Pushin'

by L. Divine

  “Yes, Jeremy. He’s my man now, not you.”

  “You should’ve asked me harder, Jayd, and we’d still be together.” Is this fool serious?

  “So let me get this straight. You wanted me to beg you to take me back, to keep you from sleeping with Sandy way back when, to not slang herb in the streets, therefore allowing your lunatic ex-girlfriend Trish to stay in your life until you change professions. Did I miss anything? All of the shit wrong in your life is my fault? Is that what you’re saying to me, fool?” Whatever good these jade bracelets usually do for a sistah just went out the door with that ill logic.

  “Well, when you say it like that it doesn’t sound so good,” Rah says, his chiseled ebony cheeks having lost some of their charm on me.

  “You’re damn right it doesn’t sound good, because it’s bull, Rah. None of that is my responsibility, especially not us breaking up. That was all your doing, every time you decided to cheat on me.”

  “All I’m saying is that if you had been a little sweeter to a nigga in the first place, none of this shit would be happening right now,” Rah says. Now he’s just getting indignant with his shit.

  “I’m plenty sweet, and I’m not the one with the problem here. It’s you.”

  “You could’ve asked me stronger. You could’ve insisted. You could’ve been a little sweeter to me, Jayd. Just admit it and I’ll let it go,” he says, lowering his voice. The nurses walking up the hall look at us curiously. We’re the only other people in the hall talking, but there are plenty of couples on the floor having babies tonight.

  “Like I said, I’m plenty sweet, Rah. I’m just not sweet enough for you.” I turn around and knock on the door to Mickey’s room, hoping they’ll let me in. I have to get away from Rah and his warped logic.

  “Come in,” Mickey says. I open the door and see Mickey hooked up to the baby monitor, charting her labor’s progress. The doctor’s talking to the nurse and Mickey and Nigel are watching the monitor closely.

  “How’s it going?” I ask my friends, who look exhausted. It’s after ten and I know they’re ready to go home, but their job is far from over, especially Mickey’s.

  “It’s not,” Mickey says, sounding pissed. “I’ve only dilated three centimeters in eight hours, Jayd. That ain’t shit.” The doctor looks at the nurse and then at us, exiting the room on that note.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, standing next to her bed where she and Nigel are laid out, comfortably spooning, which is what got them here in the first place. “Is there anything you need?”

  “Yeah—for this baby to come out. Other than that, I’m good. My mom will be here when she gets off work later. My dad’s pulling a double shift and can’t make it until tomorrow afternoon.” Mickey’s parents are some of the hardest working people I know.

  “You can tell everyone they can leave,” Nigel says, yawning. “We’ll call when something happens.” Sounds good to me. I’m tired and need to get some sleep.

  “Okay. I’ll let everyone know and see you soon. Let me know if you need anything.” I give them both a hug and head out of the room, turning the light off on the way out. Mickey needs to get as much rest as she can, and Nigel, too. I’m glad she’s not in a lot of pain.

  When I come back out into the hallway the entire gang is present.

  “Y’all can go home. The labor is progressing slowly and there’s nothing for us to do,” I say, looking at the wall clock, ready to eat. We’ve been here all afternoon and evening and Mickey’s only three centimeters in.

  “But what if the baby comes and we’re not here?” Nellie asks, speaking to me for the first time tonight. I can tell she’s worried about our friend and that supersedes her jealousy for the time being.

  “Then we’ll meet her later,” I say to Nellie. “Mickey’s not in any pain yet, and she wants to rest. And believe me, she’s going to need it to get through this.” Mama’s delivered her fair share of babies, and from what I’ve seen, labor can be very deceiving. Everything’s calm now, but before we know it, it’ll be time for Mickey to push, and all of this chilling she’s doing now will be over. “Nigel and Mickey just want to relax right now.” And so do I. My morning cramps have turned into my own personal cramps. I need to check myself before I leave. It’s not a long drive from the West LA Kaiser Hospital to Inglewood, but it can be if I’m unknowingly bleeding all over the place.

  “Let’s bounce then, and give them their space,” Rah says. Chance and Nellie are already at the elevator and Rah’s waiting for me.

