Igniting the Wild Sparks

by Alexander, Ren

  I laughed. “I’m not. You’re funny.”

  “You’re a guy. Of course you’re thinking that.”

  “No, I wasn’t.” She looked at me doubtfully, making me smile again.

  I rolled my eyes and admitted, “Okay. Maybe a little, but do you think that’s why I really want to be with you? Just for that?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. Why else would you want to be with me?”

  I lost my smile and truthfully said, “A lot of reasons. Trust me.” Looking into her glittering, green eyes, full of mysteries and wonder, I put my casted arm onto the railing and with my other hand, I gently swept her hair off her face from the breeze kicking up through the canal. Touching her was exhilarating and much more gratifying than any other adrenaline rush I’ve ever experienced. This rush was it.

  I couldn’t believe she was with me, she’s so beautiful. My fingers lingered over her cheek and she nervously smiled, while looking away from me. I moved my hand down to her chin and gently coerced her to look up at me. Our eyes locked onto each other’s and with my hand on her cheek, I instinctively bent down to kiss her. I couldn’t take my lips off hers and we lost ourselves in our windy kiss. Even though I was wearing a coat on that cold night, I didn’t need to wear one because I was burning up from the feelings igniting me.

  When she eventually pulled away, her eyes held me spellbound. I was completely mesmerized and powerless to it, like I was a small rowboat engulfed by her raging storm. I had never felt it before her, but I knew what it was.

  Impulsively, I whispered, “Did you feel that?”

  Her eyes widened and darted around, thinking she missed something. “Feel what?”

  I swallowed. “I-I just fell in love with you. I love you, Hadley.” My heart arrested to a dead stop. Would she reject me? Break my motionless heart?

  Her gaze briefly dropped from me, as did my heart. Did I screw this up? Was I too soon? Did she not feel the same about me?

  Suddenly, her eyes flew up to mine, a dazzling smile lit her face far brighter than the buildings around us, and she joyfully whispered back, “I’m in love with you, too, Finn. I love you.” She gripped my coat collar, giggling before adding on, “I’m still not having sex with you tonight.” Damn, I loved her.

  I smiled the biggest smile, clasped her face with both hands, careful not to hit her with my cast, and happily kissed her again, once more getting lost in her. We didn’t care it was a brisk, March night. Our lives had just changed forever. I had fallen in love. And from then on, I knew I wanted to shield her from my on-Air life. She was my most prized possession, my greatest accomplishment…and my ultimate downfall.

  I suppose telling Becks I had fallen in love with her right then was the first lie I told her, since I had already fallen in love with her in the hospital.

  We had so many good times together that rocked me. I don’t even want to think about the bad because all of the bad times were entirely my fault. My growing jealousy, for one. I was so afraid of her being taken away from me by another man that I inexorably pushed her into the arms of another man.

  She had asked me to have a baby with her, and I told her no. She asked me to marry her, and I again said no. She would’ve done anything for me, yet I wouldn’t do the same for her. My fears of losing her to another man, getting married, and becoming a father all conquered me because of my refusal to triumph over them. There’s nothing scarier than your biggest nightmares coming true and having to live with the upshots for the rest of your lonely life.

  For six years, my life has been in Richmond, but it didn’t start when I moved there, when I was promoted in my job, or even when I got my own segment. My life began when I looked away from the TV in the ER waiting room and saw the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life, feeling an instant connection. The woman I vowed to render mine before she slipped away and out of my reach. I cherished Becks, but not enough and I lost her because of my phobias, and because I didn’t believe in the power of us. Sounds cliché, but that’s what happened. Now, I lost it all and I’m forsaken. I can’t do this without her. I don’t even want to try. Life is pointless now.

  I need to get away because I can’t see her moving on without me, and I was too stupid to think she wouldn’t.

  We promised forever to each other. We may not have promised before an audience, an altar, a minister or before God, but it meant something to my heart and soul. I was eternally hers. I didn’t want another woman. I never will. She was the end game for me, only this isn’t a game and now we’re over.

  Becks forever will be my true love. No one will ever compare. Her name is permanently etched over my skin, inside my mind, in my heart, and across my soul. She’ll always be my only love.

