The sick feeling in my stomach catches me by surprise.
Before I finish saying, “Will Nicole, Courtney and their douche bag husbands be there too?” He’s nodding his head. “Seriously, Craig…what’s up with that?”
“Okay, okay, Kitty…Keep your claws in. Everyone just needs a little more time to adjust to the break up.”
“But why is everyone welcoming her with open arms?”
“Baby steps, Chrissy.”
“More like bullshit steps if you ask me.”
“C’mon, we’ve been one big group for like, fourteen years! I doubt if Guss and Kyle have even changed their underwear five times in that length of time and you want them to all of a sudden meet your lover?”
“My lover? Jesus, what am I, a character in a romance novel?”
“I don’t know what you call that guy!” Thinking really hard and scratching his head, “I got nothin’ else to add to the lover stuff, but…I’d like to meet him though.”
Nearly spitting my beer out, “Are you serious?”
“Absolutely. I mean, even though I trust you with Kendall’s life, I’d be a shitty dad if I didn’t get to know the guy who’s spending so much time with my daughter.”
“That’s understandable.”
“That’s not all.” And then he gets a little somber. “It was my wife’s persistence that brought you and that guy…”
Trying to make him cheery again, I interject with, “You mean…my lover!”
But he stays serious. “Right. It was Kelly that got you and Leo back together. I wanna see what all of the fuss is about. How about a barbeque over here next week?”
“You know what? That sounds like exactly what we need to unite everyone.”
After high-fiving on the plan, I grab Craig’s wrist watch to make sure I’m not running too late. When I look at it, I’m taken back in time.
“Oh my gosh, Craig. That’s the watch Kurt and I gave you for your wedding. I had no idea you still wore it.”
Kurt and I bought Craig and Kelly his and hers matching watches which we had inscribed with, “To our best friends…it’s about time,” on the back. In return, they bought us matching robes for our wedding a year later. They had the word “ball” inscribed on the back of Kurt’s and “chain” on the back of mine. Kurt and I always did buy better gifts for people. Correction. I always bought better gifts for people.
“I never take it off. You know how Kelly was…she liked it when we wore matching gear.”
It suddenly occurs to me that Kelly must’ve been buried with her watch on. Well, I’ll be darned. She did take a piece of me with her.
After leaving a somber Craig alone with his thoughts on the front porch that evening, I made my way home to my love, feeling pangs of guilt the entire drive that mine was alive and I’d be able to wrap my arms around him. The only thought that lifted my spirits was that my old friend genuinely wanted to meet Leo. If Leo can make a good impression with Craig, maybe he can talk those other idiots into accepting him. I know Leo could give a shit if they like him or not, but I’m not ready to let my past die along with Kelly and my marriage. Those meatheads and their dumbass doctor wives are my family. I may act all tough in front of them when it comes to defending my relationship with Leo, but when it comes right down to it, I love them and I need them.
Exposure
June, 2001
Still not a poop out of me since Leo moved in (well, at least not in the cottage anyway) and still not a peep out of Kurt since I ran into him. And that’s just fine and dandy with me. I can’t be exposed to Kurt. Bad, bad things happen when there’s exposure. If Craig leaves the Puffa-thingy at Kurt’s girlfriend’s parents’ house, he’s on his own. I was almost scared the subject would come up in front of Leo when we had dinner with Craig last week because I forgot to tell Craig that Leo has a little bit of an issue with the fact that there is a Kurt. Luckily, Kendall hijacked Leo the second we got there to show him her swing-set in the backyard, and I was able to tell Craig to zip it. The night ended up being better than I could’ve imagined, but it definitely got off to a rocky start in the car on the way there.
The last time I saw Leo that nervous was also the first time. It was when I went to his apartment in February 1998, when I knelt down in front of him and nudged myself between his legs. His entire body trembled when I started to kiss him. Though he didn’t tremble when we pulled into Craig’s driveway, he definitely appeared anxious.
“Baby, relax. It’s Kelly’s husband, Kendall’s father…not Attila the Hun.”
“Yeah and he’s also Numb Nuts’ best friend.”
