Losing Logan

by Sherry Ficklin

  “Yeah, um. Kyle is just down the road. He should be here any second so…”

  “Is that so?” he asks casually.

  I nod. “Yeah, I’m just getting a sweater out of my car. It’s getting cold. But I can leave you to your…whatever.”

  I try to slip past him to my car, but he grabs my arm.

  “Bruno isn’t coming, Zoe. I’m sorry to break it to you. But no one is coming.”

  I swallow. That isn’t exactly true. He holds up Kyle’s cell phone. I recognize the case, it’s got the superman logo on it. “He misplaced this today at practice. But don’t worry. The police will find it, here with you.”

  It only takes me a second to process what he’s saying. He’s going to kill me and let Kyle take the fall for it. And if they think he did this to me, they will find some way to pin Kaylee’s murder on him too. Pushing me against the back of my car he releases my arm and goes for my throat, his big, sweaty hands choking me. Rearing up I kick him in the nuts, hard. He loosens his grip just enough for me to break his hold and roll to the side. Getting my feet under me quickly I run off into the darkness.

  “Logan,” I scream as I run to the tower.

  He appears in a flash.

  “Zoe, Bruno is at home doing a report on the computer he’s not—“ I trip, landing at his feet.

  “Yeah, I got the memo.”

  Mr. Mason bursts through the trees, flashlight in hand.

  “Come on, Zoe. Let’s not make this hard.”

  “Yeah, right,” I scream, picking up a large tree branch and holding it like a baseball bat.

  “Zoe, I have an idea, you need to get him talking, okay? I’ll be right back.”

  I barely have time to breathe before he’s gone again.

  “Damn it, Logan!”

  Mr. Mason freezes, tilting his head to the side.

  “You really see him don’t you?”

  I lower my chin, “What do you know about it?”

  He nods, “I heard you talking to yourself after class. It didn’t take me long to realize who you were talking to. I didn’t believe it at first, but I saw you with Bruno and the others—a group you’ve never had any interest in before—and I thought to myself, why would a smart girl like Zoe join that crowd. So I started watching you, watching them. You put on a good show, but I could see it. The vague detachment. You were trying to figure out what happened.”

  “How could you do it? Logan trusted you. And Kaylee…” I trail off. I was going to say that she loved him, but I’m not actually sure that’s true. So I settle for the next best thing. “She was carrying your baby.”

  He laughs out loud. “Yes, what a wonderful surprise that would have been for my wife. Not to mention the fact that I’d be out of a job—forever. No school would ever hire me with a scandal like that on my record.”

  I snort, “Wow, you are like, king of the douche fairies, you know that?”

  “Put the branch down and let’s talk about this.”

  I swing the stick just a little, “Oh, I’m sorry do I have ‘stupid’ tattooed to my forehead? You’ve already killed two people. You really think I’m going to be number three? Guess again.”

  Logan reappears beside me. I glance over.

  “And where did you run off to?”

  “Relax, I called in the cavalry.”

  I laugh dryly. “You wanna explain that one to me, because seriously.”

  “You’re talking to him right now, aren’t you?” Mr. Mason asks, his face amused.

  “Yeah. He says being dead is great, you should try it. Maybe just go,” I jerk my head back, “jump off a cliff or something. I won’t try to stop you.”

  “Oh,” he smiles, “I don’t think so.”

  Logan walks over to Mr. Mason, circling him slowly.

  “I remember now. I remember him begging me not to say anything. Kaylee even tried to plead his case. I told him he was a pervert and that I was going straight to the police. When I turned around to leave, he hit me in the back of the head with something. Then he grabbed me by the shirt and dragged me onto the bridge.”

  “You hit him in the back of the head and dragged him to the bridge. You threw him over, and let the rocks and the water do the rest,” I repeat and Mr. Mason pales. “What, you weren’t really sure were you? Until right now you thought I might just be some crazy girl seeing things that aren’t there. But guess what? You’re only half right.”

  I throw the branch at him, nailing him in the side of the head, and run. Ducking into the trees I sprint through the woods. It’s dark, too dark to see anything and I must have dropped my phone back at the car. I trip over a branch, flying forward to my feet. Logan is there in an instant.

