Jordan glanced down and saw the four of hearts on the table. She smiled to herself and waved to the crowd as they cheered her victory. She was careful not to celebrate her win too much because all it would do is show the other players she liked to rub it in. If she did that, they’d be gunning for her next time.
“Great game, Stryker,” Chris said as he extended a hand.
“Thanks, you too,” she said, gripping his hand briefly.
“Congratulations,” the dealer said as he stood and left the table.
“Can I buy you a drink?” Chris asked. Jordan studied his face, trying to see if he was trying to pick her up, but she didn’t get that vibe from him.
“Sure,” she said with a nod. She scanned the room to see if Ash had slipped in sometime during the final hands, but she wasn’t there. Jordan sighed. It surprised her to realize how much she wanted to celebrate this win with her.
*
“Did you hear?” Oz asked as he walked into Ash’s office.
It was a little after eight in the evening, and Ash was surprised to see him. He’d worked that morning, and it wasn’t like him to hang around after his shift. She dropped her pen and decided she could finish paperwork later. Oz obviously had something to tell her.
“Did I hear what?”
“Jordan Stryker won the no-limit hold ’em tournament.” Oz smiled, obviously pleased with himself because he knew something she didn’t.
“That’s great.” Ash tried not to sound too excited about it, but it was a big deal. There was a lot of money in those tournaments. She forced herself to not grab her cell phone and call to congratulate her. At this point it was up to Jordan to make the next move.
“Really? That’s great ? That’s all you can say?”
“What do you want me to say, Oz?” Ash sighed and looked down at her paperwork.
“What’s going on? I thought you two were working on being friends with possible benefits. Has something changed you haven’t told me about?”
“Believe it or not, I don’t tell you everything.”
“Yes, you do,” he said with a grin. “Because I’m the best straight male friend you have. And you do better with women than I do, which is why you so enjoy telling me everything.”
“To rub it in?” Ash laughed as he gave her an exaggerated nod.
“Exactly. So tell me what happened.”
Ash stared at him for a moment, wondering if she should tell him, while at the same time knowing she would sooner or later. So why not do it now and get it out of the way? He’d never judged her, and perhaps he’d have some insight she was lacking.
“I told her I loved her.”
“Then or now?”
“Now. Fuck, Oz, I think I scared her away.”
“Bullshit. She said she loved you, right? That’s why you ended it with her?” Ash nodded her response. “So I doubt you saying it now would scare her away. Something else has to be going on.”
“I think it has to do with why she uses a cane.”
“Did you ask her about it?”
“She won’t give me a straight answer.” Ash held her hands up to indicate she had no idea where to go with Jordan. There was no way she was going to tell him about the MS. She knew he wouldn’t say anything to anyone about it, but she’d already told Maria, and she didn’t feel right telling more people. “But I think it’s something serious and she’s trying to protect me from it.”
“Maybe she’s trying to protect herself,” he said.
“How so?”
“Perhaps it is something serious, and when she’s told people in the past they’ve dumped her. I can only imagine the fear she might have at being rejected by you again, especially if she’s still in love with you.”
It wasn’t like Ash hadn’t considered the possibility, but hearing someone else put voice to that particular worry made it seem even more likely. But the crux of the problem remained. How could she get Jordan to trust her with the news of the MS, and what would she have to do to make Jordan believe she wouldn’t reject her again?
Chapter Twenty
By Thursday night Jordan still hadn’t run into Ash, nor had she given in and called her. She knew she’d have to call to find out what time they were leaving for the Grand Canyon in the morning, but on some level she was dreading talking to her. She waited until almost ten o’clock to call, telling herself it was so there would be no excuse for them to get together that night. In reality, she’d wanted to call earlier and invite her to dinner. Not being with Ash was starting to hurt even more than it had when she’d left LA.
“Hey, Jordan,” Ash said when she answered the phone.
“Hi. I’m calling to find out when I should be at your place in the morning. We’re still going to the Grand Canyon, right?”
“Yeah. I’d like to leave as early as possible,” Ash said. “Can you be here at six?”
“Jesus, are you trying to kill me?”
“Not a morning person?” Ash laughed and Jordan felt the warmth of it in her gut.
“Not in the least. Especially after being up until after midnight almost every night this week,” Jordan said. It felt good to be able to talk to Ash without it being awkward. It occurred to her she hadn’t spoken to Ash since the tournament ended. “I won, by the way.”
“I know. I saw the list,” Ash said, her voice getting softer. “I wanted to congratulate you, but I said I wouldn’t call.”
“You could have.”
“So could you.”
“I was afraid to.” Jordan closed her eyes, not believing she’d just said those words out loud. On the other hand, it was true, so why not tell her?
“Afraid of me?” Ash sounded genuinely surprised.
“Afraid of me ,” Jordan answered after a moment. “Afraid of the things you make me feel. Things I swore I’d never feel again. For anyone.”
“You don’t have to be afraid.”
“Yes, I do.” Jordan ran a hand through her hair and fell back onto the bed. “Ash, I could so easily start things up with you again, but trust me when I say it would be a bad idea.”
