“Oh, I assure you, you’ve already been thrown out not only from the Rio, but from most of the casinos in town because they’ll all have your name and photo in a matter of minutes,” Ash informed him with a smile. “I just thought you might like to cash in your chips so you have absolutely no reason to come back here.”
*
Jordan was too keyed up to just sit in her room watching television all night. She’d gone down to play poker in the afternoon but came back to her room a little after six. She couldn’t stop thinking about Ash. About the kiss. And about how she’d almost let her guard down and allowed things to go further than they should. She hated that she was so weak when it came to Ashley.
When had her life become such a fucked up mess? She didn’t have to think too hard to come up with an answer. It had been the day she’d walked into that LA precinct and first laid eyes on Ashley Noble. Well, Ashley Green back then. The fact Ash had a husband was a non-issue even though Jordan had sworn to stay away from straight women. Apparently, it had been a non-issue for Ash too, at least at the onset, because they’d only known each other a week before their affair started.
Four months later, they’d captured their serial killer and Jordan’s team was no longer needed in Los Angeles. At some point during their time together, Ash must have started to feel guilty because she’d mention Kevin every once in a while. And she’d be sure to reiterate how happily married they were.
The day before Jordan was scheduled to fly back to Portland they’d been in her hotel room. Naked and wrapped in Ash’s arms, thoroughly sated and relaxed, Jordan couldn’t hold back her feelings any longer. She uttered the three little words she’d never said to another woman before or since.
Ash had stiffened and stopped breathing for a moment or two, but she hadn’t freaked out like Jordan was worried she would. Ash simply told her in no uncertain terms the same thing she’d told her before the first time they’d slept together—that she wasn’t going to leave her husband. Oh, and that she thought it would be best if they never spoke to or saw each other again. Ever. Then she’d jumped out of bed and quickly dressed before hurrying out the door.
Jordan had had such a feeling of intense pain in her chest after the door closed, she’d been certain her heart was broken in two. She’d briefly thought about running after her, but what would that have accomplished? She’d told Ash after their first incredibly sensuous kiss that she could set the pace, and the rules, for their affair. Wasn’t this just another rule?
As much as Jordan hated it, she’d abided by Ash’s wishes. But that didn’t mean she forgot about her. In fact just the opposite. She tried once or twice to have relationships with women, but inevitably she’d compare them to Ash. And nobody could ever measure up. She’d had crushes on women in high school and after, but Ash had been her first real love. And if she were to be completely honest with herself, she’d never been totally convinced Ash hadn’t had feelings for her too.
She felt no satisfaction now that she’d been right.
Jordan jumped when her phone vibrated in her pocket. She pulled it out and saw it was Ash, but she set it down and let it go to voicemail. She’d called three other times since Jordan left her house that morning, and Jordan had ignored it every time. She hadn’t even listened to the messages she’d left. What would be the point? What happened that morning could never happen again. No matter how much Jordan wanted it to, she knew it would completely wreck her to have to leave Ash again.
She ran her hands through her hair before making her way into the bathroom. She pulled the auto-injector out of the small bag she used to carry her toiletries and slid in the syringe holding the medication she hoped would keep her out of a wheelchair for the next twenty years or so. She held her own gaze in the mirror as she put the injector against her thigh and pressed the button. She winced at the prick of the needle going into her skin, but at least this was just a sub-Q injection where the medicine went right under the skin. She didn’t think she could handle an injection into the muscle when she had to do it three times a week.
And she was thankful she didn’t suffer from the nausea and chills she’d experienced for the first few weeks of doing the injections. It had been so bad that more than once during those initial weeks she’d wished for death. It still happened once in a while, but with nowhere near the intensity it had in the beginning.
She dropped the used syringe into the small medical waste receptacle she’d brought in her suitcase before setting the auto-injector on the counter. She had to get out of there. Out of her room, out of the hotel, out of the building altogether. Knowing Ash was somewhere in the casino excited her while simultaneously making her nervous as hell.
A bite to eat and a couple of mindless hours playing video poker somewhere was suddenly sounding good to her. She intended to be back early though, because she had a tournament to play the next day.
Chapter Fifteen
“Come to the club with me, Ash. I’ll even buy the drinks.”
“Not tonight, but thanks for the offer,” Ash said to Jan as she gathered her things and got ready to knock off for the day. “I’m beat. I just want to head home and sleep until I have to come in tomorrow.”
“You know it’s not going to do you any good to sit at home waiting for her to call, right?” Jan slung her purse over her shoulder and held the door for Ash.
“Excuse me?” Ash had to speak louder now that they were on the casino floor. She was beginning to hate the sounds of all the slot machines making noise at once. It was always worse on the weekends, and this being Saturday night, it was almost deafening.
“How many times did you call her? Two? Three? I mean if she wanted to talk to you don’t you think she would have answered at some point?”
Ash shook her head and walked away before she had the chance to really go off on Jan. It was one thing to be a friend, but quite another to try to insert yourself into someone else’s personal life. As far as Ash was concerned, it was none of Jan’s business what she did with her time away from work.
