Her Daughter's Dream

by Francine Rivers

  She was close enough to see the flecks of gold in the green, the rim of brown around his pupil. “What about me?”

  “Do you know what you want to do with your life?”

  “I haven’t got a clue. Have fun, I guess.” Could she have said anything more inane and shallow? “You’ll be a senior, right? You probably have your future all planned out.”

  “I have a couple of ideas. My mom would like me to be an engineer. Pastor Daniel thinks I should go into the ministry. Maybe I can figure out a way to do both.”

  “How?” They seemed diametrically opposed.

  “There’s a lot more to ministry than just working at a church. God needs workers in all kinds of businesses, too. I’ve been asking Him to show me which direction to go, and I know He will.”

  She’d never heard anyone talk so naturally about God, though she didn’t see what God would have to do with Jason’s decision. Wasn’t it all about free will? “Why would God care what you do? I mean, doesn’t He want us to decide for ourselves? That’s what I’ve been told. It’s up to us to find out what makes us happy.”

  He tilted his head to one side. “Well, yes, God wants us to be happy. But there’s a whole lot more to it than that.”

  “Really? What do you mean?” Jason Steward sure wasn’t what she had expected.

  “God gave each of us specific talents and abilities. He has plans for us. He has a purpose for your life.”

  “My life? I’m not so sure about that.”

  “You can be. It starts with being in an intimate relationship with Him. Then, just like any other relationship, it will influence what you want, what you do, what you believe.”

  The conversation was starting to make her uncomfortable. “Intimate isn’t exactly a word I’d use about God.”

  Jason stood. “Hey, just think about it. If you open the door and let Him in, everything in your life is going to change. I promise.”

  Maybe that’s why he’d told Christopher to bring her. To evangelize her. She didn’t care one way or another about God. She just wanted to keep Jason talking. “Is that what happened to you?”

  His eyes glowed. “Yeah.” He looked behind her. “Ready or not, here they come.” He swung his chair back into place as Christopher and his friends surrounded the table and found seats. Dawn helped her brother get started on his project, then helped a couple of the other kids. Jason introduced her to Mrs. Preston, who said Christopher was a terrific kid and a pleasure to have in class. As if Dawn hadn’t heard that a thousand times before.

  It didn’t take long to finish the burning bushes. Mrs. Preston called the children together and took them outside, where she handed them over to other volunteers who gave them a choice of games to play.

  Jason stood beside Dawn. “Do you go to church?”

  She said, “Of course,” and told him where. When he asked about their youth group, she shrugged and said with a congregation of less than a hundred and comprised mostly of people older than her stepdad, who was in his forties, there weren’t enough teenagers to have one.

  “Come to ours then. We meet here tonight at seven thirty. We hang out, play basketball, eat junk food, and have a Bible study. Give it a try. See what you think.”

  “I’d have to ask my mother.” Mom might disapprove, but she wouldn’t have grounds for argument. She was bringing Christopher to VBS here, after all.

  “Do you need a ride?”

  Her heart fluttered. Would he offer to pick her up if she said yes? “We live in Alexander Valley.”

  “I can introduce you to someone who lives up that way.”

  “Never mind.”

  A piercing whistle came from the parking lot. Jason gave a wave. “I have to get back to the sanctuary and set up for the closing. Thanks for helping today, Dawn. Hope I see you tonight . . . and tomorrow.”

  She looked for Jason when she accompanied Christopher’s class back into the warehouse. He stood on the platform, talking and laughing with the two girls who had been onstage with him while the classes settled into their designated seats. Pastor Daniel had the microphone again and encouraged everyone to get settled quickly. He explained how the children’s offerings would buy books for an orphanage in Mexico. He asked if anyone had a guest. Dawn held Christopher’s hand down. Pastor Daniel went on. “Keep giving out those invitations! We have plenty of room for more.”

  He tossed the microphone to Jason, who had everyone up and singing again. After several songs, Jason gave a short closing prayer and called out, “See you all tomorrow!”

  Dawn grabbed Christopher’s hand and headed for Mom standing against the wall with several other women. She came toward them and smiled at Dawn. “I see you survived.”