  “Follow me,” he says offering me a hand up. I grab it and he’s solid, as solid as he’s ever been. I let him lead me through the forest, off a narrow path into a bunch of tall ferns.

  “Here, Zoe. My phone is there,” he points to a large hollow tree. Taking a deep breath I lunge for it. Grabbing the device I hold down the power button, waiting for it to turn on.

  “Come on you stupid thing, come on.”

  I hear Mr. Mason scrambling through the brush behind me just as the screen flickers to life. I have a split second to hit 911 and send, throwing the phone as far as I can in the darkness before I feel his hand tangle into my hair, yanking me to my feet. He warps the other arm around me and I’m stuck. I kick and scream, but I’m no match for his strength.

  Logan lunges for him, but only manages to move right through us, falling to the ground. Mr. Mason drags me away, kicking and thrashing. I manage to get loose once, but he has me again, this time with both arms squeezing across my chest so tightly I can’t scream, I can’t even breathe. Black spots form in my sight, driving away the little bit of light the moon is providing. He half drags half carries me back to the tower, tossing me to the ground at his feet. Climbing on top of me in a way that’s violently intimate he stuffs my arms under his knees and leans down hard, pressing all his weight down on me.

  “You really are a pretty girl, Zoe. It’s a shame I couldn’t add you to my collection. We could have had a lot of fun you and me.” He runs his hand down the side of my face and I bite at it. Drawing back he punches me in the face. Pain explodes like dynamite. It feels like every bone in my cheek shatters on impact, my teeth crashing together, blood instantly pooling in my mouth, threatening to drown me. I spit it up in his face.

  He draws back to hit me again and I feel his weight lifting off me. The relief is swift, cold air flooding my lungs. I roll to my side, coughing and spitting out blood onto the dark grass. Glancing over I see The Reaper. It’s hovering there in the moonlight, staring at me. Looking over my shoulder I see my rescuer. Kyle and Mr. Mason are grappling over by the bridge.

  Logan drops to his knees beside me.

  “Told you I called the cavalry.”

  I shake my head slowly, “How?”

  “I will explain later, right now you need to get out of here.”

  I struggle to my feet. Mr. Mason has Kyle in a headlock. Grabbing the branch off the ground as I go, I run toward them, swinging the branch and nailing Mr. Mason in the side of the head with a very satisfying crack. He falls to the side and Kyle gasps for air. I wrap my arms around him, trying to help him up. But Mr. Mason is quick to recover, his face covered with blood as he grabs me, spins me to face him, and pushes me backward. I miss the bridge by inches, reaching out and grabbing the old cable before I tumble helplessly off the side. The last thing I see is Kyle bum rushing him, head down, and spearing him in the gut. I slip, my feet scrambling to find some kind of foot hold in the dirt of the cliff face. My arm is on fire, clutching with one hand to the cable of the bridge. I look up and see The Reaper leaning over, looking down at me. It reaches over, holding one stark white hand out to me. I struggle, screaming for help.

  Then it hits me.

  Help isn’t coming. Even if the police got my 911, they are still fifteen minutes away, and that’s if the cal
l even went through. This is it. I’m going to hang here while Mr. Mason kills Kyle, then comes for me. I’ll die, and Logan will be stuck here.

  With a desperate push of energy I pull myself up far enough to grab the cable with my other hand, and even with the burning in my arm, I somehow get my stomach on the bridge, then one knee, then the other.

  Pushing through the yellow tape I rush at Mr. Mason, knocking him to the ground. One sharp punch to the throat and he’s gasping. He swings at my face and I see too late that he has a rock in his hand. It connects with my temple, completely cutting off my vision to that eye. But I don’t fall. Another punch to the neck, this time I hear bone crack and he gasps, wheezing for air. He drops the rock and I pick it up, smashing it into the side of his face over and over.

  I’m not sure if it’s instinct, or rage, or the fear that he might keep getting up and keep coming after me, but I keep swinging until his face is so covered in blood that it doesn’t even look like a face anymore.

