“I thought you wanted coffee,” Ash said impatiently. She had a low tolerance for drunks. They were at best argumentative, and at worst violent. She’d dealt with more of them than she ever wanted to when she’d been a beat cop in LA.
“Right. Coffee. And food.” Jordan nodded. “And beer.”
Ash called room service and ordered a sandwich for Jordan. When she hung the phone up and turned to face Jordan, she sucked in a breath at the naked woman before her.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting ready for bed.” Jordan was still slurring her words and was obviously having trouble standing, but she was determined. Ash was sure Jordan would never remember any of this in the morning.
Ash knew she was staring, and on some level she was aware of the struggle Jordan was having getting her shorts on, but she felt as if she were frozen in place. Jordan looked even better now than she had when she was twenty-eight. How was that even possible?
“Help?” Jordan’s plea got Ash moving again. Jordan pulled her shorts up while Ash got the T-shirt ready to pull down over her head. When they were done Ash helped her to the table in the corner before getting her a cup of coffee.
Neither of them spoke. Jordan was obviously trying hard to concentrate on getting the coffee into her mouth rather than dumping it down the front of her shirt. Ash couldn’t stop thinking about the medication in the bathroom. She knew more about MS than she had before meeting Maria, but she still didn’t know nearly enough.
When Jordan finally finished eating her sandwich and drinking two cups of black coffee, Ash helped her get into bed and turned out the bedside lamp. She turned to go, but Jordan grabbed her wrist firmly.
“Stay.”
“I can’t, Jordan. I need to go home and get some sleep. I’ll check on you in the morning though. Make sure you’re up and ready for your tournament.”
“Shit, that’s tomorrow?”
“Afraid so.” Ash looked at the hand still gripping her wrist. For half a second she seriously considered taking her clothes off and crawling into the bed with Jordan. But she knew how stupid that would be. And how desperate it would make her look, taking advantage of Jordan while she was too drunk to seriously consent. Ash didn’t want her like that. If they were going to rekindle their relationship, Jordan needed to say she wanted her while actually being sober enough to know what she was saying. As she stood there contemplating what to do, the grip on her wrist slowly loosened until Jordan’s hand finally fell away and she was snoring softly.
Without giving too much thought to what she was doing, Ash took a pillow from the other side of the bed and curled up on the couch. She could sleep here just as easily as she could at home, because what if Jordan woke up in the middle of the night and needed something? And if she was being honest with herself, she didn’t want to leave her alone.
Chapter Sixteen
Jordan opened her eyes cautiously the next morning, not sure where she was or how she’d gotten there. Or who she was with. She half expected a warm body to be pressed against her, but she was alone. She breathed out a sigh of relief. It was always awkward to wake up with a woman and have to admit to her you didn’t remember her name. Thankfully, she’d been in her twenties the last time that happened—the last time she’d been so plastered.
She turned over and realized she was in her own hotel room. She sat up quickly and did her best to ignore the pounding in her head. How the hell had she gotten back to the hotel? The last thing she remembered was the bartender asking her where she was staying.
No, wait, she recalled Ash being there. Standing next to the bed. Or was that merely wishful thinking? When the headache finally subsided to a dull roar, she heard the shower running. This was not good.
“Damn it, Stryker, this is one of the reasons you don’t drink so fucking much anymore.” She got up and went to the bathroom door, hesitating only slightly before opening it and walking right in. It was her hotel room after all. She opened her mouth to say something but realized she didn’t have a clue what to say, so she shook her head and turned toward the sink. She gripped the edge of the counter and hung her head, but before she could focus on her embarrassment, she saw the box of her medication under a towel. A towel she was pretty sure she hadn’t put there.
She grabbed the box and put it in the drawer she should have put it in the night before when she was finished with it. But damn it, who knew she’d come back to her room drunk out of her mind, and apparently with company?
“Do you mind if I brush my teeth?” she asked, raising her voice to be heard over the shower.
“Go ahead.”
“Ash?” she asked, turning to face the shower. She heard Ash laugh at the surprise she knew was obvious in her tone.
“Who did you think I was?” Ash asked, pulling back the shower curtain just enough to stick her head out. Her expression turned dark. “Wait, don’t answer that.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I stayed the night.”
“You what?” Jordan felt lightheaded all of a sudden. A fuzzy memory of asking Ash to stay was tickling her brain. Had they slept together? She had on her T-shirt and shorts, which would indicate they hadn’t been intimate, but then again, she had absolutely no recall of getting out of her clothes and into these. She sat down hard on the toilet, thankful the cover was down. “Ash, did we…”
She couldn’t bring herself to ask. And evidently Ash was going to make her sweat it out because she didn’t answer right away. Instead, she finished her shower and reached out to grab a towel that she wrapped around her body before pulling back the curtain and stepping out.
“Did we what?” she asked, looking like she was enjoying Jordan’s discomfort a little too much. She grabbed another towel and started drying her hair but her gaze never left Jordan’s.
