Krith had troubles. When Doctor Fordham stuck a needle in him to collect his blood, the needle melted. Even after Edofine finished, he had to wait for Krith, who sat in a bucket of boiling water, apologizing for all the medical equipment he damaged. Everything that touched his skin burned or melted, and Krith himself was getting pale pink from the chill. Whenever someone was not trying to measure some part of his body he set himself on fire, which slowly made him shrink to the size of a rabbit, then a guinea pig, and then a rat. They had to put him in the cooler again.
The medical group in the OMHI gave up.
In Christine’s meeting of anthropologists she heard the same news of the budget cuts, and when she protested they needed to do something about the annihilation of the Dance Clan, her superiors apologized that they did not have the resources for any action concerning the atrocity. She started to cry, saying Edofine and Kryvek would be terribly disappointed, and what would her father have thought if he were still alive? Several of her co-workers hugged her.
Edofine received a birth certificate under the name of Edward Fletcher, one year of free Blue Cross Blue Shield health insurance, a Social Security number, and a high school diploma. Before they gave him that they tested his English and math skills, which were high school level, and he knew a surprising amount of biology, chemistry, and physics. Magic is bound up in science, and to know one an Elf must know the other. The only things he lacked were technological skills and knowledge of human history, but since some poorer schools didn’t teach such things, his education was satisfactory in the OMHI’s eyes. They also gave him a brochure for a night school class held in one of the OMHI’s conference rooms, called ‘Modern Jobs: Translating Elven Skills into Human Occupations’. Edofine thanked Mrs. Oova kindly.
Chapter Nine
Shoppers and Consumers and Merchants
“So this is a car,” Edofine said.
Sara shook her head. “This is a bus.”
“Ai, I continue to make these errors. These clothes are stiff and chafing.” Edofine unbuttoned the top button of the blue Oxford shirt he borrowed from Kryvek. He fidgeted in the khaki shorts, feeling naked with his legs so bare. The bus’ neat gray benches were all empty except for the driver, a Caucasian man. Edofine winced as they went over a speed bump, and his hazel-gold eyes bulged as he folded up. “I feel ill,” he whispered, nervously stroking his long, dark brown tresses.
With a gentle pull, Sara maneuvered Edofine’s head so that it rested on her shoulder while she had an arm around his waist. Edofine’s innocence and fragility brought out her maternal instincts. “You’re just carsick. Once we get off you’ll feel fine. Do you think you can handle a big crowd?”
“More crowds than in the OMHI?”
Sara pondered for a moment. “I haven’t been there, but if it’s like any normal office building, the mall will be worse. Tuesday morning shouldn’t be unbearable, though.”
Edofine sighed and pulled three twenty-dollar bills out of his pocket. “Kryvek has been very kind. He is helping me buy new clothes. You are kind too, guiding me so.”
“Thanks, Ed. Can I call you Ed?”
“I prefer my full name, but it may draw attention to me.”
“Could I—um, could I maybe touch your ear? It’s beautiful.”
“You may.”
Such lovely, delicate points, Sara thought, lightly stippling her fingers on the upward tip of one ear. She knew she was amazingly lucky to have the privilege of friendship with an Elf. How could anyone harm such a people?
Edofine lifted his head up and looked in her eyes, his eyebrows furrowed. “Does your husband approve of you spending so much time with me?”
“He considers you a rather silly child, and anyway I didn’t tell him I was buying cookware with you.”
“Oh, but is that not wrong? Should you not have his good will?”
Sara patted Edofine on the back. “If his feelings get hurt, that’s his problem. He needs to let me choose my friends.”
“I continue to forget you cannot hear his feelings. If I displease anyone, his thought-music becomes unbearable to me. I know I please you, and that you love me.”
“No, I don’t,” Sara protested, turning pink. “I like you.”
