by JM Stewart
Then he braced himself. This could go one of two ways. He’d never confided his feelings for Christina to Cade. Not officially at least, though he knew Cade wasn’t stupid or blind. Cade was a lawyer, and a damned good one. Sebastian was too afraid of getting hit, particularly after the fiasco that was Amelia. He had to be some kind of stupid not to realize the woman who’d seduced him at the bar that night was his best friend’s fiancée. She’d had the same name, after all. He’d been elbows deep in a bottle of scotch, hell-bent on getting drunk enough to forget running into Christina and her latest lover.
How protective would Cade be of Christina, though? If you asked him, your best friend’s sister should be off-limits, period, and Sebastian didn’t have the best track record.
Across the threshold, Cade grinned, ear to freakin’ ear.
“About damn time.” He stepped over the threshold, closed the door behind him, and hitched a shoulder. “Why’s she so pissed?”
Sebastian turned, leading Cade into the kitchen. “She showed up at a bad time, and I blew it in a major way. What else?”
As they came to a stop beside the center island, Cade laid a hand on his back. “She told me about your father. I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?”
Sebastian let out a harsh laugh. “Yeah. Find a loophole for my father’s last dying demand.”
At Cade’s questioning stare, he related the details of his father’s will. By the time he finished, Cade was in stitches.
“Married? You?” Cade shook his head, his voice still shaking with laughter. “One last dig from beyond the grave. Oh, that’s a tough one, man.”
“Very helpful, bro.” Sebastian shot him a glare and moved to the coffeepot on the opposite counter. He grabbed a mug from the overhead cabinet, filled it from the cold coffeepot, and stuck the mug in the microwave, setting it for a minute. He faced Cade again, leaned back against the counter’s edge, and folded his arms. “I refuse to go along with it, but how the hell am I going to get past it? Damned if I’m going to just give his wife my company.”
“There are probably ways around it, but it might not be easy. I can look into if you want.” Cade leaned back against the opposite counter and slipped his hands in his pockets. He arched a brow. “You know, you might consider complying. I’m betting I know a certain brunette who’d marry you simply because you asked, and she wouldn’t take a cent of your money. And you can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.”
The microwave beeped, and Sebastian turned. He shook his head as he opened the door and pulled out his mug.
“First of all, I don’t think Tina would give me the time of day right now. I think she’d rather run me over with her BMW, and I’m not sure I’d blame her.” He resumed his place against the kitchen counter and sipped his coffee, grateful for the dose of caffeine. “Second of all, I’m not getting married. I’m not marriage material, and besides, I’m positive I’d only make her miserable. She deserves better than someone like me.”
Cade shook his head. “I don’t agree. I think she’s exactly the woman you need and there’s nobody I’d trust more with her than you. What the hell did you two fight about, anyway?”
Sebastian lowered his mug, staring for a long moment at Cade. Did he dare tell Cade the truth? Finally, he sighed and grinned, pointing his index finger. “First you have to promise not to hit me.”
Cade, however, didn’t laugh. Rather, his expression sobered, shoulders rounding to match the dejection and regret washing across his features. “I shouldn’t have hit you in the first place. I’m really glad you forgave me for that.”
Oh, they’d had it out over Amelia, all right. Sebastian had discovered she wasn’t who she’d said when Cade had let himself into her apartment with the key she’d given him. Cade had immediately assumed the worst, and Sebastian had gotten a black eye for his trouble. She’d snowed both of them.
Sebastian offered a smile. “Ditto. It’s over and done with. I’m glad to have my best friend back. I missed you, man.”
Cade rolled his eyes, but one corner of his mouth hitched. “Save the mush for Chris. So? Spill it. What did you do?”
Sebastian peered at Cade over the rim of his coffee mug as he took a sip. Somehow, he had to soften the blow of this one. “Let’s just say things got a little hot and heavy, and I turned her down.”
Cade stared for a moment, his expression blank. He blinked. “Wait. You turned her down?”
