Salvaging Max

by SH Richardson

  “I came here to look for answers.” My voice was thick with emotion. “I’m so fucking tired of living like this, the grief, the pain; it’s cost me everything I’ve ever cared about. I thought by coming back here, I could finally be free of it all once I discovered what it all meant.”

  Please come back.

  “I’ve done things…with women. I can’t explain them. It’s sick and twisted, but I needed it to forget so that I could feel something, anything, just to know I was still alive. I don’t want to just exist anymore, Heaven. I’m so fucking scared.”

  Please come back.

  “I met Buck when I was a boy standing outside of my father’s office. He saved my life that day and didn’t even know it. Without him, I never would have survived.” I felt Heaven’s small hands encircle my back and continued to speak into her hair while holding her. Thank fuck I hadn’t ruined her with my poison like I did everyone else. Thank fuck.

  “My mother would take me into the basement of the mansion inside a darkened room and force me to undress. The room had a one-way mirror, so I never knew who or what was on the other side of it, but I always knew someone was watching. If I was afraid, she would sing to me until everything was calm and peaceful, and that’s when he would come, the shadow. I never knew who he was, but he would do things, things I didn’t want, things that…hurt me. It went on for years, always in the dark, and always in that cold basement, until one night I fought back. I took a knife that Buck gave me and cut that fucker until he screamed like a bitch. I ran away and never looked back…until now. Buck was the only person who knew what happened, but I wanted you to know that it was never my choice to be this way. Please don’t hate me, Heaven.

  I heard a small whimper and realized I was holding her too tightly, so I loosened my grip, not much, just enough to see her face since my confession. She was so fucking beautiful even with blotchy cheeks and red, puffy eyes. If I lost her now, it would break me. I kissed her softly on her luscious lips and savored their flavor momentarily before I forced myself to stop. I’d put her through enough; she didn’t need me pawing all over her on top of everything else I’d done.

  “I never counted on meeting someone like you, but I’m so damn glad I did.” I hoped like hell she believed me, and more importantly, that she forgave me.

  “I’m so sorry, Max. I didn’t want to be with Jeremy. He—”

  “Shh. I know that, sweet Heaven. We’re going to be okay. Do you trust me?”

  “I trust you, Max,” she answered with a light squeeze and a kiss to my chest.

  We stayed that way, huddled on the floor, holding on to each other. Neither one of us said a word. The conflict inside me had long since quieted, silenced by the comfort I found in Heaven’s arms. In that moment, my life begun. Like an answer to my prayers, she saved me, and in return, I was going to save her right back.

  PAST

  I walked out of my office less than an hour after I’d arrived this morning. I gave my secretary instructions to cancel all my meetings and reschedule them for a later time, preferably never. My concentration was non-existent, my clients and their many problems the furthest thing from my mind. Weeks after receiving that voice mail from my mother, and I still couldn’t shake it from my thoughts. I’d tried everything to keep my shit in check, but my usual pursuits left me more and more frustrated and unsatisfied. Even Marci with her wonder pussy and talented mouth wasn’t enough to tamp down my vexation. Range was constantly on my back about allowing strangers into the house, especially now that he’d found the girl of his dreams. He had some fucking nerve trying to regulate my cock and where I was putting it. The junkyard was my home just as much as it was his. It was his fault that Buck decided to leave the junkyard and move to the mountains; he had always been jealous of our relationship and couldn’t stand to see us together. Sebastian and Mem weren’t much better, always taking his side, kissing his ass like he was God Almighty. They could all rot in hell for all I cared. No one would control me ever again.

