Love Lost (Love's Improbable Possibility)

by Belvin, Love

  “At nine thirty, Mrs. Ginn.”

  “Okay. I’ll go grab a cup of coffee to get started.”

  I went into my office to let down my things and start up my desktop. I dropped the shopping bag filled with my clothes and toiletries from my overnight stay in my small office closet and before I could sit down there was a knock at my door.

  “Come in,” I granted mindlessly as I clicked the icons on my computer for programs I needed to fire up to use right away.

  Sharon poked her head in, “Peter, the head cook from the rec is here with a delivery for you. He said he doesn’t want it to get cold so I have him right here.”

  A delivery? I didn’t place an order. Confused and interested in getting to the bottom of this I nodded tentatively. Sharon moved aside and Peter, an average height Caucasian man with beautiful grays eyes, strolled in and handed me a clear plastic bag wrapped with two tan Styrofoam containers inside. My eyes bounced around in bewilderment as I accepted the bag from him.

  “Ms. Brimm, Mr. Jacobs called first thing this morning and asked that I deliver this to you by nine. I hope you enjoy,” Peter explained expeditiously before turning on his heels. The sound of Azmir’s name made my insides clench and right away I felt the soreness from him being there again and again and again and again mere hours before. Peter’s presentation was brisk but not exactly rude.

  “Thanks,” I muttered while eyeing the bag. That quickly, Peter exited my office and Sharon closed the door behind him but not before giving me a knowing grin. She knew better than to ask about my affairs with Azmir. She was always professional and as a woman of a certain age, she was filled with etiquette to my benefit.

  My stomach growled as the aroma from the contents of the bag filled my nostrils. I’d totally forgotten about breakfast after hearing the news of the new reporting format. I opened the containers to find a cheese, tomato and onion omelet, home fries potatoes and turkey sausages. My stomach suddenly felt ravished so I picked up the utensil set that was nestled in a nicely folded napkin and set about feasting until my appreciation of the mouth-watering smell brought back my manners. I grabbed my phone and took a picture of the food. Checking the time again and realizing Azmir hadn’t returned my previous text, probably because he was still in transit to New York, I decided to send the picture to him anyway and include the caption:

  A girl can get used to getting fed…and so well. :-)

  After hitting send, I barely tasted the food as I nearly swallowed it whole while playing around with the new reporting software before heading into my first patient.

  My morning blurred past and before I could sit down and exhale at my desk, I heard my cell phone ring. I had a singe of enthusiasm in my belly wondering if it was Azmir calling since I hadn’t heard from him all morning. Thoughts of hope and all things merry came to a screeching halt when I saw Sebastian’s name displayed on the I.D.. I’d totally forgotten he’d called. As much as I didn’t want to hear from him, I had to face the music sooner or later and decided to get it over with.

  “Rayna Brimm.”

  “Oh! She finally answers my calls.” His slimy voice made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Sebastian always sounded as if he had a reservoir of saliva stuck in the back of his mouth. I loathed the sound of it.

  “Sebastian. How may I help you this fine afternoon?” I tried keeping the derision out of my voice. I just wanted to get this brief conversation over with.

  “I’m cashing in a favor.” His tone was condescending.

  “Oh?” No…God, no! I cried deep inside.

  “Yes. An associate of mine is hosting an album release party on Sunday at a lounge he runs. He’s invited me to come and check it out a few times but I’ve declined until now.” My heart dropped. I knew where the conversation was going at his first sentence. What got me was the way he tried to word it as though he was in high demand by this associate when in reality Sebastian was too corny to be begged to show to any social event. I checked back in to hear the last of his torment. “I’m sure you can make yourself available on Sunday evening to join me.”

  There was silence on the phone. I hated being coerced into going places with Sebastian and he knew it. I think he sometimes sat and thought of ways to harass me knowing that my obligation to him would force me to relent to his torture. At least a half a dozen of excuses came to mind but there was no reliable one that Sebastian would buy. After expelling a lungful exhale I answered, “I’ll move a few things around. Text me the time and address and I’ll meet you there.”

