Identity Crisis (Blood Brothers #4)

by Manda Mellett

  But fragments of the strange and totally unexpected discussion with my bosses keep circling my mind. I want to high five myself that they’re leaving the decision to me about continuing to work in the field, but why? That’s not usual, either I can do the job in their opinion, or I can’t. Surely that’s up to them, and not me? But then, it’s not exactly normal to have a dialog about BDSM with your bosses, is it?

  As I shake my head to clear it, Sean comes around the corner. The first thing I notice is that he’s limping, and the second is despite that, he seems to have a more settled air about him. He’s not trying to hide it anymore. As he draws closer, he reaches out his hand, and I immediately reciprocate his action and take it. As warm, strong fingers wrap around mine, he stares down at me.

  “You’re mine, Nessa.” His voice is low, authoritative, as though he will brook no contradiction. His tone makes my stomach clench, and an inappropriate tingling for the office environment shoots through me. This is the Dom in front of me, the man who through his control can bring me so much pleasure. This isn’t the man I walked out on. The man I can refuse, the Dom I must obey.

  “Come.” It’s another command, and I’m can’t do anything but go with him.

  Chapter 38

  Sean

  Leaving the meeting with Ben and Jon, I’d felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I no longer have to pretend anymore, to myself or anyone else. My leg’s hurting like a bitch, my attempts to hide my discomfort putting extra pressure on the damaged muscles, and the ability to favour it without having to keep my incapacity concealed gives some semblance of relief. That I’ve lost the job I’ve loved for so long isn’t as devastating as I’d expected, in fact, it feels liberating, no longer having to put myself in danger and my life on the line for someone I don’t know. Now I can concentrate on protecting those I love.

  We’d discussed a lot of things during that meeting. Pulling Nessa from the role she’d trained for so long would devastate her, helping her come to her conclusions would be a different matter. As I pass the time hanging around in the open plan office, I frown. What I now need to organise for tonight won’t hold much pleasure for either of us, at first, but should help her come to the right decision. And that’s the other thing Ben and Jon helped me with, if I’m going to be her Dom, I need to act like one. The only out she’ll have with me from now on is if she uses her safeword.

  A text comes through. Ben’s letting me know she’s out of the meeting. Hmm. I pause, getting my head in the right mindset for what’s to come so that I can be the man, the Dom, she needs me to be.

  She’s walking down the corridor looking bemused, and not a little shocked. I hide the smile that wants to appear knowing she wouldn’t have expected her conversation with the two partners of Grade A to take the turn I know they’d intended it to. Taking advantage of her confusion, I simply take her hand in mine. “Come.”

  She’s quiet in the car, looking out of the window as though to avoid looking at me, and I let her have her space for now. Deep discussions don’t go well when I’m trying to negotiate the London traffic, and particularly the hazards of white van drivers. Christ! Do they all go to the same driving school to learn the bad habits the rest of us try to avoid? I swear under my breath as one pulls out straight in front of me without indicating.

  We arrive at the flat and I lead her inside. I see her looking around at my very masculine apartment, and I give her a rueful grin. “Not very child oriented, I know,” I tell her, “Reckon we should start looking for a more family-oriented home. Somewhere with a garden.”

  Ignoring the preposition I’d used, she adds her suggestion, “With good schools close by.” That’s Nessa, ever practical.

  “Fuck me!” I laugh, “I never thought I’d be thinking about things like that.”

  “You didn’t, I did,” she corrects me.

  Again, I laugh, and leaning over, I can’t resist placing my lips over hers and kissing her, “That’s why we make a good team.”

  She shifts awkwardly, sliding away from my touch. When she looks up at me, her eyes are glistening. With hope? Despair? It’s difficult to tell. Her conversation with the two other Doms already today has probably already been a lot for her to handle, and now I’m only going to add to it. Eventually, she asks the question, “What team are you talking about, Sean?”

