Losing Her (The Lexington Series Book 1)

by Belle Winters

  I nodded and croaked out, “water?”

  He nodded and placed me down on the bed and went to the kitchen. When he left the room my entire body began to shake in fear. This cannot be the rest of my life, but right now I couldn’t do anything about it. While I waited for Landon to come back I crawled down the bed and spooned myself besides Nick. His head came up in confusion until he looked down and saw me. He sighed and wrapped an arm around me. The shaking slowly came to a stop. When it did he let out a long exhale. He must’ve noticed that I was terrified. When Landon came back into the room he looked at me in question. I guess because I hopped right up under Nick, but he didn’t understand how scared I was. He sat down on the edge of the bed and I crawled back over to him. Nick sat up on the bed. Landon handed me the water and I chugged it down. I sat with my knees up and rested my chin on them wrapping my arms around my legs.

  I took a deep breath and gulped, “what happened earlier?” I asked them.

  Landon ran a hand through his hair, “I came up here to talk to you. I knocked and you didn’t answer. I started hearing you whimpering and shit. You cried out a few times and I came in the room. You were drenched in sweat but you were kind of making these noises as if someone was hurting you. But no one else was in the room. I tried to wake you up but you just wouldn’t. I called Nick in here to try to wake you but he couldn’t either. Then you started screaming. Like the whole house heard you screaming for me and asking me to help you. Me and Nick panicked. We were talking to you and it’s like you weren’t hearing us. When you were crying and pleading I couldn’t take it anymore and I tried to shake your arms. You started begging me not to hurt you and I freaked out some more so I climbed up on the bed to wake you. Then you started fighting me and I had to hold you down and eventually you heard me screaming at you to stop and wake up.” He sighed and whispered, “you took about 20 years off my life. And then you tell me that you had a dream about that night and I wasn’t there to help you.”

  I adjusted my head so that my cheek was against my knees. “You guys need to know. I had figured out a while ago that the memories are triggered when something that happened that night, happens again. Someone saying the same thing or same positions… anyway afterschool today I ran into someone and they made a comment. The exact same one they did that night. And it’s like it made it all fall into place. The voice matched what I knew from that night. When I came up here the whole night played back for me. I was at the party with James and he was introducing me to a bunch of people. There was a lull in introductions and my phone went off. There was a text message from a number I didn’t have programmed. I decided to wait until later to check it so I didn’t come off as rude.” I took a deep breath, “when we were in the car I had my phone and remembered the message. I opened it and someone had sent me a picture of Landon and Delilah kissing. I got so angry that I rushed to change into some jeans and stuff and headed off to the party. When I got there I looked for all of you and couldn’t find any of you. I saw Molly and she was by herself watching me which was unusual. She’s always attached to Delilah unless Delilah is with you. I grabbed her and asked where you guys were and she said upstairs. So I went up there looking. I checked a few rooms and found nothing. And then I found you guys in a room together. You were lying on the bed naked and she was in her underclothes over you on her knees I figured she was giving you a blow job. Her back was to me but when I started screaming she jumped and I saw I was right because when she jumped I got a good look of you falling out of her mouth. I kept screaming at you and you didn’t say anything, and it felt like my fucking heart broke.” Landon let out a strangled groan. “I left the room because I figured this was another one of your moments when you ignore me, and started to leave. I was kind of crying and when I was about to go down the stairs I ran into Dan.” I saw both of their bodies tense. “He saw me crying and said I should go clean up and get my shit together before going back through the party. It was a good idea, I’m sure that the devastation was all over my face. He led me to the room at the end and when we got there I cried. Good and long. He just let me cry on his shoulder and comforted me.” Landon let out a hiss. “Anyway when I stopped crying I thanked him for being a friend and he started going on about me and him being together. And then bought up the usual Landon bullshit. He started to scare me, and I remembered the warning from Landon. That his reaction to everything wasn’t right. I thought he was truly over it but I saw he wasn’t, it’s like he’s been holding onto this anger quietly all of this time and I got really scared. Anyway he started talking about all that love stuff again and I began agreeing hoping that it would be enough to make him happy. He tried kissing me but I couldn’t put in an emotion I truly didn’t feel. He figured it out and when I still tried to tell him that I loved him so he would let me go he slapped me. That was the only angle I had so I still tried to keep it up. Then he wanted me to prove it and told me to take off my clothes.” I paused and gulped. My hands began shaking. “When he got a little too crazy I tried to make a run for it but he caught me by my hair and threw me to the floor. When I kept trying to get up he kept landing kicks to me. But I kept trying until I couldn’t move anymore. My body was just in too much pain. When he knew I was down for good. He went and locked us in. He picked me up by my hair and threw me on the bed.” Now my body was shaking violently. Landon reached over and pulled me onto his lap and wrapped me in his arms. I felt comforted but my mind was still stuck in the memory unfolding. I also realized that I wasn’t the only one shaking. I looked up to see Nick and saw his eyes wet with tears, and he was angry. I sighed, I needed to get this out. “That’s when I tried to scream for help and he punched me dislocating my jaw. He turned the light off, and then he tore off my clothes then took off his. He put on a condom and began… raping me. I tried to tune out as much as possible. When it was over he was trying to kiss me and then told me to tell him I loved him. I spit in his face and that’s when he knocked me unconscious.” What triggered it is that he asked me what happened and I told him and he told me ‘And besides you still have me’. “When I ran into him earlier he brought up the incident, asked if I was doing alright between that and you leaving me for Delilah and all. Then said the same exact thing to me. It made me feel funny in that moment, but I didn’t know why. Everything just came back when I went to sleep.”

