Fool for Love (Believe #2)

by Karen Ferry

  A submissive. Sounds like something from a book – and yet…

  Ignoring the tingling in my tummy, I turn my back on Garrett at last. Yawning, almost asleep on my feet, I meander back to my bed, and get inside. I tuck the blankets closely around me; though I’m conscious of the fact that I’m bone tired, sleep evades me for some time.

  In the early hours of dawn, when the purple-pink colours force the darkness of the night away, my restless thoughts finally settle, and I find sleep once more.

  My dreams are not peaceful this time.

  A MARCHING BAND OF elephants have taken up residence in my skull.

  Groaning from the pounding in my head, I slowly open my eyes, but shut them quickly when the bright sun shining through the windows burns them. I clutch my head, silently cursing the excessive drinking I indulged in last night.

  Fucking hell. No more alcohol for me this year.

  I know that I had an excuse last night – when a man’s dick lies dormant, despite the willing and sexy female before him, he gets scared. But when I feel the hard-on I’m sporting this morning, the nerves leave my body, and I relax slightly as I open my eyes once more. The glare still hurts, but it’s not as bad as before, and for the first time since waking up, I notice the blanket covering my body. I frown as I turn my head to the left where a glass of water and a couple of pills lie on the coffee table within arm’s reach. Propped against the glass, there’s a note. Careful to not move too quickly, I take it and read it:

  “Gone out. See you later. Suzy.”

  That’s it.

  I sit up and take the pills, downing them in quick, large gulps, and I pray they’ll start working soon. My thoughts linger on my roommate. I can’t remember how I got home, or if Suzy helped me get comfortable on the couch, but I guess she must have.

  I’ll have to thank her when she gets back.

  Sighing, I rub my chin, wondering if I ought to shave my beard, but I don’t really care…I need to man up and head into my restaurant, ‘Mama Rosa’s’, soon, but I won’t until this hangover lets up. I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and take a long, much-needed shower to clear my body from the stench of whiskey and sweat reeking. I return to lie on the couch, only wearing my sweatpants.

  As I turn on the TV and zap mindlessly through the channels, I frown when I realise that Suzy didn’t write her cell number on her note. I should probably ask her to exchange phone numbers, just in case. I make a mental note to bring up the subject when I see her again.

  I should stay as far away from her as possible. I have a nagging feeling that something happened between us last night, but I still can’t remember.

  And why does it feel so important?

  For fuck’s sake. I’m getting old.

  Old and horny, that’s for sure.

  I haven’t had a willing sub in months, and I need some proper release soon.

  Jerking off in the shower isn’t enough.

  I want, no – crave the empowering feeling that comes with being a Dom. Life is simpler, easier to handle when I am with a willing participant. There are rules to uphold, and I live for them.

  Then why didn’t they work last night? The sub I picked out was perfect: demure, elegant, eager. Perfect on paper.

  And yet, so wrong.

  My mind is too tired to understand the reasons behind my concerns, and I try to find a more comfortable position on my leather couch. The pills have started to work, and as my thoughts veer off in Suzy’s direction – her porcelain skin and plump lips – I groan when my dick hardens almost immediately.

  “Wrong,” I mutter, balling my fists as I try not to give into temptation. It’s no use.

  “Fuck it.” Roughly, I free my dick from my pants with one hand, breath heaving, and spit quickly in my palm, rubbing the moisture around the head a couple of times. I know I have to work quickly, and I take a firm hold on the base, and rub it aggressively. It’s almost painful, but I don’t give a damn.

  For the second time in twenty-four hours, I bring myself to orgasm while thinking about Suzy. Imagining her sweet pussy riding me while I squeeze her tits, it doesn’t take long before I feel the tightening on my balls. As my release spurts on my stomach, I roar loudly. While I feel slightly less frustrated now, it’s not enough.

  It never is.

  The physical release isn’t enough to quell the coldness in my heart.

  I am empty. Hollow. Lost in the pits of hell that is my past. I deserve the self-hatred that consumes my mind all day, every day. I am not allowed to feel happiness, elation, or even contentment.

