Remember, You Love Me: Little Girl Lost

by Mairsile Leabhair

  “He can’t hurt you, Vicky. Now tell me what you saw yesterday?”

  “I was rushing to catch a cab, not paying attention because I was thinking about Aidan. She’s hurting so much right now, and I think maybe I should let her go, to save her, and—”

  “That’s enough about that, Vicky. Tell me what you saw yesterday.” Kline wanted to kick himself for not being quicker in stopping Vicky from talking about Aidan.

  Aidan was surprised that Vicky was thinking of giving her up, just to prevent her more pain. That kind of sacrifice was made even more poignant by the fact that Vicky was at her weakest point, revealing her strongest emotion. Oh my God…

  “I almost knocked him down in the hospital lobby. He said he saw me on television. I think he wanted something, but—”

  “Sleep, Vicky,” Kline touched Vicky’s forehead and she immediately succumbed to the suggestion, collapsing back in her chair, her eyes closed, and her body limp. Aidan reactively rushed to catch her.

  “Doc?” Aidan didn’t understand why he stopped her now. She looked at her lover, so fragile in her arms that her heart shattered into a thousand pieces. She gently laid her back into the chair and then turned to Kline.

  “I needed a minute to explain something to you Aidan. Apparently your father is still alive, and has been in contact with Vicky, which brings her worst nightmare to life. I think seeing her on the O’Hare Show, has brought him back out of the shadows. In my opinion he will not stop at just raping her next time, and she is not emotionally equipped to fight him off. When she saw him yesterday she didn’t recognize him, but her subconscious did, and was so frightened by it, that the nightmares started instantly. In these dreams she freezes up, unable to run, like her legs are in cement. I’m afraid that will happen in her conscious life too. That makes her very vulnerable right now, Aidan, and she doesn’t even know it. And as strong as we both know she is, when it comes to this man, she’s a thirteen year old little girl again. You need to find your father and resolve this quickly.”

  “Mother fucking son of a bitch!” Aidan couldn’t hold back her anger any longer; she hauled off and punched a hole in the wall. In all that she has been through, growing up on the streets, a member of a street gang, and fighting in a war, the only thing that ever drove Aidan to such anger, was her father’s threats against Vicky. When she entered her teen years, and became indifferent to his physical abuse, Aidan’s father instead, manipulated her by threatening physical abuse on Vicky, if Aidan didn’t behave herself. That fear tactic worked better than the beatings.

  “Aidan! Is your hand all right? Let me see it.”

  “I’m fine, Doc, I just can’t believe that bastard is still hurting Vicky,” She looked down at the sleeping softness of Vicky’s face, and wanted to hit the wall again, but instead she paced, muttering son of a bitch, several times more.

  Kline let her get the anger out, because he knew that soon, she would need to be in control of the situation, if she was going to help Vicky.

  “I think you cracked a bone Aidan, you should have that looked at.”

  “I don’t care about me, Doc, how am I going to protect Vicky, take care of Sam and the baby, and—” when a person is at their weakest point they will reveal their strongest emotion. Aidan stopped suddenly, and right then and there, she made the decision that Kline and Vicky’s father knew she would come to eventually. At Vicky’s weakest point, Aidan saw her strongest emotion, unconditional love for her, and just now, Aidan revealed her strongest emotion, her intense anger at her father because of her unequivocal love for Vicky.

  “Never mind, Doc, I know what I have to do now, and before you say it, no, it’s not out of gratitude, guilt or obligation, it’s out of love, pure and absolute love. I’ve made my choice.”

  “I know, Aidan,” Kline could practically see the raging battle inside of her, dissolve away, “May I ask what you have chosen to do?”

  Aidan knelt beside Vicky’s soporific form and said, “I’m going to spend the rest of my life busting my butt to make her happy,” she caressed Vicky’s supple hand, “simple really, when you think about it. She’s been who I’ve chosen all of my life. I just sort of lost my mind for a moment. But I’m thinking more clearly right now than I ever have in my entire life. It’s Vicky that I love.”

