Twisted

by N. L. Greene

  “Oh whatever! What do you care anyway? I saw you with that other girl, and so did Nat.” This time Mel sounded positively smug.

  “What does that matter? What does me talking to some other girl have to do with you keeping your girl safe?” I thought it was Miguel’s voice now that he was talking a little bit quieter, but I didn’t understand why he was involved. I also didn’t understand why it sounded like his voice was coming from inside my head, but then I realized that he must have been the one holding me. Huh…I wonder why he would be carrying me around?

  “She probably wouldn’t have gotten trashed if you didn’t hurt her feelings.” Again with the smugness.

  “How did that hurt her feelings? I talked to almost everyone here tonight! I was the fuckin’ beer guy for fuck’s sake!” He sounded livid, and I was absolutely confused by all of it.

  “It’s not your fault, Miguel.” I heard Ash now, trying to calm everyone down. “You couldn’t have known that Nat’s a little vulnerable when it comes to guys.”

  “Yeah, why is that?” he asked with a sigh; sounding as if he were tired of talking to them.

  “Well…” She hesitated and Mel stepped in, apparently happy and willing to air all my dirty laundry.

  “The last two jerks she liked cheated on her right under her nose, that’s why.” She sneered at him like it was his fault. “The last one didn’t even wait until she was gone; he did it while she was in the bathroom! She was just a few feet away, and he was already kissing another girl. Kind of like what you did.”

  “Yeah, but let’s point out that it was with you!” I heard Ash point out harshly. “They cheated on her with her own best friend.” Ash sounded angry by this, and I wondered why. Mel had explained herself - it wasn’t her fault! They’d kissed her, not the other way around.

  “Jesus! You really are a piece of work aren’t you?” I felt the arms holding me tense as he scoffed at Mel. I immediately wanted to defend her, but I couldn’t even open my eyes, much less my mouth. Mel was on her own.

  “What? It’s not my fault all guys are complete whores!”

  “Yeah, well girls can be too, and I find it hard to believe that two out of two guys would kiss their girl’s best friend without some sort of prompting from that girl” he accused. “Especially this girl,” he said more softly, and I think I may have been the only one who heard the whispered words.

  I wanted to open my eyes and ask him which girl he was talking about. Was it me? I also wanted to ask him why he would say that about Mel. Did Mel really prompt Noah and Chase to kiss her? Chase had always maintained that it was Mel all along, but I’d never believed him. I mean, what reason would she have to do that to me? She was my best friend, right?

  Things started to get jumbled and blurry again, and I couldn’t make out what everyone was arguing about any more. Then I felt the heat of Miguel’s body leave mine and I let out a soft whimper. He placed me in the back seat of a car and leaned in toward me. “Shh, baby. You’ll be fine when you wake up in the morning. I’m sorry I hurt you,” he said softly before kissing my lips, my cheek, and then my closed eyes.

  I wanted to reach for him but my mind was fogging over again and I couldn’t force my eyes to open, no matter how hard I tried. And trust me, I tried. I wasn’t sure if all of this was real or just a dream, but I needed to see if he was really there, saying those things. Unfortunately I couldn’t. I heard the door shut, and then muffled voices again before more doors opened and closed and then I finally heard the sound of the car starting. Ash and Mel talked in hushed voices on the way back to Mel’s house, which helped lull me back to sleep. Too bad I wouldn’t remember any of the events or conversations from this night in the morning. It probably would have changed a lot of the decisions I had next in my life.

  ***

  I woke up the next morning in Mel’s bed. Before I could process much more than that, I was clutching my hand over my mouth and running to the bathroom to puke. Slumping to the cool floor in front of the toilet, I retched until nothing else came up, and even then I still dry heaved a few more times. The pain was horrible and the taste so absolutely disgusting and vile that it brought tears to my eyes. This was the first time I had ever been sick from drinking. Over the past few months I’d had a few sips of something here and there, and even had a small buzz once or twice but the night before had been a first for me. It was the first time I had ever gotten so trashed that I couldn’t remember most of the night before, and had then found myself puking over the Porcelain God the next morning.

