His beard rubs against my temple as he calmly refutes, “I thought you were breaking up with me.”
“So you don’t even hesitate to invite her over for a fuck on our bed? Is that what you do? You fuck all your Finnatics there?” I thrash against him, but his hold is unrelenting.
“No!”
“Was I only one meaningless fuck in your menagerie of whores?” I jump up and twist, but he moves with me and keeps me tight to his body.
“Never!” His miserable tone switches to anger and he snarls, “You’re not my whore!”
I slam my head against his chest and wail, “I feel like one now! I’m just another pussy for you! Another notch!” As I sob at that revelation, I kick back at his legs, but he still doesn’t let go of me.
He barks, “Don’t fucking say that!”
“All you did was fuck me! You used me because I eagerly opened my legs for you whenever you snapped your fingers!”
Just like my nightmare.
“Never! I always make love to you!”
“Just like you make love to all those other obsessed Finnatics!”
“No! Only—”
“Don’t you lie to me!” I wail and punch down on his arms. He’s crushing my bruise, but the pain is actually welcomed compared to what my heart and soul are currently suffering through.
“It was a mistake!”
I stop struggling and ask, “How long has this been going on?” However, after what I just saw, I’m afraid of that answer.
“This was the only time.”
“How can I trust you? All you do is lie!”
“I swear to God this was it!”
“Once was enough!” I cry and kick him again. “Let me go!”
He lowly says, “I’m never letting you go.” I feel his hard swallow against my head before he yells, “You were throwing me away! You told me you didn’t want me anymore!”
“I never said that!” Squirming enough, I get my hand into my pocket, and shakily hit the buttons until the clicking of the doors unlocking and the headlights flash. Unexpectedly, Finn reaches down and swipes them out of my hand. He releases me and I angrily whirl around and try to snatch them from him.
He clutches them in his fist and shakes his head. Total desperation colors his face. “You’re not leaving, Becks.”
“You think I’m going to stay here with you, an unfaithful bastard, your cheating dick and your fucking whore?”
He throws his other hand at the apartment. “I’ll get rid of her!”
I lunge for my keys, but he moves his hand out of the way like we’re on a playground. “Are you fucking serious? Give me my keys!”
“You’re not going anywhere! We need to talk!”
“Talk? I’m not taking a number and sucking your dick next! Give me my keys!” I yell louder. I know we’re probably drawing an audience. Oh, God.
His face falls. “No. Please stay here.”
I cross my arms. “I want the truth. Would you have fucked her if she had climbed on top of you instead?”
Lifting his hands up, he puts them on top of his head. His eyes are disparaging as he whispers, “Not without a condom.”
Without thinking, I swiftly move and knee him hard in the balls and he involuntarily recoils. Groaning, his hands go to his crotch and he crashes to the ground next to my car, dropping my keys. I pick them up, hovering over him.
I yelp, “Damn it! I loved you, Finn Wilder!”
On his knees at my feet with his head bowed, he painfully wheezes, “I love you.”
“You have a funny way of showing it! I would say fuck you, but Cara already did that!” When he raises his head, I catch a glimpse of the key I gave him in the opened collar of his shirt. I sneer, “I see you wore the key to my heart as you shattered it.” He only makes a muffled, grunting sound as he clutches his Machiavellian dick. My broken heart excruciatingly constricts as my hand goes up to my own key. The one he gave me for my birthday and has the inscription:
The key to my Wilder heart
With a hard tug, I snap the chain from my neck and it slides down my chest with my hand. I then move to the ring he gave me for Easter.
Forever and always. Love, Finnigan
I yank it off my finger, holding it in my hand with my broken necklace. His expression is more horrified than when I kneed him, and I notice his eyes are wet. Did I knee him that hard?
“Why, Finn? Why did you betray me?” I sob.
He rasps, “I thought you were done with me. I wanted to numb the pain of you leaving.” Tears silently spill down onto his cheeks, but he doesn’t acknowledge them. Only I do.
“I wasn’t, but I am now. Here.” I throw the ring and the broken necklace at his chest. They bounce off and the ring rolls around aimlessly on the cement. “Let them keep your damn key company.”
