Fool for Love (Believe #2)

by Karen Ferry

  Suzy stands up and comes to me, but I take a step back. Her mouth parts but before she can say anything, I raise my palm, silently asking her to stop.

  “I need to tell you the rest, but I’m…I’m scared,” I whisper. “I’m scared your big, expressive eyes will fill with contempt for me – that you’ll think I’m a monster.”

  The admission is hard for me to say, but I have give it to her.

  I have to be honest with her for once.

  “Garrett…”

  “As you can probably imagine,” I interrupt her, “I was livid, hurt beyond measure. I can’t remember what I said to her, but my words were probably harsh, mean words. And Vincent? Well, let’s just say that when he went to stand by her side, I was repulsed. Seeing his face – my face mirrored back at me, filled with remorse, but smirking with some weird, misplaced pride at the same time?”

  She nods and wraps her arms around her waist.

  “I lost it, Suzy. I roared at him, and we began to fight. Cecilia was screaming at us to stop, but I didn’t listen. All I thought about was hurting him as much as – no – even more than he had hurt me. I can’t deny it. At that exact moment, I wanted to kill him, to see his life force bleed away from him, dimming his light.”

  Suzy begins to cry silently, but her gaze doesn’t waver from mine. For probably the millionth time since I met her, I’m surprised by her reactions.

  “What happened next?” she asks softly.

  Sweat gathers on my brow, and I remove my tie and unbutton a couple of buttons on my shirt, trying to find some relief. I toss the tie away, my breaths coming out in swift bursts, as my heart hammers away against my ribcage.

  “Someone was pulling me off Vincent soon after, and I remember my dad was yelling at me to stop. I was in a crazed haze, and I wrenched free of my captors and ran from the place. I couldn’t stand the sight of either one of them, and all I could think about was getting away. Both of them ran after me, though, all the way to the car, parked behind the building.”

  I begin to pace again, unable to tell the rest straight to her face.

  “I wasn’t in a right frame of mind at that point. I got in my car, Vincent jumped in beside me, and Cecilia tore into the backseat before I took off. I don’t think…” I close my eyes briefly. “I don’t think I knew they were with me in the car. All I thought about was getting the fuck out of there, away from their betrayal.”

  My hands shake, and I ball them into fists as my body hums with adrenaline from reliving the memory.

  “But you couldn’t,” Suzy whispers.

  Her voice sounds as if it’s from far away as the rest of the story unfolds like a movie in my mind.

  “It had started to snow earlier that night,” I whisper hoarsely. “The wind was howling like a beast, matching my cries…” I run a hand over my cheeks, momentarily taken by surprise when I feel the tears there. “I was driving too fast. I never saw the truck in front of me…”

  I feel arms surrounding me from behind, and I begin to shake uncontrollably.

  “I woke up in hospital a week later. I was the only one of us who was granted the curse of continuing on with my life – to breathe again.”

  I turn in Suzy’s arms and allow her to see my tears.

  “But I haven’t been able to live since that night…since I killed them.”

  I brace myself, ready to face the disgust that’s bound to show in her eyes. But, instead of pushing me away, she cradles my face in her hands and leans up on her toes.

  “Garrett,” she breathes softly. “It was an accident.”

  “I was fucking drunk, Suzy,” I growl. “I shouldn’t have been driving at all.”

  She nods. “I know, you shouldn’t have. But, honey, you’d just been dealt a mighty blow. You said it yourself, you weren’t thinking clearly.”

  “I still killed them. I’m still responsible for their deaths.”

  She tilts her head to the side and takes her time to examine my face as her soft fingers wipe away my tears. I keep waiting for the disgust to appear in her eyes.

  Waiting…and waiting.

  But it doesn’t come.

  I frown at her, nonplussed.

  “Why aren’t you trying to get away from me now?” I ask her, keeping my hands hanging at my sides. I won’t reach for her until she gives me permission.

  She smiles gently at me.