  “I’m never drinking again,” I groaned to myself as I laid my face on the cold tile of the bathroom floor. It was amazing what kinds of gross things one would do when they had a hangover. Normally just the thought of lying on the bathroom floor would make me puke, but at the moment it was so cool and comforting to curl up into a ball right there.

  “Yeah? I’ll remind you next time.” Mel laughed from the doorway of the bathroom.

  I hadn’t heard her come in and I couldn’t even raise my head to look at her. Instead I flipped my middle finger at her and groaned at the energy it took to do just that.

  “No thanks, I’ll pass,” she said, as she came further into the room and sat on the edge of the bathtub beside my limp form on the tile floor. She nudged me with her foot, but I didn’t respond. “So, how was last night?” she asked playfully. I was not in the mood, nor did I find anything remotely funny about what I was going through.

  “Why are you talking to me?” I managed to ask. Didn’t she know how painful it was to think, much less speak at that moment?

  She snickered, letting me know that she did know how torturous this was, but she didn’t care because she kept talking. “I just want to know how your first time was,” she asked cryptically.

  My body shot up as a few flashes of some guy groping and kissing me quickly made an appearance in my jumbled-up head. “I didn’t? Did I?” I asked in horror.

  “You don’t remember?” she asked with wide, innocent eyes.

  “Oh God!! No! I don’t remember! I don’t remember anything after seeing Miguel flirting with that pretty girl! After that…” I trailed off and shrugged, trying to fight the tears. What had I done?

  Mel laughed and I opened my mouth to yell at her. This really wasn’t funny at all! I’d obviously done something that I knew I was going to regret, and I couldn’t even remember it! That was the worst part about it all. I would always be wondering what exactly it was that I had done. It would torture me for the rest of my life! And here she was laughing! Before I could say anything, she held her hand up to stop me. “Relax! That’s not what I meant. I meant your first time getting wasted! How was that?”

  The weight of the world immediately left my shoulders, leaving me even more drained than I was before. I couldn’t even be mad at her right now for the prank she’d just pulled. And there was no doubt in my mind that she did do it on purpose. She knew what I would think when she phrased her question like that. “I just told you I don’t remember!” I grumbled as I lay back down on the floor. It really was nice down here on the cold tile. It made my clammy body feel so much better. I sighed with contentment.

  “Oh God! Get up!” She nudged me with her foot again before standing. “That floor’s disgusting! Besides, don’t you want to know what you did do last night?” she asked with a wink, before walking out of the bathroom.

  I scrambled up to follow after her, grabbing my head with one hand and the door frame with the other, when a massive wave of dizziness took over and my head started to throb. Funny - I hadn’t even noticed the raging headache while I was puking.

  I regained my balance and slowly tottered back to Mel’s room. I flopped back down on the bed, pulling the covers up to my chin, and waited. I knew she would tell me all the humiliating and gory details when she was ready, whether I was ready or not.

  It didn’t take long. She told me about how I got plastered off only 3 or 4 beers, which apparently meant I was a total light weight and need
ed to be more careful with my future alcohol consumption. Duh! I didn’t really need her to tell me that. Puking my guts up had been enough of a reminder.

  She also told me that I made out in the middle of the dance floor with some random guy named Ryan. It all sounded somewhat familiar, but it was still kind of a blur. Then she told me the most humiliating part of all. Apparently Miguel was the one who had rescued me from Ryan, who probably would have raped me, and then he helped Ash and Mel get me into the car. Mel, of course, found all of this absolutely hilarious. It made me feel like shit.

  I had been so upset that Miguel would kiss me the way he had, and then turn around and flirt with some other girl, but I totally didn’t want him thinking I was some sort of slut who went around making out with whoever was in front of her at the time! I may have just met him last night, but scorching the kiss we shared made me feel something I’d never felt before. I knew it was stupid and probably just my whimsical child-like mind playing tricks on me, but it made me feel like Miguel and I had shared something special and that he was worth pursuing, even if he was a bit on the flirty side. Of course I told my best friend this, who promptly looked at me like I had grown another head or something.

