“Ugh…motherfucker,” he grumbled as he rested his forehead on the table.
“I think I have it.”
“We need to smash it to bits.”
“There. Hold the gauze on the wound for now.” Josie saw Quinn hold up something. “How did they put this in you?”
“Just cut me open, jammed it in there, and stitched me up.”
“While you were awake? No anesthesia or anything?”
He let out a sad laugh. “That was one of their ‘teaching you control’ moves, making you tough. ‘You will be impenetrable like Kevlar’ was a line they would use.” He laughed again, but it wasn’t a happy laugh. He was using it to cover his pain, but Quinn figured him out.
“Well, it sounds like torture to me.” She disinfected the wound and started to stitch it closed.
“Basically.”
The curiosity finally got to Josie.
“What was torture?” Josie asked, stepping out from around the doorway. Quinn jumped, which made her yank the needle up, pulling up on my fresh wound.
“Motherfucker!” I bellowed. I hoped Quinn didn’t think I was a wuss because I was surely sounding like one. Then I saw that Josie was holding her gun by her side.
“I’m sorry we woke you, sweetie,” Quinn murmured.
“What was torture?” Josie repeated herself, more sternly. Quinn and I looked at each other, wondering who was going to talk first. “Well?”
I coughed a little like I was clearing my throat. But, in reality, I was trying to think of something to say. “Me. I was tortured.” Josie looked at me, confused.
Quinn sank back down and continued suturing the opening in my arm. Josie stepped closer and looked at what was on the table: a bloody knife, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, a roll of gauze, and the short, metal cylinder.
“Listen, why don’t you go back to bed?” I wasn’t in the mood to entertain Josie’s questions.
“What’s going on?”
“A lot that you wouldn’t understand,” Quinn replied, pulling the needle back and forth through my forearm, tying each stitch as she went. “Just go, Josie.”
“No,” she muttered.
I winced every time the needle went through my skin. My barefoot tapped on the chilly wooden floor. She took another step closer to the table. “Fine,” I snapped. “Sit down then.” Finally, Josie did something I told her to do. She pulled out a chair and quietly sat down, still gripping her gun. “Put the gun on the table.” She shook her head.
Quinn was watching the exchange. I slammed my fist on the table and everything bounced up. Quinn jumped back with the needle in her hand, causing me to cringe.
“Fuck! Goddamn it! Put the fucking gun on the fucking table…now!” Josie slid the gun on the table. I saw the fear in her eyes. After all, she knew that I skewered Gage. Not that I would do the same to her. “Thank you.” I sucked in a deep breath and exhaled with a growl.
“I’m almost done. Good thing I’m such a brilliant seamstress and have a strong stomach.” She smiled at me. Bloody hell, she was beautiful. I tried to smile, but I was only able to nod.
Josie sat staring at the foreign object on the table. “It’s a tracking device,” I muttered with anger. The silence was heavy in the room. Quinn snipped the thread, then disinfected the area again. With a gentle touch, she wrapped a bandage around my forearm. “Thank you.” I breathed a sigh of relief, glad it was over.
Quinn pulled off the surgical gloves and handed me a bottle of water. “Here. Drink a little water. You need to eat something, as well.” She cleaned up the table, then went to the cabinets to get us some food.
She liked tidiness. Even though it wasn’t officially our home, she was glad we had found it abandoned and made the best of it. She opened the cabinet and we still had a stash of snack foods, along with tinned fruits, vegetables, and meats.
I nursed the bottle of water and glanced at Josie. She really wanted to know about the tracking device. It was written all over her face as she looked at the bloody thing. “Ask away.” Josie jumped when she heard me speak. She acted like I was in her head, listening to her thoughts. I sipped on the bottle of water, waiting for the inevitable. “Do we have any of that vodka left? Because I surely could use a shot or two of that right now.”
Quinn opened that cabinet door and pulled out the bottle with what looked like a small swallow in it. Major disappointment. She passed it over to me and when I opened it, I winced in pain. “That’s all we have left.”