  “I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be okay,” I say, waving to them as the elevator arrives. I make my way to the women’s restroom where my concern is validated. My period would have to start right now. I look inside my purse, praying my emergency pad is in the zipper pocket but it’s not. Shit. Now what? I don’t have any change for the ladies’ supplies in the vending machine and don’t want to walk back to the nurse’s station like this.

  I notice a woman’s feet in the stall next to me. Hopefully she has an extra pad on her and I can get out of here.

  “Excuse me,” I say, tapping on the wall separating her stall from mine. “Do you have a pad?”

  “Nope, but I’ve got tampons. Paper or plastic?” she asks. Damn. I hate using tampons, but beggars can’t be choosers, especially not while squatting.

  “Paper,” I say, reaching under the wall and claiming the small monthly necessity. “Thank you.”

  “No problem. We’ve all been there.” As she exits the stall to wash her hands, I rip the paper off and begin pushing. I can’t wait to get home and get comfortable. My cramps are now full-blown and I’m in desperate need of my couch bed.

  I’m miserable now, but it’s nothing that some raspberry tea, a heating pad, and a good night’s sleep can’t cure. I have a long workday ahead of me tomorrow and so does Mickey if the baby doesn’t get here soon.

  I’m a soldier of love, Sade sings from my ringtone, waking me up. I have no idea what time it is. When I got home from the hospital last night, I fell into a deep sleep and have been there ever since. I worked all day and have a long day ahead of me at Mama’s this afternoon. No matter how much work I have, it doesn’t compare to what Mickey’s going through. She’s been in labor all weekend. They sent her home yesterday morning because her labor wasn’t progressing. Mickey didn’t want to take their drugs, under the advice of her mom who, after five children, knows what she’s talking about. Mickey’s been laboring at home ever since and is coping pretty well.

  I called Jeremy to say goodnight before I passed out. He and his friends were hanging hard and probably still are, knowing them. I grab my phone and see Rah’s name in the caller ID. I remember that Mickey’s still in labor, even though it’s technically Sunday morning. Maybe Rah’s calling because she’s finally ready to push that stubborn little girl out. Otherwise I wouldn’t answer.

  “Jayd, it’s time,” Rah says and I know what he’s talking about, calling me at two in the morning. Why couldn’t Nickey make her appearance at a decent hour and a day earlier? Already little mama’s causing me to lose sleep, and I’m only her godmother, if Mickey hasn’t changed her mind. If it were any other baby, I wouldn’t care so much. But I already know Nickey Shantae is my spiritual godchild, and I have to be there for the birth and the rest of this child’s life, starting today.

  “Okay, I’m up,” I say, kicking the blankets off and jumping to my feet. I would’ve felt bad waking up Jeremy again if he were here.

  “Do you want me to come get you? I’m already on my way to the hospital.” Rah giving me a ride is dangerous, but so is me driving by myself this late with very little sleep and cramps. I have to take a Tylenol and keep pushing. I’d better pack one for the road and other supplies, too.

  “Okay. I’ll be ready when you get here,” I say, flipping the phone shut and turning on the floor lamp next to the front door. I already have on sweats and a tank top. All I need is a sweater and some shoes and I’m ready to go. My gold silk scarf can stay
on my fresh braids. There’s no need to dress up for what I’m about to witness.

  No, but you should at least wash your face and brush your teeth. You don’t want to scare the poor child her first day out, my mom says in my head.

  “Don’t you ever sleep?” I ask aloud, as if she’s standing right in front of me. I know she’s right. As many times as me and my friends have awakened together after an all-night session, they won’t be disturbed by my morning breath, but Nickey is new to the crew and deserves a sweet welcoming—fresh breath and all.

  When Rah and I get back to Kaiser Hospital, Nellie and Chance are already there. Mickey’s screaming can be heard all the way down the hall. I guess she’s dilated more since we left a few hours ago.

  “I’ll let you handle that,” Rah says, opening the door to Mickey’s room for me. Mickey looks like hell. At least her mom’s here to hold her hand and so is Nellie.

  Mickey’s near tears and ready to strip down to the bare necessities from the look of the sweat dripping down her face. “I want drugs. Lots of drugs!” she screams, but the nurse shakes her head.

