Cookie Cutter

by Jo Richardson

  She dips her eyes to the ground then looks up at me, beaming. “Thank you for tonight Carter. I mean that.”

  “Feeling’s mutual.”

  I let my fingers run up and down her arm, lightly, to tell her this was more than just sex. She opens the door and backs into the house. She waves before closing the door and I pat the frame softly before heading back to my place. A familiar car pulls up to the sidewalk just as I’m about to cross the street and I find myself frowning. This is the guy who visits Meg.

  Is he just waiting for me to cross? No, he’s not. He’s waiting for me.

  As his window rolls down, I bend to see what it is he wants. Then a wave of nausea hits me when I realize that I know him.

  “James.”

  He gives me a one-time nod. “Thanks for walking Izzie home, Carter, she’s kind of confused right now, I guess.”

  “She doesn’t seem confused to me.” I look back at Iris’s house, then at James again.

  He holds my stare for an eternity before turning and looking out at the road before him, pondering something. “Yeah, well . . .”

  “So uh, you just get this one?” I search for some hint that maybe this isn’t even his car. Maybe I’m wrong about him.

  “What? No, this is just my favorite from the lot.” He pats the dash of the car sweetly, as though it’s his most precious asset.

  I try for some more info. “I thought you rented cars out for a living?”

  “I borrow them from time to time,” he says. “It’s a perk.”

  My mind races but I try to remain calm because if this is James’s car, that means . . .

  No! He’s a dick but surely he wouldn’t do that to Iris. Would he?

  And Meg. She definitely wouldn’t.

  Would she?

  “What are you doing here, James?” I ask him, in an attempt to get something. Anything, to explain this situation away.

  “Oh I just . . . circled around until I saw you two come out. She must really need someone to talk to huh?”

  Where does he get off keeping tabs on Iris?

  Dick.

  “That is all you were doing, right Carter? Talking?”

  “I don’t think that’s any of your business, James.”

  He studies me. Maybe even sizes me up. I’m not worried.

  “Well, I sure hope you two know what you’re doing; this is a small town.”

  Like I haven’t already thought of that. “I’m sure we do.”

  I refuse to give the guy the satisfaction of knowing he might be right about something.

  Fuck him. He gives me a nod as he watches a street sign. Then without another word, he pulls away. I watch him leave. Surely, it’s just a coincidence James is driving the same car that pulled up to Iris’s best friend’s house the first week I was here. That it was not, indeed him, getting out of that car and heading into Meg’s house that day. And that there’s no way in hell they’ve been screwing each other behind Iris’s back.

  The only problem is, I know that’s complete bullshit.

  Chapter 15. Iris

  The day after James moved out a couple of years ago, I took all the sheers down from my bedroom windows and replaced them. For years, I let him leave those sheers up because he liked the way they let the light in, but the fact was, my side of the bed faced the window and every day the sun would wake me up long before I was ready.

  James sympathized, of course, but he wasn’t willing to replace them with something darker. He had to get up anyway, why would he care? And he always said I should get myself up and going so I wouldn’t become lazy like all those other stay at home moms who sit around and watch talk shows or soap operas all day long. For some strange reason, as distraught as I was when things ended between us, the first thing I wanted to do was tear those sheers down and get black-out curtains. For the longest time, I thought I was simply doing it to defy him for ruining what he had together. But now, as I stare at the beam of light that’s found its way through the crack where I failed to pull the drapes closed last night, I think maybe I bought them so I wouldn’t have to see what was outside, waiting for me.

  My own life.

  The alarm goes off and reminds me that I need to get up and get ready for work. I hit the snooze button, then continue to watch the sun sneak in.

  Last night, over at Carter’s, his body made mine sing a song I thought I’d forgotten. Will it happen again? Do I feel like this because I’ve been suppressing that side of me for so long? Was it ever even there to begin with? Did Carter feel it too or does he get this kind of action from a mom in every town he visits?

  Will I over think everything today?

  “Mom?” My bedroom door opens and Ally peeks her head in.

  “Are you feeling alright? Why are you still in bed?” She steps inside but stays by the door.

  “I’m fine honey, just being lazy.”

  She laughs. “Right, you haven’t been lazy a day in your life.”

  I peek up at her. “Maybe it’s time I was.”

  Ally feels my forehead with the back of her hand. “You sure you’re not sick?”

  “Go get dressed, goofy girl, I’ll be out in a while.”

  “Okay,” she says. It feels too easy – the lack of attitude and sarcasm has me making note of the small but meaningful change in my daughter since the weekend. I hope it’s a long term change.

  * * *

  “Mom!” Ally screams from downstairs as I push my second earring through the hole and clamp the backing to it on the other side.

  “Coming!”

  The woman in the mirror tilts her head.

  Carter’s lips are on her neck.

  My skin tingles.

  I close my eyes and breathe him in.

  “Mother!”

  Dammit. Slowly, I set the bottle of perfume down as I answer my daughter. “I’m coming, Ally, settle down.”

  I take a deep breath in and try to let thoughts of Carter go as I let it out. As I make my way down the stairs, I nearly trip laughing at the expression that’s plastered across my daughter’s face. I’ve never seen her so annoyed.

