more. He hated how much he always seemed to worry the omega. Even when he knew he was doing something idiotic, it seemed he never had the power to stop himself. It seemed like he would continue worrying Craig for the rest of their lives, if he didn’t end up in the slammer. Maybe it would be better if the omega found someone else to be with…someone else to raise their child. That was ridiculous, though, wasn’t it?
Jamie watched as Craig and his father pulled out of the parking lot, the omega’s eyes on him all the while. His heart ached, but it was all he could do to mutter the words ‘I’m sorry’ before turning his back on the man he loved and getting
in the driver’s seat of his truck. He turned the key in the ignition, the music blaring in his ears as he shifted into reverse. The music was a welcome distraction but fell just short of taking his mind off of the steady pitter-patter of his heart. Had he made his decision? Was this truly what he wanted to do? Would he be able to live with his decision? Better yet, would Craig be able to live with his decision? Jamie Briggs was used to one thing in his life, and that was the expectation that he would be a deadbeat from then into the rest of eternity. His family had abandoned him, his foster families had abandoned him, hell, Craig was the only person who hadn’t ever abandoned him. Was that a mistake on the omega’s part, however? Should Craig have dismissed Jamie just as easily as everyone else in his life had? What had he done to prove he was worth the omega’s love and attention. What had he ever done to deserve any of this? He was worthless. He would always be worthless.
...Unless he made a change in his life. He could turn against the law, or he could fall into the mediocrity of a normal life while feeling miserable until he died. Would Craig be able to get by without him? It wasn’t as if Jamie had money to offer, anything besides a temporary place to stay and a few bottles of booze from time to time. Soon, if he didn’t do something, he wouldn’t be able to even afford his apartment. Jail seemed a better prospect than homelessness at the very least.
Steeling himself with a steadying breath, Jamie pulled out of the parking lot of his apartment complex. The post office was a good twenty minutes away, just another sign that the local government was failing the city. He had the potential to make a change--not just in his life, but the lives of many. Wasn’t that what he had always wanted? To be important? To simply matter? Craig made him feel like he mattered, but was the opinion of one person enough--even if it was the opinion of the one and only person he’d ever been in love with?
Jamie shook off those thoughts, turning the radio volume up even higher in an attempt to drown out his traitorous mind. He had made his choice, and there was no turning back now. With a truck full of ill intent, and a map straight to his undoing stuffed in his pocket, there was no way that Jamie could wimp out now. Not after he’d spent so much time planning, agonizing. He would make himself worthy of Craig’s love, one way or another. He allowed his mind to fade into the blessed static that had become so familiar since he was young and unable to deal with his own emotions. His first foster father had taught him that--stuff everything down. Let everything else fade away; focus only on what matters. It had never been awfully clear what mattered, especially not way back then. Nothing had been clear until he met Craig at that community service gig. From that point forward, his fate was written in the stars, carved in stone--there was no fighting it. Craig was a means to an end, essentially, as much as he hated to simplify their relationship that much.
No… no. He was overthinking this whole thing. He had to give in to the static, let his mind melt away as he made his way down the highway. Ten more minutes and he would be at the post office. Ten more minutes, and his life would be laid out as whatever higher power intended. Jamie Briggs was a deadbeat--of that much he was certain. But if there was one thing that he was not, Jamie was not a quitter.
“It’s all for you, Craig…all for you, baby. I’ll show you and the world…I’m much more than anyone ever expected.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Craig’s heart pounded in his chest, the erratic beats of his pulse echoing in his ears as he watched Jamie load up his truck. Though he hadn’t lied when he told the alpha he would love him no matter what, he couldn’t imagine that Jamie would really be so willing to throw his life away. It was barely lunch time, the sun was shining brightly in the sky, and any number of post office workers would be working at that moment--granted the place was usually barren. Still, that didn’t justify going through with such a risk! He was certain Jamie would be caught in short order if he committed such a serious crime in the light of day, regardless of how sneaky the alpha thought he could be. Though Craig knew it could be a lost cause, he couldn’t ignore the overwhelming feeling that he should try to stop the other man, before their child ended up with a father in jail for God knows how long. He couldn’t draw his eyes away from his lover even as the alpha made to get in his truck. Craig’s heart dropped, and he’d never felt so wounded in his life as Jamie mouthed the words ‘I’m sorry’. He glanced towards his father who seemed entirely oblivious to the exchange, pulling out of the parking lot with a tense expression.