Sebastian moved around the breakfast bar, meandering toward the front windows, lost in memories of this morning. Spike, clearly still pissed at him for making Christina leave, flicked his tail and hopped off the sill, heading for the back bedroom. “I wasn’t in a good place when she arrived. I was exhausted, I’d been up all night, and I’d just come back from a visit with my father’s lawyer. You know how she is. Barging in and deciding she’s going to mother you to death.”
Behind him, Cade groaned in commiseration. “I love my sister, but that drives me up the freakin’ wall. She stops by every morning on her way to work to make sure I’m giving Hannah what she needs. Like I haven’t a damn clue what my own wife needs.”
“Exactly. This morning she pushed the wrong button, and I cracked. I told her things I shouldn’t have told her, and I touched places I shouldn’t have touched.”
Cade let out a half laugh, half groan. “Please, for the love of my sanity, do not go into detail. There are things I really don’t need to know about my sister.”
Sebastian chuckled. “We got to talking and one thing led to another. Better?”
“Thank you. And?”
“And she made me an offer no man in his right mind would turn down, but I had to. Because I’m me, and she deserves better. She told me off and stormed out. Apparently, I’m hiding my feelings from her better than I thought. She says I treat her like an annoying kid sister, like I can’t stand her.”
Cade let out a quiet laugh. “She’s right. You’re an irritable son of a bitch when she’s around.”
Because he usually had the hard-on of the century. One glance at her in one of those damn pencil skirts and his cock sprang to attention. When she actually touched him, brushed against him or did something insane like hug him—which she did a lot, because Christina, God love her, was a hugger—it was all he could do to keep from pushing his erection into the softness of her body. Because she was so fucking incredibly baby soft. His biggest fantasy was getting the luxury of rubbing his aching cock against her bare, warm skin.
It was pathetic, and being hard all the damn time made him irritable as hell. He always hoped if he grouched at her, she’d get pissed and leave. Treating someone he cared about that way was horrible, but if he didn’t, he always feared he’d crack. Exactly the way he had this morning. He wanted more for her than someone like him.
Sebastian darted a glance behind him. “How is Hannah, by the way?”
Cade, now seated on one of the stools at the breakfast bar, smiled, the kind so filled with joy and contentment envy kicked Sebastian hard in the chest. “Hannah’s great. She sends her condolences. Morning sickness has been rough. Six months into this pregnancy, and she’s still throwing up. Is there anything I can do? Do you need someone to make funeral arrangements?”
Sebastian sipped his coffee. “No, but thanks. Everything’s done. Father had everything put into his will years ago. One phone call to his lawyer this morning had all the pieces set into motion within hours.” He raised his brows. “Come to the funeral?”
“You know it.” Cade flashed a warm smile.
The knot in his gut eased a bit. Cade’s support meant a lot. He wouldn’t get through the next few days on his own.
“I appreciate it.” If ever he’d had a brother, Cade would have been it.
Cade glanced at his watch, rose from his seat, and crossed the space between them, tucking his hands in his pockets. “Listen, I have to get back. I’m sorry to leave so soon, but I’ve got a meeting with a client in a half hour who couldn’t reschedule. Why don�
�t you come over for dinner tonight? I should be home by six. Hannah makes an awesome meat loaf.”
Sebastian couldn’t help the chuckle that left him. “She’s definitely domesticated you. Meat loaf? Seriously?”
“Being domesticated has its perks. You should try it sometime.” Cade bumped his shoulder, then sobered a breath later. “Text me with the details about the funeral?”
“Will do. And thanks.”
Cade clapped him on the back. “Anytime. Call me if you need anything.”
He walked Cade out, then shut the door behind him, and sagged back against it. Cade had a point. He wanted, ached and needed, to straighten out the mess he’d made with Christina. Some part of him yearned for what he’d never have with her, but her happiness mattered, too.