Ahhh, Numb Nuts. Been a while since he busted that one out.
“I can’t help but think this is some kind of set up.”
Almost cracking up, “Just how much Miami Vice did you watch when you were a kid?”
Doing the quick math in my head, I calculate that I was sixteen when that show was on and Leo was…oh shit. Leo was ten. PURGE THE THOUGHT CHRISSY! PURGE IT! You’re not screwing a ten-year-old. You’re screwing a twenty-six-year-old. Perfectly legal.
“There’s no set up, Leo. Craig genuinely wants to meet my boyfriend and the guy who his daughter has so much fun hunting snipes with. That’s it. Please have an open mind and show him the man I fell in love with.”
And that he did. After a two second territorial eye stare and some butt sniffing, the two men quickly determined they were compatible and there was no dog fight. Other than the one eyebrow raise and neck twitch when Leo walked past a framed picture of Craig, Kyle, Guss, and Kurt on a fishing trip, the evening went off without a hitch. We talked about our jobs, football, the sluggish economy, and the main reason I got on the red eye to find Leo in New York last December. It was the first time Leo heard about just how much time I spent on Craig’s porch when Kelly was sick. I had told Leo about the letters I wrote to Kelly, but he had no idea of just how many there were. Craig talked about the flowers I planted in her garden, the grocery shopping, the babysitting, and the long talks he and I had over beers after Kelly fell asleep. Leo had no idea how much Craig really knew about him and no idea that had it not been for Kelly’s one and only letter back to me in which she wrote, “Go find him Chrissy. I know he’s waiting for you…get moving on those second chances,” I wouldn’t have.
After an amazing dinner that Kelly would’ve been very proud of her husband for preparing on his own, Craig and I watched from the kitchen window as Leo and Kendall were getting in their last snipe hunt of the evening.
“I can see why you like that guy so much, he adores you.”
“Correction. I love him.”
“You should. He’s the real deal. Good with kids too. Look at them out there.”
Craig and I smile at the silliness we’re witnessing in the backyard.
“So, the big thirty-two next week, huh?”
“Yep. Life’s flying by.”
“Flies by faster with kids in the picture. Still want any?”
“Totally. But I don’t plan that stuff out anymore. Bogs me down.”
“You might wanna jump on it. You’re not getting any younger.”
Punching my old friend in the arm “Hey, watch it, buddy!”
“C’mon, I’m serious. He might be young, but he seems ready. Fuckin’ in love with you, that’s for sure!” And then, “Don’t worry about Kyle and Guss, they’ll come around.”
“You know… I’m really torn about that.”
“Why’s that?”
“I don’t think Leo wants them to come around. I think he wants all of the reminders of Kurt to go away.”
“And you?”
“I wish my past didn’t hurt him so much, but without it, I wouldn’t be who I am, and I certainly wouldn’t have been at Buckley’s that night. All of my experiences, mostly the ones with Kurt, put me there.” Thoughtfully inhaling as I watch Leo outside, “I can’t resent them the way he does.”
Laughing like I hadn’t heard in a long time from him, “Sur
e bet Kurt wishes you stayed home that night!”
“Doubtful! He’s got Boobs and a big free mansion. That guy’s not wishing anything different.”
“If you say so.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Forget it. I don’t wanna stir anything up. I like that guy out there and I can see why you do too.”
“But?”
“But, Kurt knows what he did wrong. He’s learned a lot about himself since the snipe hunter came around.”
Annoyed, I grab a stack of dishes to wash, “I’m not really sure what you’re driving at Craig, but it’s too late. If Kurt didn’t want me to end up looking for love at some dive bar, he should’ve paid more attention to me on the phone that night…and for that matter, for the twelve years before it.” Scrubbing a dish like it’s nobody’s business, I gripe, “If he didn’t wanna go out of business, he should’ve taken care of business.”
“Wow, that’s a good one. You just think of that?”
Breaking from the dirty dish, I glance back out at Leo and whisper, “Can’t take credit.” Then, mauling the dirty dish again, I sneer, “But, why don’t you reiterate it to that old friend of yours so he doesn’t make the same mistake twice.”