“Hmm,” I mumbled just before I poured the rest of the vodka down my throat. When I set it down, I turned and looked at Josie, eyebrows raised, waiting for her questions.
“Uh…I don’t understand what…”
“Exactly,” I interrupted. “It’s a tracking device so my boss can track my every move.”
“Why?”
“Because he is a fucking arse, and I was a prat to follow his commands!”
I was feeling incredibly guilty, but I was also feeling torn. I had a job to do, but I was feeling closer and closer to Quinn and Josie. I didn’t want any harm coming to them. If anything did happen to them, I swear on my last breath that I would get my revenge.
Josie sat there, not knowing what to say. Quinn walked over to me and put her arm around my shoulders. Her warmth radiated through my body. It kind of startled me, but I liked it. Just hours before, she wasn’t speaking to me.
Josie must have been thinking that we had become closer than the rescuer and the rescued. I wish. I so fucking wished. I wanted to be her lover.
I was still confused as to whether or not my feelings for Quinn were real. I wanted to believe that they were. I cried in front of her. I would never do something so weak with anyone else. I hoped I could bed her soon.
It was ridiculous how much I was physically attracted to her. I dreamed about her on more than one occasion. My John Thomas would ache after those dreams, wanting and needing her attention. I need to pull my thoughts together.
“Look. I don’t really want to speak about this right now, so it can wait until later. I need time to sort out my thoughts.”
The room was full of tension. Thankfully, Josie decided to leave it as it was for the moment. “Well, I think I will go wash up,” she said as she stood up.
“That sounds like an excellent idea.” Quinn smiled at her. “Oh, I washed out a few things for you last night after you laid down. They should be dry, hanging over the shower rod.”
“Thanks.” Josie blushed and headed back down the hall, leaving her gun behind.
I sighed heavily, running my fingers over my hair. “I’m not sure what we should or shouldn’t tell her.” I thought including Quinn in the decision would help her accept me again and make her trust me.
“I know. I don’t want to scare her.” Quinn yawned. She was obviously fatigued. The daily draws were not only draining her blood, but draining her physically and mentally. She wasn’t getting enough proper nutrition or hydration to begin with, let alone enough to properly restore her levels. “I’m going to need a day or two of rest before you draw again.”
I nodded. “Right. I think I can go a couple of days.” That was a lie because I wanted it every day. It had been my only interaction with her during the epic silence.
Quinn smiled at me, reaching over and touching my hand. I took a slow deep breath, enjoying the feel of her hand on mine. Then I picked up the tracking device and rolled it around in my fingers.
“Look, I’m sorry about the other night. It’s just hard for me. I still think about James all the time.”
“As you know, I have apologized more times than I can count. Let’s just sweep it under the carpet, shall we?” I questioned with such uncertainty that my vulnerable side overshadowed my entire personality.
“Yeah, we can do that.” She propped her elbow on the table and rested her cheek against her fist. “So…how do you want to destroy it?”
“Maybe I could shoot it. I could always use sharpshooting practice.”
&nbs
p; “I think we should conserve bullets.”
“Yeah, you are correct and brill,” I said as I looked at my bandaged arm. So very true. She was damn brill.
Quinn was ignoring my compliment, though. Maybe she was still feeling uncomfortable around me. But she was sitting at the table with me anyway. “How does your arm feel?”
“It’s throbbing, but I’ve had worse pain.” So fucking true. Her not talking to me hurt me more than her digging that tracking device out of my arm.
“I know. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
I half-smiled at her. There was an electric current running between us, so I leaned toward her. I stroked her face and was close enough to kiss her. She closed her eyes and parted her lips, enjoying my soft, gentle touch. Her breathing hitched. I almost went for it, but Quinn grabbed my hand and pushed it away.
“I can’t. I can’t do this.” She looked down and a couple tears trickled down her face. I felt a flash of anger rush through me, but I kept it below the surface.
