Dream Stalkers

by Tim Waggoner

  “What’s Jinx talking about?” Russell asked me – or at least the person he thought was me.

  “Russell!” Jinx shouted, and then grabbed him and planted one right on his kisser.

  Concerned – okay, in a mild panic – I pulled Jinx away from Russell. Russell looked confused, but not all that unhappy by what had just happened. Men.

  Bloodshedder looked at Jinx and me, her head cocked to the side in confusion. She could sense that something wasn’t right, but she couldn’t tell what it was.

  “Way to go, Audra,” Jinx said, giving me a pouty face. “And I was just about to slip him some tongue.”

  “My tongue,” I said. “And the only person who gets to make decisions about where and when it gets slipped is me.”

  “I was just trying to speed things up a little,” he said. “I mean, the whole ‘will they or won’t they’ act plays well on TV, but in real life it gets old pretty fast.”

  I raised a fist, intending to punch him on the arm, but he stepped back and raised both palms in a placating gesture.

  “Careful. You hit this body with that fist, and you’re liable to break a few bones. And your body doesn’t heal as fast as mine.”

  I lowered my – Jinx’s – fist, feeling like an idiot.

  Jinx smiled. “Maybe now you’ll have a greater appreciation for the self-restraint I have to exert day in and day out to keep from murdering you.”

  I gave him a sour look. “Believe me, I know exactly what it’s like.”

  By this time Mordacity and Deacon had joined us. Mordacity confirmed that both Lady Grimalkin and Catermolar were dead, and Deacon said that he’d take care of seeing they received a proper cremation and memorial. The bodies of dead Incubi continue to transform between Day and Night Aspects until they eventually return to the Maelstrom energy from which they were formed. But that process can take days, even weeks, and, in the meantime, it wouldn’t do to have Incubi corpses inspected by a medical examiner. On Earth, Incubi make certain that the bodies of their dead brothers and sisters are cremated as soon as possible without being examined, which usually means taking care of it themselves, one way or another.

  When Mordacity and Deacon were finished talking, Russell turned to them.

  “Do either of you know what the hell’s going on with Audra and Jinx?” he asked. “Did the assassins do this to them somehow?”

  “It’s called Blending,” Deacon said. His trunk quivered, and I had the impression he was fighting back laughter. He quickly explained the basics to Russell.

  “Oh, my God,” Russell said, when Deacon was finished. “Do you mean I really just kissed–”

  Jinx grinned and waggled his-my fingers at Russell, who looked like he was going to be sick. Then Russell turned back to Deacon.

  “Do you think the same thing could happen to Bloodshedder and me?” He looked at his demonic dog partner, and she let out a yip.

  “She said ‘You should be so lucky’,” Jinx translated.

  “We’ve seen a Somnacologist,” I said. “He gave us some medicine to take for Blending.”

  “Whatever he gave you, it’s obviously not doing its job,” Deacon said.

  Mordacity didn’t find anything about our situation amusing.

  “I didn’t realize your condition was this bad,” he said. “If it continues to worsen, you could risk total persona breakdown.”

  “That doesn’t sound good,” I said.

  “It isn’t,” Deacon confirmed, all traces of humor gone now. “Your mind and Jinx’s will become so intermingled that you won’t know where one of you begins and the other ends.”

  “What’s so bad about that?” Jinx said. “Audra and I enjoy being close.” He came over and gave me a side hug. “We lurv each other!”

  I shoved him off me as gently as I could, and I still nearly knocked him on his-my ass.

  “The result would be madness for you both,” Mordacity said.

  Jinx opened his-my mouth, but I said, “No jokes,” and, after giving me a dirty look, he stuck my tongue out at me. But he didn’t say anything.

  “And that’s the best-case scenario,” Deacon said. “There’s a chance you’d both die.”

  I scowled at Deacon. “Aren’t you just a fucking ray of sunshine?”

  “So what can we do about it?” Russell said.

  “We don’t have to do anything,” I said. “I told you, Jinx and I are under a doctor’s care. We’ll be fine.”