“I did not mean lovers’ love. You love John greatly—you think of me as a younger brother or a nephew. Which is odd, since Kryvek and Christine truly are adopted brother and sister, but their love is romantic. English is frustrating, in any case, for the different types of love are not differentiated. And the grammar: woe unto the grammar. My teacher of English always was disappointed with me, and to an Elf another’s disappointment is the worst punishment possible. Ah!” He squeezed his eyes shut for the speed bump.
“Our stop is coming up.”
The bus parked right in front of Shopaholic’s Hideway, the only mall in Laconia. Sara paid the fare, while the driver stared at Edofine. “He a hippie or something?” he inquired.
“He’s a romantic,” Sara replied, smiling.
“The mall is a concrete behemoth, the tallest building in town, six stories up and five stories down,” Edofine murmured.
“What? Did you come up with the rhyme?”
“Kryvek described the place to me that way.”
There were two entrances, side by side, and two exits, both automatic glass doors. Edofine stepped up to one door, and it slid open. He looked around for some sort of control, and then cautiously stepped back. The door closed. He extended one foot towards the entrance, and it opened again. He ran forward and back, forward and back, bemused and amused at the same time.
Sara’s giggle sounded like bubbles popping. “We can come back and play with the doors later. You need clothes; I need pots and pans.” She took his arm and towed him in.
“It is suddenly cold,” Edofine remarked.
“Yes, it’s called air conditioning.”
Edofine constantly turned his head from side to side, taking in the kiosks, stands, hardware store, hairdressers, a toy store, and a candy shop. He also stared upwards for about a minute, observing the fluorescent lights, much bigger than the ones in the Official Magics-Humans Institute. The colors and polished sheen of the floor and walls glimmered and reflected in his eyes, his jaw hung open and his ears tingled. “More things in heaven and Earth,” he said.
“You know Shakespeare?”
“Shakespeare knew the English Elves well, and the story has been passed down. Most Elves here are native to America, but there are a few English Elves among us. They came to escape the World Wars.”
“Where are the Eudemons from?”
“Scandinavia—that is why they are so pale.”
“Shoes! Look at shoes! They have shoes!” Sara pulled Edofine into the Sole Outlet and practically dove into the clogs. Edofine pondered high heels, wondering why anyone would wear anything so dangerous, unless the spikes on the bottom were meant for weaponry. That certainly would give an attacker pause. “Shiny brown leather loafers,” Sara called out, holding a pair up.
Edofine recoiled. “Sara, what are you doing? An animal died to make that.”
“Animals die for meals, don’t they?”
“Yes, however I only eat animals that lived and died free. These cows are kept in overcrowded, squalid, hot, terrible pens and fed scraps of their own kind.” Edofine walked up to the clerk at the desk and shook a finger at him. “For shame! You purvey items of violence, cruelty, and very bad taste.”
The clerk raised an eyebrow. “Can I help you?”
“Yes, you certainly can. How do you sleep at night, knowing that you encourage the wanton massacre of cattle?”
“We have alligator skin, too.”
“Massacre of alligators as well! What have you to say for yourself?”
“I don’t decide on the stock, sir. Is there something I can help you with?”
Edofine shuddered, realizing the distress he was causing to an innocent person, a mere cog in a great machine. In a softer voice, he said, “I only wish
for some all-occasion walking shoes that do not involve leather. Do you have such shoes?”
“Over here, Ed.” Sara beckoned him over. “See? It’s pleather. They’re not really leather; they’re made of plastic, but it’s still very nifty and happy. They’re on sale for fifteen dollars. Try them on.”
Edofine nodded. “I like these shoes, let us buy them. The Elf way would never work for humans—most of you are too dishonest. We know when people lie, and others in distress distresses us so much that we are kind to one another and to our enemies.”
“You call instant death kindness to your enemies?”
“When they catch us, they do worse than death. Besides, we only kill the ones who attack our homes.”
Sara grimaced and helped him through the process of paying for something—Edofine explained to her that Elves operated under a semi-bartering, commune-like system, with private property and individual weapons but food being shared among them all. He patronizingly said to the cashier, “I understand why such a suspicious people would need a unit of currency.”