  “It was okay, I guess.” She didn’t want to sound overly enthusiastic and have Mom wonder why. “I said I’d help again tomorrow. One of the guys invited me to youth group tonight.”

  “Invited?” Her mother gave her a quick glance. “As in asking you for a date?”

  “No. He just said to come. He thought I might enjoy it.”

  “I’d rather you didn’t go.”

  Dawn bristled. “Why not?” Christopher could do anything he wanted, but she asked for something and the answer was no?

  “You have a church.”

  “So does Christopher, but that didn’t stop you from signing him up for VBS at Cornerstone.”

  “Because Mitch’s church doesn’t have one.”

  “It doesn’t have a youth group either.”

  “VBS only lasts three more days, Dawn.”

  “I’m not asking if I can join the church, Mom. I just want to see what youth group is like. I’d like to hang out with kids my own age, Christian kids.”

  “Let me think about it.”

  28

  The CCC youth group consisted of fewer than twenty kids, mostly girls grouped together and talking while five guys played basketball. Another guest invited by Jason, Tom Barrett, had come to stick his toes carefully in religious waters. As soon as he was introduced, Jason took him to join in the basketball game. Kim Archer, the pastor’s daughter, took charge of Dawn, inviting her to grab a folding chair from those stacked against a wall and join the gaggle of girls. Dawn knew some of them already, their names at least. She’d seen Sharon Bright, Pam Preston, Linda Doile, and Amy King at school, not that they would recognize her.

  “Hey,” Sharon said. “You were in my PE class. Dawn ran right past everyone during track.”

  Dawn added her chair to the circle. “I played soccer for six years. Coach Perez made us run a mile before every practice.”

  Pam twisted her hair up and put a clip in it. “Why didn’t you try out for the team? We could use you.”

  “Thought I’d take a break. Try something else.”

  “Such as?”

  “Studying.”

  “That’s where I’ve seen you.” Linda crossed her ankles. “In study hall. You sat in the back row by the windows.”

  “Yep.”

  The girls talked about school and how their summers were shaping up. Dawn took quick, surreptitious glances at Jason playing basketball with the guys. Sharon said her family was heading for Tahoe next week for a family gathering. Linda had a job in a pizza parlor near the downtown mall. Amy wished she had a job at the mall. She was working as a nanny for three children. She almost hadn’t come this evening. Bed had looked pretty good, and she had to be back at the Johnsons’ by six thirty in the morning. Kim answered the church telephone. She was filling in for the church secretary, Mrs. Carson, who was in Los Angeles helping move her mother into a residential care facility.

  “What about you, Dawn?” Kim asked. “What are you doing this summer?”

  Dawn pulled her gaze away from Jason. “Not much. I don’t have a driver’s license, and we live out in Alexander Valley.” She shrugged. “I’m doing laundry and cooking for the family. So far, no one has died.”

  Pam laughed. “My mother says you were a big help in her VBS class this morni
ng.”

  “All I did was put out some art supplies.”

  “I’ll say thank you anyway. You saved me from being drafted into duty.” She shuddered expressively.

  The basketball bounced their way. “Hey, ladies!” Jason called. “Save us some steps?” Dawn got up, caught it, and gave it a light kick so that it landed right in his hands. “Good kick!” He grinned and dribbled the ball halfway down the court, passing it to Tom Barrett, who took two steps, jumped, and shot it smoothly over the heads of three others. It dropped perfectly into the basket. Jason and Tom gave each other high fives.

  Sharon laughed as Dawn sat down. “Well, we all know why you came tonight.”

  “What?” Dawn pretended not to know.

  “Jason Steward.” Sharon stretched out her long, jean-clad legs. “Join the club. We’ve all had a crush on him at one time or another.”

  When she glanced over, Jason was looking at her. He quickly looked away. Raising his hand, he called out to Tom, who passed him the ball.

  * * *

  When Pastor Daniel came in, everyone made a circle of chairs. Everyone but Dawn had brought a Bible, even Tom Barrett. Kim said not to worry about it and shared hers. The pastor called on the regulars to read portions of the book of Daniel, then pointed out how a few teenagers made an impact on a godless society. He challenged them to make a difference wherever they were: high school, mall, babysitting.