  “At the risk of getting called another ‘fucking ray of sunshine’,” Russell said, “you and Jinx have been inside each other’s bodies for at least ten minutes. Have you experienced a switch that’s lasted this long before?”

  “No,” I admitted. “But Doctor Menendez said it might take some time to get our Blending under control.”

  I didn’t want to show it, but Russell’s words had scared me. The longer Jinx and I inhabited each other’s body, the more I worried that maybe this time we wouldn’t switch back. Maybe this time the change would be permanent.

  None of the other customers in the bar had said anything since the fighting had died down, and I was uncomfortably aware that everyone in the place was watching us and listening intently to our conversation. Despite the warm welcome Jinx and I had received when we’d entered Wet Dreams, more than a few of the people here tonight had reason to want to get some payback on us. If we remained stuck in each other’s body, that meant we weren’t up to our full fighting strength, and that made us vulnerable. I wondered how long it would take for word to spread throughout the Incubi community here in Chicago as well as in Nod. Those two assassins might turn out to be the least of our worries. I decided we should change the subject, and fast.

  “Does anyone know anything about those strange guns the assassins carried?” I asked.

  “I’ve never seen anything like them,” Mordacity said. “But they’re deadly as hell, as we saw.”

  I never would’ve stirred up shit in the bar if I’d known the assassins had been packing weapons that destructive. But how could I have known? No one had ever seen anything like them before.

  “I tried to knock the lizard lady’s gun out of her hand before you and I switched,” Jinx said. “But it shattered like glass when Cuthbert Junior hit it. I doubt there’s enough left intact to put under a microscope.”

  I turned to Deacon, but he held up his hands. “Don’t ask me. Even if I did know what the damn things are, I’m not going to answer any more of your questions for free – not after the trouble you brought in here tonight!”

  I sighed. “How long are we banned this time?”

  He thought for a moment, taking a quick glance around the bar as he did. I had the feeling that, if so many people hadn’t been watching, he might’ve let the matter drop. But people were watching, and he said, “One month.”

  “Fair enough,” I said.

  Deacon nodded, gave Jinx and me a stern look for good measure, and then headed to the bodies of Lady Grimalkin and Catermolar, calling for several Incubi to help him with them. Some of the other patrons took this opportunity to leave. Most were Ideators who’d had enough rough and tumble for one night. The rest were Incubi, who I feared were heading out to spread the word about Jinx’s and my Blending problem.

  Vertigo took hold of me then, hitting me far worse than it had the last time. When the dizziness faded, I found myself back in my own body looking up at Russell. He’d caught me before I could hit the floor. Jinx, however, hadn’t had anyone to catch him, and he lay on his side where his body had fallen. As if she felt sorry for him, Bloodshedder padded over on razor-claw feet and began licking his face with her black forked tongue.

  “At least she doesn’t mind kissing me,” Jinx said. He patted Bloodshedder on the head before standing. As he got to his feet, I caught a glimpse of something stuck to the back of his jacket.

  I disengaged myself from Russell’s arms – a bit reluctantly, I must admit – and walked over to Jinx.

  “Turn around,” I said.


  He frowned, but he did as I asked. His jacket and shirt were shredded and bloody from where the reptilian assassin had raked him with her claws, but the chalk-white flesh beneath looked as if it was well into the healing process. But none of that had drawn my attention. What had was a small piece of memo pad paper that had been taped to his jacket just above where he’d been wounded. There was writing on it.

  Are you clown enough?

  I removed it and handed it to Jinx. He read, sounding out the words as he went, even though I knew he didn’t need to.

  “Isn’t that what the clown with the hula hoop said to you in Nod?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Weird. Did you feel anyone put it on my back when you were inside me?”

  “I’m really uncomfortable with you referring to our mind-switch like that, but no, I didn’t.”

  “I didn’t feel anyone do it before our switch.” He shrugged and tucked the note away in a pocket. Then he scowled. “Hey, where did the Fatty Banana go?”

  We all looked to the table where the Fata Morgana had been sitting, but of course she wasn’t there.

