Lex (Unconventional Hearts)

by S. K. Logsdon

  Entering in through the glass paned front door to the single story cabin, the group all loudly greets us, as many of them pound back beers and dive in to a huge feast that has been prepared. It’s spread across the massive granite topped island in the open kitchen. This place is magnificent. Cabin in the woods meets interior design show palace. It’s like one of those cabins you’d see in a magazine. The couches are buttery chocolate leather, the kitchen state of the art with dark walnut cabinets and stainless appliances, and a big plasma TV is on the wall in the living area. It’s all open concept and the floor has big outdoorsy printed rugs thrown across the finely polished hardwood.

  “Wow.” I whisper to myself, taking in beautiful ambiance of this fanciful retreat. I never would have thought.

  “Like it, huh?” Gage whispers in my ear, his hot breath washing over me, as his scruffy stubble dusts my cheek.

  “Very.” I smile, turn to him and kiss him appreciatively right on the mouth. He pulls back suddenly with surprised eyes and touches his lips with his fingers.

  “I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry.” I mutter feeling self-conscious. Like I’m on display and I can feel the whole room quiet and still, intently watching us.

  He smiles wide, showing off his perfectly white teeth. “You’ve never kissed me before. Do it again.”

  I shake my head and back away. He stalks toward me not taking no for an answer, grabs my upper arms, roughly yanks me against his chest and kisses me. Groaning in his throat as he snakes he hand around my back and grabs my butt, deepening the kiss he forcefully shoves his needy tongue into my mouth, devouring me.

  God he can kiss. I love kissing him but I can’t do this in front of an audience. My uncomfortable feelings bubble up and I push his chest and break the kiss. Bending forward I place my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath and turn my head to see the entire room still watching us in palpable surprise.

  Gage notices the horrified expression wash across my face and sincerely apologizes. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” He reaches for me and I flinch not wanting anyone to touch me right now. This is too much.

  “It’s about damn time!” Tank chimes in, breaking the eerie silence and the whole room begins applauding and cheering. Hooting and hollering.

  Not able to take being on display any longer I dart out the front door and into the fresh brisk night. I hear Gage charging after me, yelling for me. Pounding my feet into the grass, I run with all that I can and as I reach the line of the forest, I’m tackled to the ground from behind. He flips me over and straddles my legs so I can’t move as I try to fight him off and scream at him to let me go.

  “No.” He demands, holding my hands above my head.

  “I don’t want to do this. I want to go home.” I cry, tears trickling down the sides of my face.

  “No you don’t. You are scared. You are worried. You feel vulnerable, and you think those bikers in there are judging you. They’re not. They’ve known about my need for you, for some time now. They’ve seen years of me being sad and drowning in my own misery with my ex-wife. This is the first time they’ve ever seen me kiss anyone. They’re happy for us cheering for our relationship, not laughing at it. Stop fighting me, Lex.”

  I try to push him off but he’s too strong. I hate that he’s playing into my deepest emotions. I hate when he’s right. I hate when hits the nail right on the head. This is too hard.

  “They want to know you, they are not here to judge or mistreat you. They will love you, if you let them. Everyone who knows you, Lex, loves you. They can’t help but love you. You’re amazing. You’re caring. You’re sweet. You’re mine. Do you honestly think I’d take you, the woman I love, anywhere that you’d be judged and treated badly? I have you tattooed on my back, Lex. You are a part of me physically, emotionally, sexually. Every single fuckin’ part of me, Angel, is yours. ”

  Gage

  Why is she so hell-bent on the fact that people are always looking to hurt her? I know it has a lot to do with her past, but I can’t take this. I hadn’t planned on bringing her out to my cabin this weekend, but I couldn’t take another day away from her. It was either wait to see her on Monday or bring her along. I chose the former. I want her to fit into my life; I want her to feel welcome, to be a part of things that aren’t in her comfort zone. I want to show her the world. I’ve slept with women in my apartment. I’ve ridden with other women in my truck, but I’ve never introduced a woman to my friends. Not even my ex-wife. Melissa never met the entire gang. Not gang, gang. I mean a bunch of friends. And I’ve never brought a woman to my cabin. I purchased this place about five years ago. After I fell in love with Lex, I took weekend trips here to find myself, to take myself away from lawyer life, from my money grubbing wife and to relax with my friends on an occasion. A lot of times I’ve came here alone. Emma has also visited. She even has her own bedroom. It’s our little father daughter weekend getaways that I find most relaxing.

