“Why, Miss Noble, you certainly know how to compliment a girl, don’t you?”
“I’m sorry, but did you get any sleep at all last night?”
Jordan found herself at a crossroads. Did she want Ash to know she’d spent the night with a woman she’d just met? Especially after Ash found Tara in her room the night before, and it wasn’t Tara she been with. She knew holding out any hope of a rekindling of their previous relationship was futile since Ash hadn’t denied there was a girlfriend in her life. Not only that, but Jordan didn’t want to get involved with anyone, did she? That imaginary line she drew for herself began to blur when Ash was in her hotel room. All she knew was she didn’t want Ash to think she slept around.
“It’s not a difficult question, Jordan. A simple yes or no would suffice. Did you get any sleep last night?”
“Smart ass.” Jordan tried to hide a grin before turning serious. “No. A ghost from my past showed up at my door last night, and the emotions seeing her again brought to the surface made it a little difficult to sleep.”
It wasn’t really a lie. As exhausted as she was after a couple of hours with Alyssa, sleep eluded her. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get Ash’s face out of her head. And having Ash there only led to memories of how good the sex had been between them. Poor Alyssa thought it was her causing Jordan to wake her again and again. When she’d tried to leave at four a.m., it was as much because she felt bad for using her as it was that she’d felt compelled to be alone to clear her head.
“I shouldn’t have come to your room last night. I’m sorry.” Ash looked like she wanted to bolt, but Jordan smiled to try to ease the tension between them.
“Not your fault, Ash. Honestly, I never expected to see you again. Having you show up out of nowhere kind of threw me for a loop.” Jordan turned to place her order and didn’t face Ash again until she’d gotten her bag containing a muffin, and her coffee. She was a little surprised to find her still standing there when she turned to leave the counter. “It is nice to see you again.”
“Please,” Ash said as she placed a hand on Jordan’s arm. “Find a table and wait for me?”
Jordan nodded numbly and turned to locate a table inside the busy restaurant. She got lucky and saw a couple leaving. Her heart was racing so fast she wasn’t sure she’d be able to eat the muffin she’d wanted so badly just ten minutes earlier. Once Ash finally joined her, Jordan found she couldn’t look at her. Her biggest fear was that Ash would reject her—again. A thought she knew was crazy.
“Jordan?” Ash asked in a concerned voice.
The noise in the restaurant, so overwhelmingly loud only moments ago, seemed to become nothing more than background noise. Ash’s attention was on Jordan’s hand resting on the table. There was a slight tremor Ash noticed. She wondered if it was nerves, or if it had something to do with whatever was wrong with Jordan. Without thinking, she reached across the table and covered the hand with her own. She smiled when Jordan finally looked at her.
“What’s wrong? Why did you leave the bureau?” Ash watched the emotions cross Jordan’s face. She had the distinct feeling Jordan didn’t even realize how easy she was to read. The hurt she understood. Ash knew it was her that had put that emotion there. The anger was understandable too. But the fear she saw before Jordan pulled away and began peeling the wrapper of her muffin was what scared her the most. “I know you told me you have muscle spasms, but that doesn’t explain the tremor I just saw in your hand.”
“Nerves,” Jordan answered quickly. “You make me nervous.”
“Bullshit,” Ash said with conviction. “You were never nervous around me. Maybe if you had been…”
Ash let her voice trail off and felt like kicking herself. She just concentrated on unwrapping her own food and hoped Jordan would simply let it go. But of course she didn’t. Jordan seemed incapable of letting anything go. Her FBI colleagues, while they’d been working a serial killer case together, jokingly referred to her as a dog with a bone.
“What?”
“What?” Ash shrugged as if she didn’t know what Jordan was talking about. Jordan dropped her muffin and wiped her hands on a napkin.
“You said maybe if I had been nervous around you…” She paused and waited, causing Ash to squirm slightly. “What?”