  When I let that sink in I decided to tell them the second part, “now seeing the whole night played back to me gave me a new perspective on a lot of things. While I was there I had tunnel vision to find Landon and kick his ass. I wasn’t paying attention to much else. Now seeing it again, I have more details from that night. So now we know someone slipped Landon the date rape drug. It doesn’t make you instantly immobile like what they gave you Nick. I saw the picture, again and Landon wasn’t touching Delilah except for his lips. He was holding the cup but it was kind of tipped to the side and he was slouching against the wall like it was holding him up. The only contact was Delilah leaning on him and cupping his crotch… well and their lips. It’s like the picture was taken at a specific angle that blocked his face but I could just see their lips touch. It was mostly Delilah I could see. Then when I found you in the room you were just laid out kind of spread eagle a bit. When I was screaming you didn’t move or talk. I thought you were trying to ignore me, but the drugs were probably in full effect at the time… and she must’ve left you like that. Dan didn’t send me the picture because I have his number programmed. Unless he took the pic with her phone and sent it to me then someone else had to be involved. Plus, if you were going to plan something this elaborate… it wouldn’t be smart of her to use her own phone. It was supposed to look like an onlooker was sending me an anonymous tip. It’s like they knew that would’ve drawn me there. And Dan sits at our table so he must’ve known that I had different plans that night ‘cause we been talking about it. I also noticed that when I first got there and was looking for you guys I did see Molly and she was talking to Dan. When I went upstairs, Dan was hovering
on the steps… I walked right passed him and he appeared right before I went back to the party. It’s like the whole thing was based off of breaking up me and Landon for those two. Except Dan is out of his fucking mind and has no control. I don’t think he was planning on raping me. I think he was looking to play on my heartache. When it didn’t work out for him he lost it. Delilah, well she knew I’d be done after that picture and catching you together.” My head dropped, and I met Landon’s eyes for a moment, “and it fucking worked. I know I’m taking comfort from you right now even though I shouldn’t, but I’m too scared to be strong right now. But nothing is changing between us.” His head dropped and he buried his face into my neck. “The only part I don’t understand is Mel. I could even get Nick. If he was in the area he would’ve found me when i began screaming or probably came with me to find Landon. That and I most likely wouldn’t have let Dan comfort me I would’ve gone straight to Nick and Mel. But they only drugged Nick but they beat up Mel, which makes me think it was about Nick too. Who would Delilah trust to know all of her plans, to take the picture and shit? Molly. She was talking to Dan and she told me where to go. She’s still fucking bitter about you, you know?” I asked to Nick. “She watches you with stars in her eyes and she sneers at Mel when she doesn’t think anyone is paying attention.”