  I drove around in circles, no real destination or purpose to think of, my anger so palpable it was a living, breathing thing that rode along with me like a dark cloud that hovered in the backseat. I thought about Range and his perfectly constructed life, always reliable and hardworking. He didn’t know the shit I’d had to deal with in my life. Everything had to be his way or the fucking highway. He’d finally decided to stop fucking around and settle on one bitch, and now he wanted the rest of us to fall in line. He didn’t know how hard it was for me to have to watch Buck turn over the reins to the junkyard and walk away. He’d gotten what the fuck he wanted, and the rest of us had to suffer through it. Memory was off serving our country, bonding with an entirely new band of brothers. He didn’t need me anymore. He turned his back on all of us, including the girl who loved him more than anything else in this world. Family loyalty meant shit to him, just another credo to shout out when he sat around with his marine buddies. He never cared that I needed him here, with me, instead of fighting some foreign insurgents hell-bent on killing everybody.

  Instead of talking with me when he had a problem, Sebastian confided in his mother for just about everything. He liked to pretend that he had it bad, since he’d never had a father around, but he had something that none of us ever had: a good mother. He never once considered that bragging about what his mother did or what she thought would leave a sour taste in my mouth. The only thing my mother ever did was drag me down a dark basement so some sick pervert could play in my ass while getting his jollies off. His mother was a fucking saint compared to that shit, but did he care about me? Fuck no. He never gave a damn about me, just what he could take and control. He wasn’t my friend or my brother; he only pretended to be, just like the rest of them. I wouldn’t give them what they wanted, ever.

  My phone rang just in the nick of time to stop me from beating the shit out of my dashboard. My hands shook with so much rage it took several tries before I could engage the Bluetooth to answer it. Whoever it was had about two seconds before I hung up on their ass.

  “Yeah?”

  “What the fuck’s eating you?” Shit, it’s Buck. Just what I need.

  “Nothing.” I took a much-needed deep breath then exhaled loudly. “Just tired, I guess.”

  “Well, get your little ass un-tired. Got a call, don’t like what I’m hearin’. What the fuck you been doin’, boy?”

  Great. Talking to Buck would normally lighten my mood, but today, it was just pissing me off further.

  “Let me guess. That snitch-ass motherfucker Range told you one of my guests scared his little bitch girlfriend, and you’re calling me to find out why? Well, everything’s fine, thanks for your concern.” He didn’t respond right away, but the chill coming from the other end of the line had me searching for a safe spot to pull over so I could check my underwear. Buck was deadly silent, which was more frightening than if he was standing in front of me where I could see him. Buck was the type of man who would sneak into my bedroom window in the middle of the night without a sound and slit my throat. My fear was unsubstantiated, of course. I’d never witnessed any acts of violence on Buck’s part, but I’ve also never seen an eclipse but know they exist.

  “I’ll give you that one, boy. Now answer my fucking question and tell me what’s going on.” His voice was deceptively low and gravely. I had one chance to correct my mistake, or all hell would break loose.

  “Everything’s fine, Buck, just work shit, you know. Nothing new there. I’m just dealing with a seriously fucked-up client, and it’s been difficult.” I was lying through my teeth. I wasn’t ready to discuss the phone call or the growing agitation I’d been feeling over the last few weeks. I had to learn to control it on my own and not involve my father every time shit started to go south in my life. I had plenty of time to sit down with Buck and calmly discuss the shit storm that was brewing once I got a handle on it myself first.

  “Work shit, huh? You must think I fell off the back of a turnip truck, boy. You thi
nk I’m stupid or sumptin’? Work ain’t ever been a problem. You forget, I know you better than you know yourself. Now cut the bullshit and talk to me.” Fucking Buck. Too smart for his own good, which was why we’d never been able to lie to him when we were kids. We eventually just gave up and always went with the truth, which was easier in the long run anyway. Buck was always smarter, apparently still is.

  “It’s nothing, Buck, just some old shit from the past I’ve been trying to work through. Nothing to be concerned about, okay? I promise. Next time Range decides to act like a bitch and call you to complain, just send him back my way instead of worrying yourself, old man.” That was as much of the truth as I was willing to share, at least for today.

  “Hmm.” Shit. Not good.