What could she possibly say in response? If you’d been nervous around me maybe I would have known it meant something to you? That I wasn’t just a notch on your proverbial bedpost? In reality, Ash didn’t know either of those things to be true. At least not now, what seemed to be a lifetime later. At the time, Jordan bared her soul to Ash, something Ash knew was difficult for her. But it scared her senseless. How could she possibly leave the life she’d known forever to be with a woman?
If I’d only known then what I know now…
“Nothing. Just let it go.”
The look on Jordan’s face let Ash know she would do as she asked, but only for now. Jordan wasn’t one to completely let things go. Especially when it came to Ashley. Not then, and apparently not now.
“You must work a brutal schedule if you were here last night and have to be back again this early,” Jordan said before picking up her muffin again. “Your girlfriend must be very understanding if you spend your off time here too.”
“I’m off today.” Ash rested her forearms against the table and hung her head. This was stupid. Asking Jordan to join her at a show in the casino had seemed like a good idea before she’d left the house that morning, but now it seemed foolish. She couldn’t figure out in her mind how to ask without it sounding like she wanted a date. And she needed to tell her she was single. Because no matter how hard she tried to convince herself otherwise, she did want this to be a date.
“Do you live in the hotel? Because that’s the only reason I can think of for you to be here on your day off.”
“No, I have a house in Henderson. Listen, Jordan, I let you believe I have a girlfriend. I should have told you the truth right away, but it seemed easier to just let it go. I’m single.” She waited for a response, but Jordan was silent. She met Jordan’s eyes and knew she just had to do it. Like pulling off a bandage. “I have tickets to a show tonight. You’re welcome to come with me if you’d like.”
Jordan smiled. It was the same damn smile Ash had told her did strange things to her belly. Ash looked away and closed her eyes against the onslaught of memories. How could that smile still affect her the same way?
“I would love to.”
“You didn’t even ask what show it is.”
“It doesn’t matter.” Jordan’s voice dropped an octave, and Ash was sure everyone in the restaurant could pick up on the nuance of what she was saying. “It never did with you, don’t you know that?”
“Don’t, Jordan.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t read something more into it than there is.”
“Am I?” Jordan wasn’t sure if she was or not. The prospect of a date with Ash was as scary as it was exciting. “Because it sounds like you’re asking me on a date.”
“Not a date. We’re just two old friends going to a show together.”
“Okay, you can tell yourself that.” Jordan nodded before popping a piece of her muffin into her mouth. She wondered briefly why it was so damn easy to flirt with Ash after so much time had passed. It really did seem to be the natural way for them to interact. Whether anything ever came of it or not. “What time should I meet you?”
“I’m not sure when I’ll get here, so how about I just come to your room?”
“Sure.” It certainly sounded like a date to Jordan.
Chapter Eight
“You asked her out on a date?”
“No, Oz, I’m pretty sure I specifically told her, and you, it is not a date,” Ash said, holding the phone to her ear with her shoulder as she searched through her closet for something to wear. Despite her insistence on their evening only being about two friends catching a show together, it did feel like a date. But
Ash didn’t date. Dating meant you wanted to see the person again, and she hadn’t done that since…“Jordan,” she muttered under her breath.
“What? I didn’t catch the last thing you said,” Oz told her.
“I was just talking to Trixie.”
“She doesn’t talk back to you, does she?”
“Very funny.”
“What happened to avoiding Jordan at all costs?”
“Well, it might have been possible had I not had to go in the cage last night while she was at the window.” Ash tossed aside the only dress she owned. She had nothing against dresses, as long as they were on someone else. She only had this one because she lost a bet with Oz three years earlier. It was a pool game, and the loser had to wear a dress to work the next day. She had wanted so badly to beat him. That being said, it was the only time she’d ever lost to him at pool.
“So you just decided to hell with it and asked her out.” Oz chuckled, and Ash could picture him shaking his head and trying not to laugh out loud. It did sound ridiculous when he said it.
