Igniting the Wild Sparks

by Alexander, Ren

  Good luck, Finn Wilder. You’re going to need it to win this dare.

  CHAPTER 30

  FINN

  No. She couldn’t have.

  Becks marrying Shane?

  She’s supposed to marry me.

  How could Becks fall out of love with me so fast? I made a monstrous mistake. I thought we were over. I was weak and tried to find a way to cope.

  Nevertheless, she’s right. I didn’t have faith in us and I gave in to Cara. However, I never stopped believing that what Becks and I had was special. At least, I thought we did. Shit, was she ever really in love with me in the first place?

  Staggered by what Morgan told me, I get out of my car in a stupor. I couldn’t just sit at home and accept that Becks ran off to marry him. I have to see it for myself.

  Still in a trance stepping off the elevator, I turn right and march down the hall to her apartment with invincible purpose. As a habit, I go to put the key into the doorknob, but realize I’m not as welcomed as I used to be, and if what Morgan said is true, she’s not alone. Fuck. What will I say if he answers the door? What will I say if Becks does? I don’t know, but I need to find out.

  Anxiously shoving my keys into my pocket, I knock on the door, but there’s no answer. Her car is in the parking lot. Leaning away from the door, I peer down the hallway to see if maybe she had gone somewhere and is just coming home, but no Becks. Is Rod really driving her every day still, or did she already move in with Shane? No. It doesn’t make sense with her car here.

  Becoming more desperate, I knock more insistently and listen again, but I don’t hear any stirring from inside. “Becks! Answer the door!” Nothing. I glance up and down the hall, but nobody is around. On this floor, it’s just Becks and her neighbor. Digging my keys back out, I insert her apartment key into the lock, expecting it to pop open, but it doesn’t. I pull the key out to make sure I have the right one and I put it back into the handle, only to be thwarted once more. She changed her lock?

  I gawk at the door in horrified disbelief. First her phone number, now her lock? Possibly adding Shane to her life, too? She’s moved on without me already? I suppose I did my own moving on before I thought things through, but I was always thinking about Becks. Even with Cara. Becks was the one I imagined… Shit.

  “Becks!” I shake my head and impatiently spit, “Fuck.” I try again, “Hadley!” I lick my lips and clamp down on my teeth. “I need to talk to you!” Is she in there and just not answering me, hoping I’ll go away quietly? Not a fucking chance. I made a scene the other night trying to get her to open the damned door, and I’ll do it again. I don’t care if I go to jail because it’d be better than my apartment. I can’t live there anymore. Looking at my bed makes me physically sick. I want to torch it. Some of my best memories with Becks happened there… and then the worst.

  “Hadley! I’m begging you! Let me in!” Still no answer. I pound on the door in frustration before leaning my head onto it, closing my eyes. “I’m so sorry I hurt you! You’re all I’ve ever wanted! You’re my dream girl! My Becks!” I erratically inhale before shouting to the closed door, “I want to marry you, Becks!” I suddenly laugh, thinking of what I did for her. “I can show you! You dared me! I have the proof on me! Tell me I’m not too late! I love you! Marry me, Hadley Beckett! Be my Becks Wilder! Be my wife!”

  I can’t be too late.

  More silence from her apartment. Did she really leave town like she said she was going to when she was drunk? I didn’t know if it was true, but then Morgan corroborated it.

  Am I really too late?

  Lifting my head, I drop my keys and pound on the door with both fists. “Becks, open the fucking door!”

  With no response, I’ve reached my breaking point. Turning around, my hands go into my hair as I lean against the door, and slide down to the floor. I can’t stop the tears. I don’t even give a fuck anymore who sees me. I’ve never cried so much in my miserable life. Becks, Ricky, Simone, Hank, Becks’ neighbor, and Morgan have all seen me blubber. Hell, all my neighbors saw me crying. I’m probably on YouTube by now. Finn Wilder, Richmond’s Biggest Cry Ass.