“Why?”
Jordan thought about it for a minute. She seriously considered telling Ash about the MS, but what good would it do in the long run? Because no matter what, there could never be anything lasting between them. She didn’t want anyone’s pity. Pity was what she felt when her father was diagnosed with cancer. Pity was what she felt when her mother was diagnosed with dementia and put into a nursing home. Pity wasn’t something she ever wanted anyone to feel for her.
“What part of trust me didn’t you get?”
“I do trust you, Jordan. But trust goes both ways.”
“What do you mean?” Jordan sat up, her heart racing. She’d begun to think maybe Ash hadn’t seen the medication on the counter the morning she was there, but her words made her wonder. She’d have said something, wouldn’t she? The fact she wasn’t answering right away caused Jordan’s defenses to go up. “Ash, what do you mean?”
“Nothing. I just want you to trust me too.”
“I do. I always have.” She was still worried, but Ash’s tone calmed her a little.
“Come over. If you stay here tonight I’ll make sure you’re up and ready to go by six.”
Jordan laughed, and she heard Ash doing the same on her end.
“I have a feeling if I stayed there tonight, we’d still be up at six tomorrow morning.”
“Now there’s a thought.”
“Good night, Ash. I’ll be there bright and early.”
“I’ll have a cup of coffee waiting for you.”
Ash hung up without saying good-bye. She hadn’t really expected Jordan to take her up on the offer, but she’d hoped for a moment she would. Maybe when they returned from the Grand Canyon tomorrow. Maria had already told her she was going to bail on them for dinner again so they could have some time alone to talk. She just hoped Jordan really could trust her enough to confide in her about her medical situation.
*
“Good morning, Sunshine,” Ash said when she answered the door the next morning.
“Fuck you,” Jordan said. Ash laughed at her, but Jordan just glared. “You said you’d have coffee.”
“It’s ready. Come on in.”
Jordan made it as far as the kitchen table before sitting down and holding her head in her hands. Ash nudged her with a cup before sitting across from her.
“You don’t have a hangover, do you?”
“No, smart-ass, I do not have a hangover.” Ash watched as she took a sip of the coffee and closed her eyes with an appreciative groan. “I’ll have you know I went to bed right after we hung up. I wish I could say I went right to sleep, but alas, I think I tossed and turned most of the night.”
Ash wanted to ask her why she couldn’t get to sleep, and to find out if it was the same reasons she had trouble sleeping. But before she could open her mouth, the front door crashed open and they heard Maria’s cheerful voice.
“Rise and shine! Up and at ’em, ladies!” A few seconds later, the wheelchair came through the doorway and Maria looked like she’d been up for hours.
“Are you kidding me?” Jordan asked Ash. “Is she always like this?”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“Come on, get a move on. It’s going to take me a while to hike to the bottom of the canyon and back, and I need to be home by eight. My mother called and said she’s coming for the weekend.”
Ash slapped Jordan on the back when Jordan choked on her coffee. Jordan looked at Maria then to Ash with a worried look on her face.
“She’s kidding, right?”
“Yes, she’s kidding.” Ash assured her, but she couldn’t resist a little more teasing. “She knows it would take two days to hike to the bottom and back out again.”
“What’s the matter, Jordan? You don’t like self-deprecating humor from the lady in the wheelchair?” Maria winked at Ash before rolling up to the table and grabbing Ash’s cup. “Too bad, because I can do this all day. By the way, I’m serious about having to be back by eight. Mom’s flight lands at seven thirty.”
“So you’re cancelling our dinner plans again?” Ash asked. She looked at Jordan to see her reaction and wasn’t disappointed at the small smile she tried to hide.
“Sorry.” She shrugged. “I’m sure you two can find something to do without me.”
The look Jordan gave her caused Ash to tremble slightly. She couldn’t describe it any other way than predatory. Yes, there was no doubt they could figure out something do to. And Ash was pretty sure she knew exactly what Jordan had in mind.
Chapter Twenty-one
“You seem a little uneasy around me, Jordan,” Maria said while Ash went inside to pay for gas. Jordan turned in the passenger seat as she shook her head and started to protest, but Maria held a hand up to stop her. “I’ve been in this chair long enough to know when someone is uncomfortable so don’t even try to deny it.”
Jordan couldn’t deny it. When she looked at Maria, all she could see was herself sometime in the future. It was not knowing when she’d end up there that scared her. She struggled to find something to say, because she did like Maria. Jordan didn’t want her to think she didn’t, but Maria saved her.
“Do you know anyone with MS?”
“Yeah,” she answered before she could stop herself.
“Is it someone close to you?”
“You could say that.” Jordan hoped the questions wouldn’t get any closer to the truth, so she decided to change the track they were on. “How long have you had it?”
“I was diagnosed fifteen years ago, but after learning more about it and what the symptoms are, I’m pretty sure I’ve had it all my adult life. How about you?”
“What?” Jordan forced a laugh and waved her off. “I don’t have it.”
“Really? Most women your age don’t need a cane to get around. And I’ve seen the tremors in your hands. And your feet fall asleep more than anyone I’ve ever known. Have you seen a doctor about it? Have you had any tests done to rule it out?”