“God, I’m so stupid,” Ash said as she sat on the edge of the bed and Trixie sat on her lap. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Maybe she could call and cancel. Or just not show up. No, she needed to put on her big girl panties and follow through on the evening. When the show was over, Jordan would go back to her room and Ash would go home. Simple.
“I do. I saw her this afternoon when they called her name for an open seat at one of the poker tables. Have I ever told you you have exquisite taste in women?”
“More than once, yes. I figured you were just jealous.”
“Oh, I am, trust me. Maybe I should let you find dates for me from now on.”
“The women I’d find wouldn’t be interested in you, Oz. I rarely even look at straight women anymore.”
“That’s a shame, because I’ve seen more than a few looking at you.”
“I’m hanging up now,” she said. She pushed the cat off her lap and ignored the indignant look Trixie gave her.
“Wait,” Oz said. “I’m curious about something. Why does she use a cane?”
“I don’t know. I asked her, but she just brushed it off.”
“Then it’s probably something serious. I had an uncle who said it was nothing, and three months later he was dead. Cancer. Make her tell you what’s really going on, Ash.”
They hung up after a couple more minutes of small talk, but Ash couldn’t get what he’d said out of her mind. Cancer? Was it possible? No, she looked too healthy. But did that really mean anything at all? Most people looked healthy until they started chemo, right?
“Fuck, Noble, you’re going to drive yourself crazy.” She did her best to shut everything out and concentrate on getting herself ready for her date that was definitely not a date.
*
Jordan was dismayed when her pulse quickened at the knock on her door. She stopped in front of the full-length mirror on the bathroom door and smoothed her hands down the front of the green blouse that made her eyes stand out. She smiled at her reflection and took a deep breath before turning and pulling the door open. What she saw made her heart skip a beat.
Ashley’s dark blond hair was down around her shoulders, and her eyes seemed even more blue than Jordan recalled them being. The simple black and white pantsuit was obviously tailored to fit Ash and highlighted every curve Jordan’s hands remembered so well. Her fingers twitched as she fought to not place her hands on Ash’s hips and pull her close.
“Are you okay?” Ash asked. “You look a little strange.”
“Fine,” Jordan answered with a terse nod. She stepped aside and motioned for Ash to enter. Ash looked at her watch and then back down the hall toward the elevator before finally meeting Jordan’s eyes.
“We should probably go.”
“What time does the show start?”
“Seven thirty.”
“Ash, it’s not even six yet. Come in. I promise I won’t bite.”
Ash looked uncomfortable but entered the room. Jordan shut the door and followed her into the main seating area.
“I thought we might want to grab something to eat beforehand.” Ash sat on the couch and proceeded to look everywhere in the room except at Jordan. “You can’t always get a table right away in these restaurants.”
“Then we’ll order room service.” Jordan stared at her for a moment but walked across the room to get the menu when Ash still refused to meet her eyes. “What do you feel like having?”
“It’s too expensive, Jordan.”
“I didn’t ask you to pay.” Jordan took a seat on the couch next to her and opened the menu. “I figured I was paying my own way, which reminds me. How much do I owe you for the ticket to the show?”
“Nothing,” Ash said, her tone indicating Jordan had hurt her feelings by asking. “I get tickets to one of the shows each month. They were free.”
“Cool.”
“Did you really think I would make you pay for it?”
“I honestly didn’t know. It’s been a long time since I’ve spent an evening out with someone who was just a friend. This is foreign territory to me.” Jordan looked at her, but Ash was picking at a loose thread on the arm of the couch. “Why are you so damned nervous?”
“I’m worried you think this is a date.”
“You’re worried I think it is, or you’re worried you think it is?” Jordan watched her intently as Ash closed her eyes and swallowed audibly. Interesting, Jordan thought to herself. Maybe Ash wants it to be a date after all. But it can’t be. Not with my medical condition. Jordan decided a change in topic was in order when it became apparent Ash wasn’t going to respond. “How about the prime rib? Is it any good?”