  Kline smiled, relieved that Aidan had finally stopped fighting herself. He continued, “Okay then, if you agree, I can push the memory out of Vicky’s mind, so she doesn’t have to live in fear. But she has a very strong will, and the nightmares may come back, especially if she sees him again. Eventually she probably will remember this session, so you don’t have a lot of time. For now, Vicky won’t remember, but for her sake, end this before it gets out of control.”

  Aidan ran her fingers across Vicky’s forehead and whispered into her ear, “Remember, you love me,” then she kissed her on the forehead. Aidan stood up, and said, “Okay, do it.”

  Dr. Kline leaned in close to Vicky and said, “Vicky, when I touch you on the forehead again you will awake, refreshed and confident, and you will no longer have those nightmares. You will not remember those nightmares. Do you understand, Vicky?”

  Vicky mumbled, “Yes.”

  Kline continued, “And Victoria, you will not remember anything that we just talked about in here. You will think the hypnosis didn’t work. Now walk toward the door, Victoria, you’re feeling lighter, more refreshed, getting closer, more awake now, more confident.” He bent over and touched her forehead, “Wake up, Victoria”

  Vicky opened her eyes and looked around, trying to orient herself. Finding Aidan standing beside her relieved her confusion.

  “Well, how do you feel Victoria?” Kline asked with a smile.

  “Refreshed and confident…, which is a weird thing for me to say. What other weird things did I say, Richard?”

  “Unfortunately, Victoria, it didn’t work. You were just too strong, I guess.”

  “Why don’t you call me Vicky, you did before,” Vicky suddenly looked confused again, she couldn’t remember when he had called her that, she just knew that he did.

  Kline gave Aidan a knowing glance. He got up and turned on the lights while he turned off the sparkling ball.

  “Uh, kid, can we talk?”

  Vicky looked at Aidan still confused, “Of course. Shall we go somewhere or do you mean in front of Richard?”

  “No, I’ll give you two the office; I’ve got a patient I want to check in with.”

  “Thanks, Richard, for everything. Sorry I wasn’t a very good subject.”

  Kline smiled at her and left the room.

  “Are you okay, Vick. Did you remember anything at all?”

  “No, one minute I was looking at that disco ball, and the next moment I’m sitting here talking to you. That is such a weird feeling.”

  “I’ll bet,” Aidan was relieved that it worked, that Vicky had no memory of what was revealed in the session, “the doc tried, but I guess you were just stronger than he was.

  “So what did you want to talk to me about, Aidan?” Please don’t say it’s over… don’t say we’re through!

  ***

  “Samantha Vincent?”

  Samantha looked up from her seat in the waiting room and said, “Yes. And you are?”

  “I’m Dr. Richard Kline, head of psychiatry services here at St. Frances. May I sit down?”

  “Sure, take a load off.” Samantha felt she already knew where this was headed, and she wasn’t happy about it. She didn’t want someone crawling around inside her head.

  “You reported in this morning, and as a consultant for the Army here in Little Rock, they have asked me to evaluate you. They want me to debrief you and report back to them, but I promise, I will only report anything of strategic value. I won’t share your private emotions. If you’re staying in Little Rock, I’d like to see you as a patient. You’ve been through a lot, and talking about it could help.” The disinterested look in Samantha’s eyes told Kline she was not going to open
up easily.

  Samantha sighed, “Do I have a choice?”

  “No, not really. Not as long as you’re in the military I’m afraid, and my evaluation will also decide if you’re fit for duty.”

  “Well I don’t know what I’m going to do. I know I’m not going anywhere as long as my baby is here, but I don’t know if I want to stay in the Army. I have to talk with Aidan first.”

  Kline ignore the last statement about Aidan, he knew that would come up in the session later, “Very good, then I’ll expect you tomorrow at say, 10 A.M.?”

  “Sure, why the hell not,” Samantha reminded Kline a lot of Aidan, with her mannerisms and the way she talked, so laid back and unassuming, yet so guarded and aloof. He imagined that while she was held captive she developed a hard shell to protect herself. He hoped he could help this young lady who he knew was covering up for some deep pain. Kline theorized that it was survivor’s guilt that drove her anger, because she had a child with her captor.

  “Here’s my card, if you need someone to talk to, no matter what time it is, call me, okay?”

  Samantha took his card and stuffed it in her shirt pocket without looking at it, “Thanks,” was all she said.

