I directed Quinn to a chair in the kitchen and I leaned against the counter. I crossed my arms and ankles and stood silent for a moment, collecting my thoughts. My emotions were stirring too close to the surface for my own comfort.
“Look, we need to have a chat,” I said. “I need you to hear me out and not get all bent. Just listen to what I have to say, then you can ask questions.”
“This should be good,” Josie said, full of the teen attitude. She leaned back in the chair with her arms crossed, waiting for me to start.
I sighed heartily and began telling Josie exactly what I told Quinn: half the truth.
Chapter 21
Josie rubbed her palms together in front of her mouth. “So, pretty much what you are saying is that you’re an undead?”
“Sort of. Like I said, as long as I keep getting clean blood, I will be as normal as I can possibly be.”
“Wait. Clean blood? When you saved me from that undead in my backyard, you took two vials of blood from me to check to make sure I was clean.” Josie was less than pleased. Quinn’s eyes popped out of her head and she glared at me. She had no idea I pulled that stunt.
“Well…yeah, that was pretty much a lie.” A bit of truth squeaked out through my loosening web of lies. “The dropper bottle was just water.” Josie looked disgusted. “I needed a way to get people to trust me.” She laughed. “Before this virus was released…” I stopped, contemplating on telling them how I used to get my blood.
“Yeah?” Josie growled.
“Oh, fuck it. If I’m being honest, I might as well be brutally honest.” I took a deep breath. “I used to get women drunk and bring them back to my home or hotel, depending on if my wife was out of town. I would do a draw after we would…well, you know. Then I would push them out the door.” I hung my head in shame. I didn’t want Quinn to think that was how I was looking at her.
Josie was shocked. “Wow,” was the only word she could muster at the so-called tragedy standing before her.
“I know. I am pathetic. I am disgusting. I should be taken out back and shot.” The room was silent for several long minutes.
Quinn cleared her throat. “He was only trying to protect us by not telling us.” Had no one picked up on the wife thing yet?
“That doesn’t make any sense, Quinn! He’s an undead! One night, he’s going to take us both out if he gets thirsty enough!”
“No. Not as long as I can keep giving him what he needs,” Quinn insisted.
“Listen to yourself! Do you even hear what the fuck you are saying?!” Josie angrily pointed at me. “He is playing you like a motherfucking fiddle! This so-called man has lied to us time and time again, and you are providing him with life. I have a feeling there’s much more to this story than what he’s let on!”
Quinn jumped out of her chair, and I felt relieved to see she was about to go to battle for me. “You listen to me! This is my goddamned life and if I want to help him carry on, I will. End of story! He saved my life as much as he saved yours! You seemingly have forgotten that!” That was the first time either one of us had seen Quinn so unhinged with anger.
Josie stood up and got in Quinn’s face. “Only so he could have a constant supply of food! Wake the fuck up!”
I felt like it was time to step in before Josie convinced Quinn that I was up to no good. “First of all, watch your tongue, little bird.” She rolled her eyes at me. “Secondly, that is not true! I rescued both of you because you were both in danger. If I wanted you two just for food, as you say, I would have drained you long ago,” I raged. “There is nothing I want more than to keep you both alive. I have been doing my damnedest to make that happen. I didn’t say anything to Quinn for the longest time, until I was absolutely desperate. I had no other choice! It was ask for her help or turn. I couldn’t handle experiencing that pain.” That was the truth. Feeling the turn hurt like hell. I forced tears into my eyes for what I was about to say. “I left my family to protect them. As soon as I got word that Roger was ready to release this virus, I put them on a plane to go north so they could be rescued. I had to protect them. And being away from me was the best protection I could offer them.”
Quinn looked at me in shock. When I leaned over the counter, crying into my weathered hands, she came over to me. “Did they know?” she whispered.
“No. They just thought I was some mental prepper. I had them do some weapons training, and I frequently talked about the ‘what if’s’ and the ‘what to do’s’. It was the only way I could protect them.”
