My dad lays his arm over my leg. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think you’d do that or even that he’d say no to you. Why would he do that? I thought you two were so happy?”
I tuck some hair behind my ears, but careful to not expose my concealed love bites to my father. “We were, but it’s my fault. I’ve been harping on him for two years about us getting married, especially the last six months or so, yet he told me from the start he doesn’t want to get married. He doesn’t believe in marriage. He’s been scarred several times by his parents’ divorces.”
“Oh. Well, I guess I can understand that. Divorce is rough. I know.”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean we’ll get divorced. I would never up and leave him.”
“Do you think anyone plans on getting divorced when they get married? It happens. I never thought your mother was going to ditch me. We were in love once. We had two kids together.” I brush hair off his forehead and give him a wistful smile. He says, “I wouldn’t change it, though. I wouldn’t have you or Jared. We made it through.”
“I don’t want to be without him, Dad. Even though he rejected me, I still love him and want us to still be together. My heart is aching, but thinking about not having him at all, is killing me.” I wipe the tears as my dad patiently waits for me to go on. “I just talked to him on the phone. He was begging me not to leave him. He sounded so desolate, saying he wanted to fix it and that he’ll give me anything I want.” I shake my head and glance at the trees in the yard. “I don’t want him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. I’m such a horrible girlfriend for pushing him anyway. Then I get mad when he turns me down, even though he’s told me time and time again he doesn’t want to get married. I’m so, so stupid!” I cry again and my dad reaches up to dry my tears.
“No, Hadley. You’re in love, but you don’t want the two of you to just live together. You’ve always wanted to marry your one, true love and have always believed your soulmate was somewhere out there. I remember your little-girl dreams.” He smiles and lovingly rubs my knee. “My little girl wants to be married to the love of her life and now that you’ve found him, you want to be Finn’s wife, not his girlfriend. You want to vow to each other before God and call him your husband. I understand, baby doll.” He shakes his head and sighs. “I told you to marry him and I know that’s what you want and I would love to walk you down the aisle,” I tremor again with sobs and he smiles remorsefully, “but if he’s honestly struggling with his feelings about divorce, he needs to work those issues out first. If he really loves you, but turned down your proposal, his issues are deeper than you even know.”
“I don’t want him to think that my love for him is stipulated on us getting married. I’ve been out here since this morning thinking about that. After he said no, I only thought of getting away from him and maybe letting him go, but I can’t. Even though I’m hurting right now, I knew this could be the outcome of my proposal. I told myself beforehand that I’ll still love him and stay with him, no matter what. I love him so much it hurts to be away and angry with him. I want Finn to be my husband, but I’m not going to force him to change. I’ll move in with him and maybe someday he’ll change his mind, but I’m not going to expect him to any longer.”
He sighs and says, “The only thing I can suggest is to be there for him. Don’t abandon Finn because that’ll only make him close himself off even more to people. Talk to him about it, but don’t push him to get married. Maybe try couples’ therapy. That may help him open up more and address his reservations.”
I raise a dubious eyebrow. “Who are you and where’s my dad?”
He chuckles and pats my leg. “I’ve learned a thing or two over the years.”
“Dr. Phil.” I remember Finn mentioning him to Ricky and my eyes tear up again.
“No, not Dr. Phil.” He teasingly frowns. “Dang.”
“Then why aren’t you married?”
He shrugs. “I haven’t found the right one yet.”
“Who wouldn’t want you? You’re such a catch.” I touch his scraggly cheek and he rolls his hazel eyes. Smiling at him, I then think about what he said. “I suspect Finn is a little scared, but maybe it’s more that he doesn’t want to marry me than he is scared. He makes a living being unafraid.”
“Are you really questioning his commitment to you? You did see him get a tattoo with your nickname on it, did you not, on TV, no less? That is pretty permanent and quite a declaration of his love for you. Only a drunk guy or one undeniably in love would do something like that. Finn seemed sober to me.”
I beam. “He did admit that he thinks of it like his wedding ring.”