  “You’re kidding me, right? After the way he treated you last night?”

  “But you just said he saved me and took care of me. Doesn’t that count for something?” I said quietly; not wanting to give up on him just yet.

  “Yeah, he didn’t want the cops knocking on his door when you filed rape charges after being at his house! He only cares about himself, just like every other guy!” she sneered hatefully.

  “What is your deal? Why must every guy be a piece of shit?” I asked her softly, really hoping she would tell me why she was always so angry.

  “Really, Nat? After the way your last two boyfriends treated you, you’re going to ask me that?” She gave me a condescending look, like I was a child who didn’t understand a thing.

  I ignored the look, because her statement sparked a memory of words that I couldn’t quite make out. I stared at her as I tried to remember what was said last night, but it wouldn’t surface. Mel gave me a curious look as I stared at her. She almost looked scared all of a sudden. I didn’t understand the look, but it concerned me. Mel was never scared of anything, and I immediately wondered if I was the only one who’d had a bad night. I ignored the tingling in my head of the evasive memory, in favor of reassuring my friend.

  I reached for her hand. “Hey, did something happen to you last night too? Is there anything you want to talk about?” I asked her delicately; hoping she would finally open up to me the way I always did to her. She always just shrugged her problems off and refocused her attention on me.

  This time wasn’t any different. “No, I’m fine, just a headache from drinking a little too much. Although it wasn’t nearly as much as you, apparently!” She winked at me before jumping up from the bed and heading out of her room. “Come on, I’m starving and I know you probably don’t want to eat, but you really need to. If you go home looking like that your parents are going to know something’s up, and you’re in no shape to come up with a good enough lie to get out of it.”

  I followed along obediently, while images of Miguel and haunting memories of our kiss danced in my head.

  Chapter 13

  Thoughts of Miguel continued to dance through my head often over the course of the next few weeks. I knew I would probably never see him again, but I couldn’t help but hope that I would. He was an amazing kisser, one that I was sure I would never forget, and he was gorgeous. He had also rescued me from what I was sure now would have been something awful. Ash had confirmed my fears and reaffirmed what Mel told me. If Miguel hadn’t stopped him, Ryan would have probably found some way to get me alone and rape me while I was out of it. I wouldn’t even have been able to say no or fight back. The thought sent a shiver down my spine every time I thought about it. How could I have been so stupid? Mel and Ash both told me that from then on, I would need to stick close to them until I could handle my alcohol better. Sounded like a good plan.

  I wanted more information about Miguel, and my curiosity was killing me. I knew it didn’t matter and that I would probably never see him again, but I still couldn’t help it. I finally got a chance to ask Ash about him a few weeks after the party. I know – pathetic, right? But he was still wrapped up in my mind after all that time and there had been no one to talk to about my obsession. Mel hadn’t liked me talking about him. She would roll her eyes or say something smart about how he was a player; giving me examples and names of girls she knew he had been with. Hearing the list really sucked, so I tried to keep my thoughts to myself. But finally my chance with Ash came one morning as we stopped at McDonalds on the way to school. Mel volunteered to go in for our order since the drive thru was slammed, which left Ash and I waiting in the car, alone.

  As soon as the door closed behind Mel I scooted up in between the two front seats so I could see Ash. “So how do you know Miguel? Does he go to our school?”

  “I was wondering when the inquisition would come!” Ash smirked at me, but it wasn’t like Mel’s. I could still see the teasing light in Ash’s eyes, and the kindness there. “He doesn’t go to our school. He actually graduated last year and goes to the local college.”

  “Seriously?” My eyes bugged out of my head at the fact that not only did I have a major crush on a guy who was three years older than me and in college, but that I had actually kissed a guy who was three years older than me and in college! “OMG!! I like a college guy!” I squealed, but then reality came crashing down quickly. “I like a college guy,” I repeated glumly.

  “Why do you say it like that? I know your parents probably won’t approve, but you don’t have to tell them how old he is. Just say he’s only a year older than you.” Ash shrugged like it was no big deal.

