Twisted

by N. L. Greene

  “Mel?” I asked through a sob. “You let that guy do that to me? I thought you said you didn’t know until Miguel already had me?”

  “I didn’t…I mean, I saw you dancing with him, but you were smiling and laughing! I would never let anything happen to you! I knew you were upset over Miguel kissing you and then ditching you for that other girl, and I just wanted you to forget about him and have fun.” She pulled me to her and hugged me tight while whispering in my ear, “Baby girl, you know I would never have let anything bad happen to you. I just wanted you to have fun and forget about how bad you were feeling.”

  “Un-fucking-believable!” I heard Miguel mumble, but I ignored him.

  I hugged her back tightly and closed my eyes to help calm myself down. When I finally stopped crying, I opened them again to see Miguel looking at me. I believed what Mel was telling me, but by the hurt look in Miguel’s eyes, I could tell that he was disappointed that I’d taken Mel’s side. Miguel opened his mouth, but I shook my head and closed my eyes again. I was just too tired to deal with all of this right now.

  It all came down, once again, to the facts. Mel was my best friend. She had been there for me for a really long time, through a whole bunch of shit, and as much as I wanted to believe Miguel, I simply couldn’t pick him over Mel. I was only sixteen years old! Miguel wasn’t going to magically fall in love with me and marry me, but Mel and I would be friends forever. She would never ditch me for someone else, and she would never let anything bad happen to me. I had to believe that.

  Miguel left after the bathroom incident and I hoped Eric and J.T. would too, but no such luck. They watched me warily for a little while; like I might burst into incontrollable tears again for no reason, but eventually we were all laughing and talking again as if nothing remarkable had happened. By the time Mel’s dad got home from work with dinner, everything was cool again. I felt a little weird when Mel’s dad offered me a beer, but the feeling faded quickly. By the next morning when I went home, the events of the night before felt more like a bad dream than anything else.

  For the rest of the summer, I only spent the night over at Mel’s dad’s house two other times. Between her alternating weekends between her mom and dad, the times she slept at my house, and the times my parents just didn’t let me go, I didn’t spend much time there. This made it much easier to avoid seeing Miguel again. I didn’t delude myself into thinking it wouldn’t happen, I just knew that the more time that passed, the easier it would be when I finally did have to face him again.

  Chapter 16

  Junior year started and I literally couldn’t remember half of the summer. I spent as much time as I could, fucked up. It was a great feeling! I could forget about the crush I had on a guy I would never get, and I could make the world around me go away. It worked nicely. Although I only spent a couple of nights at Mel’s dad’s house, J.T. hung around when we were there, and we became close pretty quickly. He looked out for us and seemed to really care about what we were up to, and he was also a lot of fun. He wasn’t like James, either. He didn’t hit on me or Mel (which of course she blamed me for), and he treated us like sisters - but ones he actually liked. He even called me every now and then to check up on me since I didn’t come over that much. He knew how I felt about Miguel and had even tried to talk to me about it, but when I kept rebuffing his armchair psychiatry techniques, he finally gave up.

  I also took Mel’s advice much more to heart. I lost a few pounds, dropping back to a size 4 instead of a 6. I wasn’t thrilled, because I still wanted to lose more weight, but it would do for now. My parents were concerned about the weight loss, and my mom even said I was too tall to be so skinny. But I didn’t see myself as skinny when I looked in the mirror. I saw a curvy, plain girl with limp, blonde hair and pale skin. Which was why I let Mel loose on me. I gave her carte blanche; I told her she could do whatever she wanted. And she did.

  She highlighted my hair, putting in so much bleach that it turned almost white-blond. My mom freaked, but there was nothing she could do about it once it was done. After that, I always wore my hair down and straightened it like she told me to. I also changed how I wore my make-up; it became heavier and darker. In fact, I never showed up anywhere without at least mascara, eyeliner, and my pink lip gloss on. Mel even went school clothes shopping with me and my mom, helping me pick out my outfits for the first week of school. She picked things that I could leave the house in with my parent’s approval, but easily alter once I left the house. I could pull my skirt up just a little or unbutton the top two buttons on a shirt, giving me a more of a sexy look instead of a little girl one. Because of all the new changes, I got way more attention from guys. Knowing I looked good made me feel better, even if it was just superficial.