  I’m surprised I didn’t make my own damn newscast. Hank loved reading about my Monday night in the paper. He had called me into his office and demanded to know what happened. He could see I had a busted lip, scratches on my face, and how despondent I was, if that’s the word I want to use. There’s not one in the English dictionary that can describe how I feel about losing the absolute love of my life. I told Hank that Becks and I argued and broke up. He asked if I had hit her; though, I may as well have. I said no and started crying on demand. The only reason I had gone to work was that I had to get out of my apartment, from Ricky, and my sister. I confessed to Hank about cheating on Becks, but I didn’t tell him with whom. He might’ve fired Cara. I couldn’t do that to her brand new career. It wasn’t even her fault. It was all mine, as usual, just as everything else has been. I should’ve been stronger than I was and not turned to her. I should’ve sought out Becks, but I thought I fucked us up beyond repair by telling her no. I should’ve…done a lot of things differently.

  I bang the back of my head against the door, my sobs echoing in the hallway, “Baby, don’t leave me! Don’t marry him! Marry me! Shit! I can’t live without you! I’ve loved you from the very first moment I saw you in the ER! You’re my best friend, Hadley! I’ve always wanted to marry you! I was just a scared, stupid asshole!”

  “That’ll win her back.” I roll my head to see Becks’ neighbor walking to me from the elevator. I blink to see her from behind my glasses, not making an effort to wipe off my face. It’s not the first time I’ve cried in front of her. She saw me the other night when I was at Becks’ door, begging her to forgive me, and to marry me, yet again. Her neighbor was cool and didn’t threaten to call the cops. If truth be told, and it is, she came out and talked me down from the ledge, so to speak. Though, I was thinking about actually getting on one. She even gave me half a bottle of JD as a parting gift. Nice lady.

  She asks, “She’s still not answering you?”

  I hoarsely say, “No. Has she been here?”

  She remorsefully shakes her head. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen her, but I’ve been working afternoons. Her pregnant girlfriend was here earlier. She and that guy friend of theirs.”

  Pulling my head from the door, I ask, “Was he about six feet tall, short brown hair, probably wearing a shirt, tie, and a smart mouth?”

  She laughs. “Yes. He was quiet this time. The woman said hi to me as I was leaving for my dentist appointment. She said they were stopping to pack a suitcase for Hadley since they were leaving for the weekend, and if Hadley received any packages if I could pick them up for her.”

  On the verge of hope and panic, I ask, “Did she say where they were going?”

  “No. Give her some time.”

  “I don’t have time.” I stand up, lift my glasses and buff my eyes with the heel of my hand. “I’m going to lose her forever, if I haven’t already. Shit.”

  “You’ve been with her for a long time, haven’t you?”

  “Three years.”

  “Is she the one?”

  Without hesitation, I reply, “From the very second I saw her. I knew it. I want to marry her. I want her to have my kids.” Kids. Becks could be pregnant. She said she got her period, but was she lying about that? She just had a period recently. They usually are more spaced apart than that. Would she tell me if she were pregnant now? Would she not keep it because of what I did?

  Her neighbor says, “Then it’s never too late.”

  She’s right.

  Nodding, I push off the door and run to the elevator. It takes too long, so I punch the bar on the stairwell door and take them instead. What if Becks is pregnant? I don’t want that Shane fucker raising our kid, and she won’t be passing our baby off as his. Our baby will be a Wilder, just like Becks is supposed to be.

  In the parking lot, I call Becks’ desk phone. Voicemai
l. Fuck. I’m sure she has caller ID.

  Like a bat out of my own personal hell, I get into my car and peel out of the lot.

  Ten minutes later, I’m at the law firm in record time, speed limits be damned. I pull into a space near the entrance and resolutely stride into the lobby, stopping at the desk, where the two familiar guards instantly smile at me.

  I’m greeted with, “Hi, Finn!” from both simultaneously. I’m in no state of mind for damn chitchat or gushing over me because I’ve met one of their heroes. My life is on the line.

  “I need to see Hadley Beckett. Now.”

  Their smiles fade somewhat, but they’re still eager to help. “Do you have an appointment?”

  “No. Get me up there or get her down here. I don’t care.”