  “Did any of you see her leave?” Russell asked.

  We all shook our heads. Then it hit me.

  “You remember that she was here. More than that, you remember who she is.”

  Russell, Mordacity, Jinx, and even Bloodshedder exchanged confused looks.

  “Uh, yeah,” Jinx said. “Shouldn’t we?”

  His question caught me by surprise. I was thrilled they remembered the Fata Morgana – and even more thrilled that I did. But I couldn’t explain why. All I knew is that it came as a great relief to me.

  “Of course you should,” I said. “Come on, let’s get out of here before Deacon gets any more pissed off than he already is.”

  I started toward the door, and, even though I couldn’t see it, I knew the others exchanged one last set of puzzled looks before following.

  Seven

  The assassins weren’t waiting for us outside. I didn’t think they would be stupid enough to try to kill us again so soon, not when Jinx and I had our guard up and had allies with us. But you never know. As we walked out, Jinx had jumped up and pulled Cuthbert Junior free from the ceiling, and now we were standing in the alley next to the bar. Mordacity’s hood had a cape, and he drew it up now to conceal his features, where Russell did the opposite, removing his hood. Bloodshedder stayed behind the rest of us, so that no one could see her from the street.

  “Find us a Door, Jinx,” I said. I turned to Russell. “That is, unless your masters are willing to save us the trouble and open a portal for us right here.”

  “Masters?” Mordacity asked. “And by the way, who is this young man?”

  “Sorry, Mord,” Jinx said, twirling his hammer one-handed as if it were a majorette’s baton. “Audra’s still working on learning her manners.”

  Mordacity’s hand fell to his sword. In his Night Aspect, he was much more of a tight-ass, all knightly code of honor and stuff. He took offense if someone didn’t show him the respect he thought a knight of his rank was due, and he loathed it when Jinx called him Mord. Which was why, during our training period, Jinx had done it every chance he’d gotten.

  Russell introduced himself. “I’m Russell Pelfrey, although, on the street, I go by Nocturne. My Incubus is Bloodshedder.”

  “Nice to meet you. I’m Mordacity.”

  Russell smiled. “I know who you are. Everyone in Nod does.”

  “Are you going to ask him for his autograph now?” I asked.

  Russell glared at me, but I ignored him.

  “He poses as a mercenary,” I added. “But he really works for an oh-so-mysterious group that call themselves the Thresholders.”

  “Oh, them,” Mordacity said.

  I don’t know who was more surprised by Mordacity’s words – me or Russell.

  “How much do you know about them?” Russell asked.

  “More than you’d like, I’m sure,” Mordacity said. If his bone face had been capable of smirking, I’m sure he would’ve done so then.

  Russell scowled, clearly unhappy with Mordacity’s response, but he let it go.

  “My employers only create portals when necessary,” he said. “Otherwise, they prefer we make use of Doors like everyone else.”

  “Energy conservative, eh?” Mordacity said. “Makes sense. Inconvenient, though.”

  “All right, Jinx,” I said. “You heard the man. No free rides tonight.”

  Before Jinx could respond, Bloodshedder let out a playful yip, leaped onto the side of the building, and skittered up the wall like a giant insect.

  “You’re not going to beat me this time!” Jinx stuffed Cuthbert Junior into his pocket, the hammer shrinking and vanishing, or doing whatever the hell it does when he’s not using it. Then he started running down the sidewalk, his giant shoes making loud slapping sounds on the concrete as he went. Night had only just fallen, and there were still plenty of pedestrians out walking, and the street was filled with cars. The people on the sidewalk scattered as Jinx barreled toward them, and more than a few motorists honked their horns or rolled down their windows to shout things like, “Run, clown, run!”

  Mordacity looked at me.

  “He should know better than that,” Mordacity said. “Watch officers – especially Incubi – are supposed to keep a low profile when ordinary humans are about. At least the dog was smart enough to take to the rooftops.”

  “Jinx is maintaining a low profile,” I said. “He still has his clothes on, doesn’t he?”

  My stomach gurgled loudly then, and I felt a twist of nausea in my gut.

