Desire for Days

by Maggie Dallen

  She licked her lips and the action made him groan softly. Dammit, this woman couldn’t keep being so seductive if she was going to insult him and his life choices.

  “It’s not like I hate actors,” she said, sounding for all the world like she was trying to convince herself as well as him. “I just could never date one.”

  And there was the punch in the gut he had not seen coming. It seriously felt like she’d jabbed her hand straight into his solar plexus and was rooting around for his heart.

  He was being melodramatic, he told himself.

  But then again, he was an actor.

  He took a long sip of his drink, not trusting himself to respond. He was a laid back guy by nature. He didn’t like conflict and he certainly didn’t get bent out of shape over some comments that a prickly, cold co-worker said. Even if she had been hot as hell in bed.

  But much as he tried to remind himself that he did not seek out conflict, that was apparently exactly what he was doing. “What’s wrong with actors?”

  He met her gaze and watched as she set her jaw and pressed her lips together into a thin line. So, he wasn’t the only one on the defensive.

  Good.

  “They tend to be impractical.” She lifted one shoulder in a halfhearted shrug. “They’re often flaky. And they’re dreamers.” She said that last part like it was an accusation. She might as well have said, and they’re pickpockets.

  He found himself staring at her with his mouth partially open, at a loss for where to even start. “Have you even met an actor before?” He shook his head. “Look, maybe some are flaky and some are impractical, sure. Just like some HR executives are probably sloppy or immature.”

  He took a deep breath, trying to keep his voice under control. He did not lose his temper, dammit. Like… ever. But her words made him think of the cast he’d worked with for the past decade. Yes, there had been a couple divas in the bunch, but for the most part they were hard-working and down to earth. “Do you have any idea how motivated and determined someone has to be to make it in that field? They have to face rejection daily, and still get out of bed each morning with the same enthusiasm and determination. A good number of them take demeaning jobs or work several jobs at once just to pay the bills so they can keep doing what they love.”

  He leaned back, forcing himself to take another sip to calm his rapidly elevating pulse. “The actors I know work crazy long hours on set under varying conditions, spend their downtime memorizing and reading and studying, if not auditioning for other roles, and all while keeping their bodies in optimal condition on their off time.”

  Kennedy’s eyes were wide with shock as he set his glass down. He caught Kat giving him a curious look from across the table but he ignored her. He couldn’t seem to look away from Kennedy. He didn’t know why her opinion mattered so much to him, but it did. And he hated the fact that she couldn’t see it.

  “I’m sorry,” she said softly. “I promise I didn’t mean you.” She bit her lip and the small show of vulnerability was nearly his undoing. This woman was such a badass that the little gesture felt gargantuan. “I’ve been really impressed with your work ethic this week.”

  Her praise felt too good. The worst part was, after everything he’d just said about actors, he felt a little disgusted with himself and entirely unworthy of her praise.

  He rubbed his eyes, suddenly weary and tired. “Sorry, I just…” He looked up and met her gaze as he laughed softly. “I guess I wish I had the kind of determination and ambition that my fellow actors have.”

  Her brows pulled together and she leaned forward. “What are you talking about? You’ve been working your butt off this week, and your attitude has been great.”

  He laughed again, simultaneously loving and hating the fact that she was basically giving him an employee evaluation.

  “That’s not what I meant,” he said. “I meant that if I had their determination maybe I wouldn’t have quit acting just because I got killed off the show.”

  Her expression softened and she dropped the HR executive routine. “Is that what you want? To keep acting?”

  He thought about it. He’d thought about little else since he’d found out he was going to lose his role. “Yeah. I mean, ideally I’d get to keep doing what I love every day, right? But when I think about going out into that world, taking roles I don’t want to pay the bills, or having to wait tables to make ends meet. I’m just not sure I’m up to it.” The sad truth of it settled over him, making him feel like a failure. For the first time since he lost his cushy gig, he saw himself in a new light. He saw himself from her perspective, and he wasn’t sure he liked what he saw.

  She studied him. “Maybe you just don’t want it enough.”

  He nodded slowly. There was some truth there, and he took comfort in it. If he really wanted something, he would go for it. Wouldn’t he? “I’ve also never tried anything else, so there’s always this question in the back of my mind. What if I found something else I loved?” He shifted, leaning forward, wanting to be closer to her, even though she was quite clearly his harshest critic. Or at least his most critical. “I had an acting teacher who always used to say, if there’s anything else you might be happy doing, do that instead. Because it’s a hard life and not everyone is going to make it.”

  “Practical advice.” She gave him a lopsided smile. “I approve.”

  “I’m so glad,” he teased. Then he turned serious. “I guess I just feel like I’ve got to see if he’s right. I need to at least see if there’s something else I could be doing that would be equally satisfying.”

  She tilted her head to the side as if to see him better. “So that’s what you’re doing with the internship?”

  He nodded. “That’s what an internship is for, right? To try out positions and industries?”

  She pursed her lips before blowing out a long exhale. “Yeah, I suppose it is.”

  He wished he knew what was going on in that brilliant mind of hers, but the fact that her tone and her expression had taken on a new look, one that was filled with something like admiration, that was enough to make his heart soar.

