We had to return to the stage with all the other bands on Team Dan one more time to wave while Ray reminded everyone at home how to vote, and the other musicians all patted me on the back and asked if I was okay. I may have fallen, but this felt like a victory.
THIRTEEN
By the time we got back to the hotel, I didn’t think I could keep my eyes open even a second longer. Plus my ankle had started to throb now that the buzz from the performance had worn off. Even breathing seemed tough. Maybe I was more beat up from the fall than I’d thought.
I wanted to crawl right into bed, but the guys said we should check the Internet and see what people were saying about us. I was too tired to argue and soon found myself in their room again, sitting beside Jared on the bed while he opened up his laptop.
“Don’t forget to vote for us, too,” Kyle said. “And remind everyone to vote by 10 AM tomorrow.”
I checked my phone and saw that Carla and Julie had been sending me panicked texts for the last hour or so. I texted them back that I was okay and reminded them to vote for us. I’d call them both tomorrow and give them the full scoop when I wasn’t so tired. That reminded me: I’d never called my mom like I’d promised Julie I would. I’d meant to do it, but things had been so busy these past few days and I’d completely forgotten. Yet another thing to add to my to-do list.
“Holy shit,” Jared said, staring at his screen. “Our Twitter account shot up to thirty thousand followers tonight.”
“Thirty thousand?” I asked, choking out the words. Last I’d heard, we were at ten thousand. Kyle and Hector crowded around us to see the screen, and Hector whistled.
“That’s good, right?” Kyle asked. “That means we’re going to get enough votes to stay this week?”
“Maybe,” Jared said. “Some of the other bands have fifty thousand. We should post more photos on Instagram and Tumblr. That might bring in more fans.”
“I can ask Alexis to take photos of us rehearsing one day,” Kyle said.
“Good idea.”
“Thirty thousand,” I repeated, still in shock. “We have thirty thousand fans?”
“Probably more actually,” Jared said. “There’s a huge segment of older people who watch the show who aren’t on Twitter. I’ll make sure our Facebook page is updated, too, and the website…” He rubbed his face, looking tired, and for the first time, I appreciated how Jared ran the entire business side of the band by himself. I had no idea how he kept up with it all on top of the rehearsals and other things we had to do for the show. I could barely find time to eat, sleep, and shower.
“What are people saying about tonight?” Kyle asked.
“I don’t want to know,” I said, biting my nails. “Unless it’s good. No, don’t tell me. Oh, god, it’s probably all over YouTube already.”
“Some people seem to think what happened was cool,” Jared said. “One girl tweeted, ‘I love how she kept playing, she’s so fierce!’”
“I don’t feel very fierce, but that’s nice of her to say. What else?” I leaned over again, trying to get a glimpse of his screen.
“Nothing.” He quickly yanked the laptop away, but not before I saw “four-eyed cow” and “she only did that to get attention.”
“Is that what people really think of me?” I tried to reach for the laptop, but he passed it to Hector on the other bed.
“Only stupid people who shouldn’t be allowed on the Internet,” Jared said. “Besides, we’re trending on Twitter, so I think your fall off the stage might end up being a good thing.”
“The world is full of haters,” Hector said. “Don’t let them get to you.”
“I guess so.” Those comments stung, but I was too tired to stress about them right now. I yawned and checked the time. “I should get to bed.”
As soon as I stood up, my ankle went out from under me with a sharp pain. I yelped and slammed into the side of the bed, bracing against it for support.
Jared was at my side instantly. “Do you need help?”
Kyle jumped up, too. “Should I get some ice?”
Talk about embarrassing. I didn’t need both brothers hovering over me like this. I stood up a little slower this time, balancing on one foot. “I’m okay. I just got up too fast. I’ll be fine after I get some sleep.”
Jared slid his arm into mine, and every nerve in my body woke up. “Come on, I’ll take you back to your room. I need to walk off some of this energy before bed anyway.”
“You don’t need to do this,” I said as we moved to the elevator together. “I can get back by myself.”