It was strangely intimate being in the bathroom with Ash as she finished her shower. They’d done it many times during their affair, but this somehow felt different to Jordan. Back then it had almost felt like a game, like they were playing at being a couple. This time it felt…real. Like this was exactly where she was supposed to be, and Ash was the one she was meant to be with.
But that just didn’t make sense. And it wasn’t possible. Jordan saw Ash look past her to where the box of medication had been. Jordan decided to not say anything about it. Ash already knew there was something wrong with her, but what were the chances she knew what the meds were for? Jordan really didn’t want to talk about it, and that was the main reason something between them just wasn’t possible.
She stood and took a step toward Ash, her eyes drawn to the flush on Ash’s neck and chest. She stopped when Ash shook her head and placed a hand firmly on her chest, right above Jordan’s breast.
“No, we didn’t sleep together. I spent the night on the couch because you asked me to stay and it seemed the safest option at the time. And if I’m reading that look in your eye correctly, don’t even think about it until you’ve brushed your teeth.”
Jordan smiled. And she felt a small part of her defenses weakening. Maybe if she told herself it was only for whatever time she was in Vegas, it wouldn’t hurt so much when she left. But right now, standing in the bathroom with Ash, she knew she was losing the fight to keep her distance. And she was tired of trying. She grabbed her toothbrush and met Ash’s eyes in the mirror.
“Would you order breakfast for us?” she asked.
“I already did. It should be here in a few minutes. Large pot of coffee and lots of toast.”
“I’m going to jump in the shower. You’ll still be here when I get out?”
“If you want me to be.”
“I do.”
Ash nodded and left the room with her clothes in hand. Jordan looked at herself and took a deep breath. This was a mistake, and deep down she knew it. But she never could say no to Ash. When Ash suggested the previous morning they just have fun together while Jordan was in town, Jordan knew she’d agree to it even as she told herself lea
ving her again would likely kill her. Yes, it was probably a mistake to play with this particular fire, but Jordan still loved Ash. The realization of that fact, while not completely out of the blue, still surprised her.
*
Ash didn’t take the time to think about why she’d agreed to stay. She quickly dried off and got dressed before the food arrived. She really wanted to go home and do some research on interferon and MS. Maybe she could talk to Maria, who would be able to give her more insight into the disease than any impersonal articles she might find on the Web could possibly provide.
She poured herself a cup of coffee and took it with her to the windows overlooking the strip. She didn’t often get to see the view from here, and it was much more impressive at night, but it was still incredible in the light of day. She hadn’t really taken the time to look at it the night before, but she hoped she’d be getting another opportunity soon.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Jordan asked.
Ash turned to look at her and noticed she was limping. Her gaze went to Jordan’s leg and she felt a lump forming in her throat. She hated what this disease had done to Maria, and she hated it even more for finding Jordan. When she raised her eyes back to Jordan’s face she felt her cheeks flush at having been caught staring.
“Yes, it is beautiful,” she answered, not knowing what else to say.
“I was talking about the view,” Jordan said, giving her a lopsided grin. She tossed the wet towel she was using to dry her hair onto the foot of the bed and walked to stand next to Ash. “Why did you leave the LAPD?”
Ash stared out the window because it was infinitely safer than looking at Jordan dressed in a purple polo shirt that fit like a glove. And the jean shorts that threatened to leave Ash’s mouth watering because of how they fit Jordan’s ass. She hadn’t told anyone the real reasons behind her leaving LA, but she knew she wouldn’t hesitate to tell Jordan. She took a deep breath and cleared her mind, wondering why Jordan hadn’t asked about that the other night.
“After you left, Kevin and I tried to have a baby, but it just wasn’t working. After a couple of years, we had some tests done and found out he had a low sperm count. There were methods he and the doctors wanted to try, but by then I knew in my heart I wasn’t happy with him. That I could never be happy with any man. I’d gotten to the point where I hated even the thought of having sex with him.”
“I ruined you.”
Ash looked at Jordan and smiled at the cocky grin she had. Ash nodded. Jordan had ruined her, but not only for Kevin.
“Yes, you did,” she said quietly. “Not just for men, but apparently for any other women as well. I had a couple affairs with female officers a few years after you, but nothing ever felt right to me. Nobody could measure up, and nobody could fill me with excitement like you could. Then he and his buddies started harassing me at work. They made it a living hell for me there. I didn’t really have a choice but to leave.”
Ash paused, half expecting Jordan to interject with some smartass response, but Jordan was staring out the window with what looked like sadness in her eyes. Ash waited, but Jordan refused to even look at her.
“If I could go back and change anything in my past, it would be to not panic when you told me you loved me.” Ash looked away when Jordan turned her head toward her. “I loved you too, but I was too terrified to admit it. Even to myself. I tried to call you once about three years after you left, but they told me you’d transferred to the East Coast. I took that as a sign I needed to just forget you and move on.”
“I wish you would have tried harder to get in touch with me.” Jordan’s voice sounded strained, and Ash worried for a moment she might cry.
“How different would our lives have been if I’d only admitted my feelings for you then?”
Ash watched helplessly as Jordan turned away and walked to the room service table to pour herself a cup of coffee.