  ***

  Aidan moved her chair so it faced Vicky, then she sat down in front of her. She ran her fingers through her auburn hair, took a deep breath and said, “Vick, first of all, I’m so sorry I caused you to ever doubt me, to doubt our love together,” Vicky started to protest but Aidan continued, “I’ve been a dick and I know it. I got…, confused about what my duty was versus what my love is.” Aidan waved her hands beside her head, “It all got sort of scrambled up in my brain, you know? I thought I was doing the right thing by everyone but I was wrong. Really wrong.”

  Vicky watched her lover intently. She watched Aidan’s eyes, dull from too much stress, as they struggled to find the right words to say next. She watched her hands as they sought to help her pull those words from her mouth. Is she trying to break up with me? Is that what this is all about? But something was piercing through Vicky’s intensiveness. Her medical training had surfaced, and push her other thoughts to the side.

  “Aidan, your hand! What happened?” Vicky gently held Aidan’s left hand, and examined the swelling.

  “What? Oh that, yeah, I bumped it or something. Anyway—”

  “You need to get that looked at right away, it’s starting to swell.” Something about Aidan’s hand was tugging at Vicky, just out of reach of her grasp.

  “I will in a minute, can I please just get this out first?”

  Okay brace yourself Vicky, here it comes. You’re refreshed and confident, you can handle this… aw shit! Vicky’s nerves were about to get the best of her when Aidan got down on one knee, and put her fingers on Vicky’s engagement ring.

  Aidan said, “I gave you this ring, my mother’s ring, because like it, you are the most precious thing in my life. No one else has ever worn it and no one ever will. I love you so much, Vicky, and if you’ll still have me, I want us to get married, the sooner the better,” Aidan finally let out a breath and continued, “Please forgive me and say you’ll be my wife?”

  “Oh my God! Oh my God! Of course I still want to marry you, Aidan!” She jumped into Aidan’s arms, knocking her onto the floor, and together they embraced, kissing with such ardent consumption that they began ripping each other’s clothes off.

  “I’m so sorry, Vicky,” Aidan groaned as she rolled Vicky over and began frantically kissing her lips, cheeks, chin, eyelids.

  “God, I love you so much!” Vicky struggled to get Aidan’s shirt off of her, frantic when it wouldn’t unbutton, “It’s been weeks Aidan, I can’t wait any longer!”

  “I know! I know!” Aidan growled.

  Both women had such pent up sexual tension that there was no time for foreplay. The passion was too great. Aidan stood up and literally ripped her shirt and jeans off, then she lay back on top of Vicky and kissed her wildly, passionately. She tore Vicky’s blouse from her chest and grew even more excited when she saw that Vicky was nude, her nipples begging for attention. Thank you! She massaged both breasts until the tips became erect, screaming to be kissed, suckled and teased. Aidan did all those things with more passion than she had ever felt before.

  “God, I’ve missed you so much!” Aidan cried as she ran her hand down to Vicky’s already soaked crotch, “Oh baby!”

  “I need you Aidan, I can’t wait any longer!” Vicky arched her back to meet Aidan’s hand, pressing hard against it.

  “I want you, baby, I want every inch of you,” Aidan had entered such a carnal state of mind, that everything else left her senses but the stimuli of Vicky’s climaxing body. She wanted to possess every inch of this woman, to once again claim her as her own. She kissed, and licked, and rubbed, and caressed her way over Vicky’s body, stimulating every nerve her lover had.

  Vicky screamed, “I can feel it!” and bucked up towards Aidan.

  “Hold on to me, baby, I’ve got you!” Vicky gladly held on to her lover and Aidan watched, as her eyes rolled back in her head, shuddering from the orgasmic wave she was riding. “You are so beautiful, baby, so very beautiful.”

  “Oh God, oh God!” Vicky giggled as her orgasm exploded out of her with such exquisite force, that for a split second she felt like she was floating out of her body.

  “I’ve got you, baby, and I’ll never let go of you again.”

  Finally both lovers collapsed back to the floor and all Vicky could do was repeat, “Oh wow! Oh wow!” several times. Aidan grinned ear to ear, feeling content for the first time in months. She felt like she could breathe again, like the heavy weight that had been sitting on her chest, suffocating her soul, was finally lifted away. And now she could live her life again, her life with Vicky.

