Love Lost (Love's Improbable Possibility)

by Belvin, Love

  I eventually threw the entire call to the recesses of my mind. I started thinking about my day and the party Petey said we were supposed to be hitting up. He said it was going be off the chain. I could use a drink already after the phone call I’d just received. My cell went off again. This time it was Manny, my doorman, from the Marina high-rise. He told me that a woman dropped off a couple of things for me last night for me to get this morning. He said he couldn’t tell if she was trying to surprise me or not but she said today was my birthday and he knew I didn’t stay there every night and wanted to inform me. I asked what she looked like and he said it was the woman that was over a few weeks ago. That could be only one person especially when you factor in the only person who knew I lived there was Rayna. She just didn’t know it was a secondary home. Seeing my designer and assistants get my clothes and other personal effects in there the night before she came to give it a feeling of habitation was comical.

  I thanked him for the heads up and told him I’d be over to pick it up shortly. I showered and was out the door. On my way to Marina Del Rey, the phones started ringing off the hook. Everyone was calling with birthday wishes, even my peoples who were in from out of town. There were people asking me if I was going to the party Petey told me about causing me to grow excited with each call and I made plans to hook up with a couple of heads. When I showed up to my apartment building there was a card and a rose left for me. The rose was some variation of orange. I had no idea what that meant—celebration? The card had written in it a birthday greeting with Rayna’s signature. She wrote in the card,

  They tell me that an orange/coral colored rose represents desire and enthusiasm.

  I desire you and am enthusiastically waiting for the right time. Our time.

  Rayna

  xoxo

  I felt a smile come across my face and apparently, Manny, the doorman saw it.

  “That was an exquisite young lady over a few weeks ago. Best wishes on your birthday, Mr. Jacobs,” Manny acknowledged.

  I pulled out a fifty-dollar bill and handed it to him, “Thanks, Manny. I owe you, man.” I walked out into the sun back to my car. I sent a text to Rayna,

  Thanks. This is thoughtful. It’s nice to have something to look forward to. Anxiously awaiting.

  Rayna’s surprise gesture oddly made me forget about the abrupt call from Yazmine and look forward to the day ahead. I braced myself knowing it would be a long one. I headed downtown L.A. to meet my stylist for my birthday gear.

  That night Kid picked me up at about eight p.m. We went to The Joint and had some drinks. The goons smoked trees and offered some my way. I passed. I hadn’t smoked in almost ten years. I was too old for that shit. Three glasses of that V.S.O.P got me feeling nice. It was early but there were mad people coming into the club already. Before I knew it, it was almost ten thirty p.m. We headed out to get some grub.

  My goons rented a fully loaded luxury Rolls Royce stretched limo. As we were driving, I realized I hadn’t heard from Rayna since that morning. I guess she was giving me time with my goons and figured I’d see her tonight. I didn’t know how that was going to work out because I had no idea what they had planned. I did remember telling Petey that I would need time to meet up with her later on.

  We ate at this spot on Hollywood Blvd called Musso & Frank Grill. One of the guys swore by the place saying he’d just taken a chick there a couple of weeks ago. He said it was a good look for me. Translation—he thinks it’s upscale.

  We were about seven deep and most of those guys didn’t know how to order off the menu. They were asking for burgers and shit. It was funny as hell. We ate and drank. My dudes were on their best behavior and left peacefully.

  In the limo Wop yelled to Petey, “Yo, Crack, let’s pass by Divine’s new joint to see what type of pussy they got there tonight!”

  “A’ight! Driver, to Sunset south, please!” I thought we were supposed to be headed to some party but was down for the ride, my buzz had settled in and I was easy.

  As we pulled up to Cobalt I saw a line stretching from around the corner. The marquee read “Welcome to Hollywood! Happy Birthday, Divine.” The guys started howling and giving me dap. All I could murmur was, “Oh, shit. Y’all got me, man.”