“So, have you decided how you’re going to deal with this little mistake? I can’t afford another mouth to feed, Craig. I can barely afford to keep your ass up,” the older man muttered, and Craig resisted the desire to bite out a retort regarding the fact that the older alpha would be screwed if the omega hadn’t been helping pay the bills. Instead, he simply inhaled a steadying breath as he stared out the window.
“I just need to pick up my car from the general store right now, Dad. Can we talk about it when I get home? I’ve got some ideas about what to do, but I just need a little while to think,” Craig requested quietly, his hands tensed in the fabric of his jacket. The older man scoffed but grudgingly nodded, driving in the direction of the store where Craig had seemingly sealed his fate. The two were silent for the most part, though Craig could sense his father leveling him with the occasional glare and sigh. He refused to meet his father’s stare, drawing his lip between his teeth as he tried to figure out how to resolve the situation. If he followed Jamie to the post office, there was no guarantee that the alpha male wouldn’t try to drag him into the whole scheme once again. However, he could not simply leave Jamie to make such a tragic mistake, not when he cared so much, not when there was so much left undone between the two of them.
“Hurry up and bring your ass home. We need to talk this whole crapshoot out,” the omega’s father said coldly, stopping a short distance from Craig’s car. The omega rolled his eyes, resisting the desire to comment on how magnanimous his father was being. Instead, he slid out of the passenger seat and shuffled towards his car. His father drove away as soon as the door closed, and he thanked whatever higher power that may have been for the moment of solitude he’d been granted. He sagged into the driver’s seat of his car, staring into the rearview mirror with an expression of dread. He knew that whatever happened from that moment onward, he had made his decision. He would stop Jamie from ruining his own life or die in the process. He rested his hand on his stomach for a moment, breathing in a steadying gasp of air before turning the key and reversing out of the parking lot. He drove at a steady pace, making his way in the direction of the post office as he tried to talk himself down from the panic surging through his being. His hands tensed on the steering wheel as he realized that the alpha had a hell of a head start on him and would most likely make it to their location before Craig himself even hit the halfway point. He glanced at the speed gauge on his car, beginning to accelerate as he swerved around the turn. His face was drawn tight as he pressed the pedal to the metal, struggling to keep his car on his side of the road as the speed gauge rose higher and higher. He grimaced as a car stopped short in front of him, making a sharp swerve to the side just in time to avoid rear-ending the car. He could hear horns blaring, screams following him as he continued down his path. He narrowed his eyes into the rearview mirror, spotting flashing lights in the distance behind him.
“Yeah, sure, good luck with that buddy,” Craig muttered, turning down into a small side street before swerving back towards his intended direction. He could hear sirens following along him on the main road, breathing a sigh as he realized he would have to take the long route to avoid being caught. He turned again, tires screeching as he cut in front of the police car before turning a complete one eighty turn before the cop could even catch on to what was happening. He travelled down back streets, cut through narrow alleys that his car was just small enough to fit through, and when he finally grew nearer the post office, the sounds of sirens were but a distant memory. He supposed he should have b
een a bit more careful considering that he had nearly led the cops to his mate’s crime scene, but that wasn’t worth thinking about for the time being. All that mattered was the here and now--making sure he made it in time to stop the alpha male from making the biggest mistake of his life. He could spot the post office sign toward the end of the road, accelerating until the momentum was nearly too much to stop when he slammed on the brakes and turned into the parking lot. He surged out of the car, a wave of nausea washing over him as he felt everything he’d had to eat tickling the back of his throat. He bent over, retching though he tried to quiet himself down. He didn’t have time to be sick! This was just delaying what he had come for, and if he didn’t act quickly, his life wouldn’t be the only one laid to ruins.
When he managed to spill his guts, he wiped his mouth and stood upright, scanning the immediate area for his mate. He spotted Jamie’s car parked towards the back of the parking lot, managing to lay eyes on the alpha as he stared pensively in the back of his truck--where he knew the bags from their shopping trip lay. He quickly strode across the parking lot, reaching out to grab Jamie by the shoulder. The alpha glanced at him with a vaguely concerned expression, drawing away from him with a quivering smile.
“Don’t do this, Jamie. Please. I’ll do anything, I’ll do anything if you just…come home with me. Come on. We don’t have to go through with this…this ridiculous plan. You have so much more to do with your life than throw it away on something like this,” Craig uttered urgently, reaching out to touch Jamie on the cheek. The alpha smiled balefully, resting his hand atop his lover’s. There was a trace of bitterness in his expression, and Craig felt his stomach drop as the alpha glanced towards his intended destination.