  Nick’s head dropped and he shuddered. I just dropped a ton of fucking information on them and they haven’t let out a reaction yet. I think they’re still trying to process all the details. Nick said he was going to his room to give us some time. I climbed off of Landon’s lap and crawled back into the bed. He laid on his back while I laid facing him.

  “Landon?” I whispered.

  “Yes Lucy?” I asked.

  “Why did you do it? Why did you choose her?” I asked him. I know I should just let it go and move on. But I can’t. Sure this might hurt, but I can’t keep guessing.

  He turned his body to face me and I saw his face. He had tears leaking from his eyes. He moved closer and placed a kiss to my forehead. “Lucy, I’ll never choose anyone over you. Ever.”

  I sighed, “god Landon. That’s the type of shit you always say. What ever happened to proving it? You jumped right into her bed the first chance you had. You were mad at me about her. I got your anger not her. You left me and went to her… you know I don’t even know why I asked.” I turned so my back was to him.

  He moved closer and put his face back into my neck. I could feel the wetness from his tears, “Lucy. I knew she was involved as soon as I heard about that kiss. But I know she didn’t rape you. She doesn’t have the right equipment. I tried talking to her and she only wanted to seduce me. So I let her start thinking that I was into her. She was super skeptical because I wouldn’t sleep with her because that’s really all our relationship was to me. I’ve been angry because I wanted to just confront her but I knew she’d claim she didn’t know anything. Without any proof she could even deny the kiss. I didn’t remember it so I knew I had to be drugged, and it made me think that it was her saliva. I was thinking of trying to get a hold of one of her soda cans to have it checked. But if I did that I’d have to go through the cops and I’m not sure if I want to just hand them over. You just filled in all the other gaps. When we fought that night and you kicked me out… I was so angry. She was causing problems in our relationship, and I just wanted it over. I knew she wouldn’t trust me if I didn’t sleep with her. It was just that night when Nick found me. But I didn’t want to do it. I’m happy he came so I had a reason not to continue. Since then I just tell her I have football practice or watch my little brother so that she doesn’t ask me over or anything. I don’t have to deal with her anymore because we have all the answers we need now. It can be us again baby.”

  “No, it can’t. You still made the decision and didn’t include us in it. I would have told you that it wasn’t worth sleeping with her we would find another way and we did. If only you had been patient. You fucking slept with her, kissed and touched her who knows how much or how long. While I was recovering from being fucking raped and battered. You were supposed to be here in this bed with me. Us heal and work through this ordeal together. Instead, you went off to play inspector gadget and found yourself in someone else’s bed for pleasure. You want to know what I did? I sat here and fucking cried my eyes out and let Nick coddle me. I’m not going to use you, and I’m seeing that even though I’m extremely scared now that I know what happened, and these monsters have been right next to us all this time… I shouldn’t be asking you for comfort now.” I told him.

  “I need it too.” Landon told me.

  I flipped over and sighed, “you can stay, but we can’t sleep together tonight. It’s not right.”

  He grabbed me and held me tight, “Lucy, normally I let you make your decision and although it may not be easy for me to accept it, I’ll let it go. Just like the day when you packed your shit and fucking left me. I was ready to lock you in the damn basement. I didn’t want to let you leave, I almost didn’t. But right now, after I saw that meltdown and you’re still fucking shaking when I’m not holding you… you don’t have a choice. When you were scared you didn’t call for Nick, or Dean, or your mom, or James. You called for me, because you know deep down that you’re here.” He said pointing to his heart. “Now cut your shit and let us comfort each other. You’re the only one that can help me, because I need to be 100% sure that you are ok.”

  I huffed, “Landon…” god I was losing this fight. Fuck, he was going to win.

  “Lucy…” he threw back. When I didn’t respond he sighed. We were facing each other and I felt his breath sweep across my face. “Lu-cy” he whispered in a singsong voice. I raised an eyebrow, “come ‘ere and give me a kiss baby.” Landon cooed.