  However, even my new look and fake confidence couldn’t help my crippling depression. I had no idea where it came from but when I wasn’t partying with Mel, I felt like shit. It started to bleed over into everything I did. My grades really started to slip because I couldn’t concentrate; C’s across the board, and my parents were not thrilled. But I really couldn’t have cared less at that point. I had other, more important things that were pressing on my mind.

  Mel had been badgering me about my virginity. She had lost hers over the summer to some random guy she’d met at a party she’d gone to with Ash. One that I hadn’t been allowed to go to. She kept telling me that it wasn’t a big deal, and that I needed to lose it quick. I was going to be seventeen in a few weeks, and no guy was going to want to date a seventeen year old virgin. I started to freak out. I wanted a boyfriend, and I wanted those feelings that came along with having one. I wanted a guy to tell me I was amazing and beautiful. I wanted him to hold my hand, hug me, kiss me, and look at me like he couldn’t stand to be away from me. I wanted to be cherished and loved. Validated.

  I didn’t know why I craved that confirmation so much. My parents may have been strict, but I always knew they loved me unconditionally so I wasn’t lacking in that department. But after feeling the way I’d felt when Miguel had been with me, even if it was just for a little while, I knew I was missing something marvelous and I wanted it.

  My birthday that year fell on a weekend again, and Mel insisted we celebrate by going to a party where I would have the ‘perfect opportunity’ to take care of ‘my little problem.’ I hated it when she referred to it that way, but I’d given up arguing about it a long time ago.

  We were at lunch when Mel turned to me with her brilliant idea. “So, this weekend is your birthday…” She trailed off with a waggle of her eyebrows that I knew meant she was up to no good.

  “Oh geez, what are you up to?” I asked with mock horror.

  “We’re going to a party this weekend, and there you will meet the guy who I’ve decided will be my new boyfriend!” she said excitedly.

  “Oh really? And does this lucky guy know that he’s going to be your next boyfriend?” I honestly couldn’t help but giggle at her. She was so outrageous sometimes.

  “No he doesn’t, but he will soon enough,” she said smugly, and I didn’t doubt her. Mel usually got what she wanted.

  “So how did we find out about this guy and the party?” I started to clean my lunch up, knowing the bell was about to ring.

  Mel did the same. “He goes here, actually. He’s a senior and on the football team. We have art class together, and he invited me to the party. And because you’re my girl, you are invited as well,” she said arrogantly. I wasn’t offended though, because I knew it was true. Mel was the popular one of the two of us, and I was always invited by default.

  “Name please,” I said as I dumped my trash and we walked out of the cafeteria. Thank God we didn’t have to sit in that horrible gym anymore for lunch!

  “Sean,” she stated simply, and waited.

  “Oh!” I squealed and jumped up and down. “I totally know who you’re talking about! He’s the quarterback and he’s one of the hottest guys in school!”

  “Yes, I know.” She lifted her
chin haughtily, but then glanced at me out of the corner of her eye and started to giggle. “He’s totally mine! I cannot wait until this weekend! Your parents are going to let you go, right?”

  “Ugh! I hope so. I’ll start working on them today. I’ll do some extra chores and all that stuff so they’ll let me sleep at your house this weekend. You goin’ to your dad’s or your mom’s?”

  “Slave drivers,” Mel mumbled under her breath, and I rolled my eyes. There was no use defending them to her, and I’d stopped trying years ago. “My dad’s,” she said after a quick hesitation.