  We pulled up front where there were photographers and a bellman who greeted us at the door with glasses of Dom Perignon and Ace of Spades. Wop and a couple of other dudes grabbed whole bottles. When I walked through the doors everyone yelled happy birthday. They flew the D.J. in from the Big Apple; a big dawg pitbull. There was a montage of pictures of me projected on one of the walls. The waitresses were all dressed in corsets and daisy-dukes with high heels. There was a cage hanging from the ceiling in one of the corners with women in see-through plastic costumes dancing erotically with each other.

  The sounds were off the chain. I had people I hadn’t seen in years come up and show me love. The place was so packed that I didn’t think a quarter of the people outside would be able to get in. The NBA, NFL, and MBL were in the house. There were a couple of my Hollywood friends, rappers, R&B singers and even local government figures in the building. The level of celebrity in the room was bananas! It made me realize how solid my connections were.

  Tara was there, too, with a pregnant belly and all. She didn’t play the role of wifey but I’m sure she fed off the fact that most people assumed she still was. I saw a few friends from the BK and Chi-town. I chatted with as many as I could. Another thing I noticed was so many of my former lovers and friends. That was crazy. I thought of Rayna but figured she probably didn’t know about it. I idly wondered if she would have enjoyed it. She was so low key, so I wasn’t too sure. I knew I’d possibly see her later so I decided to live in the moment. I was so high off surprise.

  After being there nearly an hour I ran across Petey and howled, “You got me, Ock! I know this was all you,” while giving him dap.

  “Why it gotta be on me, huhn?” he said with a big ass smile on his face.

  “I just wanna say thanks, man. This was a much needed surprise…much love to you, my ace. That’s from here, man,” I said pounding my chest referring to my heart.

  “Anything for my number one…only ‘da best,” he said screaming over the crowd.

  We split up and I continued mingling. Eventually I ended up by Tara. She waved for me to come over. It was a happy occasion so I did. She said happy birthday in my ear and smiled. I thanked her and kept it moving. I could tell she wanted more because she came out to celebrate me. That night was my night…I didn’t give a fuck. Photographers were everywhere taking pictures. It seemed like every three minutes one was calling my name asking me to smile. The others took shots with no warning.

  An hour or so into the party the D.J. asked me to take the stage. I threaded my way there through the crowd. I noticed Mark climbing the steps and joining me up there. He had a few words to share. I wasn’t ready for an emotional rant.

  He said, “Jacobs…Azmir…Divine…whatever you’re calling yourself these days. Tonight we salute you on your birthday and your impressive passage into a new socioeconomic status. You’ve conquered the streets then moved on to marketing and now you’ve added corporate America to your resume.” He then turned toward the audience and continued, “Who else do we know that has, at their party, about half the guests drug dealers, an old college professor, members of government, rappers like Jay Z, Common, Kanye, Lil’ Jon, Snoop, Dre, Nelly, and the like, members of the National Basketball Association, National Football League, two professional boxers, several comedians and actors? I mean, really! Only one man can have all of this and be a friend of mine. We salute Mr. Azmir Divine Jacobs!”

  The place went crazy. I was so touched that I let his ass live on that drug dealer comment. I didn’t want to confirm his suspicions. But I’m sure my goons wanted to snipe his ass right where he stood.

  As he left the stage, almost on cue the D.J. played a Hov cut. The photographers started flashing their cameras in my face. The bright lights
were killing my buzzed eyes. This chick…a dancer came out of nowhere wearing big shades and a tan trench coat over lots of gold. She was spinning toward the other side of the stage where Jay was. Where did he come from? I was hoping this wasn’t Jay’s girl performing the way that they do at shows, but for me. She’s dope as hell, but I wasn’t with that shit!

  I heard Jay on the mic say, “It ain’t for everybody!” The beat dropped hard. The woman came back toward me handing me a camera. She carried a familiar scent. She mouthed, “Take my picture,” and had this striking look on her face. It wasn’t Jay’s girl—it was my girl—Rayna! My mouth flew open just as she said, “Let’s not even talk about it. Let’s go!” The word surprise doesn’t even describe the emotion I felt. That’s when it hit me. I was getting my own private dance from Ms. Brimm.

  These dudes are crazy for thinking this shit up! I thought, even through my drunken gaze.