  The younger one, Creyton his name tag reads, says, “Let me see if she’s in.”

  “Wait. Didn’t she leave earlier with her friends?” the older guard, Heffernan, asks him. I feverishly look between the two as they slowly contemplate if they had or not.

  “I think, but I’m not sure. I was on the phone with Dave—”

  I irritably interrupt them, “Can’t you call upstairs? It’s an emergency. I need to see her right now.”

  Looking a little flustered, Creyton says, “Sure.” He picks up the phone and peruses through a list of numbers. Son of a bitch. I want to jump in the elevator, but if they’re like the ones in my building, you need a key card for it to open to the floors. They’d call the cops for sure. Ricky would be fucking pissed and probably not talk to me again. He and Simone have me under virtual house arrest. Though, it’s easy to sneak out when one of my caretakers works different shifts and the other is a 22-year-old who likes her social life. Ricky’s already threatened to arrest me for being a fucking prick, succumbing to Cara. Like he has room to talk. Still, I’m only allowed out to go to work and church, though I haven’t even been to Mass in a while. It’s not the same without Becks by my side and at present, I don’t even know what to say to God regarding what I’ve done.

  The guard speaks to Rhonda, I’m assuming. He tries to flirt with her and I’m so close to wrapping the damn phone cord around his fucking throat. I impatiently drum my fingers on the counter and Heffernan asks, “So Ms. Beckett is the infamous Becks tattooed on your chest?”

  I nearly glare at him and woodenly answer, “Yeah.”

  “You must really love her to do something like that.” How fucking dense is he?

  I testily reply, “Yeah, I do. I plan on marrying her.” That feels good to say that to someone. Finally. If it’s not already too late. I can’t be.

  “You could dare her to marry you!” She dared me.

  Fuck. I failed.

  My exasperated glare hardens, yet he goes on to say, “She’s nice. Pretty, too.” I wish he would shut the fuck up about my girlfriend.

  My ex-girlfriend. Fuck me.

  The clattering of the phone’s receiver, snags my attention and Creyton says, “I’m sorry, Finn. Rhonda said Ms. Beckett is gone for the rest of the week.”

  “Where’d she go?”

  “Rhonda didn’t say. She said Greg and Morgan went with Ms. Beckett. So, I guess we did see them leaving.” They are the worst security ever.

  I lean onto the counter and push my hand into my hair. Where do I go from here? I don’t know where Rod or Morgan live. I asked Ricky to look them up for me, but he refused. He said to leave them alone before I’m arrested for harassment. I ought to have Morgan arrested for sexual assault, grabbing my junk earlier, but that would only make things worse with Becks, since she’d most likely approve of Morgan’s action.

  “We wish we could help you.”

  “Yeah, me, too.” I stand and leave before they can ask me about anything sports or dare-related.

  Standing next to my car, I pull my phone out and call the law firm’s main number myself.

  “Rhonda, it’s Finn.”

  “Coach! How are you?”

  “Not good. I really need to talk to Hadley.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. She’s not here.”

  “Do you know where she went?”

  “No, I don’t. All I know is that she left with Morgan and Rod earlier for the rest of the week. She didn’t tell you where she was going?” I guess she didn’t announce what happened or our breakup to the office. Is that a good thing?

  “Uh, no. She has a new phone number and I lost it already. I forgot where she said was going.” Sounds like a caring boyfriend, not.

  “Oh. I wish I could help you. Is Hadley okay? She’s been really unlike herself this week, when she’s been here, that is.”

  Not wanting to feed into the rumor mill, I say, “She’s just not feeling well. Can I talk to Val?”

  She laughs. “No such luck, either. She’s in a meeting and then she has court later.”

  I sigh and lean against my car. “Will you tell Val to give me a call or email me, please?”

  “Sure, coach!” I hang up and jump in my car, speeding home before Simone gets back. She had to run to the college campus for some shit about the dorm. She was going with friends, so I took a chance she’d be gone awhile. If she sees I’m gone, she’ll call Ricky and he’ll put an APB out on my ass. I wouldn’t put it past him to do that, either.