  My stomach dropped, but I didn’t give any outward sign of my distress. Mel watched me out of the corner of her eye and I could tell she was looking for it. I’d told her that I was finally over Miguel, and if I gave the slightest any indication that I wasn’t, she would never leave me alone about how much of an ass he was, how badly he’d treated me, the hateful things he’d said to her, or how she thought he was trying to get in between us. Yes, those were all things that were discussed ad nauseum for weeks after the ‘bathroom incident’. I just didn’t want to deal with it, so I pretended that I wasn’t still totally crushing over him. I don’t know why but as hard as I tried, I couldn’t seem to forget about him. He was seared in my brain and on my heart. Maybe Mel was right and I should just hook up with a guy. Maybe it really would help me forget about Miguel for good. When she seemed satisfied with my lack of response, she continued with explaining our plans for the weekend; telling me that Ash was finally sleeping over too and that we were all going together.

  “Cool. I’m so excited!” Since I hadn’t been over at Mel’s as often as before, and since now she was splitting her time between her mom and dad, I hadn’t seen Ash as much. She still drove us to and from school, but since it was her senior year she was crazy-busy. We didn’t have lunch together anymore either. I really missed her.

  “Good-because there will be a ton of hot guys there, and I think you should seriously consider picking one to sleep with,” she said before she hurried off to class; leaving me standing there, staring at her retreating back like an idiot.

  I shook off the shock of her crass comment and went to my own class. As soon as I was in my seat, my mind filled with worry. I’d done nothing but worry about what would happen if Miguel did show up, and if he did what I would say to him, just like the other two times I’d slept at her dad’s. Then I worried about why he hadn’t shown up! Did he know I was there, and if so, was he avoiding me? I knew that he’d been there since the ‘bathroom incident’, because Mel had mentioned it in passing; always watching me closely to see my reaction. Why, I didn’t know, but whatever. On top of that, now I had to worry about her pressuring me into something I knew I wasn’t ready for yet.

  “Ugh!” I said quietly under my breath, but apparently not quietly enough.

  “What’s up Nat? You okay?” Noah whispered from behind me.

  I turned in my desk to look at him, and I couldn’t stop the quick thought of why I hadn’t been ‘enough’ for him from flashing in my head. I pushed it away, like I seemed to do everything else that bothered me, and tried to answer him truthfully without going into detail. “Yeah, I’m just frustrated. But it’ll pass.” I offered what I hoped was a convincing smile.

  Noah frowned. “Nat, you know you can talk to me right? I’m always here for you.”

  Yeah, like you were when you were kissing my best friend in the seventh grade? I thought cynically in my head. God! What was wrong with me? Why was I getting mad at Noah? He had been my friend for a long time. We’d moved past that incident years ago, and although we had started to drift apart over the last year, we were still good friends. He didn’t deserve my secret scorn.

  “Yeah, I know.” I patted him on the hand and offered a small smile.

  He turned his hand over and held my hand in his. “Nat, is everything cool with you and Mel? She didn’t do anything to hurt your feelings did she?” he asked carefully.

  I felt my eyebrows draw together in confusion. “Why do you ask that?”

  He shrugged one shoulder and looked down at our entwined hands. “It’s just that Melanie’s not who you think she is, Nat.”

  “What are you talking about? I’ve known Mel for like, seven years! How could she be anything other than what I think she is?”

  “Don’t get me wrong…I know you two are tight and you know her pretty well, it’s just that sometimes I think you overlook some of the not-so-nice things about your girl, and maybe you should start paying closer attention.”

  “What are you talking about?” I was still confused, but I felt my stomach starting to ache and I didn’t like the feeling.

  “She’s not always looking out for you like you think she is.” He looked at me quietly for a second and I saw his eyes roaming my face. “You’ve changed so much these last two years, Natalie. Are you happy?”

  The achy feeling was still there and getting worse. I didn’t want to talk about my happiness or the lack thereof, and I definitely didn’t want Noah to know how miserable I was. I shoved his arm and joked. “You sound like such a girl! Is there something that’s changed about you?” I winked like I knew a secret. It was all an act, but it seemed to work.