“No!” He trounces after the ring to stop it from rolling down the storm drain. My hands fly up to my face as I weep from the pitiful sight.
The sound of an engine makes us both look. A white car pulls up behind Finn’s and my cars, and Cara runs out from the patio door. Already in an irrational, blind fury, I take off running after her, hearing Finn yelling behind me.
Surprising even myself, I scream, “You cock-sucking whore! He was mine, you fucking bitch!” Somewhat shocked at my unusual outburst, she slows and looks at me with wide eyes, but then she runs from me like greased lightning to the car. I hunt her down, but the driver honks their horn at me causing me to jump, giving Cara time to get closer to the door. I recover and chase her again, but am picked up from behind before I can reach her.
“Stop it!” Finn orders.
“Get your damn hands off of me!” I shriek. The car takes off as I kick and fight Finn.
“Let her go.”
“Let me go!”
He walks us to the grass and collapses us to the ground, holding me against him as we pant. He says, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Whimpering in agony, I cry, “I fucking loved you!”
He pulls me into his lap and I keep my back to him as I try to wriggle free. He fervently replies, “I love you! You didn’t want me anymore!”
Weeping, I shake my head and garble, “I did! I was coming here to move in with you!” I sobbingly shout. His body stiffens behind me and I wail, “How could you cheat on me? You were my Sparks!”
Finn sorrowfully howls, “I still am your Sparks! I always will be! I thought you were breaking up with me!”
I hunch forward and squeal, “I am now!”
“No!” He ruefully moans and shakes our bodies with his sobs. “Fuck! I’m such an asshole!” he wretchedly yells over my head.
I croak, “Cara? Why her? I thought you loved me!”
He tearfully proclaims between sniffs, “I do love you!”
“First, you tell me you won’t marry me and then you cheat on me! That’s not love!” I screech, kicking at his feet in frustration. “I was absolutely faithful to you! Always! I only wanted you! Fuck! Look where that got me!”
“I was faithful! I thought you kicked my ass to the curb!”
“Not until now,” I tearfully shake us. And like he had said to me at the tennis court, I fume, “You didn’t have faith in us! In me! But, I’m the one who should’ve been questioning your faith!” I sniff and wrack with more sobs. “You never wanted me!”
Finn pulls me closer against him, wrapping his arms, still gently, around my stomach. “I love you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted!” he ferociously claims before he dissolves into forlorn moans against the back of my head, throttling us both. He tenses his arms over me as I feel his tears rolling down my neck and soaking the other side of my T-shirt. Even in this time of upheaval and mayhem, I’m dumbstruck that Finn Wilder is actually soul-wrenchingly bawling...for me.
Shakily inhaling, he raises his left arm and drapes it across my chest, holding onto my shoulder, while resting his wet cheek against mine, and we cry, inconsolably rocking together on the grass in front of his apartmen
t. Temporarily forgetting my anger, I reach up and cling to his long-sleeved arm with both hands, drenching his shirt with my tears, and for the moment, I don’t fight him. I’m too exhausted and too resigned.
After an eternity, Finn disconsolately whispers, “I’m so sorry.” I feel his fast breath and heartbeat against my back, matching my own. As it becomes darker outside, our cries grow more silent. Lightly squeezing his fingers into my shoulder, he cautiously moves his other hand off me, tentatively brushing my hair from the side of my head. His lips brush my ear as he woefully confesses, “I’ve been trying to get you pregnant.”
Even though I surmised as much, it’s an enormous shock to still hear him admit to it, despite the other devastation I witnessed today. A few weeks ago, he didn’t want a baby with me.
His arms fall as I twirl around between his legs to face him. “Why are you telling me that now?” I ask, crying again and choking for air.
Tears stream anew from his puffy, red eyes. “Because right now, you could be pregnant with our child.”
“So?” I bite.
He takes a deep breath. “So…I want you to have our baby.”
“Why? You never wanted me to before! That’s what our big fight at Easter was about!”
Rolling his teeth over his lip, he whispers, “I changed my mind. I want to give you something you want.”