  “I don’t think I’ll ever forgive Jinx using my mouth to take a bite of the Gingerdread Man. Did he really bite him where I think he did?”

  “No comment,” Russell said, and my stomach roiled again.

  “By the way, thanks for the warning about the assassins,” I said to Russell. “If Bloodshedder hadn’t alerted me in time, there’s a damn good chance Jinx and I would be lying dead on Deacon’s floor with a couple bloodless holes in us.”

  “No problem,” he said. “I only wish we’d been able to warn you sooner. But, by the time we learned the assassins’ names and found out they’d traveled to Earth, we barely had enough time to get to Wet Dreams before they attacked.” Russell added that the female assassin’s name was Demonique. It fit her.

  “How did you know we’d be at the bar?” Mordacity said, sounding suspicious. He may not have served as an active officer for years, but he still maintained his professional skepticism.

  “Bloodshedder tracked you down,” Russell said. “She’s got quite a nose on her, no matter which Aspect she’s in.”

  “Then she should be able to track the assassins by scent,” Mordacity said. “Call her back!”

  “I’m not worried about Gingerdread Man and Demonique right now,” I said. “I know they were hired by whoever is behind the shuteye operation, but what are the odds they actually know anything about the people who employed them? They were probably hired by a go-between’s go-between.”

  “Of course,” Mordacity, said with the affronted tone of someone who’s been told by his granddaughter how to suck eggs. “But at least it would be a place to start.”

  “I’ve got a better place to start,” I said. Although truth was, I wasn’t sure I had the guts to follow through on my own idea. “There’s one person who’s an expert on shuteye that I haven’t talked to yet. And it’s long past time that I paid him a visit.”

  Mordacity had no eyes to widen in surprise, but I’d worked with him enough to read his body language, and I could tell he understood exactly who I was talking about.

  Nathaniel Sawyer.

  * * * * *

  Surprisingly enough, Jinx found a Door first. It was inside a dumpster located behind an Indian restaurant – which happened to be right next to a seafood place – and I figured the warring food smells had confused Bloodshedder’s nose, otherwise she would’ve won.<
br />
  Jinx held the dumpster lid up for us, beaming proudly at his victory, and one by one we went in. Luckily for us, the lid opened directly onto the black void that marked the boundary between worlds. That meant we didn’t have to crawl through garbage to get to Nod. Bloodshedder, who could be as poor a sport as Jinx when she chose, squirted some pee on Jinx’s leg before she leaped into the dumpster, instantly spoiling his mood. I went through second to last, unable to keep from grinning at the sight of Jinx’s wet pants’ leg, and Jinx followed after me.

  Sometimes when I pass between worlds, I hear the Thresholders’ whispering, but this time I didn’t. I was surprised to find that I missed it a little.

  The Nodside door opened onto a narrow space that was too small and cramped to be a hallway. There were other doors here, all of them unmarked, all of them ending a foot or so above the floor.

  “What is this place?” Mordacity asked.

  We were packed shoulder to shoulder, and Mordacity shuffled back and forth, trying to make more room for himself.

  I had a bad feeling about this.

  I pushed open another of the doors, and inside was a tiny space with a mirror, a small bench protruding from the wall along with several metal pegs. A chill rippled down my spine as I closed the door.

  “Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is,” Russell said.

  “It’s a dressing room,” I told him.

  “Fuck!” Russell spat, and Bloodshedder started growling.

  Jinx’s reaction was somewhat different. He clapped his hands and rubbed them together vigorously, eyes glittering with maniacal glee.

  “I don’t understand,” Mordacity said.

  “We’re in a department store,” I explained. “Which can only mean one thing.”

  “We’re in the Maul.” Jinx said Maul the way another person might have said paradise.

  “What so bad about…” Mordacity broke off. “You mean Maul. M-A-U-L.” He sighed. “All right. Here’s how we’re going to play this.”

  I stopped him before he could go any further.

  “With all due respect to you as one of our mentors, Jinx and I have developed our own technique for making it out of the Maul alive and more or less intact.”