  When the study portion ended, everyone hung around, nibbling chips, eating leftover VBS cupcakes, drinking sodas, and talking. Jason had picked up Tom Barrett. They walked out and stood talking to a couple of the guys in the parking lot. Dawn spotted her mom’s tan Suburban and headed for it. Pam Preston caught up with her. “I’m glad you came tonight. Can I meet your mom?”

  “Sure. I guess.” Dawn opened the car door. “Mom, this is Pam Preston; Pam, my mom, Mrs. Hastings.”

  Pam leaned in to shake her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Hastings. We live on the north side of Healdsburg. I could pick up Dawn next week.”

  Mom looked dubious. “It’s nice of you, but—”

  “I’ve had my license for two years and haven’t gotten a ticket. My mom says I drive like an old lady. You can ask her when you bring Christopher to VBS tomorrow.”

  Mom smiled politely. “I’ll take your word for it, Pam.” Dawn got into the car and closed the door. “She seems nice enough. How well do you know her?”

  “She’s on the high school soccer team.” Dawn watched Pam talking to Kim and Pastor Daniel.

  “So what was it like?”

  “We read about Daniel.” Dawn leaned back as her mother drove out of the parking lot. “There’s a lot more to him than surviving a night in a lion’s den. I felt like such an idiot. Everyone had a Bible. I don’t even know where mine is.”

  “I’m sorry they made you feel inferior.”

  “No, Mom.” Dawn didn’t want her getting the wrong idea. “It wasn’t like that at all. It’s just that I’ve been going to church with Mitch since second grade, but I don’t know a fraction of what those kids know.”

  “Granny and Papa read you Bible stories when you were little, didn’t they?”

  “Yeah. Simplified versions with pictures. Pastor Daniel made something written thousands of years ago sound like current events. Rev. Jackson doesn’t exactly light my fire when he preaches.”

  “Boots gave me a Bible when I lived with her.”

  “Wasn’t she Granny’s friend? the one who died of cancer a few years ago?”

  “Yes. She was my friend, too. She’s the one who encouraged my interest in Scripture.”

  “I didn’t know you even had a Bible, let alone read one.”

  “I didn’t mean to shock you.”

  “Well, it’s not like I’ve ever seen you reading it.”

  “I have a quiet time every morning. In the privacy of my room, so I can think about what I’m reading.”

  “But you never go to church.”

  Mom kept her eyes straight ahead.

  “Why don’t you?”

  Her mother lifted one shoulder and shifted her hands on the steering wheel. “I’m not comfortable in church.”

  “Did Boots go?”

  “Christmas and Easter. Like me, she felt more at home in AA meetings. We both have the same Higher Power: Jesus.”

  “AA isn’t the same as church, Mom.”

  “How would you know?”

  Dawn hadn’t meant to sound critical. This was the first time her mom had talked to her about anything remotely personal. Dawn didn’t want to ruin it. “Is it?”

  “For me, it’s better.” She gave Dawn a bleak smile. “We all know we’re sinners in AA. No one wears a mask.”

  * * *

  Every Wednesday, Dawn hitched a ride to Cornerstone youth group with Pam Preston. After meetings, they hung out until Pastor Daniel locked up and headed home with Kim. Then Dawn piled into Pam’s Honda with Sharon, Linda, and Amy; and they all went to Taco Bell to have sodas and nachos and talk about boys, movies, movie stars, clothes, makeup, and the latest diet craze. Tom Barrett called Dawn for a date. So did Steven Dial. Dawn made excuses, hoping Jason would call. He didn’t. She saw him at youth group, but he didn’t talk to her much.

  Pastor Daniel started a new summer study on chastity and talked at length about running from sin and avoiding youthful passions and how rebellion against God led to a ruined life. “Joseph had to run from Potiphar’s wife when she tried to seduce him. Learn from Joseph. God wants you to be pure, and that’s not going to be easy in a world that encourages promiscuity.”

  Jason glanced at her once, but she didn’t look back at him. Discussion moved to advertising, movies, music, attitudes at school, the media, new provocative styles of dress.