“It’s excellent,” Ash said, finally turning to look at her.
When their eyes met, Jordan had the sensation of the room spinning, and she found it difficult to breathe. It felt as though the past fifteen years never happened. She knew it would be so easy to wrap her arms around Ash and pull her close.
“Prime rib for two, then,” Jordan managed to say without her voice trembling like her hands were. When she turned away to grab the phone, she was finally able to breathe again. She ordered their dinners and a bottle of Shiraz to go along with it. When she was done she tossed the menu onto the coffee table and fell back into the cushions, her eyes closed.
“Are you all right?”
“I am,” Jordan answered as she placed her hands under her thighs. “I hope it was okay with you that I ordered wine.”
“It’s perfect. I’m surprised you remembered Shiraz is my favorite.”
“I told you last night, I remember more than I should about you.”
Ash held her breath for a moment, bracing herself for when she’d come undone when their eyes met again. But Jordan didn’t move. Just watching her like this caused a swarm of butterflies in Ash’s stomach. No one else—no one —had ever caused that sensation. Not before Jordan, and certainly not after. She was surprised to find Jordan still had the same effect on her after all this time.
“I’m sorry, I think I just made things awkward, didn’t I?” Jordan asked as she sat up straighter. Her hands were still under her thighs. Did she really think Ash hadn’t noticed the way they were shaking? “And you came here last night to apologize for something, but I didn’t let you do it. Feel free to do so now.”
“You said last night I didn’t need to apologize.”
“I did.” Jordan nodded and smiled at her. “But it occurred to me you might have had a speech all planned out. If you did, I want to hear it.”
“No speech,” Ash said. “Just a way to hopefully explain why I did what I did.”
“Go ahead. The food won’t be here for another twenty minutes, at least.”
Ash sighed and leaned forward, her forearms resting on her thighs. She’d known the night before it wasn’t going to be easy, but Jordan had let her off the hook. Now she didn’t even know where to begin.
“You scared the hell out of me when you told me you loved me,” Ash finally said, avoiding looking anywhere near Jordan.
“So you dumping me was my own fault?”
“No, I’m not saying that. Kevin would have killed you if he’d found out we were sleeping together.”
“Then you dumped me to protect me.”
“Jesus, Jordan. This sounded so much better in my head, mainly because you weren’t interjecting your own commentary every other sentence.” Ash stood and went to the windows overlooking the strip. She crossed her arms over her chest and closed her eyes. “You weren’t supposed to fall in love with me. You knew my situation before we even kissed for the first time.”
“You’re right. I did,” Jordan said. Ash didn’t turn around when she heard Jordan stand and go to the minibar. A few seconds later, Jordan was at her side, handing her a glass of what looked like bourbon. “And as much as I tried not to fall in love with you, I’m sorry to say I didn’t have any control over the situation.”
Ash took the glass and downed most of it in one swallow. She let the burn of the alcohol suffuse her body before finishing what was left. She finally looked at Jordan and thought she saw longing in her eyes. Or maybe she was just seeing what she was hoping to see.
“Apparently, I didn’t either.”
Jordan looked out the window and sighed. Ash wanted to throw her arms around her and kiss her senseless, but she didn’t. Even if Jordan responded, Ash sensed there was a barrier between them that wouldn’t easily be brought down. Her heart ached for what might have been if she’d followed her heart fifteen years earlier.
Chapter Nine
Jordan woke the next morning with Ashley on her mind. Their evening had gone well once the dinner arrived. They didn’t talk any more of the past they shared, but instead caught each other up on bits of their lives. After the show, Ash walked her back to her room and they shared a lingering embrace and a chaste kiss on the cheek. The few seconds their bodies were pressed together had fueled Jordan’s dreams quite nicely. So much so that there was a persistent ache between her legs now.
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