My dad smiles back. “Even I knew that. Hadley, he’s crippling scared. Marriage is a huge deal, more so for him since divorce has affected him this significantly. I didn’t realize it had. He’s afraid of marrying you and then losing you to a divorce.”
“But he doesn’t want more? Sometimes he acts like he wants more from his career than he does for us.”
“Don’t doubt his love for you. He got that tattoo to substantiate it to you and a whole bunch of people. Not a lot of men will do that. He declared how much he’s yours. Marriage or not.”
Nodding, I dab my cheeks. “On the phone, I gave him an out. I told him to take the job he was offered in Baltimore so that I’m not anchoring him to Richmond.”
“Baltimore? He’d be about 45 minutes from here.”
“Yep.”
“You wouldn’t come up here with him?”
“I don’t want to hound him anymore about marriage. He deserves to be nag-free. I’m making him miserable.”
“What does Finn think about you not going with him?”
“He said he won’t go without me.” The tears build again as I mumble, “I’m holding him back.”
“Hadley, he loves you. I think he’ll be worse off without you than he is with you and you wanting to get married. Don’t leave Finn. Don’t do that to him. Go with him to Baltimore.”
“You just want me to live closer to you.”
He grins. “Maybe.” I giggle and he says, “Really. I want you to be happy. You and Finn won’t be happy apart. I see how you look at each other when I’m with you two. He looks at you like there’s not another woman on this planet for him. I haven’t seen a love like that in a long time.”
“You think he really loves me that much?”
“Yeah. I do. He’s a lovesick fool for my daughter. I knew it in the ER. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you. He was so concerned about you, too. He seemed like a truly nice guy. I mean, he was there with his sister because she was sick and he was worried about a woman he just met. When you were getting your cast on, he asked me for your phone number so he could check on you. Then as we were leaving, he looked worried that he’d never see you again. I saw Finn Wilder falling in love with my pumpkin pie.”
“That sounds sort of like what Simone said, too. I was a complete stranger, though. How could he love me that soon? I only talked to him for a short time since I was crying so much, and then I was taken back to get X-rays and a cast. And then, after I had my cast on, we only talked for a few minutes before we left. He said he’d check on me, but I didn’t believe him.”
He shrugs and gives me a small smile. “Love can bring strangers together in just one look. It’s pretty mysterious like that.”
“Did you and Mom have a love like that?”
He sighs. “No. That’s why I know what you have with him is so much more miraculous. Even if you’re not married, he’s still my son-in-law. I love that kid.”
I questioningly smirk. “Kid?”
“You’re both kids.” He puts his hand on his chest. “Look at me. I’m an old coot.”
I laugh and lean forward to push on his arm. “Shut up.”
He squeezes my knee. “So, you should go on home and work it out with Finn. Tell him to take the job and you’ll go with him. Maybe your boss can help you network to find another job. I’m also sure Finn will help you fin
d something with his connections. I’ll ask around, too.”
“So, you’ll understand if we’re not married?”
“Well, I’m sure it’ll happen, but yeah. I’m okay. I only want you to be happy and if just living together is enough for both of you and you are sincerely happy, then I want whatever you do. I want you to be loved. That’s all I want for you, and you have that with Finn. He takes care of you and that’s all that matters to me.”
I hug him, crying on his shoulder. “I love you, Dad. Thank you for talking to me. I knew you were the only one to help me through this.”
I feel him laugh. “Anytime, but try to visit me at a more reasonable hour, would you? I love seeing you, but 4:30 in the morning is a little extreme to visit your old man.” I giggle against his neck. “And next time, bring your other old man.”
I laugh and pull on a handful of his hair. “I will. Get a haircut first.”
“Yes, ma’am.” That makes me lightly punch his arm.
He pats my back. “Now get going so you can spend a little time with him to talk. Does he work later?”
I sit back and nod. “I’ll probably catch him as he gets off work.” I hug him again before I get up to go get my suitcase.
