“No, and you already asked that question. I just have some muscle spasms in my leg.” It wasn’t a total lie. It just wasn’t the complete truth either. Jordan didn’t feel comfortable revealing her medical situation to anyone, much less Ash. Certainly not at this stage of the game anyway, and quite possibly never. “And as far as the job? I was getting burned out. I decided I wanted to do other things.”
“Like gamble? Is that really smart?”
“Trust me, when I play cards, it isn’t gambling,” Jordan said with a cocky grin.
“If I find out you’re counting cards, I’ll throw you out so fast your head will spin.”
“Relax. I play poker. And if I could count cards, I’d have a hell of a lot more money than I do, I can tell you that. I’m here to play in the World Series.”
“You’re that good?”
“Do you have to ask?”
“Jesus, you haven’t changed at all, have you?” Ash asked. She sounded annoyed, but Jordan could tell she was once again trying not to smile.
“Nope, not a bit.” Especially not where you’re concerned . “You didn’t seem to mind it the first time we met.”
“That was a long time ago.”
“It was,” Jordan agreed. “But here we are, fifteen years later, and you’re obviously not with your husband anymore. So apparently you’ve changed quite a bit.”
“I have.”
“You haven’t told me why you’re here in my room.”
Jordan waited while Ash seemed to be struggling with what to say in response. In Jordan’s experience, the long pause was simply to allow the other person to sort the lie out in their head before speaking.
“I feel like I owe you an apology for how things ended between us.”
Jordan was a little surprised. She’d been crushed when it happened, but she never expected Ash to apologize for it. She’d known when they started that Ash was married. She and her husband had been trying to have a baby, for God’s sake. She’d never been expecting anything to come of their affair, but to be told in no uncertain terms that Ash never wanted to see or hear from her again kind of bruised her ego to say the least.
“You don’t have to apologize,” Jordan said.
“Yes, I do. I hurt you, and I swear to you I never meant to do that.” Ash looked down at her hands on her knees, and Jordan waited to see if there was more to come. After a couple of moments, Ash met her eyes again. “I thought it would be best for both of us to cut all ties. I was wrong.”
“You could have called me.”
“You could have called me too.”
“You made me promise not to,” Jordan reminded her. Ash turned away from her, but not before Jordan saw the sad smile. “How long have you been divorced?”
“Six years. It took me that long to realize I’d never really been in love with him. How sad is that?”
“At least you finally did realize it. Some people stay in their marriage forever and never even consider there might be something they’re missing.” Jordan thought of her parents and how they’d stayed together at all costs, neither of them ever even mentioning the word divorce. She did her best to stand without giving away how much pain she was in. She got a bottle of water from the mini fridge and held it up. “Can I get you something to drink? I have water, soda, or I think there’s enough alcohol in this thing for ten people to get drunk on.”
“I’m fine,” Ash replied without looking at her. Her focus was on the Vegas strip and all the lights flashing. Jordan couldn’t blame her. It was an amazing sight to see. It almost looked bright enough to be the middle of the day.
“So, I’m assuming you have a boyfriend?”
“Why would you think that?”
“I can’t imagine you alone is all.” Jordan took her seat again and took a drink from her bottle. “Any man would be lucky to have you.”
“I’m gay.”
Jordan felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. When they’d been together, Ash insisted she wasn’t a lesbian. Jordan had taken her at her word. She’d appeared to be happy in her marriage. Ashley and Kevin were going to have a family, and they were going to grow old together. That was the reality she’d convinced herself of over the years. Now she was finding out she’d been wrong.
“Say something,” Ash said after a few moments.
“What would you like me to say?” Jordan asked, trying to keep any emotion out of her voice. She was torn between being angry at having been lied to, and being hopeful at the possibility of something happening between them again. But no, that would never happen. At least nothing long-term. Her multiple sclerosis prevented long-term with anyone. “You cheated me out of my toaster oven.”
Ash laughed, and Jordan found herself filled with joy at the sound. God, she’d missed her. Having her there in the same room, on the same couch, filled a void in Jordan’s heart she hadn’t even realized was there.
“You’re still beautiful when you laugh,” Jordan told her, but regretted it almost immediately when Ash turned serious again.
“I should go.”
“Ash, wait.” She reached out and gently touched her forearm. “I’m sorry. I can’t help but speak the truth.”
“It’s okay,” Ash said with what was clearly a forced smile. “I need to get home.”
“Oh,” Jordan said, her heart sinking at the nuance of Ash’s words.
“What?”
“Your girlfriend isn’t very understanding about you being in a hotel room with a former lover, I take it.”
Ash snorted before she stood and looked down at Jordan. “Would you be?”
“No.” Jordan felt her heart clench at what certainly sounded like an acknowledgment of a girlfriend waiting at home for Ash. She started to get to her feet again, but Ash placed a hand on her shoulder and shook her head.
“Don’t get up. I’m pretty sure I can find my own way out.”
“It was good to see you again, Ash.”
“You too. But I’m sure we’ll be running into each other since you’re here for the World Series.”
“Hey, Ash?” Jordan got to her feet and took a couple steps toward her.