  “Because you’ve had over a decade to mourn, and to regret your actions, Garrett. I think you’ve repented enough. Still, I’ve no doubt that you’ll keep up your self-hatred until you learn to forgive yourself.”

  “You should leave me be,” I murmur. As I speak, my arms wrap around her waist, belying my words. My head and my heart are at war with each other, the two sides pulling me in opposite directions.

  “Let me ask you something,” she begins.

  I hold my breath for a couple of seconds.

  “Go ahead.”

  “Have you ever considered that either your brother or Cecilia could have done more to try to stop you? Or that they could have chosen to not get into your car with you?”

  Slowly, I shake my head.

  “That doesn’t mean I’m not to blame.”

  “I know, Garrett, but you can spend the rest of your life locking your heart away, living out your life alone and miserable, but…” She gets even closer, and our mouths are only inches apart.

  “But do you think they would want that for you?” My hands flex at her hips, caught in surprise.

  She keeps going, piercing me with her words.

  “No, they wouldn’t, honey. They would want to see you living your life, happy and with a family of your own.”

  I swallow the lump in my throat. “You can’t know that.”

  “Of course not, because I’m not a psychic. However, I’d like to believe that the souls that leave this earth would hate to see their loved ones perish away, overcome with heartache. Despite everything, Garrett, they loved you.”

  I grit my teeth.

  “You don’t believe me, I know,” she continues, her hands caressing the hair at the nape of my neck.

  “Life is for the living. You need to make the most of the time you have, or all those years will have been for nothing.”

  “What if I don’t want to keep going?”

  “You’re still here, aren’t you?” she counters. The passion in her voice can’t be missed. “If you had completely given up hope, you’d have ended your own life long ago.”

  I try to push her away, but her hold tightens around my neck.

  “Think about it, Garrett. Why didn’t you end it? Why keep on going if you thought you didn’t deserve to be alive?”

  “Because I deserve a life akin to hell on earth!” I raise my voice. “To live with the knowledge that happiness will never be granted to me. That’s my punishment! That’s my sentence. I might have gotten off easy in the eyes of the law, but I know better. I deserve a life of misery, waif.”

  Sadness fills her eyes as she leans away from me.

  “Life’s too short for regrets. Even I know that.”

  Exhaustion fills me, and I shake my head. It must be written all over my face, because Suzy lets me go but then takes my hand as she begins to walk backwards.

  “You’re a stubborn man, Garrett Thompson. I can see it’s going to take some time to convince you that I’m right. For now, let’s get some sleep. It’s been a long day for us both.”

  Silently, I follow her and stop by the couch, but she pulls me towards her bed. I stiffen slightly, but she shakes her head at me.

  “Enough with your stupid rules, Garrett. You’re not my Dom tonight. Tonight, let me comfort you. Just lie down beside me and let me hold you as you sleep.”

  I watch her as she tugs her dress over her head, and my breath quickens when her naked body is revealed to me. While I wish that I could keep my promise from earlier to her, but I’m done for today.

  “I wish I could see the world like you do, Suzy,” I admit as she
unbuttons my shirt. “I wish it wasn’t too late for me.”

  She remains silent as she unbuckles the belt in my pants, a thoughtful line between her eyes.

  “Stop worrying about tomorrow until tomorrow arrives,” she says as she removes my shirt. “Please try to rest tonight.” She smiles gently at me.

  I don’t agree with her, but I let it go, because she’s right. I do need to rest.

  I remove my shoes and socks and take off my pants. As we stand before each other, the moonlight illuminating her before me, I notice the intimacy cloaking us in its light for the first time.

  The heat simmers below the surface, like it always does when I’m near her. But it’s not the dominant force this night.

  This is more than sex.

  It’s more than a Dominant standing before his submissive.

  And it scares me out of my ever-loving mind.

  I release my hair, so it falls down my back, and sigh, weary from the emotional upheaval we’ve just been through. Then I watch as Suzy turns down the blankets on the bed. She scoots in and I follow soon after. I lie on my back, and she turns to me, an arm over my stomach and both her legs tangled with mine. It feels as if she wants to be sure that I can’t leave the bed when she’s fallen asleep without her finding out about it.

