Before It's Love

by Michelle Pennington

  “Now that I am doing. I admit it. I want you thoroughly confused.”

  “See? So, stop already. If you’ll stop making me question everything, I’ll stop avoiding you.”

  “I’m not sure that’s entirely within my powers, but I’ll try.”

  “Great, then welcome back into my small circle of friends. Now, let me eat.”

  ***

  When I got back to the house, I nearly ran into Natalie coming out of the laundry room with a basket of clean clothes. “Hey, where have you been?” she asked.

  I stared at her for three seconds, not answering, but my brothers always told me not to bother lying because I wasn’t any good at it. “At Irma Bellfonte’s house.”

  “Who’s that?”

  I gave a tiny sigh and confessed, “Jake’s grandma.”

  Natalie’s eyebrows drew together and she set her basket down by the stairs. “Wait, what? How do you know her?”

  “Um, Jake introduced us because we’re both artists.”

  “Do you and Jake see each other a lot?”

  “It’s a small building,” I said, my face starting to flush. “Of course we do.”

  She tilted her head, narrowing her eyes at me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Why would I? It’s no big deal.” Except that it was, so I prayed she wouldn’t be able tell I was lying—which is probably not the best thing to pray about.

  But then she surprised me by asking, “Does he ever ask about me? Or talk about me?”

  Somehow, I had to escape this conversation. “No. We mostly just talk about art.”

  “What about that pretty girl with the blue hair? Does he ever talk to her?”

  I let my head drop back in frustration. “I don’t know, Natalie. Why don’t you ask him?”

  She shrugged and picked up her basket again. “Because I don’t want to sound desperate. But I am going to ask him if he’ll go to the dance at the Union in a few weeks. Did you hear about it?”

  “Yeah. Nick said we’re going because he got guilted into buying tickets for it.”

  “I’m not surprised. It’s a fundraiser for cancer research or saving birds or something.”

  “Or something,” I said dryly. I used to think Natalie had it all together, but she was actually clueless about some things. Like Jake.

  My phone rang, and I used it as an excuse to step away. It was my mom.

  “I haven’t heard from you for a couple of days,” she said. “How’s your job going?”

  I went into my room and closed the door behind me. “Oh, it’s fine. I like it.”

  “How’s everything else going?”

  I didn’t know how to tell her I was having doubts about Nick. And I needed to be careful not to mention Jake too often. Searching my brain for something neutral to say, I landed on, “I’m nearly finished with a great landscape.”

  If I talked about art, my mom would never suspect I wanted to come home and bury myself in one of her hugs.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Jake

  I had a habit of looking for Lauren’s car when I went by the girls’ house, and tonight was no exception. But tonight, I was heading over for some sort of game night Beth had roped me into, so I was doubly disappointed not to see it anywhere.

  The front door was open with a sign on the storm door that said, “Come on in.”

  I pulled it open and stepped inside. Though lights were on and there was food in the kitchen, nobody was in the living area. They were probably out on the patio out back. Familiar with the house, I headed that way, but stopped when I heard weird noises coming from the dark hallway. Peering into the shadows, I saw a pant leg in the shaft of light from the bathroom.

  Not one to ignore my curiosity, I flipped on the light and froze. It was Nick and Renee. They jumped apart, but it was clear what they’d been up to.

  I leaned against the doorframe with an eyebrow raised and waited.

  “It’s not what it looks like,” Nick said.

  “Uh, huh. Could you have said anything more cliché?”

  Renee didn’t seem to be bothered at all that they were caught. In fact, she looked pleased with the situation. “See you later, Nick,” she said before brushing past me in the doorway.

  Nick stepped toward me, his shoulders bunched and his jaw thrust out aggressively. “You’d better not tell Lauren.”

  “Tell her you were cheating on her with her roommate? In the hall between their bedrooms? Man, there are just layers and layers of class to this.” I was taunting him, sure, but he deserved worse.

  “Who are you to talk? You’ve been panting after my girlfriend since day one.”

  I shrugged. “Maybe. Funny that you haven’t been.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  Before I could answer, Nick’s phone rang in his pocket. He turned slightly away from me, but I still saw Lauren’s name on his screen. Instead of answering, he sent a message that he couldn’t talk. What a class act he was.

  He stepped toward me and said, “I mean it. Lauren had better not find out about this.”

  “Are you threatening me?”

  “Just make sure she doesn’t.” He brushed by me, jostling me with his shoulder as he passed. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. I would not react.

  Once more, as I did countless times a day, I wondered why Lauren was still with that loser. But I knew why. She was incredibly loyal. In fact, loyal to a fault. She’d need a really good reason to dump Nick, but I didn’t want to be the one who gave it to her. I just had to be patient, because sooner or later, he was going to give her one.

  My phone buzzed, and I pulled it out of my pocket to see a text from Lauren.

  My car broke down a block from the grocery store. Nick isn’t answering his phone. Can you help me?

  I grinned and dug my keys out of my pocket. Nick just kept helping me out.

  I jogged across the street to get my truck, then drove toward the grocery store. It didn’t take long to find her. As I pulled up next to her, Lauren rolled her window down.