“Oh, my god.” Josie had come to a realization. “You drained Gage! You killed him to drain him!”
“No, that is not why I killed him! He had a gun to my head and he was ready to take over. I had no other choice! You would’ve done the same in my position. It was kill or be killed!”
Josie seemed satisfied with my explanation, but then she had another question. “Did you release it?” Josie asked angrily.
“No! But I know who had the authority. I just didn’t know where they were going to do it. I was just informed to be prepared, so I assumed it was to be released in my area first.”
That was prime opportunity to convince them it was Cock-up, and that was why I wanted to get to him at our mutual meeting place in North Carolina. I wanted to follow my orders to get to Cock-up before he destroyed the entire mission, but Josie spoke first, “Hold on. You knew this was going to happen and you didn’t tell the police or the government? You let this just happen?!” Josie stood up and quickly approached me. Then she slapped me across the face. I hissed from the sharp sting of her mini-handprint. “My family died because of you, you sick son of a bitch!” She stood in front of me, fists clenched.
Obviously, that was as angry as she had ever been in her entire life. Well, maybe not, considering her emo-esque ways.
“It is far more complicated than that. You don’t understand!” I spoke with ferociousness while rubbing my face where she had just left her handprint. Josie was at a loss for words as I barreled down at her. “You are far too inexperienced to understand what has happened! I was tortured, injected with this fucking virus against my will! I was beaten, tied up, humiliated, nearly died on several occasions, not to mention that I came very close to being completely undead more often than I want to talk about. Until you have been there, don’t you fucking dare judge me and my actions.” My rage was out in the open and my chest was pumping up and down.
Silence filled the room until Quinn spoke again. “Josie, please don’t be angry with him. This is not his fault. With everything that has happened to him, he is hurting physically, mentally, and emotionally. We have talked about all of this. I have grown to enjoy his company.”
Josie burst out laughing. Then anger ran rampant across her face again. “Enjoying his company meaning what? Is that a new phrase for fucking?”
Quinn gasped. “How dare you?!” she yelled.
“He lied to us and here you are, ‘enjoying his company’. You are a fool, Quinn. A damn fool, and I’m not going to partake in this anymore!” Josie started to leave the kitchen.
I was spitting mad at that point. I didn’t want anyone to speak poorly of or to Quinn. I stormed up to her and made her turn back around to face me. “Don’t you ever, ever speak to her that way again!” I felt as if I was yelling at my own teenage daughter. It scared the hell out of me when I realized how close I felt to both Quinn and Josie.
She shook my hand off her arm. “What are you going to do? Drain me? Go ahead. There’s nothing left for me here anyway!” Josie shoved her arm in my face. “Go on! Do it! You take from her; take from me. Or am I not clean enough for you?”
“You’re just a child!” I yelled back.
“That didn’t stop you before!”
“Shut it! Both of you!” Quinn screamed. She got right in Josie’s face. “First of all, we are not fucking. Secondly, he won’t take from me if I say no. You have no idea what kind of person Gunther truly is. He is kind, gentle, and warm-hearted. And,
for your information, I am still in love with my husband and I don’t know if I will ever find him!”
Maybe a breakthrough for her? I wasn’t sure. When Quinn began to cry, it made my heart ache with guilt. I grabbed her and pulled her into my chest. She sobbed for several minutes while I held her tight to my cool body. I kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back. It was killing me. Roger’s voice was in my head, telling me to take advantage of her. However, in reality and at that moment, all I wanted to do was hold her and make all of her fears and anguish go away.
Josie’s face dropped, seeing how badly her accusations affected Quinn. She bolted out of the kitchen, ran down the hallway, and slammed the bedroom door.
Several minutes had passed and I still held onto Quinn, even though her crying had slowed down. “Now, that went well,” I murmured. “Don’t you think?”