  Jason didn’t come to the next meeting.

  “He can’t come for the rest of the summer,” Kim told Dawn. “My dad knows someone at Raley’s, and they helped Jason get a job there. He’s working nights stocking shelves and cleaning floors.”

  “Oh. That’s great.” Dawn tried to sound enthusiastic. “So he’s not coming back?”

  “Not until school starts. Maybe not then either. He has to save money for college.”

  She felt niggling jealousy. She liked Kim. She liked her a lot, but she seemed to know quite a bit about Jason’s private life. “Well, say hi when you see him.”

  “I don’t see him. He comes by and talks with my dad.” She gave Dawn a knowing smile. “If you want to see him, you’ll have to come to church.”

  “I can’t.”

  Kim’s brows went up. “Why not?”

  “I promised my mother I’d keep going to Mitch’s church if she let me come to youth group.”

  “Oh.” Kim looked sympathetic. “Then I guess you’re going to have to wait five weeks until school starts.” She gave Dawn a curious look. “You said ‘Mitch’s church.’ Doesn’t your mom go with you?”

  Dawn shook her head. “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “I have no idea. My grandmother said she used to go all the time, and then she just quit.”

  She couldn’t get Jason out of her mind for the rest of the week. The thought of going through the rest of the summer without so much as a glimpse of him depressed her.

  “Why so glum, Pita?” Mitch asked over dinner. “The spaghetti and salad are great. You’re becoming a fine cook.”

  Dawn lifted one shoulder and poked at her food. “Doesn’t take a lot of talent to boil noodles, dump Ragu on them, and tear up a head of lettuce.”

  He chuckled. “Maybe you need to challenge yourself more. Try some fancy French cuisine tomorrow night.”

  She sighed heavily. “Getting through the rest of summer is going to be challenge enough.”

  Mom frowned as she lifted her glass of ice water. “Since Christopher won’t go to camp for two weeks, I thought this might be a good time to go down to Merced and see Oma.” She sipped and set her glass down without looking at Dawn. “We’ll
be back in plenty of time for camp.”

  Christopher’s exuberant mood collapsed. He groaned and launched into excuses. He wanted to play with his friends. He wanted to swim and Oma only had sprinklers. He wanted . . .

  Mom glowered at him. “Be quiet, Christopher.”

  Mitch leaned back in his chair. “Why don’t you take Dawn this year?”

  “She wants to stay home for the summer.”

  “Granny called.” Christopher jumped in again. “She and Papa are coming in to pick Dawn up and take her out to Jenner by the Sea for the weekend.”

  Dawn’s heart sank. She’d forgotten all about it. “You could go instead of me. Granny and Papa would love to have you spend a weekend with them. Or a week, for that matter.”

  “The beach! Cool!” Christopher turned a bright smile on Mom. “Could I, Mom?”

  “No.” Her tone came out flat and hard enough to keep Christopher from asking again. Dawn wondered why it was fine for her to spend an entire summer, but her mother wouldn’t even allow Christopher to spend a night. What sense did that make? They were his grandparents, too, for heaven’s sake.

  Mitch spoke up. “Christopher can stay home with me. Take Dawn. You two haven’t had a trip alone together in a long time.” Dawn wanted to snort. They had never been on a trip together. Mitch looked at Christopher. “What do you say we make it men only for a week?” He winked. “Pizza delivery, steak at the Western Boot, rent a dozen movies. We could play some golf. What do you say, buddy? Wanna stick around the hacienda with dear old Dad?”

  “Yeah!” Christopher turned to Mom and made prayer hands. He stuck out his lower lip and made it quiver pathetically. “Please, Mom.” Not waiting to see if his playacting worked, he jumped up and wrapped his arms around her neck and kissed her cheek three or four times.

  Mitch laughed. “How can you turn the boy down?”

  Mom, mouth twitching, rolled her eyes at Mitch. “Okay, Christopher, okay. . . .” She laughed.

  Sometimes Dawn felt like an outsider watching the three of them. She was a cuckoo left in a warbler’s nest.

  “Only promise me one thing, Mitch.”