At that moment, I realized what I was feeling was real. I was angry that she refused me when I wanted to touch her so badly. She was still hung up on her husband. She needed to live in the now and forget about the bastard who left her high and dry. What she needed was sitting right in front of her.
“Quinn, I’m sorry. The last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable.” I pulled myself back around to the table and rested my face in my hands.
“I just… I’m still holding out hope that James is alive somewhere.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. You have done so much for me. I just feel so connected to you.”
It was so true. Quinn was the first woman I felt real affection for in well over twenty-five years of chasing skirts. My feelings went far deeper with her than they did with Carly. Every other woman in my life was a wine them, dine them, fuck them, draw them, and push them out the door. I had to admit, my feelings for Quinn were scaring me. I never had anyone love me properly, and I spent my entire life pushing people away. Although Carly seemed to want to love me. Once again, I had to shake her out of my mind. I was having mixed emotions. I questioned whether I should just tell her the whole truth about the program and get it over with, or keep her at arm’s length and continue to give half-truths. Quinn’s voice brought me out of my internal battle.
“My heart says to fall into your arms, but my head says to hold out hope for James.”
Well, I have some hope now. “I understand, love. Sometimes you need to listen to your heart, though.” I saw Quinn staring at my chest. I looked down and realized she was looking at the scars from the taser probes.
She reached out and traced her finger over them. My body trembled in an effort not to feel anything. “Where did these come from?” Her voice was quiet and meek.
“Taser.”
“Jesus.” I looked down, full of shame. “I’m so sorry.”
Her face was so close to mine, our eyes locked when she looked up. Her warm breath danced all over my face. Bloody hell, I wanted those lips on my body. I leaned forward and brushed my lips against hers. She grabbed onto my top lip with her teeth and shuddered. I took her face into my hands and pushed my tongue through to hers. When they touched, she returned my kissing with a quiet moan. Moan for me, love. Her warm hand pressed firmly on my chest, and I knew what was going to happen next. Here we go again.
Quinn pushed me away.
I looked down and sat in silence for a few moments. I didn’t understand what was going on. She was kissing me back. She wanted to touch me, but she would push me away every damn time. There was so much sexual tension between us, I hoped she would give in at some point.
Josie waltzed back into the kitchen, looking refreshed, and headed straight for the cabinets. She stood staring at its contents while Quinn and I stared at one another. I leaned forward against the table and ran my hand over my hair again, thinking maybe I should shave it off again. Josie was completely oblivious as to what just happened.
“Well, poo. I was hoping to find a nice filet or a delicious salad somewhere. Ohhh, you know what would be good? Chocolate cake. I’m drooling just thinking about it.”
“Yeah. Great. Thanks. Now we all are,” said Quinn. As we all started laughing, the awkward tension between us dissipated for the time being.
“Well, I think I will take these…” She pulled out a tin of carrots. “A delicacy in some countries. Anyone care to share?”
We could do nothing except laugh about our circumstances. There was no point in being sorrowful. There was nothing that we could really do to change how things were, thanks to me.
“I’m good but, please, share with Quinn. She needs the nutrition. I’m going to pull out the map. It’s time we move on.” I got up from the table, put my shirt back on, and headed down the hallway to my bedroom, cursing under my breath the entire way.
Josie sat down with the carrots, and Quinn picked at the chipped paint on the old farmhouse table. She felt Josie starring at her. Glancing up at her, Josie was looking at her arm. It was bruised from all of the draws she had been doing for Gunther. “How did you get a bruise there?” she asked with a mouthful of carrots. Quinn looked at the crook of her arm and pushed her sleeve back down.
“It’s nothing,” Quinn snipped.
“It doesn’t look like nothing.”
“Just forget about it. Nothing with which to concern yourself.”
Josie popped another carrot in her mouth and chewed slowly, thinking. “Does Gunther know about it?”
“Yes. I’m fine. Just leave it, please,” Quinn snipped again. Josie mouthed Okay to herself. Then she tipped the can of carrots toward Quinn. “I’m good. Thanks.” She got up and walked out of the kitchen.
