Google Your Husband Back: An wonderful tale of love, loss and how to get your husband back!

by Julie Butterfield

  She stared at Alex sitting opposite her. He was still taking but she was having trouble concentrating.

  ‘Kate?’

  His hand was over her own and snapping back to the present Kate looked into his eyes. ‘Kate, I want to come back. I want to come back and for us to start again, together as we should be.’

  He was smiling. His cheeks were flushed and he was smiling a big smile, a confident smile, waiting for her answer. His face was the same one she had looked at almost every day for the last eight years – until he had left her because she was no longer the Kate he wanted. He looked happy, his eyes were shining, he was holding her hand, waiting.

  ‘Kate?’

  Kate looked down at their fingers entwined on the table. She had loved holding Alex’s hand when they first met. She had loved walking down the road holding his hand and knowing that everybody who saw them knew they were together, a couple. Kate and her handsome golden haired young man. How she had loved him.

  ‘Kate?’

  She thought of Millie asleep upstairs. She thought of all the nights she and Alex had curled up together on the settee, watching TV, talking, reading, their bodies touching.

  ‘What do you want from me Alex?’

  It hadn’t been the answer he was expecting. He frowned. ‘I’m not sure I understand …’

  ‘What do you want me to be? Because I’m so confused. You say I remind you of the person you fell in love with. But I stopped being that person for you. I became the person I thought you wanted me to be and you left. So what is it you want from me Alex, who is it that you want me to be?’

  He stared at her, his face almost as confused as Kate’s thoughts.

  ‘I don’t really know what you mean Kate. I want you.’

  ‘But which me Alex? Because I think mum was right,’ he looked even more confused and Kate remembered he knew nothing of the conversation she’d had with Marcia. ‘You were right Alex, maybe I did change, maybe our relationship is different. But this is who I am now, I’m a wife and a mother and this is me. If you can’t be happy with me, if you want the old Kate back, is this going to work?’

  He let go of her hand, slowly withdrawing his own as he sat upright in his seat.

  ‘I love you Kate, when I said you weren’t the person I married I just meant that you didn’t seem to have time for me anymore.’

  ‘Because we have a baby now, because I have to be a mother first.’

  ‘Yes, no! Not because of Millie. But in general, you just didn’t seem to need me anymore, you were organised and in control and you had Millie and – I was left behind.’

  ‘But if you come back Alex, I will still put Millie first, always.’

  ‘Of course you will Kate, of course you will I understand that. But now we’ve spoken about it honestly and openly, surely we can make it better? Get back to the old Alex and Kate, the ones who love each other and were always there for each other, the ones who want to spend the rest of their lives together.’

  ‘Do you still love me?’

  ‘Oh Kate, more than ever, more than ever.’

  ‘And you want to spend the rest of your life with me?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And Sandra …?’

  ‘Sandra was a dreadful mistake which I will never make again,’ Alex said firmly. ‘Never!’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘And you Kate, do you still love me?’

  Kate nodded. She may be angry, she may be hurt and confused but she had no doubt that she still loved Alex.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And you want to spend the rest of your life with me?’

  Kate nodded again. ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then there isn’t anything really to discuss is there my darling? I made a mistake, it won’t happen again. We’ll be back the way we were, a happy family.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘So basically it just comes down to this Kate – can I come home?’

  And Kate nodded once more. Because wasn’t this exactly what she wanted? Isn’t this what she had planned and waited for?

  So Kate nodded, she nodded and she smiled at the man opposite her and held out her hand so he could wrap his fingers round hers.

  ‘Yes Alex,’ she whispered, ‘yes of course you can.’

  Chapter 29

  It was Friday and Kate was heading out to salsa. She had put on the same black dress she’d worn the very first week and she’d taken time with her makeup. She’d already decided that she would carry on going to salsa but she had also decided that she couldn’t carry on being Josh’s partner. If he wanted to carry on going on a Friday night, perhaps Kate would have to find somewhere else to dance.