  “Oh, honey, it’s too late for that. You’ve only got two more centimeters to go. You’ll have to push the baby out the old-fashioned way,” the same nurse from earlier says, checking Mickey out. “Don’t worry, your body was designed for this.” Mickey looks like she wants to kill the nurse and if she gets the chance to, she just might try. I step in between the two of them, ready to calm my girl down the best way I know how. But I have to get her to focus on me first and not the pain.

  “Mickey, it’s going to be okay,” her mom says, feeding her daughter ice chips. Mickey’s mom has been through this five times, and I know she’s feeling for her eldest child. “Just breathe, baby.”

  “I don’t want to do this anymore, Mama,” Mickey says, looking more scared than I’ve ever seen my girl look before. Usually Mickey’s fearless, but this shit has got her shook up, for real. “Tell them to make it stop, please,” Mickey cries as another contraction hits. “Aaah!” Mickey’s screaming is making me hurt, too. Nellie looks at our friend, terrified, and then up at me.

  “I have to get some water,” Nellie says, getting up from her chair and heading for the door. Something about the look on her face tells me our girl ain’t coming back. Oh, no she doesn’t. We all agreed to be here for Mickey and that’s exactly what we’re going to do.

  I step outside the hospital room, catching Nellie before she can make her escape. “Where the hell are you going, Nellie? Mickey needs us to be here for her.” I glance down the hall at the fathers’ waiting room where our boys are chilling. It must be nice.

  “We can’t do anything for her,” Nellie says, almost in tears. “She’s got a baby coming out of her and from where I’m standing, there’s not much I can do about it.” Nellie looks nervously around the hospital hallway, rubbing her arms like she’s cold. But with the long-sleeved American Eagle shirt and jeans she’s wearing, I doubt she’s chilly.

  “What’s wrong with you?” I ask. Nellie’s acting like a drug addict in desperate need of a fix. “Why are you acting so strange, especially after the endless lectures on our duties as godparents? This shit is real, Nellie, and we need to be here for Mickey and the baby.”

  “I can’t do it, okay!” Nellie shouts, shocking me and the three nurses working at their station. I’m sure this isn’t the first time they’ve seen someone shouting in the hall, but usually that someone is pushing out a baby, not merely witnessing it. “This is way more than I bargained for. Mickey doesn’t need me here for this.”

  “Oh, yes she does,” I say, grabbing Nellie by her arms and shaking her. “This is exactly what you bargained for by being Mickey’s friend. We don’t get to choose when we’re going to stick by her and when we’re not, not if she’s in need. And she needs us now more than ever, so suck it up and get back in that room.” The nurses look like they want to cheer, but turn back to their work as Nellie glares their way.

  “Jayd, I’m not as strong as you are. I can’t take the pain.” I look into Nellie’s eyes, knowing she’s talking about more than the labor.

  “Nellie, you’re not in any pain,” I say, ready to shake the shit out of her once more. My cramps are starting to come back, so she’d better stop messing with me and get her narrow behind back in there. “Mickey’s the one who’s going through it.”

  “I know, but still. It’s just too much to bear.” I look into Nellie’s eyes, ready to slap the shit out of her if need be, but I instead jump into her mind and cool her off, convincing her finally to go back into the room.

  “Okay, you’re right. Let’s help our friend. After all, I was her back-up Lamaze partner and she kicked Nigel out, which means she’ll need my help,” Nellie says, reclaiming her crown as head godmother. As long as her ego’s involved, Nellie will do what’s called for.

  “Exactly,” I say, opening the door and escorting Nellie back inside. Mickey’s still chomping on ice and panting like a thirsty dog. Her mother pats her glistening brow with a wet towel, but nothing’s able to soothe our girl. “I guess it won’t be too much longer,” I say, noticing her contractions are coming faster according to the monitor. We were only outside for two minutes and already another one’s coming.

  “Ooooh,” Mickey says, this time in a deeper pitch. “Aaah.” It almost sounds like the type of moaning that got her into this mess, but from the looks of it, she’s not enjoying this part at all.

  “I’m out,” Nellie says, raising her hands up and again leaving the room. Shit, now I have to focus on both of my friends’ struggles. I look at Mickey and back at the closing door, ready to check Nellie’s ass again.