The woman who stood there plastered on a fake smile and said, “Of course, of course. You have a nice day too.”
They passed through the food court, which had several fast-food restaurants frying the flavor out of everything they could lay their hands on, one Chinese place, and a deli devoted to sandwiches and salad. Edofine became overloaded with smells, jerking in his steps.
“I think I shall eat something very simple,” he said.
“I’ll pay for us both.”
“Thank you,” Edofine said. He knew arguing with this woman would be to no avail. Edofine stood still for several minutes, reading the sandwich choices. “There are too many—even too many meatless ones.”
“There are only two vegetarian options, the hummus and lentils and the grilled cheese. Forgive me, but I have to have meat. The baby needs it.” She folded her hands over her bulge and gasped. “A kick! I felt a kick! Ed, put your hand right there.”
Edofine rested his hand on Sara’s belly and smiled. “Indeed. This is a momentous occasion. I will have the hummus—but cheese, that is tempting—but hummus has less fat.”
“You’re as thin as a horse racing jockey. It doesn’t matter.”
Edofine wrung his hands. “Alas, now I cannot choose and I am in a quandary again.”
A man ordering pizza next to them looked at Sara and patted her stomach. “Congratulations,” he said.
“Excuse me!” Edofine ripped the man’s hand off Sara and twisted his arm, despite the man being a foot taller and eighty pounds heavier than Edofine. “You will not touch this lady without her express permission, understand?”
“Let go of me, you little freak. I was just trying to be friendly. Ow!”
Edofine gripped the arm harder, turning the surrounding skin white. “Apologize to her.”
Sara protested, “It’s fine, it’s fine, don’t make a big deal out of it.”
“Ow! Ow! Just let go of me. Security!”
“Ed, back off. It’s okay.”
Edofine released the man and appealed to Sara, his eyes grown huge. “Forgive me. I wanted to help.”
“I’m not buying anything after all,” grumbled the man, walking away.
“Thanks a lot,” hissed the woman who was dishing up the pizza.
Edofine sank to his knees, clutching his ears. “Please do not be angry with me. Please, please I cannot bear it. You are angry and it hurts!”
“Ssh, ssh, ssh, it’s fine. You had good motives and I appreciate it.” Sara pulled Edofine up. “I’m not displeased with you, and why should the problems of total strangers bother you?”
“One hummus and lentil sandwich, please,” whispered Edofine. “You know not, Sara, what it is like to know everything everyone is feeling.”
After the Elf calmed down and they had eaten, Sara led him to a Home Furnishings Ahoy. He poked the down pillows and smoothed his hands on the deck chairs, quietly absorbing new sights and sounds. He inhaled sharply and shrank against a wall whenever any other human being went by.
Sara hefted a frying pan as if she was testing a sword’s balance. “Non-stick cookware, oh dear, I think it’s too expensive.”
“This place has no soul,” Edofine murmured.
“Should I get a skillet or a wok? I love making Asian food, but are they interchangeable? The two pans I mean. Not like you’d know, obviously.”
“Everything is hollow here.”
“This one has a nice rubber grip, which is good because you wouldn’t want a hot mass of food falling out of your hand and rolling all over the floor, burning the linoleum and making everything really, really greasy.”
“It alarms me that there are no windows.”
“I like this twelve-piece miniature set, perfect if you’re cooking for two, which we will be doing for at least a year and adding a toddler won’t change things much.”
“Many trees died on this ground, and I can hear them.”
“Ed, are you listening to me at all?”
Edofine’s eyes darted back and forth, and he rubbed his hands together. “May we please leave soon? I will help you carry your purchases.”
Finally it dawned on Sara that Edofine was even more edgy than he was earlier. “What’s wrong?”
“Those who sell are tired and cold, thinking only of money. Those who buy think only of possessions. No one has enough, and instead of using money for helping others they spend it on things they do not need. How can I see with sequins in my eyes?”