  She puts her right hand on the tattoo over my heart.

  “Now I know what this one stands for,” she murmurs, and I swallow the lump in my throat. She opens her mouth to say something more, but then sighs slightly, and I wonder what made her lose her courage for once.

  She leans down and brushes her mouth over mine, and the zing that always shoots through me when she kisses me hits me straight in my heart. She doesn’t take it further, though, and I close my eyes when she places her head on my shoulder.

  “Sleep, honey,” she mumbles.

  I close my eyes.

  But sleep won’t come. Not even when I feel her body relax further into mine, or when I hear the faint snores falling from her mouth.

  My mind won’t rest. It keeps reliving that horrible night, or what I remember of it, over and over again until it circles back to Suzy’s words.

  Life is for the living.

  I don’t give in to the small seed of hope she has planted in my once so cold heart.

  I want to flee from the foreign emotions coursing through me at this very moment. I have to keep reminding myself to keep my heart closed off under lock and key, and in order to do that, I must push Suzy away from me for good.

  The thought makes me sick to my stomach, but it’s for the best.

  I cuddle closer to her and kiss her forehead.

  “Sleep, my waif…the morning will come soon enough.”

  Something akin to a needle pierces through my heart. I lie there, close to her, unable to sleep despite my exhaustion, as it bleeds on throughout the night.

  A plan begins to form in my mind – a plan to push her away.

  She will come to hate me in the morning, but it’s the only way I can think of to keep my heart intact – before I fall head over heels in love with her and begin to believe that I could ever have a future with her in it.

  Before I ruin her forever.

  And before I ruin myself.

  NAUSEA FILLS ME AS we sit side by side at the bar the next morning. Or early afternoon, I should say, as it’s past noon already. I’ve been trying to distance myself from Suzy since she woke up, keeping my silence for the most part. Not touching her is unbearable. Pure torture.

  It’s a good thing I have a meeting downtown today with my lawyer so I can get even further away from her. I can feel her checking out the business attire I’m wearing, and she seems puzzled by seeing me wearing clothes that are so foreign to me.

  Or that’s what she thinks, at least.

  Most people only see what I allow them to see. While I have been letting down my guard lately with regards to Suzy, it’s about time I remember who I am and reign in my feelings.

  I fucking hate myself.

  “I need you to make yourself scarce tonight,” I tell Suzy as I stand from my seat with my plate in hand. Purposefully avoiding a glance in her direction, I walk to the kitchen sink to clear my things.

  “Why is that?”

  I keep my back to her as I put the plate in the dishwasher.

  “I have a…private party around nine pm. It would be better if you weren’t around to see it.”

  I let the cryptic remark fester in that clever head of hers as I roll down the sleeves on my white button-down shirt. Finally, I turn back towards her and find her staring off in space, a thoughtful frown in place.

  I sigh, seeming impatient, and then go on. “Anyway, can you disappear for the night? Yes or no?”

  I’m acting like a cold bastard, but it’s the only way.

  She looks down, a frown marring her pretty face, but I don’t reach for her, even though my soul is screaming at me to do just that – to apologise for treating her like this. Biting my tongue, I don’t ask her what’s on her mind. That would defeat the purpose of letting her go. Instead, I walk back to grab my suit jacket hanging on the back of my bar stool.

  “Does us having sex mean that we’re exclusive?” she asks me, almost causing me to stumble from the surprise. I force my face to remain blank when I lift my head to stare at her.

  She tilts her head at me. “You never did tell me the other day even though you said you would.”

  I incline my head at her as I put on my jacket.

  “I suppose I didn’t. I don’t have time to get into it right now, but in short, it does – unless either one of us has other wishes. It’s important that we tell each other about them so we know where we stand.”

  “I see.” She gathers her robe tightly around her and takes a sip of her coffee.

  “Anything else you want to know?”