“I’m not going anywhere until I make sure you get to your room safely. I can’t have my guitarist injuring herself again.” He winked and hit the elevator button while I leaned against him, taking comfort in his strength. His breath ruffled my hair as he quietly added, “Besides, I’m worried about you.”
The elevator door opened, and we stumbled in. “Really, Jared, I’m fine. It’s just a twisted ankle, not that big a deal—”
The door shut and his lips were on mine, cutting me off mid-sentence. His kiss was tentative and searching, a question he wanted me to answer, but I was so surprised I just stood there while my brain caught up to what was happening.
He pulled away and ran a hand through his dark hair. “Sorry. I’ve wanted to do that forever, and when I saw you fall…”
My mouth opened but no sound came out. I swallowed and tried again. “You’ve wanted to do that forever?”
“I know it’s a bad idea. We have to stay single while we’re on the show, and the guys would kill me if they found out, and you’re into that Sean guy anyway…” His voice trailed off, and he looked away.
I’d never seen Jared be anything but cool and confident, and it sent a thrill through me, knowing I’d done that to him. The elevator didn’t move, waiting for us to hit a button, but suddenly I didn’t want to go back to my room anymore. I grabbed the collar of Jared’s jacket and pulled him down to my mouth, kissing him hard, showing him that he was the one I wanted.
We broke apart long enough for me to whisper, “It is a bad idea, but I don’t care.”
“Good. Because I can’t resist you any longer.” And then our mouths met again.
We kissed like we were drowning and our only hope of living was each other. He devoured my mouth with his tongue and lips while I tangled my fingers into his thick hair, drawing him closer. Knowing we shouldn’t be doing this only gave our passion a desperate edge, a recklessness that had us gasping and clawing at each other, like we had to cram everything into this one brief moment we were alone. His hands slid down to cup my butt and lift me to his height, my back slamming against the side of the elevator, my skirt riding up to my hips. While he pinned me to the wall and teased me with his mouth, I smoothed my hands across his rough jaw, down his neck, along his broad shoulders. After weeks of fighting my desire for Jared, I needed to touch every inch of him, with my fingers, with my lips, with my entire body.
The elevator started moving, though neither of us had pushed a button. It said, “Lobby,” and reality came crashing back, like a bucket of water had been tossed on us. We broke apart to opposite corners, breathing heavily. I yanked my skirt down just as the door opened.
Lacey, the blonde country singer from Fairy Lights, stood there wearing the sexy school uniform she’d performed in when she’d sung “Mean” by Taylor Swift tonight. Her eyes honed in on Jared as she sauntered in and hit the button for her floor.
“Hey there,” she said, her voice accented with a Southern twang.
“Hey.” Jared’s hair was messy, but otherwise you’d never be able to tell he’d just been kissing me.
She touched his arm with a pink fingernail after the door closed. “I heard you’re the guy to see if a girl is lonely at night.”
Her words spread like ice in my blood, cooling my passion instantly. Did Jared get this a lot? How many girls’ rooms had he visited in the few weeks we’d been here?
“That’s me,”
Jared said, but he sounded tired. “How old are you anyway?”
“Seventeen.”
He took her hand off him. “Sorry, we only serve eighteen and up here.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.” She flicked her hair and looked at him from under her long, fake eyelashes. “It’ll be our little secret.”
“I’m sure your mother would love that. She has to be here while you’re on the show, right?” He moved around her to stab the button for my floor, like he couldn’t wait to get away. I accidentally let out a faint chuckle, and she glared at me. Oops.
“Whatever.” She crossed her arms and turned her back to us, and it was a very long ride to her floor.
After she got out, Jared let out a long breath. “What she said…just ignore her. That’s not me.”
