“How did you do today?”
“Good. It was a good day.” Jordan was so busy studying her hands she almost jumped out of her seat when the barista set a small cup in front of her. She shook her head and looked at the young woman. “I didn’t—”
“I ordered it,” Ash said as she dismissed the barista.
“You didn’t even think I’d show up.”
“I asked her to bring it over if she saw someone sit down at the table with me.”
Jordan nodded before removing the lid from the cup to let the coffee cool a bit. She had no desire to burn her lips, tongue, and mouth at this hour of the morning. Or any hour of any day, for that matter.
“Thank you,” she said after a moment.
“You’re welcome.”
“So, why are we here?” Jordan didn’t like her tone, but for some reason she resented the fact she was sitting there having a cup of coffee with Ash at nearly one o’clock in the morning. She should have been sleeping, resting for another full day of poker, not drinking coffee and sounding like she was pissed off at the world because of it.
“I said I wouldn’t bother you anymore if you didn’t show up,” Ash said. “But here you are, so maybe you should be telling me why we’re here.”
“I didn’t intend to come here,” Jordan said with a firm shake of her head. “I was going to go straight up to my room and go to bed.”
“You don’t sound happy that you’re here.”
“Damn it, I’m not.” Jordan pushed the cup away from her but pulled her hand back quickly when the coffee spilled over and burned her hand. Ash jumped up and hurried to the counter to grab a handful of napkins. Jordan mumbled a thanks as she took them from her and held them to her hand.
“Then why are you here, since you’re making it painfully obvious you don’t want to be.” Ash settled in her chair again and met Jordan’s eyes.
“Because you want another fling with me, and despite the fact that you ripped my heart out and stomped all over it fifteen years ago, I can’t seem to say no to you.”
“But you want to say no?”
“Yes,” Jordan answered quickly, but then she shook her head. “No. I don’t know what I want. You are the only woman I’ve ever met who has the ability to completely wreck me.”
Ash was silent. She didn’t know what to say. She had no intention of pushing Jordan into doing anything. But the way they’d been yesterday morning at her house convinced her Jordan did want her. She had a suspicion the biggest reason Jordan was holding back was because of the MS. Ash had promised herself she would let Jordan be the one to bring it up, so she took a deep breath and set her empty cup aside.
“I didn’t force you to come here tonight, Jordan, and for the record, I don’t want a fling with you. We were good together, and I know we could be again. I only suggested a fling because of your complicated situation for whatever reason you refuse to talk to me about. I just want you so much I would agree to a fling if it was all you were willing to offer.” Ash stood and pushed her chair in. “I’m not trying to be overly aggressive, so I’m going home now. You have my number. But remember this—you’re the one who suggested we take Maria to the Grand Canyon on Friday, so don’t you dare back out on that.”
“I’ll be there. Don’t worry about it.”
Ash stared at her for a moment before nodding once and walking away. She was in her car before she finally allowed the ache in her chest to consume her. She knew she had no right to expect Jordan to forgive her for breaking her heart, but that didn’t make it hurt any less when Jordan rejected her.
She let the tears fall until they finally stopped on their own before she turned the key in the ignition. When she’d arrived home that morning she’d fallen into bed and slept until it was time to get ready for work. Tonight she planned to do some online research about multiple sclerosis and interferon.
Chapter Eighteen
Ash stayed up until after four in the morning searching the Internet for anything she could find pertaining to MS. She’d visited so many websites and followed so many links, she couldn’t remember what information she’d gotten from where. And for God’s sake, who knew there were so many different forms of MS? But the general consensus seemed to be that the disease affected everyone differently—no two people had the exact same symptoms. And interferon had been proven to be successful in slowing the progression of MS.
She woke up to the sound of Trixie purring in her ear and she looked at the clock with a groan. Eight thirty. She tried to go back to sleep, but her mind wouldn’t stop thinking about Jordan. It bothered her Jordan had been so angry the night before. The Jordan she knew was always happy and took everything in stride. But one of the myriad symptoms she’d discovered had been irritability. Who could blame her though? Ash would be angry as hell if she found out she had a disease like MS. No doubt it had to take its toll.
After finally admitting to herself she wasn’t going to be able to sleep any longer, she got up and showered. She fed Trixie before eating a bowl of cereal and deciding today would be as good a day as any to talk to Maria. She quickly washed her breakfast dishes before grabbing the phone and dialing.
“Hello,” Maria said after answering on the second ring.
“Good morning. I didn’t wake you, did I?”
“Are you kidding?” Maria laughed. “I can’t remember the last time I slept past seven. You, on the other hand, rarely get up before noon. What’s wrong?”
“I was wondering if I could come over and pick your brain about MS.”
“Okay.” Maria dragged the word out. “Come on over.”
“Thanks,” Ash said. She hung up and grabbed her house keys before hurrying next door.
Once settled in at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of her, Ash wasn’t even sure where to start. She ran a finger absently around the rim of her mug and tried to gather her thoughts.
“Why the sudden interest in MS?” Marie asked after a few moments of rather awkward silence.
“No reason,” she lied. “I just realized I don’t know much about it.”