If he got involved with Christina, he’d only end up hurting her the way he had Jean. Jean was on the top of his long list of regrets. He’d met her at the company Christmas party at the resort in L.A. Technically, she worked for him as the branch manager. He’d gone down there because he hated holidays. His father always took his latest wife on some exotic vacation. He and Jean had ended up in bed together two days before Christmas and spent the entire weekend together.
She was the first and last woman he’d really tried with. For years, he’d been determined not to become his father and had gone into a relationship with Jean determined to make it work. Two years in, she’d confessed her love for him. He’d cared about her. A lot. But he didn’t love her.
When he couldn’t say the words back, she’d walked away. He’d hated hurting her, but he wouldn’t be that guy who lied just to keep her around.
No, someway, somehow, he’d get around his father’s stipulations, but not by getting married.
He turned his head. Across the way, sitting in a corner of the living room, his guitar stood in its stand. He’d picked up playing in junior high. Turned out, he was pretty good at it. He’d played in a band for a while in high school and college, but they broke up after graduation. Life had moved on.
Maybe playing in a band wouldn’t have paid the bills. He might not have ended up with a huge record label, touring the world. Hell, he had to admit his father was right on that account. He might not have ended up where he had if he’d followed his dreams, and he was proud of what he’d accomplished. Their small family business wouldn’t have ended up on the Fortune 500 list if he hadn’t been determined to drive it there.
They were his dreams, though, and his father had squashed them. No way in hell was wife number five getting her hands on his company.
He still had no desire to get married, though, and no desire to hurt Christina any more than he already had. She deserved better. This was the best for her, whether he liked it or not.
* * *
Standing with his “stepmother,” Gwen, beside his father’s casket Wednesday morning, Sebastian attempted to go numb as he listened to the pastor give the sermon. He was determined to get through this damn funeral without feeling much of anything.
The day itself was cool and drizzly, the sky overcast. A blanket of gray blocked out what sun they might have had, but apparently Mother Nature couldn’t decide if she wanted it to actually rain. The dismal weather suited his mood. The funeral had a good turnout. Several hundred people had come to pay their respects, but getting through the service had to be one of the hardest moments of his life. Harder even than the day his father had blatantly pointed out that Mom wasn’t coming back.
Today, too much emotion had caught in his chest. Regret. Grief. Anger. He hadn’t the foggiest damn idea how to deal with any of it. There was too much he wished he’d had the guts to tell the old man when he lived.
Turning his head, he fixed his gaze on Christina’s still form among the gatherers. She stood toward the front with Cade and Hannah, looking gorgeous in a simple black suit. She’d greeted him politely at the funeral parlor, as decorum dictated, but any time he met her gaze, hers filled with a cool aloofness, not at all as open as she’d been two days ago. He missed her smile, and he hated the tension between them.
As the pastor said the final prayer, Gwen sobbed quietly beside him, what looked like big, fat crocodile tears. She and his father had only known each other for a little more than a year, three whole months before they married, yet she appeared to be falling to pieces. He didn’t buy a single bit of it.
When the service finished, he stood to do his part. “Thank you all for coming. At the request of the widow, no gathering will be held.”
Too exhausted and too numb for any more, he turned and negotiated his way through the crowd toward his limo, parked at the curb. He wanted to go home. He’d taken the rest of the day off, leaving his assistant with the order to call him should anything pressing arise. The newest resort in Milan was supposed to have been completed by now. He’d hoped the resort would be finished before the summer season hit, but things never quite went according to plan. Complications had risen, and he’d have to push the opening off until June.
For today, though, he was going home and taking a run. He wanted to run long and hard, to work off the anger and grief and frustration caught in the web of crap in his chest. Then he had plans to get out his guitar. He hadn’t played in months. He’d been too busy. Maybe if he did, maybe if he gave in to the pull and let the music soothe his soul the way it used to, he’d actually sleep tonight.
He hadn’t slept worth a damn since Christina left his apartment the other day. Oh, she’d been angry with him plenty of times over the years. Hell, he ought to be used to it. This time, something was different. She’d opened a line of honesty between them, and the ache in his gut wouldn’t go away. Having to be here, of all places, without her beside him nagged at him as being flat-out wrong. Of all the days for her to mother hen him to death, today was another day he actually needed her.