  “Zoe,” Kyle coughs, rubbing his neck from where he sways on hands and knees.

  “Zoe, you can stop now,” Logan says gently. I look over my shoulder, through my one good eye at The Reaper. I expect it to come for me, or Mr. Mason, or Logan, but it just vanishes.

  “Huh. Looks like it wasn’t my time to go after all,” I whisper and fall, rolling off of Mr. Mason and onto my back. I blink once up at the bright white moon before everything goes dark.

  Twenty-four

  As it turns out, dying feels a lot like falling asleep. There’s no pain or fear, just a quiet, accepting calm.

  Or at least that’s how I remember it.

  Living, however, hurts like a son of a bitch. I scratch at the hollow of my arm, where the IV is poking out of my skin. The tape itches like crazy, and that’s actually the least of my problems. The vision comes back in my right eye after a few days. Or maybe weeks. Who the hell knows? I’m on so many painkillers there’s no way to really know how much time is passing. Kyle comes in and sits with me sometimes. He’s pretty bruised up himself and I have to be careful not to make him laugh beacuse he can’t breathe on account of his broken ribs. He reads to me or shows me funny internet videos on his new phone.

  Logan never leaves. He’s always there, in the corner of the room, watching me. I feel bad for him. I really thought that once he had his memory back, he’d be able to move on. Maybe that isn’t it at all. Maybe it never was. I try not to bring it up. Not even when he crawls in bed beside me at night.

  The police have been in and out. Mr. Mason is still in a coma, or so they tell me. Part of me hopes he dies, part of me hopes he lives to answer for what he did. Either way, I won’t be butt hurt about it. Mom is in and out all the time, working at the hospital has its perks. She gets to see me on every break. She doesn’t make me talk about what happened, though she was there when I had to tell the cops how it went down. I leave out the part about Logan, of course. I’d like to see the outside of a hospital at some point in my life. The twins come by with flowers, Becker and Cassidy bring magazines. Even Madison and Becca come by, though I suspect only to get the gossip on what happened.

  Today, Carlos has smuggled me in a burrito, which after a week of hospital food is like manna from heaven. Kyle sits in the chair beside me, reading me yet another get well card someone has sent. Who knew I’d become so popular?

  “I have to ask, how did you know to come get me?” I ask softly when Carlos leaves to get me a soda.

  Kyle frowns. “I was at home working on my computer, when random words started popping up on my screen.” He stops, looking away. “It was Logan, Zoe. He was saying Zoe, Tower, Now, over and over. Then help her, help her help her. I dropped everything and drove out.”

  He looks up. “And you think I’m crazy.”

  In the corner of the room, Logan grins. “You better let the poor guy off the hook or he’s going to have himself committed.”

  I touch the side of his face with my non bandaged hand.

  “You don’t sound crazy.” I take a deep breath, ignoring the pain in my chest. “Remember when you told me that you felt like Logan brought me to you, because he knew you needed me?”

  He nods.

  “Well, you were wrong. Logan led me to you, because he knew I needed you. I didn’t really understand why at the time, but he came to me and he told me—he told me I needed to let you in.” I feel the tear slip down my face.

  Kyle smiles, kissing the tips of my fingers. “I told the police I was worried about you because we were supposed to meet up and you weren’t answering my texts. I told them I went to The Tower because I knew that sometimes you’d go up there to think.”

  “Thanks for that.”

  He shrugs. “Thanks for saving my life.”

  “Right back at you.”

  I yawn and he sits back. “Okay, you need some rest. The doc is thinking about releasing you tomorrow, so no funny business.”

  I grin and let his hand slip from mine. He kisses me on the forehead and leaves. As soon as he’s gone Logan takes his place. I just let my head lull to the side, staring at him. His eyes are so green today, like emeralds. I want to burn the picture of his face into my mind. I want to be able to close my eyes any time I want and be able to see those eyes perfectly in my mind.

  “He’s right bruiser. You need to rest.”

  I chuckle. “I’ll rest when I’m dead.”

  He frowns.

  “What?” I ask, “Too soon?”

  “I thought you were going to die. You almost did, Zoe.”