  “Ash! I don’t think I’m going to have to worry about my parents, because there’s no way I’ll ever see him again! He’s in college! And on the complete one-in-a-million chance I do see him again? He is totally not going to go for a sophomore in high school!” I slumped back into the seat in utter defeat.

  “How do you know? He seemed to be ‘going for you’ just fine the other night when he had his tongue down your throat!” she snickered.

  My cheeks heated just as my body did from the quick memory of that kiss. Then I groaned at the embarrassment of having everyone see it. “It doesn’t matter. I’m never going to see him again anyway.”

  “We’ll see,” Ash said cryptically, but before I could ask her what she meant, the car door was opening and Mel was getting in. The smell of fried hash browns and egg McMuffins reached my nose and my stomach grumbled so loudly that everyone else heard it and started laughing.

  “Hungry much?” Mel asked as she tossed me my food.

  “Starving!” I stated; unwrapping my sandwich and inhaling the heavenly smell.

  “Well don’t forget to eat less at lunch if you eat all of that. You wouldn’t want to gain any more weight, would you?” Mel shot me a look over the back of the seat before turning and opening up her own sandwich. I looked down at mine and suddenly felt less hungry.

  “Oh shut up, Mel!” Ash said, and then looked at me as she backed out of the parking lot. “Nat, you totally do not need to watch what you eat. You’re perfect.”

  “Hmm,” I heard Mel mumble, but she didn’t say anything else. She didn’t need to. I knew what that meant. She wouldn’t argue with Ash. She had already said what she needed to say. And Ash was sweet for telling me I was perfect, but I knew I didn’t need any more weight. I was already toeing the line between curvy and fat. I ate half of my sandwich and half of my hash browns, and made a mental note to eat only half of my lunch that day as well. Mel was right. I needed to be careful and watch what I ate.

  We all ate our breakfasts in silence while listening to the radio and finishing the short drive to school.

  All thoughts of Miguel and whether I would ever se
e him again, were set aside for a while. Our sophomore year was winding down, finals were swiftly approaching, and preparations for next year were being made. I needed to study so I wouldn’t bring down my mid-B average that my parents were already disappointed over, and I needed to focus on some of the stuff Mel had been telling me.

  As time passed, I found myself more and more despondent over the way I looked. I didn’t think I was good enough for a guy like Miguel, and I really wanted to be. Mel continued to show me how to dress and wear my hair and make-up, and reminded me about my eating often so that I wouldn’t gain any more weight. Ash would speak of it from time to time, trying to reassure me, but I knew she was just being nice. If I was so perfect then why didn’t I ever get asked out? Why had I only had two boyfriends and two make-out sessions, one of which I couldn’t even remember? No, Ash was just being nice. So were my parents, who often asked me if I was anorexic, and Noah, who was always giving me suggestive winks or wolf whistles when I walked by. I knew these people cared about me and only saw what they wanted to see. Mel even agreed, telling me that they saw me through rose-colored glasses and although she could see what they saw, she knew what I saw as well and wanted to help. I accepted her help with greedy fingers, taking it all in and doing everything she told me to.

  We didn’t go to anymore parties for the rest of the school year; instead we continued to hang out at Mel’s with her brother and his friends. I started drinking more, trying to slowly build up my tolerance to alcohol. I knew I would need it when we started going out again next year and for our senior year. I wasn’t going to let anything happen again without knowing it. Although we didn’t go out, we partied pretty hard at Mel’s and I found myself dragging during the week. I barely scraped by with a B average in all of my classes, because I was too tired to study for my finals and made solid C’s on all of them. Thankfully my parents would only see my final grades. They’d kill me if they saw those test grades.

  So, I finished up my sophomore year with grades good enough to satisfy my parents and avoid any sort of summer punishment. Instead of looking forward to the next school year, we planned out our summer. Mel, Ash and I had big plans. We were going to go to the beach, camping (I would have to say I was staying at Mel’s of course), chillin’ with James and his friends, and getting fucked up as much as possible. Sounded like a solid plan when we made it.