After stopping at my apartment to dump off my dirty clothes, I repack my suitcase until it’s stuffed. I’m moving in with Finn. I want him to see that. I find a box and start throwing some bathroom things into it that I’ll need for the week. I don’t know how much I should take with me since it looks like we’ll be moving to Baltimore. We’ll still need to talk, but I’m doing exactly what I said I would. I have to accept that he’s not going to marry me. For now, maybe. I just know that I can’t be without him. I knew it before I proposed, but I briefly forgot after he said no. We’re in this together, no matter what. We still have our obstacles, but we’ll be together. We’ll get past them. Therapy might be a good thing for him. He’s done it before, so it won’t be something entirely new. It might just bring us closer, too. Maybe I’ll even work through my own shit once and for all.
Shortly before sunset, I pull into Finn’s complex, and see his car. I’m now afraid he might be drinking. If he’s drunk, I’ll have to deal with it. It’s his way of coping, but he can’t keep doing it. He’s going to turn into an alcoholic, if he’s not considered one now. I don’t know how much he drinks when we’re apart. We won’t be anymore, though.
I try to hurriedly lift my suitcase out of my trunk, but like at my apartment, lifting it gives me a stabbing pain up through my stomach and into my ribs. I gasp and it tips over. Rubbing my stomach, I take a couple deep breaths until the pain subsides. That was dumb.
Picking it up, I wheel it over to the bottom of the porch steps and go back for the box, which is much lighter. I lock my car, stuff my keys into my pocket and take the box up to the door. Trying the handle, it’s unlocked so I slowly open it to not give him a heart attack at bursting through it. I look around the kitchen and living room. His jacket is on the chair, so he must be in the shower or watching TV in his room…or drinking in his room. Shit.
As I walk to the hall, I hear Finn’s voice, so I stop and listen. Is he on the phone? He’s not talking, though. It sounds like he’s…moaning. Oh, shit. Is he doing what I think he’s doing? I can’t just walk in on him. That would be mortifying for me and I’m sure he would be embarrassed for once in his life.
I glance around the hallway and decide to sneak back out to the living room when I hear him loudly growl, “Come on! Damn it!” I now hear his hard breathing, so I know he’s definitely busy. Shit! I’m so intruding. As I take a step away from the door, I hear, “Faster!” This is so awkward. I didn’t even know he talked to himself while doing this.
I hold onto the box as I quietly turn, but then I’m stopped again. His voice is a low, breathy whine, like he’s in pain. “Fuck, don’t leave me!”
Now I’m concerned. I anxiously swallow and slowly walk to his bedroom door. Tentatively, I take a peek, not sure what I’m going to see. Past the door, I see Finn lying on his bed, propped on his elbows, like at the hotel and before the kite festival. Is he hurt? I’m standing out here like an idiot! I take another step and that’s when the platinum blonde hair between his legs comes into view, and it’s not his magical blonde/brown I’m used to seeing there. His pants are down and there’s a woman crouched over his crotch, her head is erratically bobbing. Even though I’m frozen, I’m somehow able to walk further into the room.
I can only see what’s going on, but I can’t fathom what’s actually happening beyond what actually is. I feel like I’m reporting from a crime scene and I’m stating the facts. From this angle, I see it’s Cara. Her eyes are closed and she’s sucking on Finn Wilder’s penis.
My boyfriend. My dick. Our bed.
Holy fuck.
My stunned gaze slides up. Finn’s hands are clenched into fists, his arm muscles strained. His face is the most interesting part of all. His head is slack over the bed, eyes are tightly closed; his jaw is rigorously tense from gritting his teeth—despite the stress relief obviously going on—and his Adam’s apple looks like it’s a small boat battling a stormy sea as he brokenly moans.
Cara has Finn’s halfhearted erection in her mouth while he bucks his hips up to her face. Her lips are moving up and down his shaft while her tongue flicks over his tip, the very same tip that teases me. The same shaft that has given me endless orgasms. The same and only one I took into my own mouth for the first time ever. The same one he said was all mine and buried inside of me as he professed his undying love to me, how he can’t get enough of me, told me he was falling even more in love with me, and confessed to wanting to be my husband.