  I never had a place for myself when Melissa and I were married. Not until I purchased this place. I worked all day at my firm that I had handed down to me, from Biff when he retired. After work, I picked Emma up from the sitters and Melissa sat at home all day long and did basically nothing. I wanted her to take care of our daughter. She was too in tuned with her own needs that she had zero interest in caring for Emma. I couldn’t trust her to do the right thing at all times when Emma was alone with her. It’s hard enough every other weekend now that she’s five.

  I remember when Melissa got pregnant with Emma. She was a happy pregnant woman. It wasn’t something we had planned. To be honest, I had planned to divorce her soon after the Lex case had concluded, so I could be with Lex. But things changed when I found out my wife that I no longer desired, ended up pregnant after one of my drunken sex nights with her. I worried Emma wasn’t mine, so when she was born I secretly had her DNA tested and in fact, Emma is my biological daughter. If she hadn’t been, I would have forced Melissa to allow me to adopt her. One way or another Emma would still be mine. I’m just lucky Melissa didn’t start sleeping around until shortly after Emma was born.

  In the past years we lived together, we rarely had sex. She did her thing and I took care of Emma and me. I stayed with her until Emma was ready to start school full time. I knew appendix J would be enforced when going for custody. So I wanted to make sure Emma could make her own cereal and dress herself before I left Melissa, because I can’t be there on those weekends she has her and I don’t want my daughter to starve. If I had left her when Emma was still in diapers she would have no doubt came home with shit in her diaper and rashes so bad I would have probably taken her to the ER. It wasn’t worth testing my theory for my own benefit of being with Lex, not when my daughter’s health and wellness was at stake. I know some may think; ‘Well Gage you could have petitioned the courts to not allow visitation. Or turned her in.’ That’s very true, I could have, but what good would that have done me if my daughter was dead because she’d drowned in the bathtub when her mom was outside smoking a cigarette. Or fell down the stairs because she couldn’t walk down them without assistance. The fear was too great to be selfish about. I worry enough as it is. That’s why I keep my phone on me at all times and Emma has her own personal kid’s cell phone that I stuff into her backpack only on the weekends she’s with her mom. I’m frantic when it comes to her.

  “Gage. Gage. Hello Gage. Come in Gage.” Lex is talking to me, and I peer down at her, my body still holding her to the ground. The sadness and anger on her face has dried up and shifted into one of great concern.

  “Sorry.” I roll off of her and onto my back into the grass, staring at the night sky. It’s clear tonight and the stars are twinkling even more so. It’s breathtaking.

  This time she sits up in her jeans and coral fashion tank top and sits beside me. Her hand resting on my chest. “Talk to me.” She coaxes in the gentlest tone.

  “Why should I? I bring you here to show you my life, to have you with me. I could have gon
e a few days without seeing you since I already told the guys I’d come this weekend. But instead, I gathered up enough courage to ask you to come along….”

  She giggles. “You didn’t ask me. But that’s okay. I’m glad I came.”

  “No you’re not. You just told me you wanted to leave.” I blurt, I know it’s a little rude to rub it in her face. It’s true though. If she only knew how hard, it was for me to ask her in the first place. I don’t want to pressure her into anything. I don’t want to force her into things she’s not comfortable doing. I keep telling myself that she wouldn’t let me do those things if she wasn’t ready. She’s pushed me away before. I just pray that she does push me away or tell me to stop when it becomes too much for her to handle. I know I can’t handle stuff from my past because of my mother. Like drinking beer, I can’t do it. It’s a mental thing for me. I know she has way more vices then I do because she’s experienced even more brutality than I could even fathom.