“Don’t have to. He already knows.” Looking back outside at Leo and Kendall, “Kurt did a lot wrong, but he’s a good guy.”
Slamming down the dish, I annoyingly snap, “C’mon Craig! Why are you doing this?”
“Let me finish. I was gonna say, and it seems like Leo’s a good guy too. You’re a pretty lucky woman to have found him. Me…I can’t imagine I’ll ever go down that road again.”
Jesus, I’m such a self-important bitch. Here I am, talking about myself AGAIN! I did it with him when Kelly was sick, and I’m doing it again now that she’s gone. What the hell is the matter with me? With soapy hands, I walk up behind him and place one of them on his shoulder.
“You just made me realize how similar I am to those retards, Guss and Kyle.”
“How’s that?”
“I don’t want you to go down that road with anyone new.”
Turning to me with tears in his eyes, “I don’t think anyone has to worry about that, Chrissy. She was my life. No one could ever come close to what she did for me.”
Now, with my own tears, “I just want you to be happy again, Craig. Please tell me what I can do.”
“There’s nothing.” And then he loses it when he says, “Dammit…this is so much worse than I ever imagined. I’m completely lost without her.”
Just then Leo walks in with Kendall and sees me embracing a grieving Craig. Quickly realizing we need another minute, he claims to have seen another snipe and hurriedly escorts her back outside.
Aside from the emotional moment I shared with Craig at the end of the night, our evening was a pleasant success. Craig thought Leo was cool and Leo said, “As much as I don’t wanna like the guy, it’s hard not to.” We left with plans to do it again soon. The drive back to the cottage that night was quiet. The only question Leo had was, “Why didn’t you tell me you spent that much time on Kelly’s porch and about all of those letters?” My honest answer was, “I might seem okay, but it’s still too hard to talk about.” After that we were both silent, deep into our own thoughts.
Whadididoo?
August, 2001
By most accounts, it’s been a relatively uneventful year. Let’s see… In January, Apple announced something called iTunes. They actually think people are going to buy some little contraption called an iPod and give up Tower Records in order to purchase music on their computers. Like , idon’thinkso! Last time I checked, this was Earth! Hmmm, what else has happened this year? Oh, in April, the Netherlands became the first country to allow same sex marriages. To be honest, I’m surprised I didn’t notice a decline in the population of San Fransissyco…the way those people bitch about equal rights for gays-n-shit. I’m serious, there’s like a parade or a nude march every other day. I thought the year was about to take a turn for the interesting last month when Craig invited me and Leo to his house to hang out with the gang, but according to the message Nicole left me obviously lying about having the flu, the evening was canceled. I didn’t call her back, and I visited Kelly’s grave a day earlier than the July anniversary day to avoid my best friends, and I did the same this month. I can’t see Nicole or Courtney until I can make sense out of what’s going on. I’m the one in the friendship who’s supposed to be the liar! I’m the one who’s supposed to be the wimp! I’m the one who’s supposed to be emotionally challenged! It’s like they’re me all of a sudden, and it’s throwing all of the planets out of whack. Craig tried his best to mediate between the two parties, but as of last week, he quit. Said he had too much of his own shit to deal with and for me to let him know when I have my head out of my ass. I assume he told all of them the same thing.
Let’s see, what else is going on…Oh yeah! Last month, Leo told me the London Stock Exchange went public. Whoopdidoo. Let’s see if I can shake things up a bit tonight at my thirty-second birthday party.
I’m in my bedroom getting ready for tonight’s birthday festivities while Leo’s at the airport picking up Taddeo. Why that Italian pain in my ass had to fly in today is a mystery to me. But not wanting to be “that girl” who gets in between her man and his best friend, I grudgingly changed my birthday plans to include the guy. Leo and I were going to have a romantic dinner at the brand spanking new Ritz Carlton in Half Moon Bay, but Taddeo messed all of that up when he switched his flight. And since he can only be in town for one night, he wants to take a trip down memory lane and hit up, drum roll please….The Round Up. It’s the place the guys always go when he comes to town and God forbid Taddeo change his ways. So tonight Leo, Taddeo, The Ho-Bag, Slutty Co-worker, Megan and I are going to that dilapidated piece of shit wanna-be saloon bar. The girls came to the cottage early to pre-funk and calm me down.