* * *
Christina followed Sebastian’s progress as he wandered away from the gravesite. Shoulders hunched, his expression cool and impassive. Regret mixed with the pain seated in her chest. She’d thrown herself at him and made a fool of herself. His emphatic refusal had stung more than a little.
He’d buried his father this morning, though, and the sight of his carefully masked grief had her heart in a tangle in her chest.
Caden leaned over and nudged her elbow with his hand. When she turned to look at him, he nodded in Sebastian’s direction, brow furrowed, gaze stern. Christina braced herself. She knew that look. Caden was about to get his lecture on.
“He won’t say it. He’ll never ask, but he needs us today. Whatever beef you have with him, put it away for another day. Sebastian’s family.” He took Hannah’s hand, tucking it into the crook of his arm.
Hannah gave her a warm smile, touched her shoulder, and the two moved in Sebastian’s direction. Over the last six months, Hannah had become a treasured friend. They’d met initially when Cade and Hannah had first started seeing each other, though their friendship hadn’t officially begun until the two announced their engagement. Hannah amazed her. She’d lost her parents in a terrible car accident and wore the scars of that day—literally. A huge slash cut across her right cheek, too deep to be hidden by makeup. And while she grew up fending for herself, not in the luxury Christina and Caden had, she fit into their family, like she’d been born into it. She was good for Caden. Christina and Hannah’s business partner, Maddie O’Riley, had become friends during Caden and Hannah’s wedding.
Christina turned, following their progress with her eyes. They greeted Sebastian at the curb, each hugging him tightly for a moment. Hannah murmured something, and Sebastian took her hand, gave her a warm but tired smile, and squeezed her fingers. Caden murmured something in his ear, and Sebastian nodded before Caden and Hannah moved off.
Her gut knotted. Caden was right. Sebastian was family. Were she angry with Caden, she wouldn’t have allowed an argument to keep her from supporting him. Why should it be any different with Sebastian?
With a sigh, she made her way towa
rd him, stopping at the edge of the sidewalk. Another couple she didn’t recognize stopped to offer condolences. Every fiber of her body trembled as she waited. Nausea rolled through her stomach. When the older couple moved away, she drew a deep breath, buried her pain and anger, and stepped up beside him. This was about him. Not her.
His scent blew in on the breeze, and her fingers itched to reach out and touch him. Any other time, she’d have wrapped him in a fierce hug, put him in the limo, and taken him home. This time, she kept her hands to herself. She didn’t know if she had the right to do that anymore.
Sebastian glanced at her, and the tension between them ramped up several notches. Something she couldn’t quite grasp worked in the depths of his eyes.
“Are you all right?” She had so much more she wanted to say to him. It likely wasn’t what he needed to hear, but it was the safest thing for both of them.
“I’m fine.” He turned to stare out over the roof of the limo and stood silent a moment, hands in the pockets of his black slacks. Finally, he drew a deep breath and blew it out. “I’m sorry I hurt you. It’s never intentional. You have to know you get to me.”
If at all possible, the tension ramped up another thousand degrees, a wall that erected between them. For the first time since she’d known him, Sebastian had become a stranger. He’d always treated her like a kid sister at worst, a friend at best. This nothingness ate at her. They’d crossed a line they couldn’t go back from and it became the Great Wall of China between them.
Sebastian turned his back to her and dragged his hands through his hair, holding it off his forehead the way he did when frustrated. Finally, he dropped his hands, flashing a gentle smile that didn’t reach his eyes. The pain in his gaze had her breath catching in her throat and her fingers twitched again with a desperate need to hug the stuffing out of him. Angry or not, he was clearly hurting. Right then, he held the weight of the world on his shoulders, and her heart ached with the need to take some of it from him.
“I’m sorry. I need to get out of here, or I’m going to implode. Thank you for coming. I appreciate the support.” He nodded at his driver and climbed inside the limo.