  “I know I said that, and I’m sorry. I’ve only ever kissed two men in my life. And I’ve surly never kissed anybody in front of someone else. Let alone a group of somebodies.”

  “Two other than me? That’s all.” She’s a very talented kisser. I would have guessed she’s kissed way more than that. I always forget that even though she is angelically beautiful, she’s not experienced sexually. It’s very hard to wrap my head around. When you look at her, you’d think every man has thrown themselves at the mercy of her feet and begged to be used as her sex slave. Lady between her legs or not, most men could care less because of how unfathomably pure and delicately feminine she is.

  “No…not two other than you. Two, including you. Just you and Brian. I never kissed before I met him. I was nervous about a boy finding out about lady and making fun of me. I didn’t want to feel the shame. I felt enough shame my whole life, not being what my father expected me to be. I couldn’t bear another blow to my already frail self-esteem. But that’s neither here nor there. What’s wrong? What’s on your mind?”

  See! This is why she is perfect. This is why I am in love with her. She opens up to me for a moment, just a small peek into her past from her own eyes. Then she turns the story into making it about me and making sure, I’m okay. Selfish women like Melissa aren’t like that. That’s what makes Lex, even more of a precious gem.

  “I was thinking about Melissa, my ex-wife. Emma’s with her this weekend and it kills me to have here there.” Lex starts to rub small comforting circles on my chest and down my stomach.

  “Okay… keep going.”

  “Melissa is an awful mom. You wouldn’t know about that because your mom is great. But I feel like Emma is going to get the same childhood as I did. That she will have the nutso mother who could care less about her. It’s true. But I’m trying to be here and make up for the lack of mother she has. Melissa isn’t a mom. She’s barely a human being. And because of the courts, I have to allow her to go there every other weekend. When Emma comes home I do a physical check on her. To make sure she hasn’t been physically harmed. I’m scared shitless. That’s why it helps when I come here on the weekends she’s with Melissa. If something happens, I won’t be there, but my sister Tasha is on call and so is my dad, should I need them if something arises. If I don’t stay away, I feel like I might be stupid and go over there to check up on her and flip out when I see the tiniest thing I find inappropriate. Once, when I dropped her off, I found an opened condom wrapper jammed in the doorframe. I lost it of course. Took Emma away from there and Lincoln had to come over to my apartment and retrieve Emma because I was in breach of our court orders. Unless the parent is participating in lewd acts in front of the child, it doesn’t matter if there is an opened condom wrapper. I knew that. I just didn’t give a fuck. ”

  Sighing, I watch Lex as she’s attentively listens to me and continues her gentle caress of my chest and stomach. If feels cathartic to finally voice my inner most feelings to someone other than my sister. It feels even better to open up to the woman I love, while we sit outside in the middle of spring, with nothing but the incandescent moonlight to bathe her pale supple skin. I love the way it shines off her long dark hair. Astoundingly beautiful is only a fraction of how I view my Lex.

  “I would have been angry too. I’m upset just thinking about it. I understand your frustration, and I know Emma’s not mine. Even though I do love her, I wish she had a better mother too. You said you were having problems with Melissa yesterday. What was that about? Same stuff or something different?”

  “Emma told her about you and her and staying the night. And about making me breakfast in bed. It was the first thing Emma shared when she went to her house. I didn’t think about talking to Emma about it beforehand. I should have known she would announce it to the world. It was the topic of her show and tell last week. She carried a My Little Pony to school and told her class all about you. Her teacher Mrs. Hammer called me the next day to congratulate me on having a positive role model in Emma’s life and how much happier she’s been. To say you’ve made an impression on her is putting it mildly. So, Melissa as you know is aware of my feelings. She knows about the obsession…”

  By painfully tugging my happy trail through my shirt, she shuts me up, “Please don’t call me an obsession.”

  “Sorry, she knows about my love for you. That better?”