  As soon as I get home, I sit down on the couch and try calling the one person I should have after talking to Morgan. Rod. My calls keep going to voicemail, which worries me, so I try texting him and impatiently wait for a response. I hope he’s not ignoring me. He said he’d help me get Becks back. He has to convince her.

  Fuck. What am I going to do without her? I don’t want to live, knowing she can’t forgive me. Becks, I love you. I hope you can still love me.

  My phone vibrates and I hurriedly look at the screen.

  Where’s Hadley?

  -----------------------------------------------

  Wouldn’t you like to know?

  -----------------------------------------------

  What’s he doing? I’m fucking serious and he’s pulling this shit? I text back and the reply is quick.

  -----------------------------------------------

  Stop fucking with me! Is it TRUE?

  -----------------------------------------------

  Let her be happy. She can’t trust you.

  You said you’d let her move on. She

  has. Now, leave us all alone.

  -----------------------------------------------

  DID HADLEY MARRY SHANE?!

  -----------------------------------------------

  I fear the one answer that will conclusively fuck up my life forever. Getting up from the couch, I anxiously pace the floor, awaiting my fate. No. This can’t be true. Becks wouldn’t have married Shane. She didn’t even like him. She said she only wanted to marry me.

  So why didn’t I? That’s the billion dollar question. Why in the fuck didn’t I marry my Becks?

  Before I get an actual text, answering my question, I receive pictures from Rodwell. Pictures of Shane and Becks. He’s holding her in his arms and they’re dressed up. More come with them hugging, smiling, him holding her hand as she looks up at him, and then one with him kissing her. What? I frantically scroll through them, and then I get a response:

  ------------------------------------------

  Yes. LET HER GO.

  ------------------------------------------

  In a flash, I’m on the floor for the third time today, but this time, the life has been knocked out of me. My Becks is gone and I single-handedly gave her away. I may as well had wrapped her in a fucking bow for Shane and hand-delivered her to him.

  I claw at the carpet, yowling for her. I’m on all fours begging God to strike me dead this second, yet I deserve the punishment of living this Hell on Earth for what I did to Becks. I had prayed ceaselessly that she’d forgive me, but I can’t forgive myself. How will God ever forgive me? I cut Becks open, tore out her beating heart and crushed it as she watched from a front r
ow seat. Repeatedly.

  Sitting up, I lean back against the coffee table, trying to catch my breath, but I’m suffocating. My chest is caving in on me along with my life. This is the place on the floor where we almost made love Easter night, until I opened my fucking mouth about birth control pills.

  Kill me. Somebody please end my life. It’s not worth living anymore.

  Not even noticing the front door opening, Simone is on her knees next to me.

  “Finn, what?” she agitatedly begs. I can’t answer her. I can only cower and pant for air as I cry. She shouts, “My, God! What happened? Did you go see Hadley when I was gone?”

  I’m inconsolable. She grabs my shoulders and shakes me. “Finn!” My phone buzzes with more messages. Simone picks it up and her eyes go wide. She then looks at me and I howl, “Becks!”

  I just can’t.

  Early Friday morning, I’m up. I didn’t sleep the night before, so I’ve been awake. Ricky and Simone stayed up with me most of the night, but he was tired from working all day and was the first to crash. He and Simone managed to get out of me the gist of what happened, but I wouldn’t talk beyond that.

  As soon as it’s possible, I make phone calls. After confirming and negotiating, I get in my car and go to work early. Way early. Stopping outside Hank’s office, I take a deep breath.

  Closing the door, I say, “Today’s my last day.”

  Not expecting that, Hank booms, “What?”

  “I have to quit. I’m sorry to do this at the last minute, but I can’t stay. I have to get out of here. Now.”

  “You can’t just leave us in the lurch!”

  “I wish I didn’t have to, but...” I clear my throat and swallow to get rid of the tightness. “It’s too painful being here.”

  “Finn, you’ll get through this. You have a lot of people supporting you.”

  I glance around the room, shaking my head. “Thanks, but I can’t.”

  “Where are you going?”