“Yeah?” Ash looked hopeful as she turned to face her once again.
“Did you ever have the baby you were trying for?”
“No. No, I didn’t.” The hopeful look was replaced by a sadness that caused an ache in Jordan’s chest.
“I’m sorry,” Jordan said, taking a couple more steps in Ash’s direction. The need to hold her was hard to ignore. Ash turned away, but Jordan stopped her. “One more thing.”
“What, Stryker?” She turned back once more and looked frustrated. Jordan smiled because she could still annoy Ash. That had to count for something, right?
“Happy birthday,” Jordan said. The smile she got in return was so painfully beautiful it almost melted Jordan’s heart.
“Thank you, but how can you possibly remember when my birthday is?”
“Because it has to do with you. I remember everything about you.”
Jordan felt rooted to her spot and was helpless to move, even if she’d wanted to. Ash closed the distance between them and didn’t stop until she was mere inches away from her.
“You always were more perceptive than anyone I’ve known,” Ash said before touching Jordan’s cheek with the backs of her fingers. She shook her head and smiled.
“When I care about someone I make it a point to pay attention to the little things,” Jordan said, her voice barely above a whisper. Ash moved her hand to the back of Jordan’s neck and pulled her close enough so she could feel her breath on her lips. Jordan sucked in a breath and shook her head.
“Is this a bad idea?” Ash asked, her eyes focusing on Jordan’s mouth.
“Yes, it is,” Jordan said. She willed her body to move away, but it refused to listen. “I won’t be the other woman again, Ash. I can’t be.”
Ash didn’t move either, and Jordan felt light-headed as her blood rushed through her veins. Afte
r a few moments of staring into each other’s eyes, Ash finally pressed her lips to Jordan’s.
Jordan heard herself whimper and was embarrassed, but she put her hands on Ash’s hips and pulled their bodies together. She tried to deepen the kiss, but as soon as her tongue caressed Ash’s lips, Ash pulled back.
“Good-bye, Jordan,” she said. “It was good to see you again.”
She watched in stunned silence as Ash walked out the door. That certainly sounded like a final good-bye. Like a good-bye because I’ll never see you again type of good-bye. When the door latched, she felt her heart breaking all over again.
Chapter Six
Ash hurried down the hall toward the elevators, worrying that if she didn’t, she’d end up going right back to Jordan’s room. Back to her arms. God, it had felt good to kiss her again. But she wasn’t even sure where it had all come from. It had to be because she remembered her birthday, something everyone else in her life seemed to forget this year. Seriously? They hadn’t seen each other in fifteen years, and she’s going to remember when her birthday is?
When the elevator arrived, she pushed the button for the casino floor and leaned against the back wall, her eyes closed. She knew she should have corrected Jordan’s wrong assumption about a girlfriend waiting at home for her, but what would it have accomplished? It was better if she thought Ash was involved because there’d be no pressure should they run into each other again. Jordan looked good. There was no denying it. But it worried her she had a cane. Obviously, she didn’t need it all the time, because she didn’t have it earlier in the casino.
Muscle spasms, she’d said. Ash wasn’t buying it. Granted, she didn’t know much about muscle spasms, but she would have expected Jordan to tense when one hit. She didn’t. She seemed to simply be in constant pain.
“It doesn’t matter, Noble,” she muttered under her breath. “It’s not your problem.”
But she couldn’t help thinking it was her problem. She’d broken Jordan’s heart before and she regretted it. Regretted it almost immediately, truth be told. She’d been scared to death when she realized she was falling in love with her. The only thing she could think to do was end things with her. The crushed look in Jordan’s eyes that day haunted her for years afterward.
But Jordan had known all along Ash was married, and Ash told her up front she wasn’t going to leave her husband. Was it her fault Jordan had fallen in love with her too?
If she could do it all over again, she would have left Kevin then instead of staying with him for nine more years. Letting Jordan go and staying with Kevin in a loveless marriage was the hardest thing Ashley had ever done. Yet at the same time, it was the easiest, because it was what everyone expected of her. She was supposed to be married and have kids. It was what her mother had drilled into her head since the day she was born. She’d never given so much as a thought to whether or not she might be gay. Not until Jordan came barreling into her life.
Jordan had awakened her to who she really was, and seeing her in the casino made her want to make things right between them. She knew they couldn’t go back, but maybe they could at least be friends. She did her best to hold on to that thought as she drove herself home, knowing she wanted so much more than friendship from Jordan Stryker.
*
Jordan picked up the phone and called Mark, even as she mentally kicked herself for not getting Tara’s room number. Winning at poker always turned her on, and she thought she was going to be able to scratch that itch with Tara. Ashley showing up kind of changed all that, but she was still feeling like she needed to let off some steam. After three rings, Mark answered.
“Hello?”
“Mark, it’s Jordan Stryker in room fourteen twelve.”
“Well, hello, Jordan Stryker. I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon. I’m guessing you want to go out on the town?”
“Yeah,” she said, her eyes closed. He gave her the name and address for a couple of different places and told her which one had the better lesbian clientele. When they hung up she took a quick shower and headed out, opting for a cab ride instead of trying to drive her car through town. Besides, if she decided to drink, she wouldn’t want to drive anyway.