  Alex was coming home the following day. He had wanted to stay on Wednesday night. He had wanted them to start their new life straight away but Kate had said no, it made more sense for him to move back on Saturday when there was no work to take up his time and they could have a few days together.

  So Alex would be back the following morning and this would be the last time Kate would go to salsa as an abandoned wife. She hadn’t mentioned salsa to Alex, it hadn’t really come up in their conversation. But she would, when he was back home. She would point out that he wanted her to be the person he had fallen in love with and not the amazing housewife she had become. And the Kate he had fallen in love with used to love going dancing. She had loved salsa and she had loved spending time with friends. She had only stopped those things for Alex.

  So she was dressed for a night of salsa and sitting in Stuart’s car outside the wine bar. They’d been there for almost five minutes.

  ‘You don’t have to go in if you don’t want to Kate,’ he said after waiting patiently in a re-run of Kate’s very first Friday.

  ‘Oh I do want to Stuart, I’m sorry. I was just thinking, you know?’

  Stuart nodded sitting back patiently. ‘Okay no problem.’

  ‘You’ll soon have your wife back Stuart, she has been an amazing friend but with Alex back tomorrow I’ll stop monopolising her time.’

  ‘Oh don’t worry Kate, it’s been quite peaceful if you must know, having all her energy directed at you for a while!’ But there was a twinkle in his eye and Kate was in no doubt that Stuart loved his tiny red haired wife.

  ‘Well I’m going now, so you go home and make the most of her!’

  And Kate was off, dashing across the pavement and into the wine bar.

  Salsa was fun as always but Kate couldn’t help a slight sense of sadness as the music finished and the usual round of appreciative applause followed. She would carry on dancing but it wouldn’t be quite the same without Josh, without his strong arm round her waist, his dimpled chin and twinkly eyes. They joined the rest of their group and there was the usual clamour to the bar for drinks.

  Kate turned to Josh as the others all moved forwards.

  ‘Actually Josh, would you like to go for a drink somewhere else, maybe the little bar we went to last week? I’d like to talk to you.’

  He was looking down at her and for a moment Kate thought she saw a look of resignation in his eyes but then he smiled, his wonderful, warm, gentle smile and nodded.

  ‘Of course, I’ll just tell the others not to get a drink in for us.’

  They said their goodbyes and Kate smiled at the obvious excitement of the women as they presumed Kate and Josh were going in search of a more intimate evening.

  Josh grabbed her coat and caught her arm in his as they crossed the street. And it felt so good, thought Kate. It felt exactly as she had imagined, strong and capable and protective.

  The bar was full again but they managed to find a table and were soon facing each other, Josh’s eyes on Kate as he waited.

  ‘Josh, I wanted to tell you that Alex and I are back together. He’s coming home. Tomorrow.’

  There was a little silence and Kate tried to read Josh’s reaction. But his face remained still as she spoke.

  ‘I felt it only fair to tell you straight away, I mean after last week, after you �
�� well,’ Kate’s face flamed as she remembered Josh’s kiss. ‘I didn’t want you to think that there could be anything more between you and me,’ she continued, ignoring the protesting leap of her heart.

  She wanted him to say something, anything. She wanted him to say he was devastated, or that he couldn’t live without her. No! That would be very wrong. She wanted him to say it would be okay and he had enjoyed spending some time with her but had known all along she would return to her husband. She wanted him to smile, maybe a slightly sad smile and say he’d expected it to end this way and it was okay, he hadn’t fallen in love with her or anything dramatic and he would find someone else soon.

  But Josh was silent. He was watching Kate and the emotions play across her face and he was silent as she struggled to tell him how she felt.

  ‘It’s just that I think it would be best if we didn’t - if we don’t see each other anymore. Not that I’m suggesting we were seeing each other in the first place! We weren’t ‘going out’ were we? I’m not saying that we were and now we shouldn’t. I’m just saying …’

  Oh God, what was she trying to say? What did she want to say?

  ‘I don’t want to hurt you Josh,’ she carried on gently, lifting her eyes to meet his. ‘I really don’t want to hurt you.’