“Bullshit.” Maria laughed. “Is this about Jordan?”
“What? No, it has nothing to do with her.”
“Double bullshit. MS isn’t something most people just suddenly decide they want to learn more about. There’s usually a reason for wanting information.”
Ash thought about lying again, but Maria was right. She hadn’t wanted to bring up Jordan’s name because she knew Jordan wouldn’t want anyone to know. Hell, she hadn’t even told Ash yet. It seemed like an invasion of her privacy. But she knew Maria well enough to know she wouldn’t say anything about this to anyone, especially Jordan.
“I hadn’t seen her in fifteen years before this past week. She has a cane she doesn’t use all the time, but it’s obvious she has trouble walking and getting up from a seated position sometimes. I’ve asked her about it, but she says it’s muscle spasms.”
“And from this you’ve concluded she has MS?”
“No, in fact, it never even crossed my mind. Not until the other day when I saw a box of interferon and an auto-injector on her bathroom counter.” Ash saw Maria’s expression change from skepticism to concern in a heartbeat. “I know it’s what you take. Is there anything else that drug is used for?”
“Not that I know of,” Maria said with a shake of her head. “You know, she probably wasn’t lying to you when she said it was muscle spasms. It is a symptom, and it’s one of the reasons I have to use the wheelchair. Does she know you saw the medication?”
“I don’t know. Neither one of us has said anything about it. She did put it away in a drawer as soon as she realized it was sitting out though, so I would have to assume she suspects I saw it. But I doubt she realizes I know what it’s used for.” Ash sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know if I should bring it up or wait until she does. But then again, I’m worried she won’t.”
“She needs to be the one to tell you, honey,” Maria
said as she reached across the table and placed a hand on Ash’s forearm. “How long were you two having your affair?”
“Just over three months. Kevin was working undercover so he was never home. It made it rather easy for me to go to Jordan’s hotel whenever I wanted with little risk of ever getting caught.” But it hadn’t stopped her feelings of guilt for cheating on him. He’d deserved better.
“She fell in love with you?” Maria asked and Ash nodded her response. “And you loved her too, right?”
“Sometime during those months I found myself falling in love, yes,” she answered. “And it scared the hell out of me.”
“Do you still love her?”
“Yes,” Ash said without hesitation. “I told her that the other night. I can see in the way she looks at me she still has feelings for me, but she refuses let me in.”
“Maybe because you broke her heart? But you think it’s because of the MS.” A statement, not a question, but Ash nodded. “It makes sense. When someone is diagnosed, it has a tendency to derail your life. My guess is she doesn’t know what to expect in the future, so she wants to keep everyone at arm’s length. Trust me, if I’d met Lance after my diagnosis, I would have done the same thing. Luckily, we were already married and he told me in no uncertain terms he wasn’t going anywhere. I really hit the jackpot when I found him.”
“Does everyone who has MS end up in a wheelchair?” Ash looked down at her coffee as she spoke the words, finally putting voice to the thing that frightened her the most about it.
“No. There are different forms of the disease, and everyone is affected by it differently. There’s a woman in my support group who’s in a wheelchair and can’t do a thing for herself. She can’t feed herself, and she can’t speak words so anyone can understand her. She was diagnosed fifteen years ago. Then there’s a woman who sees the same neurologist I do who’s had it for twenty years and she does fine with a cane. I think that’s the scariest thing about MS. You never know what it’s going to do to you.” Maria leaned back in her chair and gave her a weak smile. “Unfortunately there’s no cure for it, so the best any of us can do is take the interferon and hope it does what it’s supposed to do. If I hadn’t been taking it all along, I might have been where I am now seven or eight years ago.”
Ash nodded. Maria was telling her pretty much the same things she’d read on the Internet the night before. It made her feel better hearing it from someone she knew though. It wasn’t going to be easy, but she would wait for Jordan to bring it up. Or maybe it would be easy since she’d decided she was going to stay away from her. Ash had put her heart on the line, and what happened next was up to Jordan.
*
Jordan felt out of sorts all day. She managed to make it through the tournament and had a solid lead over most of the remaining players going into the third and final day of play. She’d expected to see Ash at some point during the day, but she never did. She checked her phone numerous times, but there were no texts, and no missed calls. She’d thought about calling her during the dinner break, but ultimately decided not to. It worried her to realize she longed to hear Ash’s voice. It had only been a few days, but she missed knowing she would see her at some point.
She shook her head as she left the poker room and headed for the elevators. At the last second she veered off and walked into Starbucks, hoping maybe Ash would be there again, waiting for her.
She wasn’t, and Jordan felt her heart drop.
“Hello again,” came a voice from behind her. She turned to see Jan smiling.
“Hi,” Jordan said as she walked past, headed for the elevators again. She stopped abruptly and faced her again. Jan worked here. Probably with Ash, if the way she was dressed both now and the previous night was any indication. She couldn’t help herself. “Is Ashley Noble working today?”
“Today as in Tuesday, or today as in Monday?”
Jordan pulled her phone out of her pocket and saw it was after midnight. “Either. Both. Is she here?”
