Maybe Swearing Will Help

by Vale, Lani Lynn

  “Where the hell did she even get a gun from?” she asked.

  “That would be mine,” the father said, sounding sickened. “I forgot to take it out of my briefcase when I came in today.”

  Son of a bitch.

  “Wonderful,” Luke said. “Just fucking wonderful.” He looked at me. “What the hell am I going to tell her mother?”

  “Hey, Ford?” Ashe said, sounding tired. “Can I have your jacket? I’m freezing my ass off down here.”

  I didn’t even hesitate to give her the jacket. Even though I had a suspicion that she’d be keeping that one, too, if I wasn’t careful.

  ***

  I was rubbing my face, trying to get my shit together, when I heard the frantic calls of my parents and Ashe’s as they spoke urgently to someone at the nurses’ station.

  I walked around the corner upon hearing their voices and called out to them.

  “She’s over here.”

  Tru made it to me so fast that I blinked.

  And when her eyes were spilling over with tears, I couldn’t help myself.

  “She’s okay,” I promised, pulling her into my arms.

  Tru’s arms went around me so hard that I was a bit stunned at the strength behind her.

  Torren came up next, offering me his hand.

  “Tell us what happened,” he ordered.

  I did, telling them exactly what happened from the moment that we left their place.

  “And this girl who shot her,” Torren growled. “Is she in this hospital, too?”

  “Under arrest now,” I said. “Though, they’re going to evaluate her mental state now after everything that just happened.”

  Torren sighed.

  “That’s just fucking perfect.” Torren ran his hands down over his face. “That phone call took about two years off of my life.”

  “You should’ve tried seeing her get shot,” I said, rubbing my chest where it continued to ache. “I think I might’ve suffered a mini heart attack. It literally still hurts.”

  My mother curled her arms around my waist and squeezed me tight, making me feel marginally better.

  “Where is she?” Torren asked.

  I gestured to a room that was beyond where we were standing.

  “I was asked to step out so they could do a portable X-ray,” I told them when they all started forward at once.

  Just as I said that, the woman that’d asked me to step out came backing out of the room pulling her machine, leaving the door open behind her.

  That’s when my parents descended.

  “Trance!” Ashe said happily from inside the room. “Did you bring my puppy?”

  There was a moment of stunned silence and then my father said, “I, ahh, might’ve forgotten that I promised I’d bring it the next time I came down. I have to admit, my mind was on other things when I left.”

  Ashe sighed, long and loud.

  “I got shot through the fat,” she told them all just as I came into the room. “I’ll have to take about a week off of work while it heals, but luckily it didn’t hit anything vital. It was through and through. It’ll heal quite nicely, the plastic surgeon said.”

  There was a moment of silence and then Torren said, “If the chick that shot you wasn’t in police custody right now…”

  “I’m fine, Dad,” Ashe promised. “But I can admit that it hurts to get shot. I don’t ever want to do it again.”

  My lips twitched.

  “Also, Ford said that we were getting married. He gave me a ring.”

  My mouth fell open. “I didn’t say any such thing.”

  She held up the ring that had been in the jacket pocket and I groaned.

  “I…” I started to say but couldn’t figure out the words that wanted to come out.

  “In case anyone wants to know, I’ve said yes.” She fluttered her fingers out in front of her. “I love the ring, Viddy. Are you sure you want to part with it?”

  My mother snorted. “Yes, dear. I’m sure.”

  “Cool.” She stared at the ring. “I love it.”

  “I’m glad,” Viddy snickered.

  “Did y’all hear that I’m having a baby?” Ashe suddenly asked.

  “What’s wrong with her? Did she hit her head?” Torren asked.

  “No,” I said. “They shot her up with pain medication. And some dumbass touched her with latex gloves, so she had to have some Benadryl. And I think the combination of the two meds she’s had have affected her.”

  “They’ve affected me all right.” She squinted at me. “Did you know that I’m having a Chevy of my own?”

  My lips quirked. “Yes.”

  “I really am naming him Chevy. The only thing is, I’ll have to stop calling you that if I do,” she paused. “I still have Kia, though.”

  My parents were outright laughing behind me now.

  “Is that so?” I asked.

  She nodded. “Yes. It’s very gender-neutral. So it can be a boy name or a girl name. I’m hoping for a boy, though. Because I think it’d be funny if I wanted the baby to come out looking exactly like you. You’ve got very manly features. I like your strong arms and broad chest. Your beard and your pen—”

  I put my hand over her mouth.

  “Please remember that our parents are here,” I chided.

  She gaped. “I was going to say pen—”

  I placed my hand once again over her mouth and she glared.

  “Ashe,” I warned.

  She licked my hand, and I pulled my fingers away. “I was going to say pen…” She waited for me to stop her, and when I didn’t, she all but yelled, “PENIS!”

  We stood there, my face flaming, while Ashe all but told everyone that she liked my penis.

  She leaned around my big body so that she could stare at my mother.

  “You gave him a fine penis,” she informed her.

  I shook my head, my eyes going to the ceiling.

  “Ashe, honey.” Tru tried not to laugh, but she wasn’t successful.