  “No, Jayd. Please don’t leave,” Mickey pleads, reaching out to me with her free hand. Her mom hasn’t let go of her right hand since she got here. “I need you.” I look at the door again and then at Mickey, deciding to help Mickey and leave Nellie to her own problems. Maybe it’s good she’s not here. I can only handle one drama queen at a time.

  “I’m here, Mickey. And I’m not going anywhere.” After all the drama me and this girl have been through, I still don’t wish this pain on her. I look into Mickey’s brown eyes, seeing the fear and uncertainty written all over her face, focusing intently on calming her mind down so she can get through the birth as peacefully as possible. I jump right in, noticing the baby is asleep. Good, because I can’t handle little mama’s sass right now. I have to get her mother through this before meeting her again.

  Mickey’s mind begins to cool at my entrance, but it’s still too hot for me to have an instant effect. Still moaning, Mickey grabs my hand and squeezes tightly, now allowing me full access to her experience. My friend’s mind cools as I take all the heat.

  “Ahhh,” I say, feeling more than the pain Mickey’s causing in my hand. I’m actually feeling her labor through my own cramps, each contraction more intense than the next. What the hell? I didn’t sign up for this. I need to jump out of Mickey’s mind and now. But I can’t because Mickey—now completely relaxed—has closed her eyes, locking me in her mind’s vision. Damn it. What the hell do I do now?

  You grin and bear it, my mom says in my mind, while I’m in Mickey’s. Now I know she knows my little secret.

  Mom, how did you know? I think back, trying to focus on her thoughts and not the pain in my lower back and stomach. No wonder Mickey’s so damn miserable. This shit really hurts. It feels like menstrual cramps magnified to the millionth degree. I’m surprised women still have babies if it feels like this.

  I knew there was something strange going on when I entered your thoughts the other day and your mind felt unusually cool to me. I haven’t felt that feeling in years, but you never forget, she says as another contraction hits, breaking my concentration. I can’t groan as loud as I want because Mickey’s mom will think something else is going on, but I can’t hold it in too much longer, either. Mickey, on the other hand, is laid out like her unborn child. This is wrong on so many levels.

>   Okay, Mom. You got me. So how do I get out of this? I ask, wishing I’d never jumped in to begin with. This is Mickey’s baby, not mine, so why I should I be the one to suffer?

  You can’t escape until Mickey regains consciousness and that might not be until the baby’s being born. Next time be more careful when you jump in and know that you can get out, my mom says, jumping out of my mind. Damn it. I missed this chapter in the spirit book.

  “Aaaah,” I say. Mickey’s mother looks at me like I’m tripping, and she’s right. Mickey needs to wake up so I can get out of this mess and take a Tylenol. She can’t take anything for her issues, but I sure as hell can try.

  The sharp pain radiating down my back feels very much like when Esmeralda stabbed me in the dream I had a couple of weeks ago. Much like then, I’m blind to my surroundings and don’t know which way is out. One major difference this time is that Mickey’s baby will be born and this will be over. For my sake and Mickey’s, I hope her daughter’s birthday comes sooner than later, because I don’t know how much more I can take. Mickey’s been in labor for over thirty hours and we’re still counting. I bet she’s not going to rush into having a baby again after this experience.

  “I have to push,” Mickey says, diverting my attention from the pain coursing through my body. I can barely hear Mickey, I’m so out of it, but I can hear Mama speaking to me like she does in my dreams sometimes, telling me to snap out of it and remember to bring her back the afterbirth for a safe burial. I look at Mickey looking at me, freeing me from her mind.

  “It’s time,” the nurse says, walking back into the room like she’s the one having the baby. The doctor and another nurse also enter the room.

  “You’re doing great, Mickey,” her mom says, holding her daughter’s hand tightly. “She’s almost here.”

  “Okay, on the next contraction push as hard as you can,” the doctor says to Mickey from his front-row seat. Nigel walks in, ready to witness the birth of their daughter. I’m glad he’s here and I think Mickey is, too. I let go of my girl’s hand and reach for Nigel to take my place at her side. I’ve shared enough in the experience. It’s time for the parents to do the pushing.