  She shrugs. “Is there anything else that you feel is important?”

  I frown at her. “Yes. In a Dom/sub relationship, I’m responsible for making sure that all your sexual needs are met. And you need to tell me what you can handle, if you know what your limits are.” Of its own will, my voice softens. “This is very important, Suzy. If you aren’t honest with me, I could unintentionally end up hurting you beyond your boundaries. Since you’re new at this kind of relationship, I’m here to guide you – to find out what your limits are. I have them, too, but we can talk about that another time.” I glance down at my watch and sigh impatiently. “Now, is there anything else you need to know at this time?”

  I wait for her to ask more questions, but she doesn’t.

  “I have to go. You have somewhere to stay tonight?”

  She nods and attempts a smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

  “Good.” I pick up my briefcase from the kitchen counter and walk away to grab my coat. I’m about to open the door when she calls out to stop me.

  “I know you’re pulling away from me, Garrett, and if that’s the way you want to play it, fine. I understand why telling me about your past would make you withdraw from me – even though I think you’re a stupid, stubborn man for doing it.”

  I narrow my eyes and turn my head slightly in her direction as she mutters the last bit under her breath.

  She raises her voice again. “I think it’s best that I find another apartment for the duration of my stay as soon as possible.”

  I turn quickly and frown at her. “There’s no need for that.”

  She chuckles darkly. “Oh, but there is, Garrett. It’s quite clear that my being here disrupts you and your…lifestyle. I think it’s only fair that I move, for both our sakes. I’ll go stay with Morgan. I doubt she’ll mind.” She looks down at her plate of food, dismissing me.

  Jealousy flares up at the sound of that woman’s name, and I slam the door, not giving a fuck anymore about being late in town. I toss the briefcase on the floor and, in long strides, walk towards her. When she raises her head and takes in my prowl, she has the nerve to smirk at me.

  The lit
tle devil.

  I cage her in with my arms as she remains seated and bend down, getting right into her face.

  “You’re playing with fire, waif,” I grit out.

  Her expressive eyes shoot daggers at me, and I’m one sick fuck for being turned on by her anger right now.

  “How so? I’m only doing what’s best for me, Garrett. Nothing more.”

  “You. Are. Not. Moving. In. With. Her.” My words fall through gritted teeth, the angry head of the jealous snake holds me in its grasp. There’s a stubborn set to her mouth that I want to force away with a punishing kiss, but that would ruin my plans to let her go.

  “That’s not for you to decide at all!” Her raised voice and flushed cheeks only harden my dick, and I grip the chair even harder, willing my temper to cool. I fear it’s too late. I’m a weak man for giving in to my desires. I’m the one playing with fire, not her – but the thought of her with Morgan makes my blood boil in anger.

  I lean down until our lips are perfectly aligned and whisper, “You’re mine, Suzy. Do you hear me? As long as you’re in this city, I’m not letting you go.”

  She jerks back, mouth open in shock, but she recovers quickly.

  Jabbing a finger in my chest, she seethes, “I’m not yours, you big, stubborn ape of a man! I belong only to me, nobody else.”

  It’s my turn to smirk at her.

  “Oh, really?” I mutter. There is no doubt that she can hear the disbelief in my voice. That doesn’t stop her from trying to resist me, though.

  How cute.

  She grits her teeth and narrows her eyes at me, a warning in them that I want to ignore. I raise an eyebrow at her as mine fall to her chest. Her robe has slipped, baring her naked skin to me, and my dick throbs even more when I see her hardened nipples. Without warning, I bend down further and close my mouth on her right breast, biting down, hard.

  “Garrett!” she yells, gripping my ponytail, and yanking down. I groan at the pain piercing my scalp. “Don’t you dare try to distract me, you bloody caveman!”

  I chuckle and look up at her when her angry words give way to a deep moan, her eyes fluttering closed. Head thrown back, she loosens her hold on my hair and grabs onto my shoulders instead, gripping them tightly as I suckle harder on her nipple.