  She tossed her shades and swung off her coat. The number she wore hugged her body perfectly. I felt my erection come on. The little gold coochie panty-shorts and bra to match with the stilettos had me going. She swayed her hips and gyrated around me like I had never seen. The crowd was all the way live with her performance. She moved perfectly with the beat and teased me lip syncing “I see your face. You wanna touch it…” At one point in the dance, she threw her leg over my shoulder and invited me to smell her. I was so aroused it hurt.

  Every time the song called out the word “lights” there were about a hundred flashes hitting us. Although she didn’t attempt to lip sync the song there were a few lines she emphasized by mouthing. At the end of the song, her movements sped up and she ended it on the floor crawling to me acting out the lyrics like a beautiful analogy. But it was a bit of sexual suggestion mixed with the message of the song. She looked me dead in the eyes so seductively. As she did this, Jay added a few closing lines to the track as Rayna was sprawled out on the floor reaching out to me in an act of desperation. She mouthed the last ‘oh-o-o-oh’s’ of the song.

  I don’t know if it was the liquor or the true allure of this woman but by the end of the song, she had captured me. Others in the room must have noticed it because I found Jay at the other end of the stage laughing hysterically. I heard others laughing, too, which led me to snap out of the trance I was in. When I did, Rayna was standing in front of me laughing with humility. She was trying to hug me as a sign of professional showmanship. I could tell she noticed I was entranced. I reached down and hugged her for a while…but wanted to do more. She kept it cool so I did the same.

  I started following her ass off the stage until I felt someone jab me playfully. I turned around to find it was Jay who was still laughing heartily along with the crowd. He handed me the mic and walked off stage still heavily amused. I tried regaining my composure.

  I attempted to clean it up by saying, “Damn, Hov, I now know how you feel on stage!” while gawking toward the area of the stage where Rayna made her exit. “I don’t know how you can watch all that AND perform, my nigga! Daaaaaamn!” I growled looking at him. Still laughing, he shrugged his shoulders in agreement with me.

  I gave a few words of thanks and left the stage feeling too out of it to spend time revealing my gratitude. I was talking with a few people when I felt someone tug my jacket. Before I could fully turn around Rayna had thrown her arms around me and hugged me tightly from behind. I turned around with a silly smile on my face.

  She shrieked, “Did you like it?”

  “You couldn’t tell?” Rayna stood there cheesing. I asked did she come alone and she told me that her choreographer, Jimmie and girls, Michelle and Britni had accompanied her.

  “Please wave at Jimmie who made me swear to tell you that all the hard work and long hours of the choreography was well worth it once he saw the expression on your face when I came out and your reaction to the number once it was over. He won’t leave until you acknowledge him,” Rayna cried like a child relaying a message from a parent.

  She pointed him out and I nodded and raised my drink, giving him affirmation of my approval. He had his hands full with what I assumed was her stage costume. He waved back and winked his eye at me. Again, the liquor forgave and excused everything that night.

  It was dinnertime in VIP. I sat at a booth with Rayna, her people, Petey, his wife, Kid, Wop, Chanell and a few other heads. The party planner, Lisa, came over to inform me that they’d hired a well scored chef and she believed I’d be enjoying my meal that evening. The waiters brought out lobsters, steaks, and an assortment of seafood. They held no punches with the menu. While chowing down, an adjacent VIP booth caught my attention. There I saw Tara and two of her girlfriends. She was staring me down. I couldn’t understand for the life of me why she had come.

  Back at the table, there were explosions of laughter and an abundance of jokes as usual. Everyone gave Rayna her props on her dope performance. Well, everyone except Syn. She just kept quiet while we we’re on that topic. Rayna humbly accepted the compliments. My goons clowned me on my reaction to her without missing a beat. It was all good, though. Not too long after, the emcee announced the night’s performer, my man, Mos Def.

  “Ohhhhhh!” I cheered caught up in the moment. He performed several of his classic hits and he closed with a few of his latest joints. I was blown away. It became a freestyle fest after that. Common grabbed the mic and Kanye followed up. It didn’t last long enough for me but it was off the chain!