  They sat in silence for a few seconds, Kate’s explanation fading away.

  ‘Are you happy Kate?’

  Her eyes widened. ‘Happy?’

  ‘Yes, are you happy? Alex is coming home, are you happy?’

  Well obviously she was happy, thought Kate. She had what she wanted, Alex had left Sandra Maddison and would even now be ensconced back in the family home if Kate hadn’t made him wait until the weekend. Of course she was happy.

  ‘Yes,’ she said, unable to find any real fire to put behind the words. She tried again. ‘Yes! Of course I’m am.’

  Josh smiled. He reached out his hand and briefly covered Kate’s own as it lay on the table. ‘Then that’s all that really matters Kate.’

  ‘Right.’

  Kate wondered if they had finished the conversation.

  ‘I just didn’t want you to think that I’d been – well you know that I had led you to believe …’

  ‘Kate you told me the very first time we danced with each other that you wanted Alex back, that you were waiting for him to come home.’

  ‘Yes but I danced with you and went to lunch and we – you know.’

  Josh grinned. ‘I remember!’

  Kate blushed. ‘Well I didn’t want you to think I was being …’

  Being what she wondered?

  ‘I know exactly what you were being Kate. You were being you. You were honest from the first moment and so was I. I hoped you wouldn’t let him back, I really hoped you would decide you couldn’t forgive him. Because I want you for myself Kate.’

  The blue eyes were looking at her with such passion that Kate felt quite dizzy.

  ‘I told you I would happily take Alex’s place if it didn’t work out with the two of you and I meant it.’ He smiled ruefully. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have kissed you but I wanted you to at least think that there was another option.’

  Kate stared back at the table, she was glad he had kissed her. Even though she was still determined that she and Alex would be back together soon, she was glad she would have the memory of that kiss.

  ‘And there still is you know Kate,’ Josh said softly.

  Kates eyes snapped upwards.

  What?’

  ‘There still is another option. I know, I know,’ he held up his hand to ward off Kate’s interruption, ‘Alex is coming home and you’re happy.’

  Kate fell silent.

  ‘But you don’t look terribly happy to me Kate. I think I’ve gotten to know you a little over the last few weeks and I certainly think I know when you’re happy. Your eyes light up, you get a little flush of colour in your cheeks and your mouth turns up. They’re all ‘Kate is happy signs’ and I didn’t see any of them tonight. I heard you say that Alex was coming home and how happy you were but I didn’t see any of these things on your face Kate.’

  ‘Well I am happy, I just was worried about telling you …’

  Josh continued as though she hadn’t spoken. ‘So what I’m saying Kate is that if it turns out that this isn’t what you want, if Alex comes home and you suddenly realise that things aren’t working, then there is still another option. Me.’

  Kate shook her head. ‘No Josh, I am with Alex, I was always with Alex, even when Alex wasn’t with me. Everything will work out this time, I know it.’

  Josh shrugged. ‘If you say so Kate.’

  ‘I do!’ Kate wondered why so many people thought they knew her better than she knew herself. Why everyone was convinced that she didn’t really want Alex back when she knew that she did. Why everyone was questioning her motives when Kate knew without doubt that the only thing that would make her truly happy, for the rest of her life was having Alex by her side.

  ‘I do say so Josh. I am happy, Alex is coming home and all will be well. Really,’ and she nodded her head fervently, wondering why it was so hard to convince everyone that she was telling the truth.

  ‘Don’t you worry that he might leave again?’

  ‘No!’ Kate bit her lip and lowered her voice. ‘No, Alex won’t leave again,’

  ‘You seem very sure. Has he promised he’ll stay?’

  Kate sat for a moment. Alex hadn’t promised anything. He had begged to come home which was of course exactly what Kate had wanted. He’d admitted he’d made a mistake, he had insisted he still loved her, something Kate had never really doubted. But they had skirted around the subject of Alex’s affair. Kate found it far too painful to sit and discuss the details, asking just how and when that first kiss happened, when Alex had first decided to slip into Sandra’s bed, what she had offered him that made him decide to leave his wife. So the actual affair was still a misty unpleasant fact in the recess of Kate’s mind.