  “Oh, no. I’ll pick you up at nine. Be on time, sugar.” I shivered at his term of endearment that wasn’t meant to endear at all. I had nothing but disdain in my heart for Sebastian and the worst part of it all was that he knew it and didn’t care.

  I quickly ended my conversation with Sebastian after arranging for him to pick me up at Michelle’s. My mood went from tense to somber in the matter of a phone call. Not long after that conversation Sharon called me on the office line asking if I wanted to order out Japanese, to which I agreed seeing that I would have a working lunch. I got off with her after giving my order and called to inform Michelle of my cancellation of Erin’s recital. With her being a colleague, she totally understood the restraints I was under and offered to break the news gently to Erin. My heart tore at that prospect but I accepted the fate of my evening and dug straight into work.

  About two hours later, I received a text from Azmir. A cool rush ascended from my feet to the top of my spine at the alert from my phone. What a nice break from a stressful day.

  Ms. Brimm, thanks for checking in with me. My flight was long but we landed without turbulence or delay. Your perspective of my gratitude is duly noted. It is never my intention to degrade you or make you feel less than the intelligent, especial, and the sexy woman you are. No problem on the breakfast. Your heeding goes both ways: a man can get used to getting fed too…especially when the dish being served is as delicious as you. Thanks again for adding excitement to my otherwise mundane business travel. It was fun. I hope to hear from you sooner rather than later. PS - I like your smiley faces…

  Sooner rather than later? What did that mean?

  That means he wants you to call him—like pick up the phone and say hello.

  I fought with my common sense. I didn’t want Azmir to get bored with me so quickly and put an end to the pure exhilaration that I’ve been experiencing since seeing him. My introspection was halted when Sharon paged me to inform me that my last patient of the day had been escorted to the exam room. I dropped my phone back into my purse in the desk draw. I decided to give a well thought out reply after I was done with the patient.

  Before I could head back to my office, my thoughts were derailed upon learning that one of my PT assistants was being hauled off to jail. Apparently there was a warrant for his arrest and he had been served at work. I was a little shaken and embarrassed for him. It was my responsibility to make human resources aware of the situation immediately for their deliberations and I did that after the medley had died down from other patients and staff crowding the small reception area. I jumped right back into work after placing the call.

  The new system was just that—new. It had taken a few tries for me to acclimate myself to the software recalling how the inept training that we received hadn’t prepared me at all for using it. I remained stowed away in my office until I finished my third examination of the completed reports. I wanted to be sure they were correct and accurate. I emailed them off to management and leaned back in my chair sighing of exhaustion. When I glanced out the window, I saw the sun was setting on the long summer day and checked the time. I couldn’t believe it was after seven at night. I noted Erin’s recital may have been still in full swing and it wasn’t too late to go pick up a bouquet of flowers and cupcakes from her favorite bakery.

  I grabbed my things prepared to leave the office, not forgetting my overnight shopping bag. When I entered the reception area, I said goodnight to Tim, the evenin
g maintenance man for the practice. I walked outside and saw my black Chevy Cavalier parked exactly where I’d left her the day before. I threw my things in the passenger seat and climbed into the driver’s side to fire her up but she stalled instead.

  “C’mon, girl. Not tonight. I have to get out of here,” I begged but she continued to wheeze. After a few more tries I collapsed my head on the steering wheel at the realization that my car was dead. During the last emergency trip to the repair shop, Eddie warned me that she was on her last leg. I just needed a few more months to get ahead on my bills then I could replace her.

  I picked up the phone to call the only person that I knew to call. Michelle answered the phone with classical music in the background. She asked if I was okay and I lied and told her that I was and to call when she was done. Frustration set in and I sat there with a million thoughts running through my head. That was interrupted by a knock on my window. I jumped, startled by abrupt clamor. It was Brett, Azmir’s assistant. His brilliant green eyes and crestfallen lips cried of concern.