“Yeah, but it’s nothing you want!”
He blinks his tears, forcing them out of his eyes. “Yes, it is. I want a baby with you. I want to create a life from our love.”
I shove at his heart tattoo, jerking him. My tattoo. “You threw our love away, Finnigan!”
He struggles for words. “I didn’t… I thought…” He shakes his head and yells, “I thought you were leaving me! I never would’ve…” He looks to the ground as his shoulders heave.
“But you did! You couldn’t even wait for us to talk! You moved on like I was nothing!”
Peering up to me, he clenches his teeth and seethes, “Nothing? I wanted to fucking die!”
I derisively scowl. “So, squirting into that slut’s mouth makes life worth living?”
“No!”
“What happens the next time you’re sad? Do you pull your dick out because sex is the only thing that will make you feel better? You said you would’ve fucked her cunt if she spread her legs instead of her lips!”
“Whatever took the agony away from losing you!” Hiding his face behind his hand, he gaspingly cries.
“How was fucking her going to get rid of your pain? I don’t get it!”
He tearfully mumbles behind his hand, “I don’t know, but it didn’t. I was going to tell her to stop.”
“That’s a relief!” I sneer. Impetuously, I jump up to leave, but he’s faster and on his feet, dragging me back, and forcing me to face him.
“You can’t just leave me! You could be pregnant, Becks!” I’m gutted. Becks…
I recklessly haul off and punch him in the mouth. It’s a loud crack, which draws blood to his lip. I’ve never punched anyone in my life and the last person I thought I’d ever be punching is Finn Wilder.
Astonished with myself, I cover my mouth with my hands as I watch him shake his head and touch his lip before looking at me with blood and tears trickling. Backing away, I howl, “I’m sorry!” I then snarl, “Don’t ever call me that name again! You don’t have the right to call me that anymore! You’re my ex-boyfriend!”
“Don’t say that!”
“Why not? It’s true!” I rub the tears from my face and decide to go for lies. “I just started my period, lucky you! And if I were pregnant, it’d be like you: gone!” I wouldn’t do that. Now I’m the damned liar.
He grimaces and cries, “No!” Unexpectedly, he drops to his knees and yanks my hips to him. His face is at my stomach and he looks up. “You said you wouldn’t do that to me. To our baby.”
“But now, I don’t want anything to do with you anymore!” I hide my face so I can’t see his blood and tear-stained face because I desperately still want to love him with every piece of my mangled heart. What I’ve said so often will always be true: I will always love Finnigan Robert Wilder.
He shakes his head and digs his fingers into my hips. “I know you. You wouldn’t do that.”
“I thought I knew you!” I wail.
“You do! I made a fucking mistake! It wasn’t to hurt you! I thought you left me!” He pants and whines, “Please, forgive me! I’m begging you! Take me back! Don’t leave me!”
Sniffing, I mumble, “We’re done.” I push down on his hands, but his easily move up to my waist despite my effort.
He gulps as panic fills his teary eyes. “I love you. You’re my soulmate and I won’t live without you. Let’s go to Vegas tonight. Marry me, Hadley. Please. Please, be my wife.”
Two things painfully strike me. For one, he called me Hadley. And two, Finn Wilder just proposed to me. This time, I’m pretty sure he’s absolutely sincere and would follow through, anything to keep me from dumping him in front of a crowd.
Fuck. This is destroying me.
I tearfully shout, “You didn’t want me to be your wife!”
He ardently nods. “Yes, I did. I’ve always wanted to marry you.”
“But you didn’t!”
He sniffs as his tears drip from his jaw. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve proposed two and a half years ago. We would’ve been married already if it weren’t for my fucking stupidity.”
I doubtfully frown. “You can’t just change your mind that fast about a baby and marriage.”
“I didn’t think so, either, but I want to make you happy and I want to be happy with you.”
“That’s bullshit. You’re just desperate.”
“No, it’s not. I want us to get married. I’ve told you that over and over when you were sleeping. I meant it.”
I cross my arms and scoff, “You expect me to marry you with another woman’s lipstick on your cock?”