  I shook my head, “no, not going to happen. We’re not going there.” I told him.

  “Do you know the last time you kissed me? I’m a starving man over here. Come on I need this. Unless you have been kissing Nick…? Since it seems he’s been doing a lot of my jobs as of late.” He replied jealously.

  I snickered, “we might have done a few things. You know just because he’s concerned and knows that I have needs.” I said with a shrug.

  He wrapped his arms around me and tugged me close until my body was flush against his. We were chest to chest. He whispered, “that’s not something to joke about Lucy. Now I’m going to kiss you and you’re going to kiss me back.”

  I opened my mouth to protest and his lips were on mine and he immediately stuck his tongue into my mouth. I considered biting it for a minute but fell into the kiss. I would be lying if I were to say I didn’t miss this with him. I moaned into his mouth, and let my fingers run through his hair. He rolled on top of me and slowly began rubbing my sides. He trailed kisses from my mouth down to my neck as his hands pushed up my shirt. He slipped his hands underneath my shirt and cupped my breasts. He pulled one cup of my bra down and began massaging it and pinched my nipple. I arched into him and he lifted my shirt up to reveal my breasts. He undid the front clasp of my bra and let my breasts spill out. He lowered his head and took one into his mouth. He used his other hand to play with the other one. After a few he switched his mouth to the other and slid a hand down my stomach going beneath the waistband of my pants. His finger found my clit and he began a punishing rhythm. I moaned again and tried to push myself harder against his hand. My body began to shake. He grabbed my waistband and slowly slid my pants and underwear down my legs. He kissed the inside of my thigh before picking up both legs and throwing them over his shoulders. His mouth found my center and it wasn’t long before I was moaning out my orgasm. He crawled up my body and kissed me. My hands trailed up his stomach and chest lifting his shirt until he helped me and pulled it over his head. I unbuckled his pants and stuck my hand inside his boxers to find him hot, hard, and ready. I used my feet to try to move his pants down his legs. He stood up and removed his shoes, and socks. He sat down on the edge of the bed and turned to me.

  “Are you sure y
ou want to do this? I don’t want to take advantage of you because you’re vulnerable right now. I want to make sure this is what you want and you’re ready.” He said.

  I pulled the covers up to cover me and sighed, “yes. I know I shouldn’t because of all the shit we went through… but I miss you, this, us. I want it, for one last time. I want something to remember.” I removed my shirt and grabbed his arm pulling him to me. I landed a few soft kisses to his lips before he responded. He laid me back softly and removed his pants. He lifted the covers and climbed underneath the blanket and settled himself in between my legs.

  He leaned over me just staring into my eyes. He dropped down his forehead and entered me slowly. My legs wrapped around him and I moaned. “Lucy, I know you believe that right now. But we’re not done, and we will be doing this plenty more times. I’m not letting you go. That is one promise I’m keeping. I told you, once you were mine you weren’t going back.” He began to thrust into me in hard deep strokes. “You hear me?” he asked with a slow grind of his hips. I moaned and arched my back. “WE. ARE. NOT. DONE.” Each word was said with a punishing thrust into me. It was rough and unapologetic. I held onto his shoulders and he increased his speed and pushed into me harder, “you’re mine Lucy. Any baby you carry in here will be mine. Any person you marry will be me. Any house you live in will be ours. Only person you love will be ME Lucy.” My second orgasm was building and it was right there. He was hitting all the right spots. He was making angry love to me. We weren’t fucking, that much was obvious. But this wasn’t slow or sweet. It was fast, sweaty, and rough. “You own me Lucy,” my entire body was shaking. My orgasm was just on the brink but something was holding me back from going over the edge. He bent his head down and brought his mouth to my ear, “I FUCKING LOVE YOU.” He growled and I exploded. His thrusts got even faster and he let out a shaky breath. “So much.” He whispered. And I felt his body shudder as he started to lose his rhythm. I felt the first spurt of his seed in me, and then 3 or 4 more powerful ones flooded my womb.