  Then how is it that this feisty blonde seems able to weave some kind of magic wand that is beginning to thaw the ice in my heart?

  What power is it that she holds over me?

  And – do I dare give in to her charms?

  “No.” The sound reverberates in the air, and I vow that this is the last time I will sport these kinds of fantasies about her.

  She is pure goodness. She is innocent and sweet.

  I am darkness. I am cold and ruthless.

  Unfit – and too old for her.

  I’ve had my chance at happiness, and I ruined it a long time ago.

  Head down, I walk slowly out of the deli where I just applied for a job. My hopes are not that high. The fact is that there are so many people looking for jobs these days, and I guess I don’t blame the owner when he outright asked me why he should hire me when I’ll be going home soon. It felt like the high stack of applications he already had lying scattered on his desk was mocking me somehow.

  It still stings, but I guess I just have to keep going.

  I’m tired and cranky from lack of sleep, and I just want to forget this entire day, but I don’t want to go home yet.

  As if in answer to my thoughts, my phone starts to ring. When I see it’s Morgan calling, I quickly press the green button.

  “You’re a godsend,” I answer on a sigh.

  “Well, well,” she chuckles in that southern Texas drawl I like. “Aren’t I just mighty happy you said that? Not that I would ever doubt that statement, but what’s brought this on?”

  Frowning, I stop and stare at the cars passing by.

  “I have a headache, and I’ve spent the entire day trudging around NYC, looking for a job, but no one is hiring,” I grumble. “I’m also hungry. No, wait…hangry would be more accurate”

  “Aawww, I’m sorry.” I can hear the sincerity in her voice.

  I haven’t told Morgan about my empty pockets, but I think she’s figured it out on her own.

  “Want to come over to my place? I have pie. I know it’s not exactly dinner, but I baked it myself.”

  “Pie?” I muse, twisting back and forth on my feet. “I never could resist sweets. I’ll be there soon.”

  “Awesome! See you soon, baby,” she says, and we ring off.

  I’m not too sure why she called me ‘baby’, because she’s never done that before, but I shrug and head to the nearest subway. I need food and some laughs with my friend, and definitely some hanky-panky. I’ll worry about the rest later.

  Morgan greets me like usual when I turn up at her doorstep – a quick kiss on the lips and a hug. The familiarity is soothing. It comforts me, and also reassures me of her friendship; maybe she didn’t mean anything by the whole ‘baby’ thing?

  “I thought we could watch a movie while we eat,” she says. I smile at her.

  “Sounds great.”

  “Just make yourself comfortable, and I’ll bring out the pie. It’s my grandmama’s recipe, and I guarantee that you’ll love it.” She points to her couch, and I shrug off my leather jacket, hanging it on the peg inside her front door like usual.

  I love Morgan’s place. It’s not that big, but it has an open floor plan like mine; bold, red paint on the walls; lots of pillows on her bed to the far end, as well as on the black suede leather couch.

  It’s so daring, yet inviting, and I sigh deeply as I sit down on her couch. I take in the movie playing on the T
V: ‘Crazy Stupid Love’. Well, how appropriate. I lean my head back and close my eyes, utterly spent.

  “Now, don’t go falling asleep on me, darlin’.” She tugs on my hand, and I can feel her slide down next to me.

  I smile and open my eyes, almost laughing out loud when I see the tray in her hands. The pie looks amazing, and my mouth waters from the smell wafting in the air.

  “Wow,” I breathe, leaning in closer as she sets it on the coffee table in front of us. “Did you really bake this?” I ask her, awestruck. I follow her movements as she prepares a big slice with plenty of cream on top.

  “Mm-hmm…” I can see the proud smile on her face, and I smile back at her when she glances at me.

  “I didn’t know you could bake,” I mumble as I take the plate she hands to me.

  “There’re plenty of things we don’t know about each other, I guess,” she states matter-of-fact. I nod, conceding.

  “True…Oh my god, this is heaven!” I exclaim as I take the first bite and the warm apples hit my taste buds; the flavour of them mixed with the crunchy crust and the cream makes me close to having a foodgasm right there on the spot.