  Rayna announced in my ear that she had to go take care of a few things before getting up with me later. I grew apprehensive. “Brimm, baby, I really don’t know what time I’ll be done with Petey and the guys. You want me to find out?” I asked.

  “No, don’t worry. I told you that I’ll wait until you’re done,” she assured with an infectious smile.

  “But I don’t want to have you waiting,” I said very concerned. I was tempted to ask her to stay with me and we’d have a better shot at ending the night earlier together rather than apart.

  “Listen, Kim isn’t trying to hear Petey being out all night; not even with you. I’ll be fine. Just call when you’re done,” she said then she kissed me on the cheek and gave me a sexy wink of the eye.

  As she turned to walk away, I couldn’t resist tapping her on the ass. She turned around, batted her eyes and bit her bottom lip. Damn…I can’t wait to taste that ass! Michelle was right on her heels, but not before tapping me on the shoulder.

  “Oh goodnight, Michelle,” I bid. She didn’t look like the healthy Michelle from the boardroom months ago but seeing her here proved that she was in good condition and for that, I was happy.

  “I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. And I’m sure your private performance surprised you…?” Michelle asked grinning.

  “Hell yeah. I was pleasantly surprised. She did her thing?”

  “Happy birthday, Azmir and many, many more”.

  “Thanks, Michelle. I’m happy to have shared it with you,” I said while reaching down to hug her. After our embrace she followed after Rayna.

  I stayed at the party for about another hour and a half. I greeted guests, heard spontaneous performances, and even collected quite a few gifts. To my surprise, Tara stayed for a while. When she and her crew were about to leave they came over. Her girls made small talk with me. One of them, Sheila, even tried to throw in, “Azmir, I guess the next time I’ll be seeing you is at the shower…” She left the comment opened for a response to which, I said, “It was really nice of you ladies to come out to celebrate my birthday with me and my peoples. I hope you get home safely. Take care, Tara.” And with that I walked off. I could tell Tara was about to say something but I took all that I could stand of her and her pretentious friends. I never liked that Sheila either.

  Petey came over while I was speaking with a few friends from Chi-town and said it was time to go. I looked at my watch that read about two fifteen a.m. I didn’t ask any questions. I wrapped up the conversation by thanking them for coming and then politely excused myself.
On the way to the door everybody and their mother was trying to get my attention but Petey yelled frenetically to the goons surrounding me telling them that we had to go and to keep me moving. Thank goodness for that because I would’ve never gotten out of there in good timing.

  When we made it outside I immediately noticed that I was climbing into a BMW 7 Series with Wop at the wheel instead of the stretch Royce we’d pulled up in. I asked Petey what was up with that.

  “This here is where we part, duke. I hope you had a good time tonight. I got some things to wrap up inside so I’ll check in wit’ chu in a few hours, Ock,” Petey handed me some heat, after which giving me dap.

  He only gave me a piece when he wasn’t escorting me somewhere that he wasn’t too sure about. I hate surprises but the little bit of buzz I had left told me to just chill. So, I jumped in the Beamer and asked Wop, “Where to now, duke?” He just peeled off screeching the tires and all.

  While driving, not only did I have to deal with the suspense of my destination, but I had to also endure the torture of listening to my twenty-year-old comrade carry on a conversation with one of his lady friends.

  “Yeah, girl! I told you I’m working now. I’ll be off soon and granddaddy dick is coming your way. Im’ma bust that cherry and make you call me daddy! You gonna tell me who pussy dat is. You like dat don’t you?” he sang into his cell. Giving me another reason to be grateful for my age.

  My phone vibrated taking my mind off their exchange. It was a text message: How long will you be?

  It was Rayna. It’s not like I forgot about her but I was trying to oblige my goons before I indulged and retreated for the night–well morning now. I needed to know where we were going. This is starting to annoy the fuck out of me!

  I’m not sure but will find out soon! I texted back.

  Shortly thereafter, we pulled up in front of the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills. I looked at Wop, “What the fuck?”

  “I ‘on’t know, Chief. ‘Dis where ‘dey told me to drop you,” he responded looking terrified. He could pick up my loss of patience. The door attendant walked up to the car door and opened it.