  “You know I’m going to be late now, right?”

  I shake my head and adjust the band of my watch. “The late bell doesn’t ring for another twenty minutes. This I know.”

  I kiss her cheek as I pass her to get my purse and keys.

  “Yeah but all my friends will already be on their way to class by the time I get there. I was supposed to meet up with Christina today.”

  “Who’s Christina?”

  “She’s just this girl, from my theatre class.”

  I close the door behind me and lock up. “What happened to Karen?”

  “Nothing.”

  I stop. “Ally?”

  She pauses but then finishes her trek to the car. “Nothing, mom. We’re just sick of each other right now; no big deal, things are fine.”

  I should grill her to see what’s really going on. Nah. I don’t want to ruin the morning we’ve had together. Besides, she’ll tell me when she’s ready. Ally hops into the car and gets on her cell phone. I’m about to do the same when I see Meg grabbing the paper from the end of her driveway.

  “Hey, Meg!”

  Normally, I would be done and know that I’ll see her later, but today I stop and do a double take because she doesn’t acknowledge me right away.

  “Meg?”

  I turn to Ally. “I’ll be right back.”

  Then I take a stroll down the sidewalk to my friend. Her face is blotchy and her eyes are puffy. And they’re still wet so I know she’s been crying.

  “Hey,” she says with a sniffle and a wipe of her nose.

  “You wanna talk about it?” There’s no need to make sure something’s wrong. It’s clear there is.

  “Not really, Iris.” She grimaces.

  “I don’t have to go in right now, if---“

  “Iris, I said I don’t want to talk about it – especially with you.”

  “What?�
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  She shakes her head and wipes her eyes. She looks away. At first it seems like she’s going to say something but then she just walks away.

  “Meggan!”

  You’d think her full name would stop her but I get nothing. Not a wave of her hand or a shake of her head, which is very not like her.

  I watch her go back inside and I stand there. What could be bothering her so bad she doesn’t even want to talk to me about it? I walk back to the car where Ally is becoming impatient. Welcome to my world.

  “Looks like someone’s universe is about to implode,” Alex hollers from her door step, across the street.

  I look over and laugh at her example via animation. I have no idea what she’s talking about. Then I wave. “It’s certainly not the universe I remember from last month.”

  “Maybe that’s not such a bad thing,” she says.

  What is she insinuating? She doesn’t like Meg much but she doesn’t know her like I do. Something must really be upsetting her for her to act like that. I’ll find out later, when it’s just the two of us talking.

  “Have a good one, Alex.” I smile and wave and she throws her hands up.

  “Is there any other kind?”

  I laugh a short laugh then slide into the car and head off to take my daughter to school and me, to another fun filled day at the Maximum Copy store.

  * * *

  “I forgot to tell you I need another hundred cookies for Wednesday’s pep rally,” Ally says as she’s about to close the door.

  “Allison Rose!”

  “I forgot, Mom, I’m sorry.”

  I sigh. “I’ll get the ingredients tonight after work.”

  It is literally impossible to say no to her. Plus, I like baking.

  “Thanks, Mom.” She beams. It’s rare so I enjoy it despite the situation. “See ya later.”

  She shuts the door and runs off to catch up with who I’m guessing is Christina. Then she’s gone; lost in the crowd.

  * * *

  Despite the fact that I’m a few minutes late to work, I find myself enjoying the elevator ride up to the third floor. There is no muzak playing, there never is, but today, I hear a song by the American Authors inside my head, which makes me think of Carter. I hum it as I wait for my floor to arrive. When the doors open, Mark stands there, staring at me as though he’s been waiting anxiously for me since the clock struck seven-forty-five.

  I give him a grin. “Morning boss.”

  I bounce past him, into the bull pen filled with cubicles and head toward the one I call home for eight to ten hours a day.

  “Where have you been, Iris? I needed you to get on that presentation first---”

  “The presentation is fine, Mark.” I take a nice, cleansing breath. “Everything’s fine.”

  “F . . . what?”

  “I’ll print a clean copy for you but you’ll never make it perfect if you keep nit picking every little detail. If you keep looking, you’ll keep finding more things to fix and the next thing you know, you’re late to your meeting.”

  He stares blankly.

  “That’s my professional advice. Of course, but you’re the boss, and if you really want to fix every tiny detail leading up to the time you have to be on the call, leaving you no time to review and prepare, I’ll do it.”

  He furrows his brow and blinks his eyes for a total of about five minutes and then, as though he’s let all my words absorb into his brain finally, he straightens himself, pats me on the shoulder and says, “Agreed, Iris. We’re good to go; I’ll look for that copy on my desk as soon as you can print it off. Thank you.”

  I won’t stand here and tell you his reaction is anything I expected. It’s not. But I can say, I walk the rest of the way to my cubical with the world’s largest grin on my face. After I print things off for Mark, my work days drags. He’s on his conference call, not to be disturbed, and I have absolutely nothing on my plate for the remainder of my time here.