  He temporarily forgot that he’d been beating himself up for not sticking with acting and for trying something new.

  When Kennedy leaned back in her seat, her gaze was entirely too watchful, her tone too casual. “So tell me, what is it you like about acting?”

  Uh oh. “You’re not going into work mode on me, are you?”

  Her quick flash of a smile told him he’d hit the nail on the head. She shrugged, unrepentant. “Helping people find a good fit in life is what gets me out of bed in the morning,” she said. “It’s why I love what I do and why I made a career out of it.” Her smile spread and she laughed softly. “So yeah, I guess I am going all work mode on you. But humor me, you might find that I’m pretty good at what I do.”

  She gave her another half shrug. Kat had wanted to have this same conversation with him but he’d pushed back. Maybe he just hadn’t been ready to talk about it when she’d tried to have the ‘what color is your parachute?’ conversation. Or maybe it had just seemed too weirdly intimate. But here, now… what the hell?

  He looked up to the ceiling, watching the overhead fan circle as he thought about her question. What did he like about acting? “Despite what you may think, it’s not about the fans and the daytime Emmys. It’s about losing myself in something and helping other people to lose themselves too.”

  He dropped his gaze and met Kennedy’s straightforward stare. He let out a small sigh. “You probably don’t need escapism like the rest of the world, but take my word for it that there are some people out there who are disheartened by what’s going on in the world, or overwhelmed by the stress of their daily life. They need an escape and I like that I can help provide that.”

  He thought she was going to laugh, but instead her brow furrowed. “I need escapes too. I understand the concept.”

  A laugh bubbled up in his chest at her defensive tone. One wo
uld have thought he’d just accused her not paying her taxes. “I’m sure you do.”

  “I do.” She opened her mouth but then seemed to change her mind and he was left wondering what she’d been about to say.

  That was when it occurred to him. He’d been an escape for her. That night. It had been a guilty pleasure, an escape from her real world. He supposed he shouldn’t be offended… but that didn’t stop his gut from churning at the thought.

  Which was ludicrous because she’d been a diversion for him as well. That was all it was meant to be. It wasn’t her fault he’d gone and read too much into things that night. He always did have a propensity to be a romantic and it shouldn’t have come as a shock that he’d read too much into amazing sex.

  Reading too much into things was kind of his thing. Kat and Yvette teased him mercilessly for his ability to get carried away early on in a relationship. He may or may not have thought he’d found the one multiple times during a first date. It typically wasn’t until date two or three that his eyes were opened to the truth about the woman he was seeing.

  Though, to be fair, he’d never gotten carried away on the first night meeting someone. Like every other time his eyes were opened, the truth slapped him across the face. And the fact that she was just as cynical about their little tryst as he now was made it feel like a double slap for some reason. No, a punch. Boom, boom. Two quick punches to the gut.

  He didn’t realize he’d been scowling until she broke into his thoughts. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “Like what?”

  Her expression changed to match his and he gave a grudging smile at her over the top frown. But his pride was still stinging… and maybe something else. He wasn’t at ease and his normal laid back, easy charm was nowhere to be found. “I don’t know,” he said, with more than a little huffiness. “I guess I’m just waiting for you to mock me for being an actor again.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Oh my God, I never mocked you for being an actor.”

  “You admitted you hate actors,” he said. Yeah, he was picking a fight. He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself.

  “I just meant that I don’t date actors,” she said, her tone getting sharper.

  “Good,” he said. “Because I don’t date judgy judgertons.” He’d said it with a haughty air and when her lips started to twitch in response, it was almost impossible not to join her.

  “Judgy judgertons?” she repeated.

  He stifled a laugh with his drink. “It’s a real term.”

  “Uh huh.” She sounded unconvinced but the tension between them eased as they both laughed at him.

  “Look it up,” he continued.

  She rolled her eyes again but this time she was smiling. “I’ll take your word for it. But point taken.” She cleared her throat and met his gaze. “I guess I do have a tendency to be a bit… judgy.”

  He grinned. He couldn’t help it. He had a feeling he’d just witnessed a miracle akin to some dude walking on water.

  Kennedy Farlow had just admitted to being judgy.

  Somehow life felt complete.

  The fact that she instantly went back to being defensive made it that much more entertaining.

  “You made your point about the dedication involved in acting and you’re right that maybe I’m too quick to jump to assumptions based on livelihood. However…” Her ‘however’ was loud and vehement. “Livelihood does reflect a person—their values, their skills, their priorities, and I think even you’d agree that actors are not terribly practical by nature. You said it yourself, it’s a tough field so to get up each day thinking you’re going to be the outlier who makes it big takes the personality of a dreamer, not a practical person.”

  He blinked at her stupidly. He couldn’t argue with that, though he was fairly certain she’d just put him in his place. Or in his category, rather. He was once again relegated to the undateable zone.

  Which was fine, because he’d meant what he’d said about not dating judgy women, which she admittedly was. “Fine,” he said. “So you don’t want to date me. I get it.”

  Her mouth snapped shut.