  ‘Alex won’t leave again,’ she said confidently, ‘because I’ll make sure that this time he has everything he needs.’

  Josh frowned, a line connecting his eyebrows. ‘Everything he needs? What exactly does he need?’

  ‘Well he needs more attention, more love; he needs to know that he’s important to me and …’ Kate trailed off. In truth she was still a little unclear as to what exactly Alex needed. She had thought that she was supplying all that he could possibly want before he left. She had loved him unreservedly and together they had produced an adorable daughter. Deep down she had started to feel that should have been enough for him.

  ‘More attention?’ asked Josh, raising his eyebrows. ‘Did you used to ignore him?’

  ‘No of course not. But I didn’t go to the Christmas party and I didn’t make him feel special and I didn’t always remember to stop what I was doing and smile at him and make sure he knew I loved him.’

  There was a small pause and sliding a sideways glance at Josh’s face, Kate could see he was struggling.

  ‘And you’re okay with all this – rubbish?’

  Her eyes widened. ‘Well I …’

  ‘I mean are you really okay with the idea that your husband feels you didn’t pay him enough attention because you didn’t go to a party?’

  Kate flushed. ‘He didn’t leave me because I didn’t go to the Christmas party!’ she said indignantly.

  ‘Well it sounds like that’s exactly what he did. Kate, why don’t you tell him to stop being so selfish? He should be showering attention on you right now. He should be racing home to see his beautiful wife and adorable baby. He should come home with a huge smile on his face every night because he is a very lucky man to have you Kate, very lucky and he should stop acting like a spoiled child and realise that.’

  For a moment Kate couldn’t speak. Her eyes were sparkling with tears, her throat tight with a held back sob. ‘But I didn’t …’

  ‘No Kate, this isn’t about what you didn’t do, this is all about wha
t Alex did do. You deserve more Kate, so much more.’

  ‘But Google said I’d neglected him and when I thought about it I had. I didn’t make him feel special, I didn’t …’

  ‘Google?’ Josh looked confused. ‘Did you say Google?’

  Kate sighed. ‘I went onto Google to see what I could do to get Alex back and it said, well Google didn’t say anything but there were articles and people had written things and – basically I realised that it was my fault he’d gone. I didn’t give him what he needed and as long as he came back I would be able to get it right this time.’

  Josh was looking astonished. ‘You think it’s your fault he left?’

  ‘Well Fiona said it wasn’t. She said I should hit him over the head with a vase and have ….’ Kate stopped as she remembered that Fiona had told her to have sex with Josh on the dance floor. ‘Well she said I should tell him he was a loser and move on without him.’

  ‘Fiona sounds like a very sensible person. I think I like Fiona!’

  Kate smiled weakly. ‘But neither of you seem to understand that Alex and I are meant to be together. We have a baby and a house and …’

  What else did they have? Kate was finding it harder and harder to justify why she and Alex were the perfect couple.

  ‘We should be together,’ she protested. ‘I need to accept it was partly my fault and forgive him and we should be together again.’

  She sat for a moment, staring at Josh’s hand which at some point had moved across the table and was now holding Kate’s own. ‘I still love Alex,’ she said quietly. ‘I think part of me always will.’

  ‘But is it enough Kate darling? Love alone isn’t always the answer and if you’re not sure that having Alex back is right for you, then don’t go through with this. Please don’t let him back into your life unless you are absolutely certain it’s what you want Kate,’ and he squeezed her hand as they sat silently across the table from each other lost in their thoughts.

  Chapter 30

  Kate felt slightly nauseous as she flicked on the kettle to make a cup of tea. Millie was busy with her porridge and Kate had about an hour to get herself and the house ready for Alex. She looked round at the kitchen which was relatively tidy but far from perfect. But instead of falling into a frenzy of cleaning Kate shrugged, her passion for living in a house that sparkled at all times had departed shortly after Alex.