  Running my fingers through my hair, I have to make some things clear. “Partners, as in partners for life.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, then look straight at her, “I won’t be working in the field again.”

  She takes a step back in amazement. “What?” Now she’s reaching out her hand, her fingers hovering in the air inches from my arm, “Sean?”

  I smile, my eyes crinkling, “I’m fine with it, Nessa. Truly.” I tilt my head back, my neck muscles feeling loser than they have for some time, and know I need to give her more. “My leg will never be strong enough. I’ve been kidding myself that it would heal completely, but it won’t.”

  Her brow furrows, “But, I thought you were getting there. I thought it was only a matter of time?”

  With my fingers, I smooth away the lines on her forehead, “Sometimes you have to admit things just are. I’m mobile enough, but I’ll always have a weakness there. Getting shot and having your bone shattered can do that to you. I should be thankful I’ve still got a leg. And don’t worry, I’m not being put out to pasture.” Now I tilt her head up to face me, “It means I’ll be based here. We can be together. You, me and Mollie. A proper family, a stable home life.”

  She tries to step away again, but I hold her in place.

  “Sean, I… You… Us… There is no us. You’re not…”

  “Don’t tell me what I’m not. Let me tell you what I am. Haven’t I made everything plain enough? I told you, Nessa, I’m never letting you out of my sight again. You are mine, my partner and my sub. I can live with only topping you in the dungeon, but I’ll be the only man in your life. In every part of your life.” Closing the distance between us I take her hands in mine, holding them down by her sides. “You’re mine, Nessa. Even if you don’t understand that yet.”

  “Sean, I…”

  “Shush. I know you think the change in me is a reaction to what happened in Amahad. I assure you it’s not, I just needed that spur to make me understand what you mean to me. Being away together let me see the real you, the woman you are out of the office. You had me from that moment you walked into the dungeon dressed as a Domme, I just wasn’t admitting it then. You’ve ruined me for all other women. I don’t want a faceless sub. I want you.” For a second doubt sweeps through me, how can I convince her everything I told her in Amahad was true? And even if I can, is she on the same page? “If you don’t want this, tell me now.”

  She swallows a couple of times, I can see her throat work, and I’m holding my breath wondering what words are going to come out. Then her hand comes up and softly cups my face. She looks up at me, then away, and then back again. When she, at last, begins to speak it’s as if she’s baring her very soul.

  “From the moment you first stepped into Grade A I wanted you, Sean. Oh, it was just a crush at first, you were unattainable―maybe that was the attraction?― and the most handsome man I’d ever seen. Then you intrigued me when I worked on Mia’s case and learned there was another world, another lifestyle that I knew nothing about. You didn’t know how much I admired you from afar. When Mollie came to you, I tried to stop feeling the way I did, but watching you with her, seeing that other side of you… You sucked me in and there was no escape. When I let you down…” there’s a hitch in her voice, “When Mollie and I were taken when I thought I might never see you again…. Then when you said that in Amahad, I couldn’t believe you. It seemed too much; all my dreams come true at once. But if this is real?” She takes a deep breath, and her green eyes delve into mine, “If you’re offering me everything, then I want this. I want you.”

  Leaning down, I rest my forehead against hers, “It’s real,” I assu
re her, “You won’t regret it, Nessa. I’ll make sure you don’t regret it every day of our lives together. I love you, Nessa.”

  “I love you too, oh Sean. God how much I love you.”

  As she says the words I wanted so much to hear, I rest my forehead down so it touches here, and take a moment to savour the pleasure. But I don’t wait long, I can’t. I need her like I need air to breathe.

  Now we’ve said the words, I want to show her. Keeping my eyes trained on hers I release one of her hands. A second later I smile as there’s a snick and she looks down to see I’ve fastened both her wrists together in fur lined cuffs. Placing a finger between the material and her wrist and testing it, I question, “Not too tight?”

  She shakes her head. Her pulse speeds up, and I inhale the scent of her arousal. A state of calm comes over me as my inner Dom takes over.