  Licking some cream from her thumb, Morgan nods, a smug look on her face.

  “Okay, I need the recipe, please,” I tell her.

  “I’ll write it down and email it to you,” she says as she leans back in her seat beside me.

  We eat in silence, and I like that Morgan feels the same way as me – talking isn’t necessary all the time; that keeping quiet can be a comfort; and that silence doesn’t have to feel oppressive or awkward.

  “So, are you going to tell me why you were so down when I called?” she asks after some time.

  I nod. “Sure. It’s not that big of a deal, I guess, but I really need a job. I was feeling kind of depressed.”

  She purses her lips at me. “Anything in particular?”

  I swallow my bite and shrug. “Not really. I had a waitressing job back home, so I know I’m good at that. Problem is there aren’t that many jobs available that pay a decent salary.” I turn and wink at her. “Can you believe that Safiro actually found an ad for a place that looked for pole dancers?”

  She snorts, and we giggle for a while.

  “Alright, not that there’s anything wrong with that, Suzy, but really…?” she asks me, the concern in her voice evident.

  I shake my head. “No, I won’t do that. Not unless it’s strictly necessary, of course.”

  “Hmm…” She looks straight ahead of her, a thoughtful look in her eyes. “If I hear of any jobs available, I’ll let you know.”

  “Thank you.”

  “No problem.”

  After having eaten another slice of pie, I feel more energised and optimistic than before I came. I sigh, content, and lie down on my back to rest.

  “Are you tired?” Morgan whispers. She gives me more room by placing my legs on her lap.

  Yawning, I cover my mouth before answering her.

  “Very. I slept really bad last night.” My eyelids flutter closed, and I can feel I’m about to drift off to sleep.

  “I see. That Thompson guy giving you any trouble?” Her question makes me pop my eyes open, and I frown at her.

  “Not at all,” I lie. We may be close, but I’m not going to tell anyone about Garrett’s behaviour and what he almost did.

  Or what I think he did, anyway. To tell the truth, I’m not even sure if I dreamed the whole thing. The events of the night seemed fuzzy, unclear when I woke up, and I don’t trust myself.

  Maybe none of it happened.

  “Well, I’m glad he didn’t kick you out.” Morgan smiles crookedly at me, and I laugh.

  “Yeah, me, too…” My voice drifts off, and I can’t keep my eyes open any longer.

  “Sleep, baby,” Morgan whispers. I can feel her brushing some hair away from my forehead, the tips of her fingers lingering on my cheeks.

  And then I’m off to Neverland, grateful for some rest.

  Soft, sweet kisses on my neck wake me up slowly. I feel a body covering mine, and I wrap my arms loosely around Morgan’s waist. I open my eyes slowly, a bit unsure, because this is not why I came over.

  “Morgan,” I whisper. She places her fingers over my mouth, silencing me.

  “Shh…,” she whispers. “Let me help you forget the world for a while.” Her voice is husky, and I let my eyes take in her body. She’s only wearing her bra and panties, and she looks beautiful.

  “Alright,” I whisper back before pushing up on my elbows. I place a hand on her flushed cheek and look into her eyes for a long time. I want to forget, to give in to her promises, because I can’t handle the reality anymore.

  She’s astride me but moves her right leg to press her thigh into my crotch instead, and I bite my lip as she applies more pressure. I’m only wearing a pair of loose khakis today, and the more her thigh rubs against my pussy, the more turned on I get.

  I moan and bring her face closer to mine. Our breaths mingle, her pupils are dilated, and I look down when she licks her lips.

  “Make me forget,” I urge her, almost desperate before I lean up to kiss her. My kisses are soft at first, my hands gentle on her cheeks; but when she wraps her arms around my neck and leans into me, torso to torso, I pick up the pace. I trace the seam of her lips with my tongue, asking her to open and let me in, and she complies on a low moan.

  She tastes of apple, and sugar…and cream.