“First off, get out from below that red sequined curtain.” Sara sat down on the floor, inviting Edofine to do the same. “Materialism is a great problem in our society, but it is a necessary problem, because it provides livelihoods to others and keeps the economy running. It would be wonderful if we could be like the Elves, making everything we needed except for some specialty items which we traded, living healthy lives and not fighting amongst ourselves.
We have been hungry, cold, and sick for much of our existence, and grabbed at anything that might make things easier. We don’t have magic, so we compensate with getting and building. Also, human nature makes us want power and possessions, and to alter that would destroy much of what we hold dear. As for our methods of growing, raising, and synthesizing food, there are too many humans on Earth to subsist as hunter-gatherer-agriculturist. Organic and small-scale is a luxury of the privileged.
Edofine pursued his lips and took a few deep breaths. “I do not like it, but I am calm now.”
They left the store with Edofine burdened with three heavy boxes. Since humanoid males the world over share certain qualities, he refused all offers Sara made to help him carry the load. They were heading for the second floor, where Bob’s Emporium of Wares was. Edofine balked at the sight of escalators.
“The stairs are moving,” he said.
“Yes, they are.”
“It is unnatural.”
“Don’t be scared. All you do is stand on one step, and it carries you upwards.” Sara went up the escalator, chatting all the way. It wasn’t until she reached the top that she looked behind her.
Edofine still stood at the foot of the escalator, chewing on his lip and shifting the boxes he was holding. “Nothing will induce me to use this contraption.”
“Come on, Ed, it’s easy. You can do it.”
An obese woman, with arms as wide as Edofine’s torso, lumbered past him. Edofine suppressed a gasp. “These labor-saving devices make it possible for humans to become grossly overweight. I will take no part in it.”
Sara realized he had a point, and said, “All right. Just go up the stairs to the left.”
It took Edofine a while to find the stairs, but once he did he ran up to his friend, not even breathing hard despite the weight he carried. “We will buy three sets of clothes for me, and then we shall leave.”
“That’ll work; no problem.”
Edofine kept quiet for the rest of the mall trip, busy simmering with thoughts.
On the one hand, the crass commercialism around him nauseated him, and he longed for the forest. On the other hand, Sara became a better friend to him than anyone he had ever met. How could the two be reconciled? He had always thought of species falling into distinct categories, and it was alarming that human society could be so abhorrent (though a small, guilty part of him would hate to give up flush toilets and hot showers); yet individual humans could be so wonderful.
Even with all the inconvenience the Elf posed, Sara smiled and laughed constantly in his presence. On the way home, Edofine fell asleep leaning on her shoulder, and she felt a tenderness that assured her incipient motherhood would be a joy.
Chapter Ten
Friends and Villains and Protectors
Christine had to stop for air as she climbed up the stairs.
Lira pulled on her arm. “Come on, Christine, you can do it. You’ve climbed these stairs dozens of times.”
“I think I’ll go use the elevator.”
“No! You will not. You will climb these stairs if I have to haul you up all night. I know you’re hungry and I know you’re tired, but I also know you have enough energy to make it up one more flight.”
Christine sat down and buried her face in her hands. “Today has been awful. I was hoping we could come clean and let the government know what the Official Magics-Human Institute has been doing, but today the Arrows Clan leader said they’ll wage war on us if we inform anyone outside of Laconia about the existence of Elves and demons. Admin says I have to fire three people next week, and I love everyone in the Anthropology Department. They’re stopping the dances and the night school, even the slideshows.” Her plump body took up the whole step, quivering with her shuddery breaths. The clean white shirt and black slacks she wore were too tight. Lira could see Christine’s bra straps.
“The budget cuts are hard on all of us. I’m the only OMHI lawyer with job security.” Lira adjusted her stiff black blouse and gray pants with the belt of genuine silver, molded in the Elven design. She took off her pumps and sat on the step above Christine, massaging the top of Christine’s head. “I can infuse you with some of my strength.”
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