“Hey, I’m sorry, all right?” Jan said when they walked into the employee parking garage. It was quieter there, so at least they didn’t have to yell in order to be heard. “I’m just worried about you. In all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you this out of sorts over a woman, or anything else, for that matter.”
“I’m fine, okay? I’m going to go home, shower, and then fall into bed where I intend to be asleep before my head even hits the pillow, if that’s at all possible outside of a novel.” Ash had no intention of telling Jan the reason she was so beat was because she hadn’t been able to sleep the night before knowing Jordan was downstairs on her couch. “I’m really okay.”
“All right. Just call if you need to talk about anything.” Jan pressed the button to unlock her car, but Ash never slowed down. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Yep,” Ash said as she pulled out her cell phone to see if Jordan had called and she’d somehow missed it. Nothing. She got in her car and debated with herself whether to call again. Five times in one day might be bordering on obsessive. Hell, four times might be, and she’d already hit that mark, so what was one more? And Jordan had said she’d call about getting together for a drink, right? She sat there for a good fifteen minutes debating with herself as to what she should do. She finally pressed the button then held the phone to her ear but didn’t start the car yet.
She was about to hang up after it rang five times, assuming it would just go to voicemail again, but then it was answered, and Ash could hear pulsating dance music playing in the background. She held the phone away from her ear for a moment.
“Yeah?”
“Jordan?” Ash asked. It sounded like her, but she’d never answered the phone that way before. “Is that you?”
“Who else would it be?” she asked, obviously trying very hard not to slur her words. She spoke very slowly and deliberately.
“Where are you?”
There
was silence from Jordan, and Ash could hear the music playing. She hoped Jordan was going outside where she could hear better, but it soon became apparent that wasn’t the case. The music wasn’t getting any quieter.
“Jordan, are you there?”
“Yes, I am. Who is this?”
“It’s Ashley.”
“Right! Ashley Noble. What a noble name you have.” Jordan began to laugh at her own joke, lame as it was.
“Jordan, where are you?” Ash couldn’t keep her voice from rising, hoping to get through to her by sheer force if nothing else.
“Good question. Let me ask someone.”
Ash sighed in exasperation as she listened to Jordan trying to get the bartender’s attention. Everything was muffled then and she apparently held the phone to some part of her body as she was conversing with someone.
“Slick!” Jordan shouted into her ear a moment later. “I’m told the name of this bar is Slick. That sounds a little erotic, doesn’t it?”
“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Don’t go anywhere.”
Ash disconnected the call and tossed the phone onto the passenger seat before setting off to her destination. Slick was where Jan was going. Ash knew if Jan set her sights on Jordan, she’d probably end up going home with her. Jan wouldn’t care if Jordan was drunk off her ass.
Fifteen minutes later, she walked into the bar and scanned the immediate area for Jordan. She finally saw her sitting at the bar about halfway down, and sure enough, Jan was right next to her, one hand low on Jordan’s back, as she leaned closer to speak directly into her ear. Ash decided to hang back for a minute and see what developed. She ordered a beer and stood back from the bar to drink it.
Ash watched with interest as Jan kept leaning in close and laughing, but Jordan kept pulling away from her, shaking her head at whatever Jan was saying. At one point Jan seemed to be getting a little too friendly and Ash saw Jordan reach down below the bar and push what she assumed to be Jan’s hand away from her body. After a few minutes, Jan stood and threw her hands in the air as if to say she was giving up. She grabbed her drink and stalked away, looking for her next victim.
Ash took a deep breath and silently cheered Jordan for apparently blowing Jan off. Even drunk she had good taste. She began to make her way over to Jordan and took the barstool Jan had vacated. Jordan was resting her head on her arms, but she obviously felt that someone had taken the seat next to her.
“Jesus H. Christ, why can’t you just take no for an answer?” Jordan didn’t lift her head to see who was there.
“I don’t remember you telling me no,” Ash said. Jordan didn’t move, but she jumped slightly at the sound of her voice.
“Ash, is that you?”
“Yes, it’s me. Did you drive here?”
“Taxi.” Jordan finally sat up, but Ash thought it might have been better for her if she hadn’t. She looked to be a little green around the gills.
“If she throws up on my bar you’ll be paying for the cleanup, Ash,” said Red, the head bartender. Ash looked at her and nodded. She’d earned the nickname because of the color she dyed her hair. Most days it was so red it was almost purple. “You know her? Because you usually don’t go for the ones who are already plastered.”
“I knew her when I was living in Los Angeles. She’s a friend. Does she have a tab I need to settle before I get her out of here?”
“Nope, she gave me her credit card. I’ll grab it for you.”
“Jordan,” Ash said, but she’d put her head down again. She put a hand on her shoulder and gently shook her. “Jordan, come on, we’re leaving.”
Nothing. Great, she was passed out. Red handed her the credit card, which she shoved into her pocket before grabbing Red’s arm to keep her from walking away.
“Can you help me get her to the car? I think she’s passed out.”
Red stood there for a moment, her hands on her hips as she studied Ash’s face. She shook her head and looked at Jordan.
“You can do better than this, Ash,” she said. “Hell, you do better most nights you come in here. I’ve never seen you leave with someone this wasted.”
