Fool for Love (Believe #2)

by Karen Ferry

  I’ve never been happier in my life.

  Or I was, until I open my email one Saturday morning to find one from my mother waiting for me. I’ve been dodging her calls and texts since we last spoke, even though I know I promised myself to call her. To make amends. Or to make my peace with her, at least.

  Sighing, I take a sip of coffee and sit back on the couch, resting my laptop on my thighs.

  Looking at Rufus lying next to me, I rub his ears.

  “No time like the present, eh, boy?”

  He grumbles, opening his right eye, and my spirits lift from the sight.

  “I swear, you’re more human than the rest of us sometimes,” I mumble. I turn back to the email and open it. As I begin to take in my mother’s words, my eyes well up.

  From: Alice Christensen

  To: Suzanne Christensen

  Subject: Please forgive me.

  Dearest Suzanne,

  Since you refuse to answer my phone calls or texts, I thought it best to write this letter to you instead. I have always been better expressing my thoughts and feelings like this, anyway.

  There is so much I want to say, to try to explain to you, but I hardly know where to begin.

  But…I do know that I owe you an apology – and to ask you for your forgiveness – for the way I reacted when we last saw each other. I was shocked, yes, and scared, and I did not know what I was saying. However, I will never forget the hurt I saw in your eyes – the utter betrayal you felt from my spiteful words staring back at me – and I will regret being the cause of that for as long as I live.

  While I know that our relationship has never been what you hoped – and probably not what you needed, either – please know that I will always be here for you. I will try to understand your lifestyle…and I will do my utmost to accept whomever you end up choosing as your companion in life.

  I just want you to know that.

  My darling girl, I love you. You. The light that shines in your soul lights me up every time I see you. The way you view the world, always keeping an open mind, is something to admire and cherish. I know that I have failed as a mother to you. I let my own past lead my way into the future, clouding my hopes and dreams, and I am so sorry for being so selfish…for being more like an acquaintance to you instead of the one person in the world you should be able to turn to for anything at all.

  There are some secrets that you, as a parent, will never disclose to your child. Your father’s betrayal all those years ago is one of them. I wish with all my heart that I had not told you, because you do not need to know this about your dad; please try to understand that the reason we chose to keep it from you is because we wanted to protect you. And ourselves, too, I suppose. We did not want for you to look at your father, especially, and see him for anything else that he has always been to you: your dad. The man who will love you unconditionally forever.

  You were right when you said we should not have kept the fact that you were adopted a secret, though. Your father’s actions continue to sadden and haunt me, Suzanne. I will never regret the bargain we struck with your birth mother, but I do regret how I let my broken heart consume me for so long. I was not as strong as I thought I was, I realise that now, and I want you to know that I have finally taken steps to not allow it to fester in my soul like a rotten apple anymore. Maybe, once you have read this letter, or when you come home, we can talk more about it.

  I hope you can forgive me, dearest. But I understand that, if I have hurt you too many times for too many years, it makes it too difficult for you. And I accept that, I really do. I may not have given you life, in the true sense of the word, but you are my daughter. Our daughter. And nothing will ever change that.

  Please know that the only reason your father has not contacted you is because of the shame and guilt he feels. He should never have struck you, no matter what, and I know him, my girl. He will regret his actions for the rest of his life. In time, though, I hope you will learn to forgive him as well.

  Just as I have forgiven him, at last.

  We love you, dearest. Always have, and we always will.

  Please come home soon. We miss you so very much.

  /Mama.

  The tears are flowing in full force as I finish reading it.

  Then I read it again.

  And again.

  Never in my life did I believe that my mum would tell me these things. That she would open up her frozen heart again and let me in this far. Now that she has, I need time to process everything she’s told me.

  “Suzy?” Garrett’s voice hardly registers as I simply sit here, my tears falling in silence.

  Faintly, I feel a hand on my arm, and I turn my head slowly as Garrett sits down next to me.

  “My love? What’s wrong?” The concern in his eyes is evident, and I sniffle and wipe my wet cheeks with my sleeve.

  “Nothing’s wrong.”

  His frown deepens as he pulls me closer, causing the laptop to wobble on my thighs.

  “Then why are you crying?” he asks me as I rest my head on his chest. His body is still covered in small droplets from his shower, and he’s only wearing a towel around his waist.

  Sighing deeply, I point my finger to my laptop.

  “This is one of those moments where I seriously wish we spoke the same languages.”

  He glances at the screen in front of us, scanning the top.

  “It’s an email from your mom?” he asks as he looks down at me.

  I nod.

  “Yeah. A very moving one.” I let out a small laugh and roll my eyes. “Well, obviously, since I’ve been sitting here bawling my eyes out for god knows how long.”

  He runs his hand down my arm, and I melt into his warm body.

  “Can you tell me what it’s about? I hate not knowing what has you so upset, waif.”

  I take a shaky breath. “Sure.”

  In a matter of minutes, I’ve translated most of the letter to him, my breath hitching several times. When I’ve finished, I tuck my head under his chin, wrapping my other arm around his waist. I need to be as close to him as I can possibly get; to feel the warmth of his body seep into mine, comforting my cracked heart.