  “What’s the problem?” I asked.

  She sighed. “My car lied about how much gas it had left. The gauge says I still have a quarter of a tank.”

  “You sure that’s what it is?”

  “It’s my best guess right now, but who knows? Maybe it just has a grudge against me.”

  I couldn’t help but chuckle. She looked so frustrated, but her sense of humor was still intact. “I have a gas can in the back of my truck, but we’ll have to go fill it up. Jump in.”

  Lauren got out and climbed in my truck. “Thanks,” she said, smiling at me.

  My attention caught on the way the evening sun turned her irises to gold, but I managed to say, “No problem. I didn’t see you much today. How’d your classes go?”

  “Great. We’re doing longer studies in figure drawing. Rossi even complimented me today.”

  Not at all surprised it was art she told me about and not one of her other classes, I said, “Awesome. He has high standards, so I’m sure it was deserved.”

  “I hope so.”

  Silence fell between us until Lauren spoke in a more subdued tone. “Sorry I’m taking you away from Beth’s party.”

  I shrugged and looked straight ahead. “I’d rather be doing this anyway.”

  “Well, it’s nice of you.”

  “Not really.” Not since she was the only reason I’d gone anyway.

  At the gas station, I got out and swiped my debit card before Lauren even opened her door. While it was authorizing, I grabbed the gas can out of the truck bed and started unscrewing the cap.

  “Hey, I didn’t mean for you to pay for it.” She waved her debit card in my face. “See?”

  “I can buy you a gallon of gas.”

  “I’m sure you can, but you shouldn’t.”

  “Stop worrying. It’s just a few bucks.” I screwed the cap back on the now full gas can and dropped it in the back of the truck. “Now let’s hope you’r
e right about it just needing gas.”

  Back at Lauren’s car, I quickly realized that she was too independent to let me take care of anything. She tried to take the can away from me, but I held her back by holding my arm out.

  She tugged on my arm. “Jake, I can do that.”

  “I’m sure you can, but there’s no reason for both of us to smell like gas.”

  “Like it even matters. My hands smell like turpentine half the time anyway.”

  “Well, you smell nice tonight—like flowers. Let’s not ruin it.”

  Surprise registered on her face and she let go of my arm, taking a step back. It was a shame, but I was able to get to work. When I was done, Lauren got in the car and started it up. It purred to life.

  I slapped my hand on the hood. “Looks like you were right. I’ll follow you down to the gas station so you can fill it up the rest of the way.”

  I got stuck behind a light, so by the time I got to the gas station and walked over to join her at the pump, she was already swiping her card. But then I noticed how closely she watched the numbers instead of just setting it on automatic. She was watching it so close, she didn’t see me pull out my wallet.

  When she stopped it at five dollars and hung up the nozzle, I watched for the pump to switch to a new transaction and swiped my card quickly before she could stop me.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “What does it look like?”

  “No,” she said, sounding horrified. “I’ll be fine. I’m not going to drive much until I get paid.”

  “You might need to go somewhere in an emergency. I don’t want to take a chance you’ll be stranded.”

  “You already bought me groceries. This is too much.”

  “You’re not going to stop me, so you might as well relax about it.”

  “Want me to start screaming?”

  “What are you going to scream? I can just hear it now: ‘Help! This guy is putting gas in my tank. Somebody stop him.’”

  “That would sound stupid,” she admitted, laughing. “But I feel awful.”

  “I know, but I’m being selfish. I don’t want to be worried about you.”

  “I’ll pay you back as soon as I can.”

  “If you want to,” I said to appease her.

  Lauren was leaning against her car watching me. I loved feeling her eyes on me, but hated that her expression was troubled.

  “You’d do this for anybody, right?” she asked.

  “Do you really want me to answer that?”

  She shook her head no, so I said, “I’ll follow you back.” I strode over to my truck, and felt the lack of her presence all the way back to the house. I couldn’t help but wonder how Nick would act around her the rest of the evening.

  I parked at my apartment complex because there were already too many cars in their driveway and along the street. By the time I walked back over, Lauren was struggling to carry in several two liters of soda.

  “Hey, let me get those,” I said, reaching for them.

  She grinned and shook her head. “I’ve got them. But there are more in the car if you want to get those.”

  I turned back and loaded my arms with bottles. “Is Beth making you buy soda for her party?”

  “She gave me money for it, but asked me to pick them up. It’s no big deal.”

  We set the soda on the counter and went outside to the patio. A dozen or so people sat around the fire pit in lawn chairs. The yard was well lit with strings of lights and a few lanterns so it was easy to see faces even in the gathering darkness.

  Beth stood near the fire pit, talking, but when she saw us she clapped her hands. “Great. Now we can get started.”

  “Jake, come sit by me,” Natalie called.

  I glanced at Lauren, but she was already heading over to sit by Nick. Shrugging, I moved toward Natalie, but kept my eyes on the scene going on across the patio. To my surprise, Lauren didn’t seem to notice that Renee was sitting on Nick’s other side with her legs crossed and her body angled toward him.