  “I’m sorry for startling you. You okay, Ms. Brimm?” he spoke through the glass clearly aware of my horror-stricken face. With my right hand clenched to my chest, I opened the door with my left and got out.

  “You scared the shit out of me, Brett,” I muttered still trying to catch my breath.

  “It won’t start?” Brett seemed to ignore my initial shock and moved around me to jump in the car to give it a try himself.

  “No. I think she’s a goner,” I mumbled with pain in my voice. He tried a few times himself with no success. He got out and said, “Yeah, it’s not moving at all. How are you getting home? It’s getting dark.”

  “I know. I had a late day. I see I’m not the only one.” I sighed.

  “This is actually kind of early for me. I can leave out close to ten at night some days.” He chortled lightly. Brett was taller than I’d realized, having to be Azmir’s height at least. I could tell his silky golden blonde hair was recently cut and combed up out of his face, something different from his norm.

  “You live in Redondo Beach, right? I can give you a lift.” I froze at those words. Being a single migrant new to Los Angeles, those words of offering a lift always raised red flags. I had to remind myself that Brett was Azmir’s trustworthy assistant and couldn’t get very far if he’d raped and murdered me, though I didn’t want to take the chance.

  Hesitantly I compromised, “My girlfriend just changed her cell number a few days ago, and I haven’t stored it in my phone yet. I have it written down in my office. Let me go call her to see if she can give me a lift before I inconvenience you. Okay?”

  “Sure. No problem!” Brett exclaimed as he pulled out his phone and began punching in numbers. I paced myself back to the office door trying to be sure not to give away my haste. I made my way into my desk and dialed Azmir. He answered on the second ring.

  “Rayna, are you okay?” he sounded anxious and concerned.

  “A-Azmir, yes. Yes, I’m fine. I hate to bother you but I’m calling because my car seemed to have died on me tonight and your assistant found me stranded in the parking lot. He’s offering me a ride home but…I guess I’m a little hesitant because I don’t know him. I hate to sound so prudish.”

  “Brett’s on my other line making me aware of the problem. Hold on, let me hang up with him.” I held on and overheard him telling Brett to make sure I get to my door safely and thanking him, reminding me that Azmir had two mobile phones. I guess I got his personal line, at least I’d hoped so. Azmir returned to the phone. “He’s a trusted employee and is efficient enough to know that if a woman that I send gifts to and has traveled with is in despair to be at her disposal. He’ll get you home safely, I promise.”

  “Thanks, Azmir.” I sighed. I felt a sense of relief and hoped that I didn’t sound like an eighty-year-old distrusting hag. I suddenly became embarrassed by my doubtfulness.

  “How long had you been sitting out there? I would have hated to know that you were stranded and not had a way home. It’s getting pretty late.”

  “I hadn’t been out there long. It’s just that Michelle is at her daughter’s recital and I don’t want to call her away from it.” My fingers nervously intermingled with the phone cord.

  “Brett said it sounds dead. Do you need transportation in the interim? I can arrange for it.” He was eager to assist and although I was faced with the dilemma of finding a way to and from work and dance class, there was no way I was going to let him think I was needy.

  “No, Azmir. I’ll be fine. I’ll just have to pull a rabbit out of a hat. I always do.” My sighing wouldn’t stop. I was so exasperated. What started out as an idyllic day progressed horribly.

  “Are you sure? It would be no hassle at all.” I heard the undertone in Azmir’s voice pleading with my pride. But I was fine and had been faced with bigger obstacles than this. I would just have to pull the last few dollars from my meager savings and pray that it’s enough to get a reliable hooptie.

  “Mr. Jacobs, having your assistant give me a lift home is a huge relief. You’ve done more than enough. I better go. He’s still outside waiting on me.” I offered a rueful chuckle trying to sound resolved, though I was far from it.

  There was a little pause before Azmir gave a mirthless chortle, “Oh, yeah. I guess I’m the girlfriend who isn’t available to come pick you up,” he was referring to the line I’d just given Brett as an excuse to get in here and call him.