  A million responses go through my mind, the first of which is, would that really have been so terrible? But I don’t say it out loud, because I know what his answer will be.

  And, I know the truth. The truth is, hanging there, on that bridge, I could have let go. It would have been so easy to just not fight. But I couldn’t. Something inside me, something I didn’t even know existed, wanted to cling to life, to fight for it at any cost. It was that instinct that let me pull myself up, that surge of adrenaline that let me take down Mr. Mason. I guess I can’t deny it any longer. The funny thing is that Logan saw it, even when I didn’t.

  “Well, I did promise.” I say finally.

  My first day back at school was like coming back from the dead. You’d have thought I was gone for three months instead of two weeks. Everyone hovers around me, alternately trying to get details on what happened and trying to play nurse. I let it go for a while, but by lunch I’ve had it. Madison is cutting my pizza into little squares so I can eat it with a fork, since my right arm is still in a sling.

  “Okay, I’m hurt, but not an invalid. Knock it off.” I say grumpily. She slides the plate back to me with a pout on her lips. “Sorry Madison. This is just a little too much smothering. But I really appreciate you trying to take care of me,” I add quickly.

  “Yeah, she’s a tough cookie,” Becker says, tossing a French fry at me. I can’t help but grin.

  “So, the voting for Homecoming Court is today. Have you voted yet? I can do it for you if you are too hurt to check the little boxes yourself, ” Darla offers playfully.

  I nod.

  “Yeah, I voted for Becker and Cassidy,” I say pointing at them with my fork.

  Cassidy puts her hand to her chest like I’ve just done something truly touching. Kyle leans over and whispers, “Kaylee always made everyone vote for her, no matter what.”

  I sigh. Kaylee was a bitch, even being dead couldn’t elevate her to sainthood. My pity at the way she died only goes so far, and apparently, this is where that well runs dry. But I don’t say anything, I just smile warmly.

  “Cassidy would make a beautiful Homecoming Queen. I know, I’ve seen the dress.”

  “Which reminds me, what time do you want the limo to pick you up?” Becca asks, stabbing a bite of salad and stuffing it into her mouth.

  “Limo? I thought that was a prom thing?”

  She rolls her eyes, going for a piece of my cut pizza with her fork. I slide it a
way with a grin. “Normally, yes. But in light of everything, I’ve decided to pull out all the stops. Life is short right?”

  Around the table people stare at her like she’s said something wrong. I hold up my pizza so I can take a bite.

  “Right.”

  In the corner booth Logan stares out the window at the people walking by.

  The rest of the day goes by quickly, considering its Friday, and Homecoming. The halls are decorated in maroon and white streamers and posters plaster every wall. The dance is tonight, the game tomorrow. Kyle is a bundle of nerves.

  “I’m still not back to one hundred per cent,” he grumbles, rubbing his ribs gently. “And this is our toughest matchup this year.”

  Reaching up on my toes I kiss him softly, pressing out foreheads together. “I know. I’m so sorry you got hurt because of me.”

  He tilts my chin up. “Hey, it was worth it.”

  “Even if you lose tomorrow?”

  He tilts his head back and forth like he’s debating. Then he grins, “Yeah, even if.”

  I smile. “Good. Because, there’s something I have to take care of before the dance tonight, is it cool if I just meet you there?”

  He looks puzzled. “Yeah, that’s fine. But Madison will be very disappointed.”

  I frown, “I know. But she’ll live and it’s important.”

  Then, just as we are walking out of the front doors Becca comes running up to me, spinning me to face her.

  “Hey Zoe, before you go, I want to show you something.”

  “Okay.” I let her lead me back down the hall. “I’ll see you tonight,” I call out to Kyle, who waves goodbye.

  Becca steers me toward one of the empty classrooms. Just when I’m sure something terrible is about to happen, all the girls yell, “Surprise!”

  Becca claps. There’s a tiny, one person size cake on the table. It says, congratulations in pink and green frosting.

  “What’s this about?”

  She hugs me gently, careful to avoid the sling.

  “You won Homecoming Queen, silly,” Madison says, hugging me next. Cassidy is next in line.