  When I sat down, I leaned forward, resting my forearms on my knees and clasping my hands. Once everything was still again, Beth resumed her instructions. “This is a get to know you game. I want you to turn to the person next to you and ask them three questions about themselves, then they’ll do the same for you. Once we all know each other, we can play the rest of the games better.”

  I let my head drop forward a few inches in frustration. I was not in the mood for this.

  Natalie didn’t hesitate to move her chair so that she faced me. The others also moved around and began asking each other questions.

  “Wow,” Natalie said. “I’m not even sure what to ask you. I mean, I already know you so well.”

  I could have listed plenty of things she didn’t know about me, but I didn’t feel like helping her out. “Just ask me something crazy then.”

  “Okay, how many kids do you want someday?”

  Startled, I sat up and stared at her. She blinked at me innocently, but my throat still felt dry. I cleared it and said, “However many my wife wants, I guess.”

  “Don’t you have an opinion?”

  “Not really.”

  “Okay, then, what would be your ideal date?”

  I rubbed my jaw and wished like blazes I hadn’t come. “Honestly? Take-out and a movie rental.”

  Natalie looked way too intrigued. With her precise eyebrows raised, she said, “I’m guessing cuddling would be involved.”

  Since I’d been picturing Lauren and I together when I said that, I couldn’t deny it. Better to move on. “My turn to ask questions.”

  “No, that was only two.”

  “Nope. Technically it was four. What’s your favorite color?”

  “That’s so lame. It’s green.”

  “Favorite food?”

  “Come on, Jake. You can’t just keep asking me what my favorite things are.”

  “Sure I can. Beth didn’t give any rules.”

  “Fine. Tacos.”

  “Nice choice. Okay, what’s your middle name?”

  She sighed heavily. “Ann. There. Are you happy? Half the girls in the world have Ann as their middle name. You’ve learned nothing interesting about me.”

  “Hey, it isn’t my fault we’re doing this pointless question thing.”

  “It’s not pointless.”

  “Yeah, it is. I’m pretty sure I’m never going to need to know your middle name.”

  “You should have asked better questions.”

  “Why? You’re never going to need to know how many kids I want either.”

  It had sounded good in my head. Sort of teasing but subtle. It came out like a slap in the face, and her expression showed it.

  Her eyes glimmered bright, and I felt an impulse to say something to fix it. “That didn’t come out the way I meant it.”

  Beth clapped to get our attention again and Natalie moved her chair back around. I folded my arms across my chest and stared up at the sky.

  “Okay, let’s hear what you learned,” Beth said. “Let’s start with Lauren and Charlie. Tell us the coolest thing you learned about each other.”

  Stunned, I turned my head sharply. Lauren and Nick hadn’t been together? I guess that would be stupid if the point was to get to know each other.

  Charlie spoke first. “Um, Lauren knows how to castrate a bull.”

  “A bull calf, really,” she clarified.

  I nearly snorted I laughed so hard, but controlled it so I could hear what Lauren said. “Charlie likes old school rap music.”

  “Great,” Beth said. “Nick, what did you learn about Renee?”

  “She can unwrap a fruit chew with her tongue.”

  I raised my eyebrows, and glanced at Lauren, who was staring at her hands, blushing. I knew exactly what she was thinking, and she didn’t even have as much cause to think it as I had.

  Renee leaned forward and smacked Nick’s knee. “You didn’t have to say that one. Okay, my turn.
I learned that Nick thinks the most boring thing to do with a girl is watch a sunset.”

  Lauren looked at him, the hurt evident in her scrunched eyebrows and tight lips. And Renee sat next to her as content as a cat who’d just killed a canary.

  Beth and her stupid game.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Lauren

  Mr. Rossi walked around the outside of the drawing horses, looking over our shoulders. “Flip,” he said in a loud, distinct voice.

  With a sigh, I flipped my current page of drawing paper, to the back. I stared at the fresh sheet and wondered if this one would finally work.

  “Preston, change please,” Rossi said, his voice short and dynamic as always.

  Preston was one of our regular models, a muscular guy with a big head, physically and figuratively. For a moment he froze as if he didn’t know what to do with his own body. He’d done so many poses during the last thirty minutes, I doubted he could come up with anything original.

  Eventually, he settled into a runner’s starting position with his balance held on the tips of his fingers, his head down, and one leg stretched back behind him.

  Unfortunately for me, this pose gave me a difficult angle since he was facing me directly. It created all kinds of struggles like foreshortening and proportional oddities. I considered moving to a different place, but the circle was tight and squeezing myself in somewhere would have been awkward. Besides, I didn’t back down from a challenge.

  Mr. Rossi came up behind me and said, “Good luck.”

  Great. That gave me a lot of confidence.

  “Begin,” he said to the class, still standing behind me.

  I drew, intensely aware of Mr. Rossi behind me the whole time. In just a few seconds of sketching, the form took shape on my paper. I allowed the synergy between my brain, eyes, and arm to flow unrestrained. Something magical began to happen. Fortunately, Mr. Rossi told us to stop before I could ruin it.

  I sat back to see what I’d accomplished, but before I could so much as glance at it, Mr. Rossi plucked my board from my drawing horse and walked with it to the platform.

  “I want you all to see this,” he said to the class, motioning for everyone to gather around.