Quinn laughed while wiping the tears from her cheeks. It was so cliché, but her laughter was music to my ears.
“Do you think she is going to leave? She can’t leave. She will get killed out there. You can’t let her leave.”
“I know, and I won’t. We have to convince her that she’s safe with me and I mean no harm. But trust has obviously been thrown out the window.” I escorted Quinn to the living room. “Why don’t you try to relax on the couch? I can get you a book, if you would like.” Quinn laid back.
The couch still smelled a bit like animals, but it was a place to sit and attempt to relax. It was better than lying down on a rock somewhere in a field, worrying about something coming out from behind the trees. I stood staring at her, not knowing what to do while waiting for a response.
“Thank you, but I think I will just rest for a while.”
“I’m going to try to talk to Josie.”
“I don’t think that’s the best idea.”
“I need to clean the slate with her. I cannot bear knowing that she might flee. She feels like a daughter to me.” Jesus Christ, I really did feel that way. I felt like I was being pulled in two directions. I knew that I had to continue the program, but I was beginning to see that Quinn and Josie may have been my new life. “It’s my responsibility to keep an eye on you two.” I hung my head, knowing it was me that was going to be putting them in danger.
“Just expect to be pushed away. Teenagers are all passion. My Carrie was.” I looked into her eyes and felt her pain. I killed her Carrie. God, I’m such a fuck.
I nodded and left, walking to Josie’s door. I lightly knocked. “Josie?” I knocked again. “Josie, I would like to talk with you. Can you please open the door?” I heard the bed squeak and a shuffle of footsteps get closer to the door. “Josie, please. I promise you no harm.” The lock clicked and she cracked open the door. Her face was tear-streaked and her eyes were swollen and bloodshot. “Thank you. May I come in?” She shook her head. “I understand you don’t trust me right now and you think that I’m going to hurt you, but I’m not. I can promise you that.”
“How do I know this isn’t another lie?” I knew I had to leave myself vulnerable for her to accept.
“I know this is difficult for you to understand. This is why I hid it from you for so long. I have a hard time accepting it. But I didn’t bring this upon myself. I would never choose this path for someone I cared about…such as you. Whether you want to believe it or not, I think of you and Quinn as my family now.” My voice hitched as the truth poured from my guilt-tainted lips. I took a deep breath so I could feed in a little twisted, bullshit story. I needed to pour my heart out to her and lay it on thick. “I left my family to protect them. I didn’t want them be in harm’s way. It kills me not knowing how they are or not knowing if they’re in trouble.”
Josie opened the door all the way and stood there, absorbing everything I was saying. “Is this why you want to find that Henry guy you keep talking about?”
“Yes. I left them in his area, and I gave my wife his information in case they got into any trouble. I knew that he was their best chance of survival…until I saw that it was released in New York, which was where he was located.” I paused. I wanted to convince Josie that traveling was what we needed to do. “There’s nothing left for us here, Josie.”
She looked angry, but she kept her voice down. “What about Quinn? What about her hope to find her husband? She isn’t going to want to leave here to find your family. She will regret it forever. You can’t make her leave. She has to know if her husband is…”
Anger exploded across my face. I was short-fused and tired of her questioning all of my motives. I didn’t want Quinn to find her arseface husband. I wanted her to fall into me. I wanted her to be mine! “She agreed to move on before you were here!” Our conversation had turned from heated whispers to yelling at one another again.
“Yes, but she thinks it’s because we are getting low on supplies. Not to find your family!” Josie snapped at me.
“Goddammit!” I punched the wall next to the door. Josie jumped back. “It’s not just to find my family! It’s not just about me! In order for all of us to have the best chance at survival, we need to move on. Why can’t I get you to understand that?!”
Josie stared me down. “How would it be any different anywhere else?”
“I don’t know that it will, but we are running out of options here.”
“I’m not sure if I even care about survival anymore,” Josie mumbled.