Jordan was never so relieved to see Ash as she was then. She decided not answering Maria’s questions would be the simplest way out of the situation. She faced forward again as Ash got into the vehicle and fastened her seat belt. Jordan just hoped Maria wouldn’t press the issue, especially in front of Ash.
*
“My God, this is beautiful,” Maria said as they stood as close to the rim of the canyon as they could without feeling as though they’d fall over the edge. The awe in her voice was unmistakable, and Jordan found herself smiling. She loved coming here with someone who’d never seen it before. “It doesn’t look real. It looks like a painting. A massive, incredibly detailed painting.”
“It is amazing,” Ash said in agreement.
“I never get tired of it.” Jordan said. “I grew up in Phoenix, and when I was little my parents brought my brother and me here a couple of times a year. Most of my friends went to Disneyland or the beach, but we always came here. It was the only time I felt like we were a family. At home, my father was a Marine and was always working, most of the time deployed somewhere or other. And I don’t think my mother ever really wanted to have children. She spent as little time as possible with Matt and me.”
Jordan jumped slightly when she felt Ash’s hand slide into hers, their fingers intertwining as though they’d been doing it forever. She glanced at Ash and saw a sad smile. She squeezed Ash’s hand gently and was comforted when Ash returned the gesture.
“Are you close to your parents now?” Maria asked, never taking her eyes from the spectacle of nature before them.
“My father’s dead. My mother has dementia, so I guess in a way she doesn’t have children, except on the rare occasion when she actually remembers who we are.”
“I’m so sorry,” Ash said quietly.
“Do you visit her often?” Maria asked.
“No,” Jordan said. “My brother’s much better about that than I am. I went to see her for her birthday before I came to Vegas though. For the majority of my visit, she kept asking me who the hell I was thinking I could come into a stranger’s room and just sit by the bed.”
“That must be hard.” Maria finally turned her chair to face them and smiled when she saw them holding hands. Jordan tried to pull away, but Ash held tighter.
“Not really. I was never close to either of them, especially after I came out.”
“What do you say we get some lunch?” Ash asked, obviously sensing Jordan didn’t want to talk about her family anymore. “I could stand here looking at this all day, but I don’t want to starve.”
*
They spent the early afternoon trying to explore the village, but most of the time Maria urged them back to the rim where they would stand looking at the canyon in silence. Ash felt more relaxed than she had in years, and it felt undeniably good to be spending time with Jordan.
At three o’clock she gave the bad news they needed to get going if Maria wanted to be home in time for her mother’s arrival. After much grumbling about how she’d rather stay right where she was for the rest of her life, Maria finally gave in and allowed Ash to put her and the chair back into the SUV.
Jordan drove them home and Ash took the time to really examine her feelings for Jordan. She knew she loved her; there was no doubt in her mind about that. She assumed Jordan was afraid to get involved because of the MS, but what if there was a different reason? Ash wanted more from her than just a two-week fling, but would she be able to convince Jordan it was what they both wanted? Because she could see it in Jordan’s eyes when she looked at her, and it was obvious in the way they’d held hands throughout most of the day. She promised herself she’d do everything in her power over the next fourteen days to convince Jordan they belonged together.
Starting with tonight.
Ash glanced into the back seat and saw Maria was sound asleep. She placed her hand tentatively on Jordan’s thigh and breathed a sigh of relief when Jordan’s hand covered it.
“Will you have dinner with me tonight?” Ash asked.
“Yes,” Jordan answered. “Where would you like to go?”
“My place.”
Jordan looked at her for a moment before redirecting her gaze to the road in front of her. Ash could tell Jordan was nervous because it was the same look she’d given her the first night they’d slept together. Ash smiled and turned her hand palm up to lace their fingers together again.
“You really think that’s a good idea?”
“I think it’s the most brilliant idea I’ve had in forever.” Ash wished she didn’t have to have the seat belt on, because she wanted nothing more than to lie down with her head in Jordan’s lap. “There’s beef stew in the slow cooker, and I bought some garlic bread I just need to heat up. And a nice bottle of Chianti to go with it.”
“Are you trying to seduce me?” Jordan raised an eyebrow in question and Ash laughed softly so she wouldn’t wake Maria.
“That depends. Is it working?”
“I think it might be. Anything beef is my weakness.”
“I remember.” Ash turned her head to look out the window, resting her forehead there. Jordan centered her like no one else had ever been able to. She was inordinately happy that they could flirt like this after everything that happened between them. She never dreamed she’d even see her again, let alone feel this level of familiarity. She couldn’t stop the smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.
“Hey, wait a minute,” Jordan said suddenly. Ash looked at her, wondering what was wrong. “You said last week that you take Maria into town on Friday nights for dinner.”
“That’s right.”
“But you had to have had the stew already cooking before she got there and told you she had to cancel your dinner plans.” Jordan said, feigning hurt by placing a hand over her heart. “You already knew she wasn’t going to dinner with you, and this was your evil plan all along, wasn’t it?”
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