“She really is a friend, Red, not a quick hookup,” Ash said. She resented having to defend herself to someone she hardly knew. Someone she only knew from coming into the bar. “Can you help me or not?”
Red shrugged and hollered down to the other bartender on duty to cover for her. She came under the bar and lifted Jordan in her arms as if she weighed nothing. Ash motioned for her to follow her outside. Once there, Ash stopped, remembering her car was parked a couple blocks away.
“I’ll get the car and be back in a couple of minutes.” Ash apologized and Red was muttering what she was sure were obscenities under her breath. Luckily, there was a bench on the sidewalk and Red set Jordan down to wait. “I’ll be right back.”
Ash took off running down the street, musing how she’d never noticed Red was so muscular before tonight. She’d tried to pick Ash up on more than one occasion, but Ash told her about her rule concerning locals. Besides, she was much too young for Ash at only twenty-five. Red was only the head bartender because her sister owned the place, not because she’d earned it by spending years doing the job.
When Ash pulled up to the curb in front of Slick, she saw Jordan trying to push Red away, but Red was trying to pick her up again to get her into Ash’s car. Ash jumped out and ran over to them.
“Jordan, she’s trying to help you, all right?” Ash said, gripping her jaw so she’d hold her head still and look at her. When she finally did, Jordan’s eyes softened and she nodded her head slightly. “Will you let her help?”
“Yeah,” Jordan said, sounding dejected. Red picked her up again and Ash hurried to open the passenger side door for her.
After Jordan was securely buckled in, Ash shut the door and turned to face Red.
“If she drinks like that all the time, I don’t want her in here again.”
“She usually doesn’t drink much at all,” Ash assured her. She couldn’t help but think this was her fault. Jordan had told her at dinner the night before she usually didn’t drink much because she was worried her mother’s dementia was caused by alcohol, and the last thing Jordan wanted was to end up like her mother. Had Ash pushed her over the edge by telling her she still loved her? Was it possible she was drinking herself into a stupor to try to forget Ash? She hoped not, but what else could have driven her to drink this much?
*
Jordan fell asleep on the drive back to the hotel, but by the time Ash pulled into the parking garage at the Rio, she was at least conscious again. Getting her up to her room would have been a nightmare had she still been passed out. As it was, they didn’t look too out of place walking to the elevator amongst all the other people who had been there all night drinking and gambling.
Ash didn’t try to engage her in conversation because the couple of things Jordan had said in the car were unintelligible. All she wanted to do was get her safely to her room and put her to bed. Then she was dragging her ass home to sleep.
She sat Jordan on the end of the bed and began looking through her things to find something for her to sleep in. She wasn’t having any luck though and finally closed the last drawer in frustration before raking a hand through her hair and turning toward Jordan.
“Pajamas?”
Jordan only shook her head and then closed her eyes as though doing so was a bad idea. Ash half expected her to fall onto her back, but instead she placed both hands firmly on the mattress and tried to stand.
“What are you doing?”
“Bathroom,” Jordan answered slowly, but with the way she was slurring her words it came out more like bafroo.
“Your pajamas are in the bathroom?” Ash asked and was given a very careful nod in response. “Do you need to pee?”
“No. Sleep.”
“All right, I’ll go get them. You wait right here.” She hurried into the other room and found a T-shirt hanging on the towel rack with a p
air of shorts. Since they were the only clothes she could see, she grabbed them and turned toward the mirror above the sinks. She almost dropped the clothes when she saw the medication sitting on the counter.
Interferon. She didn’t know brand names, but that word was prominent on the box, and she knew what it was for. Multiple sclerosis. She knew because it was what Maria injected three times a week. There was also one of those auto-injectors next to the box.
“Fuck,” she said under her breath as things suddenly made sense to her. Why Jordan had been uncomfortable around Maria. Why she sometimes walked with a cane. Why her only explanation as to why they couldn’t get together was it’s complicated.
“Ash,” Jordan called from the other room. Ash quickly tossed a towel over the medication. Obviously, Jordan didn’t want anyone to know about it, and it would probably be even worse if she knew Ash had stumbled across it accidentally. Hopefully, she was drunk enough she wouldn’t even think about it in the morning.
She plastered a smile on her face and exited the bathroom to find Jordan trying to make coffee. After tossing the clothes on the bed, Ash took her by the arm and had her sit on the couch. It was an awkward maneuver, and Jordan nearly succeeded in pulling Ash down on top of her.
“I want coffee.” Jordan pouted, sticking her bottom lip out.
“I’ll make it for you.” Ash placed the prepackaged filter in the machine as she talked. She needed any diversion she could get to keep from thinking about Jordan being sick. “You just relax, all right?”
Jordan only grunted in response. Once Ash had the coffee brewing, she looked toward the couch and saw Jordan was trying to stand but was having difficulty. She went to help, but Jordan waved her off impatiently.
“Cane,” she said. Ash looked around the room but didn’t see it anywhere. After a moment, Jordan sighed and pointed toward the closet. Once Jordan had it in her hand, she got up on her own, but Ash stood close by because she was unsteady on her feet. “Beer.”
Up The Ante Page 9