  “We’ll have to get babysitters to play at Club Tiacapan now, but there’s plenty we can improvise here I assure you.”

  A tremor runs through her as she tries to anticipate what I’m going to do.

  Standing back, I look her up and down and grin wickedly. “I would tell you to strip, but…” I gesture toward her bound hands and give a wicked laugh. “I think I need to help you.” Crouching I remove her sandals, then undo her jeans and pull them down, taking her underwear along with them. Standing once again, I pull a knife from my pocket and flick it open, the snap sounding overly loud. Her eyes widen as she wonders what I’m going to do. After a moment's pause, I ask, “You particularly fond of this shirt?”

  She glances down at what I recognise as a fairly standard plain white tee, and shakes her head, then breathes in sharply as I prove how sharp my blade is, going through the material as if through butter. Another evil grin and the straps of her bra are gone, and her breasts fall free.

  “The straps actually come off. It’s a three-way bra.”

  I hadn’t stopped to ask or notice and what the fuck is that anyway? “I’ll buy you another. Hell, I’ll buy you a dozen. The way you shivered as the cold steel touched you.” I ease myself in my jeans to show the effect she has on me.

  And I can see I have no lesser effect on her. The shudder that went through her when the knife had cut through her clothes very visible. I’d bet good money that if I touched her there, I’d feel moisture between her legs.

  Closing my fingers around her face, I gently pull her to me until our mouths touch. At first, the touch is soft, and then more insistent as my tongue probes until she lets me inside, and soon the kiss becomes uncontrolled, a physical reaffirmation of what we’ve admitted we mean to each other. I feel myself swelling almost painfully at the contrast of her soft naked body pulled hard against my fully clothed frame.

  When we pull apart it’s to get air into our heaving lungs, and I stare at her intently, making her a promise that I hope to repeat every day for the rest of our lives, “Now I’m going to make love to you as your man.”

  Picking her up in my arms I carry her through to my bedroom and almost reverently lay her on my bed. Then, with quick, economical movements I divest myself of my clothes and once naked, I come down over her, straddling her and taking her cuffed hands in one of my own.

  She’s looking down as though to feast her eyes on my erection, but there’ll be time for that later.

  “Nessa,” I chide, “I want your eyes for this.” To keep her captive, I reach to the headboard and pull down a chain and hook her cuffs to it. I hadn’t been kidding that there are things to play with in my flat.

  Her attention caught, her green orbs shine into mine.

  “I meant what I said in Amahad. Every fucking word of it.” My voice catches as I try to get her to believe what I’m saying, “We’re a family already, but I want a baby with you, Nessa. I want to be with you every step of the way.” She stills, so I clarify further, “When you’re ready, I want to take you bare.”

  “Sean, I’m not on the pill…”

  “I’m happy to use a condom until the time’s right. And it doesn’t matter if it’s today, tomorrow or next year. But one day, Nessa, I want my baby growing here.” I put my hand on her stomach and glancing down know I’d be the proudest man in the world to see my child making her swell.

  “I want you to have my baby, Nessa.” I can’t put it plainer than that.

  To give her time to come to terms with my demand, I reach over to the bedside cabinet and extract a condom, leaving it handy to use later. Checking with her, she gives me a little nod, showing she appreciates that it will be her decision. But it’s important that she understands everything I want to offer her. Before tonight. Before it could all go so horribly wrong. It’s my job to make sure it doesn’t.

  But now, this is our time. I huff a breath over her chest, just the touch of warm moist air causes her nipples to harden, taunting me so I can’t resist having a taste. My tongue swirls and a sharp nip of my teeth encourages them to peak even more. Little gasps and pants are coming from her mouth; my steel-hard cock pushes against her and pre-cum leaks out. Fuck, this woman turns me on like no one ever before.