  My feelings for Morgan haven’t changed, but as I taste the roof of her mouth, the softness of her tongue against mine, I pray that she hasn’t forgotten. My conscience is screaming at me to pause, to remind her before taking this any further, so I gently end the kiss.

  “Morgan, I –” I don’t have the right words, and I inhale deeply while trying to come up with what to say.

  “I know what you’re going to say, Suzy. I understand,” she tells me firmly. Before I can utter another word, her mouth slams down on mine again, and her body presses mine deeply into the couch. Her legs are astride me again, rubbing her pussy against mine, and my reservations vaporise into thin air.

  I become lost in her kiss, her scent, her tongue and give in to her desire that matches my own. Reaching behind her, I unclasp her bra, and she takes it off before she unbuttons my pants. Smiling mischievously at me, she reaches down between us. Her index finger traces my folds over the fabric of my thong, and I bite my lip when warmth spreads throughout my body.

  “Take off your shirt and bra,” she commands, eyebrow raised with expectation. I do as she says. When she smirks at me, I feel elated – happy that I’m able to please her. I always love it when she takes control over me; it feels exhilarating to follow her instead of taking the lead.

  She pulls at my waistband and I push my hips up, allowing her room to remove my pants entirely, before I sit up and take her gorgeous tits in my hands, kneading them.

  Her head falls back and she moans when I blow softly on her right nipple. I lick my lips when I see the rosy globe pucker from my ministrations. I close my mouth over her breast, licking and sucking eagerly, and sigh when Morgan’s hands close over my own small breasts.

  “Mmmm,” she sighs as I move my mouth to give her other nipple equal attention. When she reaches down to my crotch once more, applying pressure against my clit, my breath picks up speed, and I have to come up for air.

  “It feels so good,” I moan. My eyes flutter closed when her mouth closes over my earlobe, teeth biting gently. She pulls down my thong, and anticipation causes delicious shivers to run down my spine.

  “I’ll take care of you, baby,” she whispers as her mouth descends on my breast. The sensations coursing through my body are overwhelming. I love being with a woman like this – someone who knows how to fulfil this special need I have inside me. Someone who understands my body like only another woman does.

  I love the feel of her soft hands on my soft skin – of her gentle tongue and mouth meeting mine. I love to hear her voice when I make her
come when I lick out her pussy.

  Everything is just so different than when I’m with a man.

  Morgan’s mouth trails kiss after kiss down my torso; her tongue laves my navel, and I force my eyes open to watch her. I try to remove the long coppery strands of hair from her face, and she pauses to gaze lovingly into my eyes before straightening up, sitting back on her knees. She licks her fingers and I watch in earnest as her hand moves down her tummy before disappearing inside her panties. I watch her pleasure herself as I tweak and rub my nipples roughly. I bite my lip when she moans in ecstasy. It’s the most erotic sound in the world.

  I don’t know how much time passes, but my pussy throbs and I can’t take this for much longer. As if she can tell I’m getting impatient, she stops and places her soft hands on my legs. The air is thick with our mingled arousal, working like an aphrodisiac. She pushes gently on my legs, and I spread them wider apart; wetness pools in my pussy, knowing what she’s about to do. She smiles gently at me and places soft kisses on my inner thighs before her head descends.

  “Oh, my god,” I breathe when her mouth closes on my clit, and I can’t keep my eyes open any longer. I let my head fall back and give up my body to her. I become lost once more, and reality fades away at last.

  Leaving nothing but pleasure in its wake.

  It’s late afternoon, and Suzy left my apartment just a few minutes ago; I wish she’d stayed, but I know that’s not how it is between us. I might wish differently, but my mama taught me to be realistic. While it may hurt me to know that Suzy doesn’t return my affections, it’s my own fault. She’s never said those three pesky words to me. She’s always been honest about her emotions, and I can’t hate her for not reciprocating my love.

  I’m lying in bed, watching the last rays of the sun paint the sky orange and red, and I’m contemplating where I go from here. I don’t believe in fairy-tales, or unicorns, or all that crap, but I want the same as everybody else. Love.

  I wish for someone to hold me at night.