  My baby.

  My sweetheart.

  My heart and soul.

  My reason for living.

  My Becks.

  I’ll always love you, Hadley.

  To the stars…and back.

  CHAPTER 31

  “Isn’t he cute?” I ask, staring at the baby in my arms and grinning until I feel like my face is going to break.

  The nurse smiles at me. “Very cute. Do you have a name for him yet?”

  My smile falls as anxiety fills me. “No. I have some ideas, but I can’t make the decision by myself.”

  She puts her hand on her hip and questions, “Where is Daddy?”

  Looking to the surrounding curtain, I reply, “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him yet. The baby came kind of fast. I made phone calls, but he’s not returning them. I’m worried.”

  “I’m sure he’s fine. Just a typical man.” She laughs and checks the computer next to my bed.

  I proudly smile. “Not him. He’s not the typical man.” I look down at our baby and whisper, “Your daddy is special.”

  I hear the nurse chuckle as I watch my sleeping son. Stepping away from the computer, she pats my leg and says, “I’ll be right back.” I hear the door shut as she leaves, and I sit in contented silence with my baby. Our baby. He’s perfect. He even looks like him.

  The curtain flutters as the door opens and I hear footsteps entering the room. I can tell it’s him from the way he purposely walks.

  He pulls the curtain open, the hooks scraping along the track. The sun from the window catches his hair, lighting it up.

  I whisper to the baby, “There’s Daddy.” He walks over to the side of the bed and peers down into the bundled blanket.

  I say up to him, “He has your nose.”

  Finn pulls his lips doubtfully to the side. “So you say.”

  I look back down to our baby. “You don’t think so?”

  “I think it’s someone else’s nose.”

  I curiously regard him. “Whose?”

  He snaps, “The real father’s.”

  I sigh. “You are his father, Finn. I’ve told you that.”

  He holds onto the bedrail and leans down to me. His dark eyes flash and his voice is a switchblade. “And like I told you before, you’re only trying to trap me.”

  “No!” I loudly whisper. “I would never do that! He wasn’t planned, but we made him together!”

  “Like shit we did. You were supposed to have a surgery to prevent this…problem.” He glances down at the baby and resentfully frowns. “But, you were already knocked up.”

  “Yes, you did it!”

  Glaring at me, he shakes his head, essentially denying my claim. “Huh-uh. You’re a whore. You’ll fuck anyone.”

  I tearfully plead, “Stop it!”

  Finn rolls his eyes. “Okay. It’s mine. Whatever. I’ll see it your way this time.” He suddenly looks up and stands as a huge man stalks into the room. The burly man walks over, roughly takes my baby from my arms, dumps him into the clear plastic bed and speedily wheels him out of the room.

  In shock, I hear the baby wail down the hall, and reaching out for him in vain, I scream, “No!”

  Finn tears a piece of tape from a roll and before I can dodge him, he slaps i
t over my mouth. He huskily taunts, “You said it’s mine. So I just decided to get rid of the damn thing.” He grabs my wrists and holds them down against the bed. “Now, you will be getting that surgery.” He lets go of one of my wrists to unbuckle his belt. “But first, spread your legs for me. Just like you always do.”

  I try to scream, but I can’t.

  I try to thrash, but I’m pinned.

  All I’m able to do is cry, the tears spilling down my face and over the tape. My baby is gone and his father is destroying me.

  Someone in the distance says, “It’s okay. Calm down. I’m here.”

  I feel hands on me, holding me so that I can’t move. “No!” I cry.

  “Babe, you’ll rip your stitches out.” A warm, recognizable voice drifts into my mind and I stop moving. Slowly, I try opening my heavy eyelids to see Val’s smiling face coming into view. Feeling stiff, I gingerly look around, but there’s no baby. My hand goes to my stomach and it feels bloated and tender.

  “There you are,” Val whispers. “Do you need some ice chips? I know your throat must hurt. The nurse said we could give you some until the doctor examines you.” I attempt to talk, but she’s right, my throat is sore and dry, so I nod, which makes my head hurt. Val uses a plastic spoon to chip out some ice from a cup on the table to feed them to me, quenching my parched throat. “Better?” she asks.