  Desperate to taste her I move down her body, my tongue tracing her skin, my eyes feasting on the flush my touch brings forth in its wake. My fingers mapping out her freckles as I go, knowing I’ve got a lifetime to memorise each and every one. Hearing a little rattle of the handcuffs as she pulls against them, and a softly urged plea shows how I’m taunting her, ramping up her arousal which I’m sure will at least be matching mine.

  Taking my time, I inch down toward my goal. Fuck, she’s dripping for me, so wet my fingers slide easily inside her. Now impatient and unable to wait a moment more I lower my head, lapping and savouring her particular essence. It’s been too long since I was able to indulge. She babbles something incomprehensible as I groan against her slit and the sound goes straight to my cock. My senses are full of her, my eyes feasting on those short curly red pubes, her scent pervading the air I’m breathing in, the softness of her skin under my hands. There’s never been anyone like her, and I know it won’t be difficult to keep my promise, I won’t need to sample another woman, ever again.

  My body craves to join us in the only way a man and woman can. Replacing my fingers inside her I curl them round, a gentle assault inside her as my lips close around her throbbing clit. I hum softly, the vibration causing her muscles to go rigid. She’s shaking and trembling, and so very close. I could pull away and tease her; I could make this last. But I don’t want to. My cock is pulsing and twitching; my balls are aching with need. I close my teeth, gently nipping, then suck and swirl my tongue around applying gentle pressure.

  “Oh God, God, Sean!”

  She’s so close. With my free hand, I try to hold her still. She’s thrashing on the bed, the violent jingling of the chain attached to the headboard telling me she’s desperately chasing her release.

  “Oh. Oh. OH!”

  With a scream, she comes, her body bucking up off the bed. I keep on the pressure, not letting her come down.

  “Sean. SEAN!”

  As she screams my name and comes a second time, her body jerking and shuddering as little after tremors go through her I gentle my touch, pulling away before she becomes too sensitive.

  Now it’s my turn. Quickly putting on the condom I ease myself home. She’s so wet I fill her completely in one thrust. She feels so good as her muscles clamp down around me, and I can’t hold back. I nearly lost her; I’m never going to lose her again. The thought of how close I’d come to never having the opportunity to be inside her again incites me, and I can’t hold back. Watching her face, I hammer into her. She’s with me all the way, little sounds of encouragement escaping her lips. Her body is responding to mine as though it’s been made for me. A fleeting kiss to her lips, then I place my mouth on those luscious breasts, teasing her erect nipples all over again. She’s rising to meet me as I continue to drive into her setting a punishing pace but she’s more than accepting of my furious onslaught.

  And then she�
��s there again, her pussy fastening down onto my cock. My balls begin to swell, an almost unbearable pressure and the tingling in my spine starts a reaction that at this point I’m unable to stop. With one final lunge, I feel sperm propelled through my length and reaching its sweet destination. With a few concluding stabs, I empty myself completely.

  Utterly drained I collapse over her, taking my weight on my arms either side of her head. Her eyes are dazed, her pupils dilated. We pant in unison as our tortured lungs try to take in a breath.

  As her hair starts to tickle my nostrils I lift my head with a grin, “Nessa, you were made for me. You know that?” Reaching up, I release her from the handcuffs and massage her wrists and arms.

  Her lips turn up in a lazy smile, “Seems that way,” she purrs, “And you were made for me.”

  Lowering my lips I take hers in a gentle kiss, and as she responds can feel the truth of the words we’d spoken previously, the physical representation of the love that’s between us. After allowing myself to enjoy our closeness, I eventually push away and roll over onto my back.

  Pulling herself up, she leans over me, her hand tracing my skin. I let her explore, relishing the light touch on my shoulder, my chest. Her touch is calming. Opening my eyes they lock on hers. She’s frowning slightly.

  “What’s up?”

  “Ben and Jon left the decision to me, Sean. About working as a CPO or not.”

  “I know.”

  “Oh?” Her brow creases into that delightful V again, and she scrunches up her nose, “They discussed it with you?” Then her face drops, “I suppose they were talking about that report you put in about me.”