“This was the dress I was gonna wear to Half Moon Bay.” As the two of them oooh and ahhh over the black strapless beauty I just pulled out of my closet, I bend down and grab my old cowboy boots and toss them on the floor. “But lucky me, I get to put these shit kickers on instead.”
“You kill me, hunny. If you don’t wanna do this on your birthday, then why are you?”
“Yeah, sounds like something you would’ve done when you were dating Kurt, and we don’t have to remind you how that turned out.”
After slamming my fourth lemon drop, “Guys, there’s a big difference here! I’m not pretending to be happy about this. Leo knows exactly how I feel. This is a situation where I’m simply doing something for him because I love him, not because I want him to love me.”
“But are you gonna be able to keep your annoyance under wraps long enough to survive the evening?”
Slamming shot number five, “Totally.”
Boyyyyyyyyy, was I off on that assertion! I’m not sure if it was because I underestimated my hatred of The Round-Up, the displeasure of giving up my birthday for a guy who clearly still detests me, or the outcome of the three additional shots of random alcohol I consumed once we got to the shit hole, but my annoyance toward Taddeo was as unmistakable as a fart in church. When Leo went to grab more drinks, I pounced on the fucker.
“So Taddeo, manage to screw up any other birthdays this year or just mine?”
As if they’re back-up singers, Slutty Co-worker and Megan let out a simultaneous, “Ooooooh, shiiiiiiiit.”
Not backing down as usual, Taddeo mutters, “Nope, just yours.”
The back-up singers shake their heads and let out an exasperated and synchronized, “Here we go….”
“When are you gonna give me a break, Taddeo?”
“When I’m done waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’ll screw this up…again”
“Nope! Pretty sure I’ve got everything under control now. I mean, Leo does live with me after all!”
“Chri
ssy, you have more baggage than a 747. Something from your past will eventually cause a disturbance.”
Oh that’s it! This asshole has GOT to go! I knock over a glass as I reach across the table to try and grab Taddeo’s arm, but all of a sudden it looks like he has seven of them.
Being the older and allegedly much wiser one in the group, Slutty Co-worker quickly stands and interjects the only way she knows how.
“Taddeo, why don’t you and I go for a walk?”
Knowing exactly what the hell that’ll entail, The Ho-Bag pulls the cigarette from behind his ear, throws it on the table and says “What the fuck? I wouldn’t have come if I thought you weren’t gonna go home with me!”
Slurring my words while I point at Taddeo, “Now see what you did? Nobody wants you here. Why don’t you just go back to New York where you can blend in with all of the other mean people!”
“Because I don’t want him to.”
The back-up singers are at it again with, “Uh-oooooooh” as we all turn to see Leo fiercely glaring down at us.
“Chrissy, what’s going on?”
Pointing at Taddeo…or somewhere in his direction, “It’s his fault! Make him go away, baby.”
Looking at Taddeo, “Dude, is there a problem?”
“No problem, man. Just defending myself.”
Standing up to show off my slender figure, I sway from side to side as I try to say, “Oh…what Taddeo? Am I so scary?” But, it sounds more like, “Oh..whaddeo? Mysooo scaaaaaaaaary.” And then I plop back down in my chair.
After he says “Actually, yeah,” the Ho-Bag, Slutty and Megan literally freeze when Leo bends over, rests his hands on the table in front of Taddeo and says, “What the fuck is your problem, man?”
“She’s the problem. How come you can’t see it?”
Dramatically rolling my eyes and causing myself to get so super dizzy, I nearly fall out of my chair, I cry out, “Whadididoo?”
Knowing he’s not gonna be able to get to the bottom of things with my drunk ass in the picture, Leo tells Slutty Co-worker and Megan to take me home and put me to bed. On the way to the door Slutty yells to The Ho-Bag, “I’ll be back to get you in thirty minutes!”
The Unexpected List (The List Trilogy) Page 8