I met his eyes but didn’t respond. Jared had a reputation he had to maintain for the show, but I couldn’t tell how much of it was based on truth and how much was an act. I didn’t know what to believe anymore. Was the real Jared the one I saw when we were alone or the one I saw flirting with other girls and getting texts from them wanting to hook up? And now that I’d stopped kissing him, all my reasons for staying away from him came back to me. There could be no us; there could only be me and Jared, two separate entities, as long as we were on the show.
We made it into my room, and he leaned against the doorframe, not stepping inside but not leaving either. He dipped his hands into his pockets, fixing me with a smoldering gaze as he waited for me to make the next move. I could invite him in, but I knew where that would lead. Despite how much I wanted him, we couldn’t let things go any further tonight.
“Do you need anything else?” he asked, with a quirk of his lips that hinted at a hidden offer behind his words.
“No, I think I’m okay. Thank you.” But I couldn’t stop myself from moving until our bodies were only an inch apart, his breath on my skin as I looked up at him. He drew me to him like a magnet, and there was only so much attraction I could resist.
He dipped his head, crossing the space between us. His mouth brushed my ear as he whispered, “Don’t forget to ice your ankle.”
God, he drove me crazy in the best way when he got like this, the way he was always looking out for me. “Yes, doctor.”
His hand slipped into my hair, and he kissed me slow this time, tender, tilting my head back to explore my mouth without the frenzy of before. He teased one finger under the bottom hem of my shirt, burning a line across my skin, and I gasped. Our kiss grew deeper, and I pressed myself against him, gripping his jacket to draw him closer. I couldn’t get enough of him, of the taste of his soft lips, of his masculine scent, of the way he felt under my hands.
“I need to go,” he whispered between kisses. “Kyle is going to wonder why it’s taking me so long.”
I sighed. “I know.”
He kissed me one last time, and I clutched his jacket and held him there, not wanting him to leave but unable to ask him to stay. I dreaded the reality of tomorrow, when we’d have to face what had happened and what it meant for the band. But finally, I let him go.
FOURTEEN
The next morning I was bruised and sore all over, my ankle was the size of a small country, and my mouth felt like it had been rubbed with sandpaper. All signs pointed to last night not being a dream, which meant today I had to deal with the aftermath of what I’d done.
Okay, technically Jared had kissed me first, but then he’d given me the chance to end it right there. I could have walked away and laughed it off later, but instead I’d crossed the line, passed the point of no return, and all those other clichés. There was no going back to the way things were before unless we both admitted it had been a mistake. Except…it hadn’t felt like a mistake. It had felt like fate, like every moment since I’d met Jared had led me to this surprising, yet inevitable, conclusion.
I never wanted to get out of bed because then I’d have to face him again and figure out what to do about us. Luckily, the show’s medic had told me to rest with my foot elevated until we had to be at the Nokia Theatre for the results show. The bands didn’t perform tonight, so we only had to show up and pray we’d gotten enough votes to move on. They’d probably want to interview us again, too, because they never seemed to have enough interviews of us saying how great being on the show was.
I called Julie and then Carla to give them the update, but I didn’t mention kissing Jared. I’d tell them eventually, but for now it was too new, too raw, too uncertain. Maybe last night had been a fluke, a one-time thing. Maybe today he’d regret it ever happened. Maybe tonight he’d be with someone else.
I shoved those thoughts to the back of my head. There was one other call I couldn’t put off any longer, no matter how much I dreaded it.
“Hey, Mom,” I said when she picked up.
“Madison, I was just thinking about you. How are things?” I heard the TV on behind her, with noises that sounded like a game show.
“Things are…good.” I wasn’t sure how much she knew about, well, anything. Even when I told her something important, she often didn’t listen or forgot it soon after. It was easier to keep silent about my life most of the time. “There’s something I have to tell you. I’m not doing that internship I mentioned before. I’m actually um…in a band. And we’re on that TV show, The Sound.”
She sighed. “I know.”
“You know?” Why hadn’t she called me? Never mind—that would have taken effort on her part.
“Of course. I watch the show. I didn’t realize you still played the guitar.”