  He narrowed his eyes and his voice was whisper soft when he answered. “Oh baby, trust me. Nothing’s changed about me.” Noah rubbed his fingers over my hand and leaned in closer so his breath touched my cheek. I cleared my throat and sat back. Noah smiled knowingly. I may have been practically in love with another guy, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t still be affected by a guy like Noah. He leaned back and stopped caressing my hand. “Don’t think I don’t know what you just did.”

  I tried to look innocent while I thought of something clever to say, but before I could, the teacher called for our attention and I had to turn back around. By the time class was over, Noah was gone, and honestly? I was thankful. I didn’t really think I wanted to know what he was getting at before.

  Mel was the only real friend I had. I hung out with other girls sometimes, but only at school. Mel and I had spent every single one of my free weekends together, which hadn’t given me much of a chance to get to know anyone else as well as I knew her. And on the rare occasion I tried to invite someone else to hang out with us, Mel would nix it right away. She would come up with some reason for not liking the girl or an excuse for why it was a bad idea. She usually had a pretty good reason that I couldn’t argue against, so Mel was all I knew. If things were different and I didn’t have her in my life, I didn’t know what I would do. If Mel suddenly decided she didn’t want to be my friend anymore, my entire world would be turned upside down. I wouldn’t have any other friends; not really. And not only did I need her in my life, but I needed her to be the same old Mel that she’d always been to me. I didn’t want to know a different Mel.

  Chapter 17

  So I begged, pleaded, and slaved away all week, hoping to convince my parents to let me go to Mel’s and the party that we (she, and by default, me) were invited to. It was my birthday weekend again, but my actual birthday wasn’t until Sunday so they hadn’t made a big deal about spending it away from the family. That still didn’t mean that they gave in right away, however. I had all but lost hope, when Friday morning my parents finally put me out of my misery and gave me permission to not only sleep over at Mel’s, but to go home with her after school. They even told me that I could stay over until noon the next day, since both of my parents had something to do with my sister Saturday morning. It was a freakin’ birthday miracle!

  Since they’d told me at the absolute last minute, I didn’t get to tell Mel and Ash until they picked me up Friday morning for school. I ran to the car; my overnight bag on one shoulder and my backpack on the other. Mel’s smile was huge when I threw myself into the back seat. “Whoo-hoo! We are going to have soooo much fun tonight!” she yelled, and high-fived Ash.

  Ash shot me a conspiratorial wink and a grin while she backed the car out of my driveway. “So w
hy did your parents wait until the last minute to let you go?”

  “Because they’re cruel and unusual.” Mel snickered.

  I rolled my eyes, ignoring how defensive her digs at my parents made me feel. “I have no idea, and I really don’t care. All I know is they let me go, and they even said I don’t have to be home until noon. I can finally sleep in!” I said with an overly dramatic sigh.

  Ash laughed as Mel shouted “Praise Jesus!” while throwing her hands in the air like she was really thanking him. I laughed too.

  When we finally stopped laughing, Mel turned in her seat to look at me, and I saw a familiar wicked glint in her eye that told me I was not going to like what she was about to say. “Soooo…” She dragged the word out, making me cringe and Ash huff at her. Mel rolled her eyes at both of us, but the calculating smile stayed in place. “What do you say we get this party started early and just skip last period? We can go to my dad’s and chill before we have to start getting ready for the party tonight.”

  My stomach rolled. I hadn’t skipped school yet. Mel had a few times, but it didn’t really count since both her dad and Cindy knew what she was doing, and she just went home when she did skip. Ash had before too, but I think her parents also knew. But my parents would absolutely kill me if they ever caught me skipping school! I would be grounded for the rest of my natural life and probably forbidden from ever seeing Mel again. My grades were already slipping and I was only half paying attention in class as it was. I knew that if I started skipping school, I would be totally screwed. I glanced at Ash to see what she thought before I answered. If she objected, Mel would be cool with it. But if I did first, she would tell me I was being a scaredy-cat or a goody-goody, and ignore me for the rest of the day as punishment. I didn’t really want to start my birthday weekend out like that.