The music was loud and she could feel the bass deep in her chest even before walking into the club. She made her way to the bar and ordered a soda before turning and looking at the crowd. It was mostly men, but there were plenty of women as well. It was hard to tell if they were coupled up or single, so she decided to have a seat and observe for a bit. She was about to order another soda when she felt a hand on her shoulder.
“Would you like to dance?”
She smiled but shook her head and pointed to her cane. “Sorry, but I don’t dance.”
“Then do you mind if I sit here?”
“Be my guest.” Jordan looked around the bar in an attempt not to look at the woman sitting next to her. She was stunning. When the woman placed a hand on her thigh, Jordan felt it between her legs. She turned her head to look at her.
“Most of the women here are so young,” she said, leaning close to Jordan in order to be heard. “Too young.”
Jordan nodded in response, not really knowing what to say, and not wanting to yell over the music. She noticed as she got older how the crowds in the bars got younger. It seemed a natural form of progression, yet this woman who looked to be at least Jordan’s age sounded surprised at the revelation.
“Can I buy you a drink?”
“Ginger ale,” Jordan said, raising her glass with a wry smile. The music stopped abruptly and a man with a microphone came on stage to announce the drag show beginning in a few minutes. Jordan turned toward the woman and held her hand out. “Jordan.”
“Alyssa,” she replied with a quick pump of her hand and a smile. “So, Jordan, if you don’t drink, and you don’t dance, what the hell are you doing in a dance club?”
“Atmosphere,” she answered as she looked around the bar. “There’s nothing like a gay bar if you want atmosphere.”
“True,” Alyssa agreed with a nod. She motioned for the bartender to bring them another round before leaning back against the bar and studying Jordan. Jordan fought not to squirm under the scrutiny. “You aren’t a goody-two-shoes, are you?”
Jordan laughed a little too loudly, and she was aware of people looking at them since the music stopped and wasn’t drowning out conversation any longer.
“Hardly. Just not a drinker.” Jordan didn’t tell her it was from fear of early onset dementia like her mother had. That particular fear wasn’t something she’d ever revealed to anyone. Not even Matt. “Are you a tourist, or a local?”
“Tourist. I leave Saturday to return to Seattle. How about you?”
“Tourist,” Jordan said. “I’m here from Philadelphia.”
Jordan met her gaze and felt something unspoken pass between them. There was no worry about Alyssa wanting more than a good time, she was certain of it. Alyssa leaned closer to her with a grin.
“Your hotel or mine?”
Jordan started to decline the offer, but wasn’t that her whole reason for being in the club in the first place? She downed her ginger ale and set the glass on the bar before standing with a smile of her own.
“Yours. I know it’s got to be closer than mine since my hotel isn’t even on the strip.”
Chapter Seven
Jordan blinked her eyes and shook her head to clear away the cobwebs before sitting up and looking at the bedside clock. It was four in the morning. At best, she’d been out for two hours. She looked down at Alyssa sleeping soundly next to her, the sheet around her waist exposing her breasts. Jordan knew she should leave, but she couldn’t resist. She placed a finger lightly on Alyssa’s breast before moving it across her nipple.
Alyssa stirred in her sleep and moaned softly, her lips parted. Jordan leaned down and kissed her on the forehead before getting out of the bed and searching for her clothes.
“Don’t go,” Alyssa said quietly.
“I
have to.”
“Why?”
Why? Because she couldn’t stop thinking about Ash. Jordan was sure that response wouldn’t go over well. She pulled her underwear on and sat on the bed to pull on her socks.
“I just have to.”
“You have a girlfriend back in Philly? So what? I have a girlfriend too, but you know what? She isn’t here. You are. Please come back to bed. I’ll feed you breakfast when we get up, and then we never have to see each other again.”
Jordan shook her head and sighed. If she’d known Alyssa had a girlfriend she never would have come back to her room with her. Jordan tried to stand when she felt Alyssa moving behind her, but Alyssa’s arms went around her waist and pulled her back against her body. She tried to ignore the growing arousal when Alyssa’s lips found her ear.
“Please?” she whispered, and Jordan gasped when Alyssa’s hand slid inside her underwear. She let her head fall back against Alyssa’s shoulder, exposing her throat. “Do you really have to go?”
Jordan shook her head in response before she allowed Alyssa to push her onto her back. She was certain she was going to hate herself for it later, but she let Alyssa straddle her, because all she wanted to do was close her eyes and try like hell to convince herself it was Ash on top of her.
*
Five hours later, Jordan found herself in line at the Starbucks located inside the Rio. Alyssa’s idea of breakfast was a banana and a granola bar with orange juice to wash it down. Who the hell didn’t have coffee with their breakfast? She didn’t trust a woman who didn’t drink coffee. Her plan for the day was to shower, sleep for about ten hours, and then hit the poker tables again. She was pulling money out of her pocket when a voice from behind startled her.
“Fancy meeting you here.” Ash’s smile faltered when Jordan turned to face her. “You look like hell, Jordan.”
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