  My heart did break that day when I last saw my mum and dad. It hasn’t truly healed yet. I know that now.

  “Sounds like your mom has spent a lot of time thinking while you’ve been away,” Garrett murmurs. His hand comes up to rest on my hair, and his affectionate kiss on my forehead soothes the old hurt in my soul.

  “Yeah, it does.”

  “Are you going to call her? Should I get dressed and leave you alone for a while?”

  The fact that he asks me fills me with joy.

  “No, I need to think about what I want to say to her first,” I murmur and lean back so I can look into his eyes. “Want to hear something funny? I mean, something strange?”

  His lips twitches as he nods.

  “After I’d read it for the third time? I realised that I’ve already forgiven her.”

  “That doesn’t make sense.” The amusement fades on his face. “The way you’ve described your fight with her, and the depth of her hurt – are you really that forgiving a person?”

  I smile gently at him.

  “Have you already forgotten what I keep telling you? That life is for the living, and that we shouldn’t spend the time we have on this earth consumed by the past?”

  He gives me a quick kiss, and tingles shoot down my spine like always.

  “I haven’t forgotten anything,” he murmurs.

  “Good. Besides, now that it seems she’s changed – or at least explained many things to me, and accepted all of me – I hope that we can at last begin to bridge the gap between us.” Feeling a bit shy all of a sudden, I look down, my eyes falling on the ink with the date above his heart. “That we can grow closer.”

  “You’re such an optimist, Suzy-Q.”

  I raise my eyes and beam at him.

  “I know. It’s something my friend, Emma, tells me
all the time.”

  “I’d like to meet her one day.”

  The thrill that runs through me from hearing him say something that resembles a more permanent future for us makes my heart sing.

  “I hope you’ll get to meet her, too,” I whisper.

  He turns his head to the laptop still resting on my legs and juts his chin.

  “Why don’t you shut that off, and then make out with me on the couch until your shift?”

  I raise an eyebrow at him.

  “‘Make out’? Do men your age still call it that?” I tease.

  He hums low in his throat and buries his face in my neck, nipping at my skin.

  “Enough with the ‘old’.”

  Laughing, I lean my head back, giving him more room. I move my arm from his waist and reach out towards my laptop and close the lid, moving it away. I nudge Rufus gently, and on a big sigh, he slides down the couch and leaves us alone.

  “Well, alright, then,” I sigh as I feel Garrett’s mouth trail kisses on my already burning skin.

  For the next hour, I forget all about the world back home.

  I focus only on the man worshipping me, lighting me up like a beacon every time he’s near.

  The future can wait a bit longer.

  My fingertips follow the dragon’s tail on Garrett’s shoulder, and I wonder – probably for the millionth time – if now’s the time when I should start grilling him about his tattoos. I’ve been itching to ask him about them for so long, but I don’t want to push him too far or too fast.

  His hand grabs hold on my hair and he tugs gently until I raise my head.

  “What’s on your mind, waif?” he grumbles.

  The sleepy look in his gaze, and the stubble on his cheeks, makes him look even more delicious than usual.

  How is that even possible?

  “Nothing much,” I hedge. My eyes flicker down to rest briefly on the tattoo, belying my words.

  “Come on, out with it.” The steel in his voice isn’t easy to miss, and I meet his determined gaze again. He’s not going to let me off the hook, but then again, why should he? He knows me well enough now that he can read my moods. I know that now’s the right time, after all.

  We’re still lying on the couch, skin to skin, and the soft, steady beat of his heartbeat underneath my palm centres me. It gives me courage.

  “I’ve wanted to ask you about your ink for a while now, Garrett.”

  His fist in my hair tenses a bit, but there’s no darkness clouding his eyes.

  “I figured you would at some point,” he murmurs. With a crooked grin grazing his lips, he continues, “In fact, I’m surprised you’ve been able to keep yourself in check for so long.”

  I narrow my eyes at him, taking heart when I feel my old confidence returning.

  “Oh, really? Well, in that case…” I push up on his chest, sitting back to straddle him. His intense eyes follow every dip and curve on my naked skin, but I ignore it and look pointedly at the dragon tattoo.

  “When did you get that one?”

  He breathes deeply as he sits up on his elbows, his toned abs rippling with the movement.

  “I got that one after the crash. That, and the one with the date.”

  My heart cracks a little when I see the old hurt flash in his eyes, and I put my hand on his chin, tracing my thumb across the ridge on his bottom lip.

  “As a reminder to never forget,” he continues.

  “Do you honestly think you ever could?” I know I sound sceptical, but I can’t help it.

  He shakes his head.

  “No, of course not. But I guess I needed to mark myself in some way, seeing as I came out of the accident almost unscathed. Colin was actually the one who suggested I got ink back then.”

  Now, that surprises me.

  “Colin? Really?” I scrunch up my face. “But he looks so…preppy.”

  Garrett raises his head, and laughs.

  “Yes, really. But he actually got ink, too. Said he didn’t want me to go alone.”