“There are some things that would have happened no matter what, so playing that game is nonproductive,” Jordan said with her back to Ash.
Ash felt her heart constrict as it suddenly hit her—this was real. Jordan really had a potentially debilitating disease and it was keeping her from allowing Ash inside. She had to leave. No matter how flirty and suggestive they’d been in the bathroom earlier, it was obvious Jordan had shut herself off again.
“What time will you be done playing tonight?” Ash asked. She set her coffee cup on the table as she walked toward the door.
“I’m not sure. With the breaks, I’m thinking between midnight and one in the morning. If I make it through the day, that is.”
“When I get off, I’ll go to Starbucks and wait for you. If you don’t show up, I won’t bother you again.” Ash waited, but there was no response, and Jordan again refused to look at her. “Good luck today.”
Jordan closed her eyes when the door shut behind Ash and felt a tear run down her cheek. She wanted to scream. How the hell could she act like none of it mattered when all she wanted to do was kiss her? To tear Ash’s clothes off and make love to her? To spend the rest of her nights in Vegas wrapped in her arms? She put the coffee cup down before she lost control and hurled it against the wall.
How would their lives have been different if Ash had admitted to Jordan how she felt? They would have been together when Jordan received her diagnosis. Then what? Would she have stayed because she loved her, or because she felt she had to? And how was that choice any different from the one facing them now?
It wasn’t, she admitted reluctantly. But there was no way she was going to force Ash to make a decision like that. When her tournament was done for the day, she’d avoid Starbucks and come right back up to her room. Better to stay away from her than to give her the wrong idea.
That settled, she got more coffee and ate some toast in an attempt to squelch the lingering effects of the hangover she had. And the butterflies in her stomach, which she was certain had absolutely nothing to do with the upcoming poker tournament.
Chapter Seventeen
Jordan chose to spend her ninety-minute dinner break in the steak house located off the casino floor. She’d taken a seat at the bar and ordered a beer and a nice juicy rib eye cooked medium rare. They were through with six levels of the eleven they were to play on day one, and Jordan was sitting comfortable, up over twenty-five thousand dollars in chips. For the thousand dollar buy-in she’d had to pay, she got three thousand dollars in chips to play with, the same as everyone else.
She’d taken three players out on the first hand of the day. It amazed her how many people wanted to go all in right off the bat. It always seemed like there was at least one at every table. She’d had pocket aces, and there was no way she was going to let some idiot scare her off the bet. She’d taken a risk, sure, because there was never a guarantee pocket aces would hold up, but it was a calculated risk that had paid off. And those three people were out a grand each for about thirty seconds of play.
She was about to take her first bite of her mouthwatering steak when someone took the barstool next to her and bumped her elbow.
“Oh, my God, I’m so sorry!” the woman said as she placed a hand on Jordan’s forearm. Jordan put her fork down and turned in her seat.
“It’s okay,” she said with a smile. She noticed the woman was dressed in the same clothes Ash wore to work, and her nametag declared she was a Rio casino employee named Jan.
“You’re Jordan, right?”
“Do I know you?” Jordan’s heart rate sped up a bit. Jan didn’t look familiar to her.
“We met briefly at the bar last night. We chatted for a bit before you told me you couldn’t dance with me because you were in love with someone else.”
“I said that?”
“You did. Why? Is it not true?”
How the hell did she answer this question? Yes, it was true, but there was no future for her and Ash. But on the other hand, her libido seemed to have gone on a vacation of its own except where Ash was concerned. Here she was sitting clos
e—very close—to an incredibly attractive young woman, and there was nothing. She didn’t understand it.
“It is true, but I’m sorry to admit I don’t remember very much about last night. From what I understand, it wasn’t my finest hour.” Jordan thought maybe she did remember snippets of a conversation with this blond-haired blue-eyed beauty, but the meaning of it all remained just out of her reach. She looked away quickly when she recalled pushing Jan’s hand away from her crotch as said hand slowly moved up the inside of her thigh.
“If you change your mind, I’ll be there again tonight.”
“Thanks, but I don’t think so.”
“Are you sure?” Jordan stiffened when she felt Jan’s hand brush hers on top of the bar.
“Look, I may have been hammered last night, but apparently I knew what I was talking about. I’m not available, and I’m not interested, all right?”
“Fine. Sorry I bothered you.” Jan got up and walked away, and Jordan found herself looking over her shoulder at the way her hips swayed.
Absolutely nothing. She couldn’t understand it. Normally, when a woman came on to her, they made arrangements to hook up. It was alarming to think she might be losing her sex drive. No, that couldn’t be true, because her body had a very real reaction to Ash getting out of the shower that morning. She shook her head and concentrated on her dinner once again.
*
Jordan was up close to forty-five thousand at the end of the first day. She walked toward the elevators, intent on not even looking toward Starbucks, but then the strangest thing happened. Her feet stopped listening to the orders her brain was giving and she found herself walking toward the table where Ash was waiting for her.
“Hi,” Ash said, smiling shyly. “I didn’t think you’d come.”
“Neither did I, to be perfectly honest,” Jordan told her. She sat down without ordering anything and stared at her hands.
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