“Don’t say that.” Quinn appeared from behind me. “It will get better. It can’t possibly get any worse, can it? I want to stay to find my husband but, like Gunther said, I agreed to move on before and we are getting low on necessities. I say we pack up tonight and head out tomorrow at daybreak.”
The decision was made. Quinn turned around and walked away. Josie and I stood there, staring at one another. “She’s only doing this because she knows it’s what you want,” Josie snipped.
“She is doing it because she knows it is necessary. Why is that so hard for you to understand?”
“Whatever.” Josie rolled her eyes.
“Are you coming with us?” I asked with a raised brow.
“Do I have a choice?”
She glared at me, waiting for a response. “No, you don’t. I’m not leaving you behind. If I have to hogtie and throw you in my truck, I will.” I left her before she could respond, and went to look for Quinn. Josie slammed the door and I heard her scream in anger and frustration.
I stopped in the doorway of the kitchen and watched Quinn for a moment. She paused, making me believe she felt my presence, but she refused to look at me. She continued to box up all of our belongings. “What if we find your wife?” she asked in a hushed tone. I stood silent. “Are you going to tell her you made a few passes at me? That you kissed me? That you get hard around me? I thought you have never been properly loved before, but you’re married?”
Fuck…busted. “I don’t know,” I mumbled.
I wondered what Quinn would do or say when she found out the truth. I walked up to her and put my arms around her. She struggled to get free from my tight embrace. “Please, let me go,” she whimpered.
“Not until you admit your feelings for me.”
“Please,” she cried.
“Quinn…”
“I can’t do this. I can’t fall for you. You still love your wife, and I still love James.” Reluctantly, I let her go. She turned to look at me. “If we find your wife, you will go to her. I’m just convenient for you right now.”
“There is so much you don’t understand. She… Look.” I was struggling for the right words—more like searching for an answer that I hadn’t come up with yet. I paced for a few seconds, then I turned and faced her. “I love my daughter, but before I found out about the release, Evangeline and I were separating. There was nothing left between us except my little Hanna.” And the web of lies tightened up once again.
“It may be none of my business, but why were you separating?”
“She caught me.” I looked down at my boots. I knew after I told her abou
t my “wine them, dine them, fuck them, draw them, and push them out the door” experiences, that explanation would not only be plausible but believable.
“Caught you?”
“With another woman. She and Hanna came home early from visiting her mother. She wanted to surprise me. And there I was, in our bed with someone who didn’t matter.”
“That’s just great, Gunther. I suspect that’s how it would go with me.” Quinn rolled her eyes and pushed past me.
“Quinn, no. Please, hear me out. We had been having a lot of problems. She wanted to move back to England but, for obvious reasons, I couldn’t. I had to stay. If I defected at all, he would have killed us and tortured Hanna…or even put her into the program. I couldn’t tell her the truth. Someone may have found out, and we would have been a target.”
“This is sounding like a load, Gunther. It really is.”
I wish I could just spill the real truth. It was becoming obvious that I was losing my ability to be convincible. “She had no idea! Please…,” I pleaded with her. Quinn stood there, glaring at me in disgust. “Listen to me. I never felt for her what I feel for you! I never loved her, and she didn’t love me. Our whole relationship was based on lies and a sham. I got her pregnant, and her mother demanded that I marry her and make the situation right. I tried. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell her about me, but I had to keep going.”
“You should have told her!”
“Why? And risk my little lass’ life? You don’t understand these people. They’re cruel and have no feelings. They’re numb! Look what they did! They will do anything for their agenda.”
“You are cruel!”
Those words pierced me right through the heart. I stumbled back. But, goddamn it, she was fucking right. I was cruel. If she only knew how cruel.
“I know.” Admitting it out loud didn’t make me feel better. “I know what I did was wrong and was disgusting behavior. But you have to understand. I didn’t have the luxury of being honest. That was taken away from me. Every sense of normalcy was taken away from me.”
Awakened Desires Page 23