“Beck—” He stops and swallows with a wince.
I ask, “How can you even ask me to marry you after you just turned down my proposal?”
He snaps, “Because I’m a fucking moron!”
“I won’t disagree with you.” I try to move again, but he still refuses to let me go.
As he stares up at me, he quietly admits, “I was so fucking scared. That’s why I told you no. I didn’t want to lose you, Hadley.”
I choke, “Well, you did anyway.”
He bows his head and sobs, but he steadfastly keeps his tight grip around me. Raising his head, he breathlessly begs, “Please, forgive me! I love you!” His body heaves with his weeping, quaking me with him as he kneels at my feet. My tears fall into his hair, and I try to scour them away from my eyes, but they keep emerging.
“I hate you for what you did! I thought we were in love!” I wheeze, trying to catch my breath.
He rolls his head against my stomach. “I’m so sorry! We still have our love! I love you so damn much! Don’t do this to me!”
“Don’t do this to you? How can you say that to me after what I just caught you doing? You accused me of fucking Rod and here, you’re fucking Cara!”
He ruefully glances up at me. “I’m sorry! I didn’t plan on doing it!”
“Oh, but apparently when I was helping him with his sister, all I could think about was riding his dick.” I humorlessly giggle. “You’re absolutely right! I couldn’t get it out of my mind! You and I were having problems, so I thought, why not?” I sardonically lick my lips and say, “I couldn’t get sex out of my head, especially in a hospital room around all of those smells and sick people. The crying over a dying sister was also a turn-on.” I steal another one of his quotes, “Grief does a lot of shit to people, as you know.”
“Fuck,” he grumbles against me.
“I’m done here.” I shove his shoulders to move him, but suddenly he grabs my arms, yanking me down beneath him, pinning my wrists to the ground.
He suspends his body above mine,
his teardrops splashing onto my face as he cries. “Don’t leave me. I love you more than my own fucking life. I want to marry you. Now. Make me your husband tonight. I’m begging you to marry me, Hadley.”
As both of our tears run down the sides of my cheeks, I close my eyes and pray for strength to not tell him yes.
Since my eyes are closed, Finn unpredictably dives and kisses me. I want to turn my head away, but I don’t. I let him kiss me. His lips are so frantic for me to respond…and they do. I love him. Even now, I soul-crushingly love him. I can’t just turn it off. His bottom lip is swollen and sore from my punch, but he kisses me like it doesn’t bother him in the least. I can taste his tears and his blood, yet I don’t care, either.
He gingerly covers my body with his, bringing us closer together, still careful to not put much of his weight on me because of my stomach. I feel his heart pounding with mine. Our very public, ungainly kiss intensifies and his deceitful dick rouses against me, urgently, unlike how bored it appeared with Cara, yet it reminds me of what he did with her. However, even after he cheated on me, I still want to spread my legs for him. I’m no better than that whore.
Before I can end our kiss myself, headlights flood the grass, instantly stopping us. We look over to see a white and blue cruiser with flashing blue and red lights pulling up alongside us.
With the sudden bright lights, I can’t see who it is, but a familiar, “Oh, fuck,” is heard.
Relief and dread broadside me all at once. I weepily yell, “Ricky!”
He hurries to us. “Finn! What the hell are you doing? Get off of Hadley!”
Finn possessively hangs over me. He sniffs and shouts, “Fuck, Ricky! Leave us alone!”
“He cheated on me with Cara!” I cry, and as soon as I say that, the sight of them swirls in my head and I hysterically gulp for air as I uncontrollably sob underneath Finn, which makes him cry with me once more.
“What?” Ricky asks with horror saturating his voice.
“I’m so sorry!” Finn shouts to me and to Ricky, I think, as his body shudders above me.
I wheeze, “I caught her giving him… Oh, God!” Thinking of that again and having to tell someone else what I saw, I lurch my head to the side and gag. Finn lets go of me and I roll over to throw up beside us in the grass. He drags my ponytail out of the way and strokes my head.
Igniting the Wild Sparks Page 46