  I search her face and she smiles and bows her head. “Yes. Much.” She agrees and continues her sweet caresses up and down my body, filling me with warmth.

  “As I’m sure you can understand, Melissa even though she doesn’t know you, doesn’t particularly care for you. It has nothing to do with you and who you are, it’s because of me and my feelings. Our daughter spouting happy things about you to her shitty mother basically caused my ex-wife to lash out at Emma and me. Leaving Emma a bawling mess and me so pissed I wanted to kill somebody.”

  Lex gasps, covering her mouth and scoots away. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, so, so sorry.” She cries.

  Shit!

  I sit up and reach for her, grabbing ahold of her hand so she can’t run. “Lex, no. This isn’t about you. This is about my ex-wife being a bitch. Not about you, sweetheart. Not you at all.”

  “It is too.” She cries, utterly devastated. “Emma got emotionally scarred because of me. Why do I let people I love get hurt? I hurt my father by not being the son he wanted. I hurt my mother because I wanted to be a girl and my dad took it out on her. I hurt my mom and Roni, because I thought I loved Brian when I first went to live with him. I hurt everybody. If I had just stayed away from Brian, you wouldn’t have seen my case. Emma would still have a mother and father married, and I wouldn’t be so messed up.”

  My Angel is killing me. My heart is ripping down the center, weeping for her. None of this is her fault. I wish she understood that.

  “No. Lex. I want you. You can’t change the past. And yes, Emma is sad for a little while. Do I like it? No. I was a raving lunatic last night. Or I would have come over. I couldn’t let you see me like that. Emma is better because of you. You make us both happy. Stop this self-deprecating nonsense.” I crawl over to her, pull her protectively in my arms and lay us down into the grass to stare at the stars.

  “Can you please stop fighting this?” I whisper.

  “I don’t know how. I feel like you deserve better than what I can give.” She’s so wrong about that one. It’s quite the opposite. She’s too good for me. If only she’d hold that much value in herself.

  Folding her fingers into my mine, we hold hands. “If you can give me yourself, that’s all I want. Baggage, pain, insecurities, I want it all. I just want you.”

  “I want you too.” She whispers so lightly to herself, I’m not sure if she knows I heard it or not. Either way, it doesn’t matter. We are making progress. And that’s the first step to our forever.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Sunday

  Lex

  “Wake up beautiful.” A sexy voice draws me out of my slumber, as his warm han
d cascades down my cheek. “Does my Angel want some breakfast? I have a surprise for you.”

  The way he says surprise has my mouth watering, turning my thoughts to something other than a normal breakfast. If that breakfast includes Gage, naked, with his thick manhood stuffed into my mouth. Then yes, that would be the best breakfast of my life. Listen to me; I’m such a naughty girl. I don’t think I’ve ever been a naughty anything.

  Opening my eyes, I blink to focus on his gorgeous smiling face. His eyes are sleepy, his chin stubble is even longer and his eyes look brighter this morning. Happy brighter.

  “Well hello there, my woman. Rise and shine.” He kisses my cheek and pecks me on the lips. “Time to wake up and come to the kitchen.”

  I frown. “I thought I was having breakfast in bed. You know the kind that includes sausage.” Oh my God. I just said what I was thinking. Naughty Lex. What has gotten into me?

  “Sausage, huh?” He winks, raising his sexy brow, and stands. Opening up the button on his fleece pajama pants he pulls out his long succulent hard cock through the opening. “Is this the kind of sausage you were referring to?”

  Shyly I nod, biting my lip, unable to break my stare. It’s that sexy.

  “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll feed you a little bit of my pre-come, if you let me have some of yours and then we will both go into the kitchen. They’re already waiting for us.”

  “Won’t that torture us? I’m already turned on. So are you.” I point to his erection. I don’t like his idea. If I’m hard, that means people could see her and tucking her erect is almost impossible.

  “Yes, it will. But it’s that or nothing. If I ravage you now, we will be in here too long.”