  “Hmm, that was nice of him. He doesn’t seem the type,” I muse, letting my hand fall to rest on the date for a couple of seconds before running down his arm to the mouth of the dragon.

  “I think I get the fire spewing out of its mouth.”

  “The flames that took over my car, yes,” he whispers back.

  I swallow the lump in my throat.

  “There’s beauty in its cruelty.”

  He shrugs and lies down on the couch.

  “The artist who did it was very good at his job.”

  Nodding, I smile gently at him before my eyes fall on the dragonfly tattoo on his right inside wrist.

  “You know…” I lift his arm, stretching it so I can see it more clearly. “You’re the first man I’ve met who has a dragonfly marking his body.”

  “I got it on the day I got out of rehab.”

  My eyes fly up to meet his, and I hold my breath as I wait for him to explain further.

  “Did you know that myths say that the dragonfly was once a dragon?”

  I shake my head.

  “Well, that’s what made me consider it in the first place,” he goes on as he stares down at his wrist. “Dragons are fierce, strong creatures. I know it seems strange for me to have another symbol of a dragon on my body, given the history of the first I got, but…” He turns his face away and grimaces. “This one is so I don’t forget to take my recovery for granted. To remember what I was – a sorry state of a man – and to not lose sight of how far I’ve come.”

  “You’ve changed over the years, haven’t you?” I ask him, keeping my voice low.

  He nods.

  “In both good and bad ways, I guess.”

  “Since I wore you down, I’ve only seen the good.” I bend down until my mouth hovers over his. “You’re a good man, Garrett Matteo Thompson.”

  Before he can protest like he always does when I get sappy, I trace the seam of his lips with my tongue. On a low groan, he angles his head and opens his mouth, inviting me in to play, and I place my elbows next to his head. He wraps his arms around me, pulling my chest flush to his, and for a moment, we simply become lost in each other again.

  When I come up for air, I lick my lips.

  “You’re really great at this whole ‘making out’ thing,” I tease.

  He laughs, the low rumble that makes me go all fluttery inside. The tenderness in his eyes mixed with passion is a look that suits him so well, and I hope it’s one I’ll see gazing back at me more and more often in the future.

  “Why did you get a dragonfly tattoo?” he asks me.

  I shrug.

  “Because it also symbolises change and growth, I guess. Even before I came to New York, I knew that something inside me was changing.”

  Feeling a bit drowsy, I let out a long sigh and move to lie down next to him, untangling our legs.

  “I just didn’t know in what way.”

  I rest my arm across his abdomen, reaching out to follow the lines on the ink on his wrist.

  “And have you come to any conclusions yet?” he murmurs.

  I raise my eyes to take in face. His eyes are shut – the grooves in in his cheeks aren’t as noticeable as usual – and the small smile grazing his lips causes warmth to spread in my core.

  He always looks so young when he’s relaxed. Not like my protective wolf at all.

  “Only that we’re always changing in some way,” I whisper. “I don’t want to become one of those people who’ll never stop avoiding new things at all costs.”

  “Somehow, I doubt that’ll ever happen,” he whispers.

  “Even so…let’s just call it my own private reminder to always keep an open mind.”

  I don’t know if he takes in my words, because as soon as I stop talking, he begins to snore. I suppress a giggle and then yawn.

  A nap right now might be a good thing.

  I place my leg over his hip and tuck my head under his chin.

  My favourite place to
fall asleep is just like this – as close to Garrett as I can get. I might wake up at night, all sweaty and uncomfortable from the tingling in my hands, and then roll away from him.

  Still…this right here?

  It’s perfect.

  What makes it infinitely better is when Garrett always pulls me closer even though he’s asleep.

  That takes it from perfect to heaven in a matter of seconds.

  “FOR FUCK’S SAKE, ROWAN, when are you going to stop doing this to yourself?” I bark into the phone as I pace around in my kitchen, dinner completely forgotten.

  “Do what?” he slurs.

  I grit my teeth.

  “Don’t play stupid, pup,” I warn him.

  Laughter is the only answer he gives me, and I curse under my breath.

  This ends now.

  “If you don’t get yourself sobered up right this fucking minute, I’m coming down to the club, and I’ll beat the fucking shit out of you.”

  “Argh, give it a rest, old man,” he chuckles, but that’s definitely the wrong answer.

  “Consider this my last warning, Rowan,” I seethe. “Oh, and by the way, Suzy isn’t going to work for you anymore.”

  “What the fuck?! Since when does she let you speak for her?”

  That got his attention.

  “You heard me. As long as you can’t be trusted, and as long as you keep poisoning your body with that piece of shit, she’s not going to get within ten feet of you.”

  I glance quickly in the direction of the bathroom, trying to calm down. I breathe a small sigh in relief, glad that Suzy’s still in the shower. If she could hear me making this kind of decision for her, there’d be hell to pay.

  “Fine,” Rowan clips in my ear, and while I don’t exactly trust him, that’ll have to do for now.

  “Good. And Rowan?”

  He doesn’t answer, so I repeat his name, this time sharper.