“Oh. Yeah.” I paused for her to say something else, to tell me how I was wasting my talent and how guitar wasn’t a real instrument, but it never came. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, about the band and the show and…everything. It just happened so fast and everything got crazy and I’ve been so busy…”
“Hmm. I saw you last night. Looked like a bad fall.”
“I twisted my ankle, but otherwise I’m okay. I’m icing it now.”
“Good, good.” Another pause. She sounded far away, like she was barely listening. Probably distracted by her show and her cigarettes. This is why I never called her; neither of us knew what to say to the other. “How’s school?”
That was it for her interest in the show, aka the biggest thing that had ever happened to me. No words of encouragement, questions about how it was going, or good luck wishes. Why was I even surprised? And this question sounded like something she felt obligated to ask, rather than actual interest. “School is good. One more year and all.”
“Is that all?”
“Yep, just one.” Did she really not know that? Mother of the Year, for sure. I adjusted the ice on my ankle, but I needed a new pack. Perfect—an excuse to hang up. There was one last thing I needed to talk to her about, but I hated this part. Julie had said my mom looked better, but I had to hear it for myself. “How are you doing? With…you know…”
“I’m not drinking again, if that’s what you’re asking,” she snapped. “Sober for three months now, thank you very much.”
“That’s great, Mom.”
“Yes, well, it’s not a big deal.” There was another long pause. “Did you tell your father about the show?”
My fingers dug into the side of my phone. She always did this. I’d ask her about her drinking, and in return, she’d bring him up. Even though I’m sure it brought her just as much pain to talk about him. “No, and I don’t plan to.”
“He’s your father.”
“Tell that to his real family.”
She huffed into the phone. “Suit yourself.”
Neither of us said anything for a minute, and I tried to think of a way to end this on a better note. Nothing came to mind.
“I voted for your band last night,” my mom said.
“You did?” It was a small gesture, and yet, for a mother who thought anything more than changing the channel was a chore, it was huge. Maybe it was her own way of saying she suppo
rted me. “Thanks, Mom.”
After we hung up, I found my father’s contact info in my phone. I probably should tell him about the show at some point. But as my finger hovered over the CALL button, I just couldn’t do it.
* * *
By the afternoon, my ankle was good enough to walk on, so that medic did know what she was talking about. I headed to the lobby to meet the other guys, my stomach heavy with dread. I hadn’t heard anything from Jared since last night. Not that I’d contacted him either, but still. He was the one who’d initiated this mess. He could have texted me at least.
I spotted him the second I walked out of the elevator, sitting at the lobby bar with a blonde leaning close to him, hands pressed against his chest. Typical. He met my eyes and something crossed his face, but I’d seen enough. I walked out of the revolving doors and stood under the warm summer sun, hoping it would burn away the jealousy swirling through my veins like poison. What had I expected really? That’s who Jared was—the guy with girls all over him, who slept with one and then immediately moved on to the next. Kyle had warned me, and Dan had encouraged it, so I couldn’t even say I hadn’t known what I was getting myself into. I was mostly angry with myself, since I’d let myself fall for Jared’s easy charm and good looks. Last night I’d been drunk on the moment, still high from the performance, half-asleep and delirious, but during the light of day everything was clear again.
I checked the time. The other guys were running late and Jared might walk out any moment, and I wasn’t ready to deal with him yet. Screw it, I’d walk to the theater by myself. They could catch up. It wasn’t far—just a short walk across LA Live past the restaurants, shops, and the Staples Center. It was empty this time of day with most of downtown’s population still at work, and a faint breeze blew my hair back, helping cool me down by the time I got to the theater.
Even though we weren’t performing, we still had to go through hair and makeup, plus a brief run-through so we’d know where to stand on stage at various points. The winner of last year’s show was performing tonight, followed by a duo between Angel and Lance, along with recaps of last night’s show and eliminations from each team. That gave us a lot of free time to sit around and wait for Team Dan to be called up.
BANGED: Rock Stars, Bad Boys & Dirty Deeds Page 73