  “I made a decision a long time ago, felt it was somethin’ you needed, somethin’ I needed. Life dealt you a shitty hand, boy, fucked you up real good and hung you out to dry. You needed more than the other boys, something only I could give you, proof of just how special you were to me. Gave you my strength when I trained you to use your weapon. It will protect you always, boy. Gave you my soul when I brought you into my yard and bonded you to your brothers. Call on them whenever you lose hope. The pledge of brotherhood will always be true. Believe in it.” Buck spoke with such grit it shook me to the very core, like the finest crystal, the slightest touch, and I’d shatter to pieces.

  “You needed a name, one that would tie you to me for the rest of your life. Gave you my heart when I named you O’Neill after my mother. She was the strongest person in the world to me, taught me how to fight for what I wanted. The past is like a bad case of herpes, boy. You carry it with you, most days forgetting it’s there, until the day it decides to flare up and burns your dick to dust.”

  “Well, thanks, Buck, I’ll try and remember that.”

  “You’re fucking up big time, boy. Get your shit straight, or you’ll be seeing me real soon. You feel me?”

  Buck hung up without saying anther word, his typical way of saying good-bye. I sat quietly on the side of the road and thought about the mess I was making of my life. Before I knew it, the sun was setting over the horizon and hours had passed since my conversation with Buck. His words echoed over and over again inside my muddled brain. Rely on your brothers, he said, but how could I when their actions made them untrustworthy? He said I had strength, but why did I feel so weak? I made a promise to visit him in the mountains for a few days and talk things over with him the right way, in person. I missed him desperately, and the time away would do wonders for my mood. Fresh air and solitude, plus alone time with Buck were just what I needed.

  If I could make it another few weeks, I’d have him all to myself.

  HAVEN

  I’d never thought of myself as someone who sought revenge against another human being. I was a nurse, for Christ’s sake. I chose to save lives, not take them. Luckily for me, there were all sorts of ways to exact payback on someone that didn’t involve killing them. For years, I’d denied myself basic human contact. I’d somehow convinced myself that being alone was what was best for me; that way, I’d never run the risk of being hurt again. I thought I found my purpose in life, become the best nurse I could be and help heal the sick. Now I knew that there was another plan for my life, the reason why I was alive and my brother was dead. I was meant for this, for him. Gone was the sexy, dominant man who’d just this morning fucked me so thoroughly I still felt the ache between my legs. What had replaced him was the mirror image of myself, a person who was broken but still held on to hope that they could find their place in the world.

  My tormentor had a face, one I could describe down to the tiniest of details. The smell of his sweat as it trickled down his face when he was aroused. The curve of his angry cock when he was hard, slightly to the left instead of pointed straight. The feel of his grip in my hair as he took me from behind when I was too young to withstand his weight on top of me. He had a name; he had gotten off when he forced me to say it while he grunted out his release during climax. I had an outlet for my hate and self-loathing. At any time of the day or night, I could recall my memories and live through them. Max was denied the dignity of knowing the identity of the person who’d caused so much pain in his life by the one person who was responsible for causing it. Antonia Lancaster ruined the lives of other people for sport. She was a rabid dog that needed to be put down before she could fuck up any more lives, including her son’s. I didn’t blame Max for what happened earlier; his anger was a byproduct of being kept in the dark when all he wanted was answers. I understood that feeling of hopelessness all too well, but I refused to surrender to it. As we sat huddled together on the floor of the motel room, I realized we both needed a reminder that happiness was worth fighting for.

  “What will you do now, Max? Will you return to the junkyard?” My face was pressed against his warm chest, and I couldn’t stop myself from kissing the softened hair that covered it.

  “I can’t go back, not like this. My plan was to get some answers and be done with this shit once and for all. My mother is into some real crooked shit. Unless I help her, she refuses to give me what I came for. You and I both know she’s a heartless bitch who only cares about herself and what she can take from people.”

  “I’m sorry, Max. You deserve to know the truth.”