  “I’ll have you know you’re not my type either,” he continued. Shit. Why did he have to get the last word in? Now he felt like a petty asshole. He was about to drop the conversation, or change it at least, when Yvette’s teasing voice next to him interrupted their conversation.

  “Oh no,” she fake groaned. “He’s not talking about his ideal woman again, is he?”

  Kennedy’s gaze turned to him. He considered elbowing Yvette to keep her quiet or maybe just running away to get the hell away from Kennedy’s all-seeing stare. But before he could do either, the conversation got away from him.

  “His ideal woman?” Kennedy repeated, using the same silly tone Yvette had used. It was a tone that openly mocked the idea of an ideal woman.

  In his defense, he didn’t believe in a theoretical ideal woman, either. But he did believe that there was a woman out there for him. His one true love. And since Yvette and Kat had each found her one true love, it boggled his mind that they still acted like it was an impossibility.

  “Oh yes,” Yvette said. “She’s amazing.”

  Kat rolled her eyes and leaned in, clearly eager to add her jokes to the comedy show. “She’s also mythical.” To Kennedy she said, “Think of a unicorn, then imagine a leprechaun. Caleb’s dream woman lives somewhere between the two of them on the mythical charts.”

  Kennedy gave a snort of laughter as Caleb leaned back and pretended not to care that his best friends were openly mocking him and his dream woman in front of Kennedy.

  Kennedy—the woman who’d said several times now that she would never date him. Not that it mattered, he supposed, but a man still had his pride.

  And this particular man also had a penis, which was enraged to hear that he would never get another chance to sleep with her.

  But it was for the best. She was his supervisor, and they worked together, and she hated actors, and she irritated the hell out of him, and he’d actually lost his temper for a second there, and—

  And his list was cut short as he heard Kat and Yvette taking turns listing off the dream woman assets.

  “Funny, but not sarcastic,” Kat said.

  “Nurturing and sweet,” Yvette continued.

  “Kind to animals,” Kat said.

  By this point Kennedy was outright laughing.

  He looked to Bryce and Darren but they were talking to one another and apparently oblivious to the fact that their girlfriends were sabotaging his date.

  Not that this was a date.

  It wasn’t.

  But if it was…

  If it was it would have been over before it began. Because in a sense they were right. Those were all attributes he’d like in his ideal mate, and not a single one of them applied to Kennedy.

  Well, maybe she was nice to animals. He didn’t know. All he knew was she wasn’t terribly nice to people, and that was number one on his must-have list.

  And yes, he did have a list. There was nothing wrong with that. No one ever got what they wanted from life without having a vision of it first. And he had a vision. Now the universe just had to get on board and send her his way.

  The conversation eventually, mercifully switched to something else. The new, safe mundane topic revolved around the latest movies that were playing. And while he had to fight the urge to remind a surprisingly passionate fangirl named Kennedy that the movie she was so psyched to see did, in fact, require actors—he resisted.

  The tension was gone and she was having fun, and surprisingly so was he. Hours passed and drinks were drunk and by the time they were getting ready to leave, he found that he didn’t want to go home.

  Not alone, at least.

  Maybe there was no hope for the two of them, and obviously she was not the girl of his dreams. But like it or not, his body liked her body. And his brain, he could admit, was a little smitten with her brain.

/>   He had a crush, plain and simple. Maybe a bit of an infatuation. He could be honest with himself, and it was clear that she affected him more than a random hookup should.

  This was the best explanation he could come up with for why he lingered. He said goodbye to Kat and Bryce, then Yvette and Darren, as he and Kennedy nursed their drinks. She was the first to make a move for the door. Though, he noted with interest, she didn’t look like she was in a rush. Maybe she’d been enjoying the conversation as much as he had been.

  And maybe, just maybe, she was hoping this night would end like their last encounter.

  His heart leapt at the thought and his body went into overdrive. Maybe it was the drinks talking, but it suddenly seemed ludicrous that they weren’t fucking on a regular basis. Like, right now.

  Why weren’t they?

  Because she’s not the one, his brain reminded his dick. And he was a romantic who didn’t believe in sleeping around with random women. Not regularly, at least. That last time had been a fluke. A drunken mistake… that was also one of the best nights of lovemaking of his life.

  Hard to call that a mistake, actually. And if they did it again, would that qualify as a mistake? His penis clearly said no. His brain and his heart were suspiciously silent. But it might be a moot point, because she’d clearly thought that last time was a mistake and that was before they’d known that she was his superior.

  So yeah, this would definitely be a mistake.

  It wasn’t until they were out on the sidewalk that Kennedy broke the odd new silence between them. “So,” she said. “You waiting on a cab too?”

  He glanced over and caught her wicked smile—the one he hadn’t seen since that night. His brain made a popping sound before fizzling out completely. It was official. His brain was no longer running this show. That smile had ruined him for logic and reason.

  Penis, it’s all up to you now.

  “I’d be willing to share a cab,” he said in his best Dr. Brandon Reeves’ voice.

  She laughed softly. “Would you now?”

  He nodded. “It’s environmentally responsible.”

  “Mmhmm.” She was studying him openly and he held himself still, afraid that the wrong move would ruin everything.