  “Jesus Christ,” Torren said. “That’s how you got into this predicament in the first place. I told you to stay away from boys. Especially that one.”

  Ashe batted her eyes at her father. “You might have, but I’m glad that I didn’t. Then I wouldn’t have experienced his magical—”

  I placed my hand over her mouth. “If you say penis again, I’m going to walk out of this room.”

  I moved my hand and waited.

  She batted her eyelashes at me innocently.

  When she leaned around me again, she looked at my father this time.

  “Not that I ever think about you in that way, because why would I when Ford’s right there, but I’m assuming I have you to thank more than Viddy for that fine appendage,” she pointed out.

  Then she promptly closed her eyes and passed the hell out.

  Thank. God.

  Chapter 22

  Me? Overreacting? Probably.

  -Coffee Cup

  Ashe

  I woke up from my nap to hear my favorite voice in the world.

  “…apparently she got pissed over a fight they had and ran from him. Lacy’s parents were able to ascertain a little bit from her over the course of the weekend. She moved in with him down the street. Jeff said that every time she would get sad, he’d get her a cat. And she’d stay. He didn’t put any limits on where she could go or what she could do. Which was how she got the cats to Ashe’s shelter.” Ford paused. “She apparently did this while he was at work. But he’d just go steal more when she got sad all over again. Apparently when she crossed the road in front of that motorist, he was able to recognize her and call it in. Thinking that her boyfriend was going to get mad that she was seen, she’d tried to cut across the cold pond and couldn’t make it. We started searching, and that’s when we found her.”

  I smiled at Ford’s words.

  He’d found out quite a bit since I was last awake and aware.


  That was good.

  “Then he came up here looking for her.”

  My dad.

  What was my dad doing here?

  “Yep,” Ford confirmed. “And then Ashe wouldn’t let him pass. So Lacy shot her.”

  So that was why my leg hurt so badly.

  I blinked my eyes open, the haze of pain still very much there.

  I must’ve made a sound, or moved in some way, because seconds after opening my eyes, Ford’s rather large head was filling up my vision.

  “Hey, Soot,” he teased. “You’re okay.”

  I licked my lips. “I know I’m okay, Chevy.”

  There were snorts of laughter around the room.

  “Why is everyone laughing at that?” I asked curiously.

  “You told us before you fell asleep that you were calling our baby Chevy,” he hedged.

  I narrowed my eyes, knowing there was more to the story.

  “I like it,” he commented.

  But something else filtered into my conscience before I could question him on what he was hiding. “The baby.”

  I whispered it so softly that there wasn’t an immediate outcry from the room beyond.

  Ford smoothed my hair away from my eyes. “You’re okay. So is the baby.”

  There was a collective sigh of relief from everyone in the room.

  The soft kiss that Ford placed on my mouth caused everyone in the room to shut up.

  When he pulled away, his eyes were full of laughter.

  “That’s still so weird to see,” Banner said. “I keep expecting her to haul back and punch him in the nose.”

  There were sounds of agreement all around me.

  “So Ashe and I,” Ford said, not taking his eyes off of me. “We’re going to get married once she’s out of school. Oh, and you’re going to be grandparents to a Chevy whether it’s a boy or a girl. Also, we’re moving in together as soon as I can get all her shit moved to my place, and since y’all are here, you might as well help.”

  “You used to hate each other,” Banner said from his dark corner. “Are y’all sure?”

  “Turns out, we love each other.” Ford shrugged. “Hate is there sometimes, too. But mostly love.”

  I snorted, then wished I hadn’t when it made my head hurt.

  “Why does my head hurt?” I moaned, bringing my hand up to my head.

  Ford caught it before I could catch my IV on anything on the way up.

  “Someone used some latex gloves on you, and they pumped you through with drugs after that,” he paused. “You were also shot in your thigh. But that probably hurts not so bad right now.”

  I sighed, lifting my arm up to stare at the hives.

  “Yeah,” I muttered. “Of course, they used latex gloves on me. Those will be there for days.”

  “Well,” my mother muttered. “The good thing is you’re off for the next few days. You were informed that you could take the week off by your uncle Luke. So maybe by the time you get back to work, those’ll be gone.”

  I shook my head. “I have a test tomorrow that I’m not missing.”

  “Ashe…” Ford began, but I was already shaking my head.

  “I’ll be fine.” I turned my eyes to the people in the room with me. “Why is everyone all looking at me like I’ve done something amusing?”

  Ford sighed. “You were a chatty person when you were high on your pain meds. Let’s just leave it at that.”

  And, for some reason, I trusted him.

  I did just leave it at that.

  Epilogue

  Marry someone that doesn’t even flinch when your toenail hits them.

  -Ashe’s secret thoughts

  Ashe

  Six years later

  “Hey, can you pass me those toenail clippers?” I asked Ford.

  Ford reached over absently, then handed them over without once looking away from the football game on the television.

  He lifted the beer to his lips, then grimaced at the taste.

  “Do you want a cold one?” I asked him.

  He handed me the partially warm one, and I put it in the cupholder between us before getting up and fishing him a cold one out of the door of the fridge.