What’s happening? I blink as I watch. I want to grasp reality, but I can’t absorb in my brain what’s going on right in front of my face, other than what I just described.
Then suddenly, Finn growls again, “Come on!” and that snaps me to the now.
The box slips out of my hand and onto the floor in a loud crash as I hear a scream. I’m not sure whose scream it was. It didn’t sound like mine.
Finn’s eyes pop open and he raises his head as Cara flinches and falls to the floor. Finn’s gleaming dick is the only thing that looks uncaring that I’m in here.
“Oh, my God!” I despondently yell.
“Becks!” He scrambles as I spin around and run out of the apartment. It feels like slow-motion as I run down the hall, to the living room, yanking open the front door, flying over the porch and stumbling down the stairs.
I can hear him yelling from inside, “Becks!” My hands are shaking so terribly that I can’t get my keys out of my jean shorts pocket. I’m desperate. I look over to his car, but his keys aren’t in it. Yeah. I’d steal his fucking Mustang.
Fuck, I can’t stay here! Stomping and growling in frustration, I frantically keep trying to dig into my pocket, but I still can’t get my shaking hand into it. I urgently try my door handle again. Why in the hell did I lock it? Shit!
I frenziedly look to the landscaping for anything to break my window, just so I can at least unlock it and get in my car, but there’s nothing and I hear noise from within his apartment.
“Becks!” Finn gusts through the front door and runs out onto the porch. Turning away from my car, I run down the sidewalk, but my hands aren’t the only things that are shaking. My legs won’t let me run any further. I wobble and drop like a bag of laundry. Hearing his frantic footsteps, I push myself back up, but as I stand, he grabs my left arm and whirls me to face him.
His face is horrified, unlike five minutes ago. “What’re you doing here?”
“Get your hands off me!” I push and shove him with my free hand, but he won’t let go.
“I didn’t… Shit! I didn’t mean to let that happen!”
I tearfully choke, “You looked like you were enjoying yourself. How could you do that, Finn?”
“I didn’t want to!” His left hand agitatedly goes into his hair as he holds me with his right. �
��You said you were leaving me!”
I spit, “I’m sorry to disappoint you!”
“Becks!” I fight to escape as he tries to drag me to him. His button-down blue shirt is untucked and it’s covering his groin, thank God, but I can still imagine what’s underneath it.
“Don’t fucking touch me! Your dick is still hard and wet from that skank!”
“I’m so sorry!”
Remembering how he accused me of cheating on him, I seethe, “Did she make you come?”
He booms, “No!”
I jerk on my arm, but his clamp is strong on my wrist. I scathingly say, “I’m sorry I interrupted you then! Go back and finish!”
“Becks!” he practically whines.
“Did you at least fantasize it was me giving it to you?” Our phrase-stealing game isn’t so fun right now.
“I don’t want her! I just needed to not think about the pain, but I couldn’t! You’re all I was thinking about!”
“Right. Because I’ve given you so many blow jobs! If you were thinking of me, you wouldn’t have done that! My mouth wasn’t the one sucking you off!” I darkly laugh. “And you know you’re starved for a blow job since I lack in that area of expertise! All you were thinking about was getting off and coming into that whore’s mouth!” I gasp at the sudden image I see of them together, and swiftly twist from him, violently gagging, but nothing comes up. I almost fall over from the effort, but he swoops to pick me up.
Finn leans down to me and raptly says, “That’s not what I was thinking about. I imagined it was you. I only used her.”
Incited even more, I straighten and punch his stomach, but it only manages to hurt my hand. “Damn you!” I shriek as I unexpectedly break free from him and run to my car, but he again stops me before I get there, trapping my arms with his.
He pleads, “Don’t leave!”
“You think I’m really going to stay? I just caught you fucking Cara’s mouth! I can’t ever un-see that! You were cheating on me!” I cry and grab my stomach, trying to catch my breath as he holds my back to his chest.
Igniting the Wild Sparks Page 45