  “Maybe. It just doesn’t seem that important to me anymore.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I’m leaving tomorrow, Heaven, and I want you to come with me. I know it’s strange, we haven’t known each other that long, it’s unexpected and scary as fuck, but I want you with me.”

  “Where would we go? What would we do?” I studied his face to see if he was kidding. The day had been an emotional one, so that was probably just a hypothetical question.

  “Whatever the fuck we want. It’s about us, remember? We make the rules.”

  “This is completely insane, you know that, right? One night of passion, and you want me to just pick up and leave with you? What if you get tired of me and decide you want someone else? What would we do for money and food? What…” Why was I even considering this lunacy?

  “Whoa, slow down, take it easy. This shit’s new for me, too. Buck used to say “Be crazy as you can when you’re young, you’ll regret not doing it later when your balls start to sag.”

  “But…I don’t have any balls.”

  Max let loose with a howl of laughter so unexpected it took us both by surprise. His amusement was contagious, and before I knew it, we were both rolling around on the floor, laughing our heads off while we tried desperately to take deep breaths. Max struggled to his feet then reached down to help me up. He looked so different; the half-crooked smile and crinkle to his eyes gave him a youthful glow versus the perpetual scowl he’d worn before. Could we really do this? Run off together without a care in the world and finally make our own rules? The woman in me wanted this man, every part of him, including his angry flaws and broken soul. I deserved him and he deserved me, but could we really do this and live happily ever after? I already knew the answer before I spoke the words. It was a no-brainer. Max was mine.

  “Okay.”

  “What did you say? Make me believe you want me, baby. I need to feel you, Heaven.”

  “OKAY! You crazy nut, let’s do this.” He smiled, and I was lost.

  Max picked me up and spun me around the tiny confines of the motel room. I felt like my body was full of helium and I was floating high above the sky amongst the clouds. He finally stopped and kissed me hard on the lips, igniting a flame from deep within my belly. We were both breathing hard from all the spinning and laughing, but when our eyes made contact, the air around us crackled with electricity, so hot I felt light headed. I sunk to my knees in front of him, grateful that his jeans were still opened, which made it easier to free him before he started to protest.

  “You don’t have to do that, Heaven. As much as I’d love to feel your mouth wrapped around my cock, I know it’s—” I cut hi
m off before he could finish.

  “I want to, Max. We make the rules, remember?

  I stroked his hard shaft in my hand, loving the silky feel of his flesh against my palm.

  He groaned long and hard as I stuck out my tongue and licked along the slit of his cock head and gathered the moisture that accumulated there. The salty taste and hard grip on the back of my hair gave me the confidence I needed to feel bold and daring. I opened my mouth and took him in deeply to the back of my throat then closed my lips tightly around his hardened cock. He hissed when I used my teeth to apply more pressure while I slowly sucked in and out, hollowing out my cheeks with each pass. I watched his steely gaze as he grunted and cursed in pleasure as he chanted my name, the one only he chose to call me. Heaven.

  “That’s too fucking good, baby. You need to stop before I come in your mouth.” I wanted that so badly, to watch him give in to the pleasure I gave him and come apart before eyes. Max wanted something more. His gaze turned ravenous as he yanked his cock from my mouth, lifted me from the floor, and tossed me onto the bed facedown. My legs dangled off the side of the mattress as Max stepped between them and hoisted my ass in the air. I heard the noise as he tore into the foil wrapper of a condom, and the pit of my stomach did a somersault.

  “Need to fuck that sweet pussy, baby, so fucking tight and perfect.” He slowly entered me from behind, nice and easy. I gasped at the sudden feeling of fullness when he seated himself fully inside my soaking-wet pussy. I moaned and sighed in unison when I felt the weight of his chest pressed against my back and his heartbeat combined with my own. He didn’t pound his way inside of me like a battering ram; instead, he held me close, like he was afraid I would disappear.