  I throatily reply, “Yes. Thanks.”

  She chips more ice. “Your dad is downstairs in the cafeteria.”

  “What?” I petulantly shake my head, making it ache. “No,” I whine. He knows why I’m here then. I’m sure he’s super proud of me.

  “You just had major surgery. He wanted to be here.”

  I stare at her in confusion, my mind foggy from the medication and heartbreak. “Major? I thought it wasn’t?”

  She looks into the cup as she digs more ice. “The doctor will explain it to you.”

  A nurse enters my room, dragging the curtain open as she brightly smiles. “Good morning, Ms. Beckett. I’m Liz. I want to take your vitals and then I’ll get Dr. Raddison in here.” Wow. My gyno is here?

  Val sets the cup down on the table. “I’ll be back, babe.”

  Liz asks, “How’s the pain on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst?” Physical? 1,000,000.

  I expressionlessly reply, “I don’t know. Fifteen.”

  “Okay. I’ll give you some more pain medication.” Make it a .45.

  As she types at the computer, I blurt out, “I lost my baby.”

  She sympathetically glances over at me. “I know, honey. I’m so sorry.”

  I bow my head. “It was my ex-boyfriend’s. He’s gone. He wants nothing to do with me.” Why in the hell did I say anything? I sound like a psycho ex-girlfriend.

  “Oh, honey. That’s terrible. Men suck.”

  “He said it wasn’t his and he took a job in Baltimore so he could get as far from me as possible.” I just can’t shut my mouth!

  “Well, you had a special kind of jerk, didn’t you now?”

  I scrunch the blanket under my fingers and say down to it, “I didn’t think so at first. He was my everything.”

  “He’s not even going to come visit you in the hospital?”

  “No.”

  “Well, you’ll find your Prince Charming.”

  “I don’t want anyone.” Not anymore.

  The door opens and I look up. The curtains flutter and Rod appears from behind them, holding some flowers, appearing rather hesitant when he sees me with a nurse.

  Liz shoots him a dirty look. “Oh. Is he the one who got you into this situation?”

  Rod gapes at her before he waves his hands and the vase in the air. “I swear to God I didn’t touch her!”

  I weakly smile, yet not feeling like smiling ever again. “No. He’s my friend.”

  Liz touches my shoulder. “Okay. I was ready to whoop him upside the head for you.”

  I mutter, “Thanks. I’ll let you know if I still need you to do that.” Rod affectedly frowns at me. I want to laugh, but my heart isn’t into it.

  “Got it. I’ll go get your doctor.” She gives Rod an undecided look before she leaves.

  He returns her sour look as she walks past him. When she’s gone, he clears his throat before taking a restrained step towards me, as if he thinks I actually do believe he’s responsible for putting me in here. He says, “Hey. I just left for a little bit. I didn’t think you’d wake up while I was gone.”

  Gone. Like…

  I suspiciously ask, “How long have you been here?”

  “I stayed the night.” He nods to the corner of the room. “I slept in that chair.”

  “You did? Why?”

  Rod sets the vase down and puts his hands in his pockets. “I wasn’t going to leave you alone.” Alone. That’s all I am now.

  I mumble, “You’re sweet.” He truly is. I wish I could be a better friend and gush over him for it, but I can’t.

  He smirks and shrugs as only Rod can. “Nah. No biggie. My sheets at home are dirty, probably crab-infested and I didn’t get to wash them.”

  Unexpectedly, I giggle and it’s the most painful laugh ever. The pulling of my tight skin feels like an animal gnawing on me. I yelp and gasp, holding the bandaged area of my stomach.

  He regretfully cringes at my reaction and says, “Damn it. I’m sorry. I’ll shut up.”

  “You might have to,” I wheeze, holding onto the bedrail with my other hand. “Shit. That really hurts.”

  The curtains ripple as the door opens again. My brunette, bearded doctor kindly smiles at me. “Hadley, good morning,” Dr. Raddison greets me.

  “Hi.”