  Walking back, I handed it over, carefully took a seat next to the baby that was asleep in his Boppy and proceeded to cut my toenails.

  One rogue one went flying and landed on Ford’s lap.

  He looked down, flicked it off with one finger, then tossed me a glare.

  My lips twitched, and I went back to cutting my toenails.

  One by one.

  “I’m going to be finding those for a month,” he muttered before taking a sip of his beer.

  We were currently hanging out in the living room, acting like we weren’t about to fall the fuck to sleep.

  “It’s not like I can help where they go,” I said softly. “I cut them, and they just go flying. If I could say, hey, you toenail, I want you to go right there and not any further, I would. But I can’t. And it’s not like you haven’t done the same thing to me before.”

  His lips quirked. “Yeah. But if that thing hits me in the face, I’m going to tickle the shit out of you.”

  “Did you know that Lacy can’t have toe nail clippers where she’s at?” I asked. “They don’t even give her metal dinnerware. She has to eat using a plastic spork.”

  Ford ignored me.

  He hated talking about Lacy.

  Even more, he hated that Lacy was now in a psychiatric facility and not a prison where she could rot.

  I didn’t mind, honestly. With any luck, it would get her the help that she needed. Oh, and hopefully she stayed there for the rest of her life so my man could have peace of mind.

  Though, the way it was going, I doubted that she’d ever see the outside of that place. The longer that Jeff, who luckily wised up and got the hell away from all the drama that was Lacy, stayed away, the worse that Lacy got. She was a mess, and apparently begged to see Jeff every single day.

  At least, that was the update that I’d gotten this morning when I’d called for my twice yearly check on her.

  The baby behind me started to squirm, so I finished up with my toenails, and then handed the clippers back to Ford before getting the baby that was seconds away from fussing.

  Ford Junior, better known as FJ, was his father’s son.

  He was impatient, demanding, and didn’t take no for an answer.

  Honestly, it was easier to just give him what he wanted when he wanted it, otherwise he would never let you hear the end of it.

  Sitting back in the chair, I cuddled FJ into my side and lifted my shirt, all the while I could feel Ford’s hot eyes on me.

  “Did I tell you how hot it is seeing you feed our kid?” he teased.

  I sighed and focused on the football game he was watching, trying not to have perverted thoughts about Ford while I was feeding his son.

  And after I put him to bed twenty minutes later, making sure that he was wrapped up tight so he wouldn’t be able to work out of his swaddle, I crept out of the room.

  Right into Ford’s arms.

  “It’s been six weeks,” he growled.

  I licked my nervous lips.

  “Yeah,” I admitted. “But I also started work yesterday. I have this case that I need to look into. All the detectives have been stumped. And I have a few from Longview…eek!”

  When he tossed me onto the bed a minute later, there was no protest anywhere in sight.

  Because Ford was right.

  It had been six weeks.

  And six weeks without Ford felt like a lifetime.

  ***

  Ford

  The car pick-up line was hell.

  And I knew exactly why Ashe didn’t feel like she was up to it.

  She’d started back at work today, and had woken up twice through the night with FJ, and then again for the day well before she had to wake Chevy up
for school.

  Whatever you do, don’t get into Lane B.

  Ashe’s words from earlier, after our doctor visit, stuck with me as I pulled up in my cruiser to the entrance of the school parking lot.

  I’d already been in line ten minutes, which was another thing Ashe had gotten so pissed about lately.

  She said that the elementary school and the intermediate school, which now shared the same pick-up and drop-off line, now got out at the same time as well. Something new that’d started this year in comparison to Chevy’s last year in school.

  Thinking that she was overreacting, but not willing to admit it, I smiled and told her that I would swing by on my break to get our son.

  “Hi, Officer,” one of the teachers purred.

  I smiled, even though that smile didn’t reach my eyes. “How’s it going?”

  The teacher blinked rapidly at me, and I assumed that was her trying to flirt.

  “It’s going good. Lane B.” She grinned widely.

  Lane B.

  Fuck.

  But, I guess if I truly wanted to experience what Ashe had been going through with the pick-up line, I had to be in Lane B to do it.

  So, being one of the first ones in Lane B, I was thinking it was going to be good.

  I was wrong.

  Very, very wrong.

  Seeing as I’d never done the pick-up thing before, only the drop-off, I had no idea how it all worked.

  But the teacher mid-way down who was taking our numbers and then relaying it to people inside smiled and pointed at me to wait at the end of the parking lot, and the teachers would bring my son to the car.

  Thinking that it was good, I did as requested. Then waited.

  And waited.

  And waited.

  And waited some more.

  All the while, I kept an eye on the cars that’d come in after me.

  Everybody but two more parents got directed to Lane A.

  And, over the course of the next ten minutes, thirteen cars found their way through Lane A, all of them from behind me.

  This happened over and over again.

  By the time the eighteenth car had passed, I’d had enough.

  Getting out of my cruiser, I walked over to the first parent in that line and smiled.

  “This happen all the time?” I asked.

  The parent sighed long and loud. “God yes. I hate Lane B.”