  I offer some assistance to a few of the other women on my floor. I stock up on supplies. I pretty much clean my whole entire workstation, even though it doesn’t need it; probably because I can’t get that song out of my head now and I’d like nothing more than to go home, walk straight over to Carter’s house and take him up on that offer he made me last night when we kissed goodnight.

  I stop wiping my keyboard down and sit very still. I close my eyes and imagine his lips on my shoulder again. I tilt my head to give him better access. A satisfied sensation runs down my entire body as I remember the way his hands felt along every inch of my body, the way he was needy yet gentle. Hasty but purposeful. Like he was constantly fighting a battle with himself over . . . me. I can just about taste his tongue against mine if I just . . .

  “Iris.”

  “What?” I jump and my eyes fly open. “I wasn’t . . . I was just cleaning.”

  “What’s the matter? Are you feeling alright? You look flushed.” Mark seems concerned but impatient. Something must have gone wrong in his meeting.

  I reluctantly push thoughts of Carter’s body out of my mind and force myself to focus on work. “I’m fine, what do you need?”

  As my boss prattles off some numbers he needs to give to his meeting attendees, I write it all down but I’m not paying much attention. Inside my mind, I’m on Carter’s futon, curled up next to him, with the American Authors playing in the background.

  * * *

  The day finally ends when Mark’s estranged wife calls and wants to talk things over with him. The way he gathers his things enthusiastically after he hangs up the phone tells me, although he’s a jerk, he loves her. Did James ever act this way after getting off the phone with me in the early days of our break up? I doubt it. His actions this week are very unlike him and I still can’t believe I almost fell for his sweet talk.

  On my way home, I stop at the store and pick up the things I need to make the sugar cookies for Ally. When my mother first taught me how to make them, we’d have so much fun together, baking for Christmas. The first time I made them for Ally’s Kindergarten class the kids gobbled them up and thought Ally was a rock star for having a mom that made cookies, “that good.” She’s asked me to make them for every occasion possible ever since and the recipe has evolved little by little with each year that passes.

  As I check out, Rosie, a cashier I get from time to time, shakes her head as she rings me up.

  “I’m surprised that daughter of yours doesn’t weigh a thousand pounds as many cookies I’ve seen you bake for that girl over the years, Iris.”

  I laugh. “Luckily she knows how to share.”

  “Ya got that right.”

  She pulls the receipt out of the register and hands it to me. “You have a fun night, now, Iris. Don’t eat all the cookie dough!”

  She winks and I push my cart toward the exit.

  “I’ll have to bring you some one of these days, Rosie.”

  “You better!”

  She laughs, I laugh, but on the way to the car, I repeat something she said to myself.

  As many cookies I’ve seen you bake for that girl.

  And it gives me an idea.

  Despite my run in with the law, recently, I find I have a lead foot the rest of the way home. And to my surprise, I also find my daughter, already there.

  “What are you doing home so early?”

  “Dance was canceled today.”

  I set the groceries down onto the counter. “Oh yeah? How come?”

  Ally flips the channels but she’s not paying attention to the shows that flick by. Her zombie like glare tells me, she doesn’t really care about what’s on T.V.

  “Mrs. White was called into some meeting. She said to take the day off. Some of us wanted to stay but . . .” She shrugs. “I guess majority rules.”

  “Well.” I clap my hands together. “That’s good, because I have an idea.”

  She twists around to look over at me, curious.

  “You’re going to bake the cookies tonight.”


  “What?” She looks panic stricken and it’s only all my fault she feels like she can’t do it. I should have been baking with her all these years. Not for her.

  “Come on.” I wave her over. “It’s easy.”

  Ally is hesitant at first but she can’t hide the excitement when she realizes, I’m serious.

  “You’re not yourself lately,” she says as we wash our hands to get started.

  “Maybe I’m more myself than I have been in a long time.”

  And she smiles. “Wwwwhaaaat . . . ever.”

  I bump her hip and she’s not expecting it so she nearly falls over, but we share some giggles anyway. There’s a knock at the door while I’m supervising Ally putting all the ingredients together.

  “You’ve got this?” I check before leaving her alone.

  She nods as she reads the recipe card and I wipe my hands on my jeans on my way to the door. When I open it, I’m at a loss of words.

  “Carter, what in the world?”

  He stands there, smiling his boyish smile at me like we have a secret. And we do.

  “Thought I’d stop by.” He leans in and is about to kiss me, then his eyes move and he notices Ally behind me, in the kitchen. He backs away. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know-”

  “It’s okay, come in.”

  “You sure? I can come back.”

  “No, come in. I’m glad you’re here. I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

  Carter’s eyebrow raises up above the other. “Yeah?”

  I slap him in the chest. “Yeah.” Then I turn and lead him back into the kitchen.

  “Oh man, I smell cookies,” he says when we’re closer. “Can I help with anything?”

  “No,” Ally says before I have the chance to reply. “I’m doing this.”

  And now Carter’s entire brow rises. “Really.”

  “Yes, really,” she says with that charming teenaged attitude of hers.

  Carter surrenders with both hands up and I head for the fridge.

  “Anyone else want something to eat?”

  “Mom, how are you going to cook when I’m using the oven?”

  “I’ve got an idea,” Carter says and he’s got my attention. “Who likes Chinese?”