  Finally, after they lay there a few minutes, and Vicky’s legs stopped trembling, she said, “Aidan?”

  Aidan rolled over and propped her head up on her good hand, “Yeah kid?” she asked as she ran her fingers between Vicky’s breasts.

  “My dad said you’d make a choice soon. Thank you for choosing me,” there were tears in Vicky’s eyes, but they were tears of happiness.

  Aidan sat up and looked down at her, “It wasn’t a choice, Vicky, because you were always my hearts first choice. It was my mind that got confused. It won’t happen again, I promise,” She took Vicky’s hand and lifted her up to a sitting position. “Please, say you’ll forgive me.”

  “There’s nothing to forgive, sweetheart. Confusion is a human emotion that can’t be predicted, but in the end our love won out. That’s not to be forgiven, that’s to be celebrated!”

  For the first time in a long while, Aidan allowed herself to cry. The tears were so deep in her heart, that as they made their way to the surface, they cleansed her soul, and washed away the last few days of hell.

  With a kiss, Vicky collected those tears from Aidan’s cheek, for like Aidan, she wanted to possess every facet of the woman she loved more than life its self.

  “God, I love you so much, Vicky.”

  They kissed again, leisurely, and with more tenderness this time. Vicky ran her hand down the length of Aidan’s abdomen, causing her lover to inhale sharply, “It’s your turn now, honey,” she said, but just as the heat between them began to rise again, there was a knock on the door.

  “Ladies, may I come in?” It was Dr. Kline asking for his office back.

  “Oh, uh…, one second, please,” both Aidan and Vicky jumped up and put their clothes back on, but then saw that Vicky would have to hold her blouse in place because Aidan had ripped all the buttons off.

  “Oh shit, I guess I got a little too aggressive, didn’t I?” Aidan looked around and found that Kline kept an extra suit in his closet. She took out his white shirt and handed it to Vicky. “Here, borrow this, the doc won’t mind, I, uh, hope,” then Aidan took his jacket and put it on, buttoning it up so no one would see her torn shirt underneath.

  Vicky giggled, the sight o
f them in men’s clothes that were two sizes too big, reminded her of when they played dress up as kids. She decided this way was a lot more fun.

  “You can come in now.” Aidan and Vicky met him at the door and as he entered they quickly exited.

  Aidan said, “Thanks for the loan of the clothes, Doc, we’ll get these back to you as soon as possible,” and with that they giggled their way down the hall to the elevator, acting like the head-over-heels lovers that they were. Kline watched as they disappeared into the elevator, marveling at how relieved he felt that the two soul mates were once again whole.

  In the elevator, Vicky checked her watch and said, “I want to see my dad before he’s discharged, and I’d like it if you came with me, if you want to, but after that we’re going down to x-ray and have that hand looked at.”

  It wasn’t so much a suggestion as a point of fact; Aidan will have her hand checked, end of discussion. The already massive smile on Aidan’s face grew even larger with the knowledge that, not only was she deeply in love, but that she was loved so deeply, and it was beyond measure.

  “Why are you looking at me that way?”

  “I just love you so much.” Aidan kissed her hand, and then hit the stop button on the elevator. It began to ring loudly, but Aidan ignored it, and looked into Vicky’s eyes. She tenderly put her hand to Vicky’s cheek, and ran her thumb across Vicky’s chin. She looked intently at her lips, and without touching her, could feel the soft warmth of her tongue, and the spark of its fire. But it was a different kind of passion that she sought at that moment. Aidan had stood naked on the cliff of indecision, and just as her soul prepared to step off, it was Vicky who pulled her back, by letting her go. Now, all Aidan wanted to do, was bound their souls together again, by absorbing Vicky’s essence, her aura, her love.

  Vicky couldn’t hear the elevator’s ring anymore either, as she looked up into Aidan’s eyes, and saw her love reflected back. She also wanted to take this moment in time, to place her small hand over Aidan’s left breast, feeling Aidan’s heart quicken its beat, as she gently pressed her warm hand against it, restoring her love back where it belongs, back inside Aidan’s heart. At that moment, in that elevator, an eternity passed between them, as two hearts became as one.