“Well, that was awkward,” Josie said with an eye roll.
I found the map that I was looking for and headed back to the kitchen while looking at it. “All right, ladies…”
“Lady,” said Josie.
I lowered the map and saw that it was just Josie sitting at the table. “Where’s Quinn?” Josie shrugged. “Is she in the house?” Another shrug. I grumbled to myself, slammed the map on the table, and left the kitchen.
“Quinn! Quinn!” Gunther was panicking. Josie saw him walk past the kitchen door and heard the front door slam. She decided that this might be a good time to help look for Quinn.
When she walked to the front door, she could hear Gunther talking. Josie pulled the curtain back slightly, only to see Gunther stroking Quinn’s hair and tucking it behind her ears. Then he got down on his knees in front of her and took her hands.
“Now, this is getting interesting,” Josie murmured to herself. Gunther continue stroking Quinn’s arms and touching her hands. Quinn was looking off in the distance, trying to hold in her tears.
“Quinn, please, talk to me. I don’t like to see you this upset.” I was working on being compassionate.
“It’s getting to be too much, Gunther. I’m trying to keep my mind off my family by trying to take care of Josie as if she’s my daughter. Then I’m trying to take care of you and making sure you have what you need. But…” She paused.
“But what, love? Talk to me,” I pleaded with Quinn while squatting in front of her.
“I just wish none of this shit ever happened. She was asking questions about my bruising. We have to tell her something sooner rather than later.”
I swallowed hard when her lost eyes met mine. “I don’t know how she’s going to take it.”
“I think she will be afraid, really pissed, or both,” Quinn muttered.
“Both, for sure. Let’s go in and have a chat with her.” We stood up and I took her chin in my hand, kissing her on the cheek. “It’s going to be okay. I promise. Just let me do all the talking.”
I had the answers already prepared. I was ready for whatever Josie could possibly throw at me. Some of those answers might shock Quinn, but I had to do what I had to do.
“Don’t make promises you cann
ot keep,” she mumbled.
I pulled Quinn into my body and embraced her. I nestled my nose in her hair, near her ear. I breathed into Quinn’s ear, causing her to shiver under my cool breath. Holding her in my arms felt so fucking good. My heart pumped faster. She made me feel alive. “I want to make you feel better.” My low voice rumbled through my chest.
Quinn melted into me. We swayed as if we were one. It had been far too long for me. I would take her right then if she would let me. But she pushed me away again. Fuck me, motherfucker! I held onto her tightly so she couldn’t run.
“Gunther…please stop,” she struggled to say.
“But you don’t want me to stop.” Leaving a kiss by her ear, I whispered, “I can feel it. You want it as much as I do. You know it’s the case. Stop denying it.” I pulled her closer and groaned as her body rubbed up against mine.
I spoke the truth and she knew it. Quinn was putty in me hands, but there was something stopping her. It had to be that dreaded loser husband of hers.
“Gunther…we can’t.” Quinn’s words came out breathy.
“Why not? Don’t push me away.” Each word seemed more sensual than the next as I kissed her ear, continuing down her neck.
My hand slipped down from the small of her back to her firm arse. Oh god, she was unbelievable. What I wouldn’t give to be pounding into that. I groaned, feeling myself hardening as Quinn’s plump breasts and curvy hips continued to rub up against me. As my lips made it back to hers, I realized her face was wet and pulled away.
“Love…?”
“I can’t. I just can’t.” She wiped her face. “I can’t betray him. I’m sorry.”
That husband of hers was really cramping my bollocks up. My hopes of bedding her fell to the floor once again. I was miffed, but I tried not to show it.
After taking a few deep breaths, trying to calm the beast within, I said, “All right then.”
I motioned toward the door and we headed inside. “Oh, you found her. Good.” A not-so-innocent smile graced Josie’s face. I glared at her. I had a feeling she had been eavesdropping. The running footsteps from inside the house as we were walking in were my first clue.
Awakened Desires Page 22