  He notices Rod and asks, me, “Is it okay if I check your incision now or do you want some privacy?”

  “It’s okay. He’s with me.”

  Dr. Raddison asks Rod, “You must be Hadley’s boyfriend?”

  Before Rod can respond, I say, “He is.” I give Rod a quick look, desperately imploring with my eyes for him to go along. It’s one thing to pour my sorrows out to a nurse I’ll never see again, but to tell my gynecologist that my longtime boyfriend impregnated me and then hit the road, I can’t. It’s too humiliating.

  Rod’s brown eyes briefly meet mine. Looking away from me, he takes his hand out of his pocket and holds it over me for Dr. Raddison. “Greg. Nice to meet you.” My heart greatly swells for Greg Rodwell as he shakes my doctor’s hand. It’s not the first time he’s pretended to be my boyfriend. He’s the best.

  “Likewise.” He lets go of Rod’s hand and asks me, “Are you having a lot of pain?”

  “Yes.”

  Dr. Raddison turns to wash his hands in the sink near my bed. He says over his shoulder, “A laparoscopy was originally planned since it’s less invasive; however, your fallopian tube ruptured before surgery. Therefore, it turned into an emergency laparotomy, which is a much larger incision, similar to a cesarean section, only higher. They had to get in there to stop the bleeding before you lost too much blood.”

  He dries his hands and returning to my bedside, he moves the blanket, along with my gown to look at my bandages. I immediately glance at Rod and he promptly looks to the curtain. At least I’m wearing underwear this time.

  Dr. Raddison says, “I saw in your chart that you were hit in the stomach with a softball. Is that this bruise?”

  “Yes,” I answer and then ask, “Ruptured? Is that why I blacked out?”

  He raises an eyebrow and asks, “Painful isn’t the right word, is it?”

  “No! That would be a 1,000 on the scale.” He moves my gown back down and I repeat, “Ruptured? Does that mean what I think it does?”

  He nods. “They had to take out your right fallopian tube. I’m sorry.”

  I swallow and whisper, “I can’t have children?” I blink away the tears. Why does it matter now?

  “You can, but it may take longer for you to get pregnant since you only have one fallopian tube. The egg might not always be released from
that ovary every month.”

  “Oh.”

  “There’s also a higher risk of you having another ectopic pregnancy or a miscarriage. The risk isn’t as high if you would still have the affected tube, but there is still an elevated risk.”

  “Oh,” I say again. I don’t know what else to say.

  “I would just have to monitor you very closely when you try for another pregnancy.” I nod, but don’t say anything. “I don’t want you trying again for at least three months, though. Give your body time to heal. On that note, no intercourse for four weeks.” He glances at Rod and I’m horrified. I look back down to my blanket, not wanting to even see Rod’s expression.

  I clear my throat and ask, “Why didn’t I notice I was pregnant? I had some symptoms, I guess, with tiredness, loss of appetite, nausea, but what else should’ve tipped me off?”

  I look up as he explains, “Your fluctuating hormones may have had you moodier than normal. Your breasts may have been tender. Your sex drive also may have changed.” Wow. No kidding. I attacked him I was so in need of it, or as he told Ricky, “She wanted fucked.” Mortifying.

  “I know I messed up with my period, but an ectopic brings some pain, doesn’t it?”

  Dr. Raddison leans back against the wall and says, “Well, you were 10 weeks pregnant, which means you conceived eight weeks ago. You should’ve had some cramps or pain, but with your injury also being on the right side, I think some of the pain was masked. Did you have pain with intercourse?”

  Embarrassed, I fleetingly peer up at Rod, but he doesn’t laugh or say anything. He only stands stoically with his arms crossed. I look back to Dr. Raddison. “Um, come to think of it, the last couple times, yes.” After decorating for Morgan’s shower, when I assaulted him. I was in a lot of pain. So was our last time at the hotel, only I didn’t know it was our…last time.

  He says, “That’s a big red flag.”

  “Oh. I thought it was because I was bruised. When I was first hit, the pain radiated all over my stomach and sometimes down to my groin. I just assumed it was from that. I’m so dumb.”