“She got off at twelve. She’ll be back at three thirty this afternoon.” Jan smiled, but it wasn’t seductive as it had been before. Jordan breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe she’d finally gotten the message that she wasn’t interested. “Should I tell her you were asking about her?”
“No,” she answered quickly. “I’m sure I’ll run into her sometime.”
Jordan walked as quickly as she could to the elevators. She fought the urge to call Ash when she got to her room and instead took a quick shower before falling into bed. She fell asleep with images of Ash running through her mind.
Chapter Nineteen
Jordan’s heart was pounding. She readjusted the Phillies baseball hat she was wearing and felt the sweat under the band. She was one of only four players left at the final table, but she didn’t have the most chips. Not that it really mattered since Paul, the player who did have the most chips, was playing recklessly. It seemed to Jordan he was desperate and just trying to get the other three to fold so he could take the blinds every hand.
Jordan hadn’t had a good enough hand to feel comfortable calling his bet, but this hand was looking better. She had ace queen suited. Paul pushed his entire stack in without hesitation. The other two players folded, but Jordan didn’t do anything right away. She looked at her cards again as if she were trying to decide what to do. She shook her head and acted like she was going to fold, but then changed her mind.
“What the hell?” she said with a shrug before pushing her chips in. If she lost, she’d be done. If she won, she’d be over two million in chips. Unfortunately, Paul’s stack was bigger than hers, so he’d still be in it no matter what the outcome of this hand was.
Paul smiled, looking confident as he turned his cards over. King queen offsuit. The smile faded when Jordan revealed her cards. She stood and stretched her back as she waited for the dealer to reveal the flop.
The flop was good to Jordan. Two queens and a ten. The turn was a king, giving Paul a full boat, queens over kings. The only card that could win it for Jordan was an ace. She closed her eyes for the river. Paul’s shouted expletive told Jordan all she needed to know. She opened her eyes and saw an ace on the table.
She smiled as the dealer pushed the chips in her direction, the first show of any emotion from her in the entire tournament. She started to believe she had a real shot at winning this thing. Almost eighteen hundred people had entered the tourney, and she was one of only four left. Maybe three, because Paul was looking even more desperate now. He had a million in chips left, but Jordan had a feeling he was going to do something stupid. Anxiety wasn’t an emotion that would serve you well at the poker table.
Just as Jordan thought, Paul went all in on the next hand and lost. She took a deep breath and tried to calm her nerves. She looked around the room, noticing the spectator area had thinned out a bit. She’d been watching for Ash, but hadn’t seen her in the room at all yesterday or today. She shook her head and turned her focus to the table. Hoping Ash would show up was going to cost her this tournament and its three hundred thousand dollar grand prize. She needed to get her head in the game.
The next hand saw another player eliminated. It was down to her and a guy named Chris. He met her eyes from across the table and nodded once. She returned the gesture.
“You’re good. Why haven’t I seen you before?” he asked while the dealer was shuffling the cards.
“This is my first big tourney,” she answered.
“Really,” he said, making it sound as though he thought she was full of shit. “You play Internet poker?”
“Some.” She shrugged. She really hated talking while she was playing. Up until now, Chris had been quiet. Why was he being so chatty now? He was probably trying to throw her off her game. “Good luck.”
“You too.”
Thankfully, he shut up when the hole cards were dealt. He had the first big blind and Jordan’s cards were shit. She folded. He did the same on the next hand. They had twelve consecutive hands where
neither of them bid past the blind. Then Jordan finally got cards worth taking a risk on. Pocket kings. She raised before the flop and Chris looked at her warily. He probably thought she was tired of the cat-and-mouse game and was finally trying to get something going. He thought she was bluffing.
After the flop Jordan checked. The cards were ten jack queen, all hearts. Jordan had the king of hearts in her hand. She concentrated hard on controlling her breathing because she really didn’t want to give away how good her hand was. The ace of hearts would give her a royal flush. The nine would give her a straight flush. Any other heart would give her a king high flush. The first two possibilities were impossible to beat.
Chris bet big, but didn’t go all in, which told Jordan he probably didn’t have anything better than a pair based solely on how he’d bet previous hands. He could have a flush, which at this point could be devastating to her. She doubted it though, so she went all in. He took a long time contemplating whether he should call her bet. He stared at her for a few minutes, trying to read anything he could from her facial expressions. She kept neutral and leaned back in her chair like she was bored waiting for him to decide.
He finally pushed all his chips in, which was a shorter stack than her own, meaning if she won the hand, she’d win the tournament. If she lost the hand, she’d be down a considerable amount. He flipped his cards over to reveal pocket queens, giving him three of a kind. Jordan needed a heart—any heart—or an ace in order to pull it out. They were both standing, Chris with his hands behind his head and Jordan gripping the back of her chair thinking heart heart heart.
The turn was a three of clubs, which didn’t help either of them. Jordan waited, sweat rolling down her back, for the river. She decided instead of watching the dealer reveal the river card, she would watch Chris. His reaction would tell her everything she needed to know about whether she’d won or lost.
When the card was dealt, Chris dropped his arms to his side and hung his head in obvious disbelief. “Damn it!”
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