  “Right,” I breathed, blanketed in shame. “Good night, Azmir and thanks again.” I thought I’d be having an entirely different exchange with him to end my day. I suddenly recalled the text I hadn’t gotten around to replying to.

  “Good night, Ms. Brimm.” The call ended with me feeling more frustrated and discontented than I did before learning my car had died. First, the new reporting system, then having to cancel on Erin, then Sebastian’s annoying request, then my car failing, now feeling like I’ve left Azmir hanging. I was only happy the day was over. I brooded the entire way out the door.

  I waved Brett off and watched him disappear at the nearest traffic light. When I got inside my house I went straight to the fridge hoping to get lucky on something decent to help end the hunger pangs. I settled for a pack of crackers and peanut butter. I sat at my wooden kitchen table nearly an hour trying to figure out how I would bring heaven to Earth and get around in the upcoming weeks when my cell phone trilled. It was Michelle checking in. I returned her text, telling her about my dilemma. She was upset at my loss of a car but also emphasized the disappointment of not being debriefed of my evening with Azmir.

  The mention of that brought ringing sensations throughout my body. I’d been so busy that day that I didn’t have a moment to recall our sensual and meaningful time together. I’d been introduced to a new level of lovemaking with Azmir, hell—period. I felt sensations with him that I never knew existed, even more than I bargained for.

  Michelle offered to pick me up in the morning and we agreed that I’d stay over her place until I found a car with the little pennies I could muster together. Another text alert hitting my phone caught my attention. It was Azmir asking if I was okay and tucked in for the night. I explained that I was in but being tucked in required another individual to do the tucking. He thought it was funny. Before ending our text he asked if I’d come up with a means to get to work. I explained how I had worked out something temporarily with Michelle until I can figure out something more permanent. He didn’t seem too keen on my response when he replied a simple “Okay”. I asked him not to worry about it and assured him that I’d be fine. We said our good nights and I turned down for bed.

  The next morning Michelle had given me a lift to work after dropping Erin off to camp. I arrived minutes before my first patient and dug right into work. We agreed that after work we’d shoot over to my place to pick up a few days’ worth of clothing so that I could crash with them until I came up with a plan. I told myself that I’d wait until the weekend to f
igure something out.

  Around eleven a.m., Sharon paged me while I was in the pool room with a patient. She said someone was asking for me at the front desk. I thought it was strange considering I wasn’t expecting anyone, but stranger things have happened. I told her that I’d be out in fifteen minutes.

  When I arrived at the front desk Sharon motioned over to a gentleman whose back was turned to me as he perused the art on the wall, art that I was very proud of since I selected all of the décor throughout the office. He was tall with a medium build and salt specks dispersed throughout his dark hair. There was something about his frame that seemed familiar to me.

  “Excuse me, are you looking for…” The man turned to me and I was immediately aware of who he was. A warm smile eclipsed his face. “Ray?”

  “Ms. Brimm. Always a pleasure.” Azmir’s driver was as pleasant and bubbly as ever, I’d just hoped that my sheer shock of him being at my job didn’t come off as rude.

  “Same here, Ray. I’m surprised to see you here. Is there something I can help you with?”

  “Actually, you can. Could you follow me outside?” he asked very politely and in an official’s capacity. I instinctively turned to Sharon knowing my next patient was either in the waiting room or in the exam room. Sharon’s eyes widened with confusion as well. Ray had always given off an avuncular vibe when I traveled with Azmir. I had no reason to believe he was mistrusting.

  “S-sure. Will this be quick? I have a patient waiting.”

  “It will take less than five minutes. We’re going just beyond the doors,” he assured and I looked over to Sharon who nodded her head, gesturing she was aware of me going with Ray.

  Once outside, Ray walked me over to a parked car. It was midnight blue and rather massive. He clicked the car key pad as he walked over to the driver’s side and opened the door. I stood at the rear wondering what this was about.

  “Over here, sweetheart.” Ray waved for me to come nearer. Feeling a bit odd, I complied. He sat down in the car but kept one leg outside on the ground.