by Doc King
- It’s never happened before?
- Yeah. – I lie.
It actually did happen, for the first time, sometime in the second year of college. At that raging party at Gonzalo’s. There was snow up to the door, at it had been bitterly cold for a whole week, but there were so many people at the party, most of them stayed outside, crowding on the lawn and even in the empty pool. Luckily, I was good friends with the host, so I got inside. There, I finally met Sally, whom I had a crush on since the first year of college. She had short blond hair, crooked teeth, and freckles on her cheekbones. At the time, I was sure I would never meet a more beautiful woman than her. We met by the stairs.
- Hi. – she said.
- Hi. – I almost choked on my own response.
- Are you having a good time? – she asked.
- Yeah, it’s awesome. – I responded instantly.
- I’m bored. – she said with a bratty expression on her face, which I found absolutely irresistible.
I had always pictured her as a nerd, just like me. She dressed that way, and she was always carrying a load of books. That’s why, by those stairs, I was trying to impress her by talking about films and music, talking like a physic woodpecker. I wasn’t doing it on purpose, I simply didn’t know of any other way to talk to people of the opposite sex. Most of the girls with whom I’d get into similar conversations would get bored after half an hour and go grab a drink, after which they would not return to me, but walk up to some guy who would say the right things, the one’s that’d make them giggle loudly.
Sally wasn’t looking for some nerdy talk either, but she was different than the rest. She had enough patience for the inexperienced guys like me.
- Wanna go upstairs? – she interrupted the feat of boredom with an indifferent expression on her face.
- Upstairs? – I stuttered.
- Yeah. Let’s find us some quieter place. I hear nothing with the music in here.
She was right. The new Limp Bizkit album was tearing up the speakers, for the third time, and the drunken crowd was lovin’ it.
We went upstairs. Sally led the way, holding my hand. Her warm palm on mine. I followed her, lost, like a zombie. Sally took a peek into the first room on the right and closed the door immediately.
- Bathroom. – she whispered.
She opened the door to the next room and dragged me inside. Gonzalo’s folks’ master bedroom; it was half-dark in there, illuminated only by the bluish light coming from the outside.
- Brrr... – Sally shivered with cold and pulled me closer.
She kissed me on the lips. Her breath was aromatic, as if she’d been drinking some strawberry drink. Then she pushed me onto the bed.
She took off her blouse and was wearing only a tiny bra; then she looked at me sitting on the edge of the bed, with a question mark hanging over my head.
- What are you waiting for? Take off your clothes and warm up the bed for me.
She continued undressing; first taking off her pants and socks in one swift movement, then the bra, and finally, the panties. I was still paralyzed, faced with her bluish skin and small dark triangle between her legs. I took off my shirt and pants. I slid under the covers, still in my underwear. I was so flummoxed, I didn’t even take off my socks.
Sally slid down next to me and immediately put her hand on my penis.
- Why are you still in your underwear? – she whispered.
She didn’t wait for an answer, but took it off herself. She caressed my dick, that is, tried to, holding it between her thumb and forefinger. That was about as much as she could grab of my floppy snail. Sally then went down under the covers and put it in her mouth. She blew it slowly and first I felt a ticklish feeling in my crotch. The way she swirled her tongue around the glans made me think it wasn’t the first time she did that. But I couldn’t think. Hundreds of explosions echoed in my head as Sally’s lips slid down my cock, which was getting aroused and bigger.
- That’s better. – she looked at me with a smile.
She got up and sat on top of me. She took my penis in her hand and slowly slid it inside her vagina.
- Just don’t cum inside me. – she whispered into my ear.
No more than five thrusts later, I felt my buddy getting floppy again. Falling out of her. Sally patiently went down under the covers again for some CPR. It got hard again. She put it back inside and started moaning quietly and moving her hips faster and faster. My penis didn’t follow her rhythm. Out of the game, again.
- Wanna try some other position? – she asked.
She lay down on her back and spread her legs. She pulled me closer with one hand and took my dick with the other, and then started vigorously stroking it up and down. It didn’t respond.
- Fuck, it doesn’t work. – I mustered.
I lay down on the bed, next to her.
- I’m sorry. – I said quietly.
- It happens. It will be better next time. – she snuggled down with me and kissed me on the cheek.
There was no next time. At least not with Sally. We were acquaintances who would say hi or wave at each other in passing, but nothing ever happened between us again. I tried to hook up with her a couple of times, but she explained, patiently and rationally, how that was impossible. I was really pathetic and desperate on several occasions, but she was relentless. After that night, I was even more in love with Sally and I pined over her for months.
I got over her, of course, but I also remained awkward when it came to women. There were many acquaintances and not as much sex, but when it happened, it was more or less successful. No erection mishaps. Not since that night with Sally. Until tonight.
- Would you like to sleep over? – Ann rouses me from my thoughts.
- No, thanks. I have to be at work early in the morning.
- Well, your business suit is here.
- I know, but I need to take a shower.
- You can do that here.
- But what should I wear then?
- Argh, you’ve got an answer to everything. – she sits up in the bed and crosses her arms with an angry expression on her face.
I try to lighten things up. I come closer to her and run my fingers through her hair.
- What are you doing?
- Well, I thought we could cuddle a bit.
- I picked you up so you could fuck my brains out. I’m not interested in cuddling.
- Don’t be like that. It must be the alcohol.
- You men always have an excuse for everything. For every failure.
- Well, this is just a tiny mishap.
- Your dick is comatose. Trust me, that’s far from a tiny mishap.
- It’s never happened before.
- So what? Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? Stroke your gentleman until he decides to dignify me with an erection? Fuck that! If that was what I wanted, I would’ve stayed at home. I already have one like that up there. So full of excuses.
I back away.
- I think you should leave.
I don’t respond, so she screams once again.
- Get out!
I stand outside the hotel. It’s a silent night, I hear only a homeless man coughing down the street. No cabs in sight. I walk down to the next block, hoping to find one. As I walk, I think about the erection mishap. Was it really because of the bourbon? Or was it Bryan? It was probably the stress and the lack of discipline regarding exercises that caused this embarrassment. I’ll have to fix that. Do the exercises regularly and persistently so I make sure this doesn’t happen again.
***
In the morning, I can barely hear the alarm. It takes a lot of willpower to make myself take a shower and get dressed. It’s been a while since the last time I was so uneager to go to work. I’d rather stay at home, watching movies and drinking beer. Fuck all this.
This dark mood follows me as I walk into ThinkBean. I drag myself to the elevator and down the hall to my office. God, just don’t let me run into Bryan. I’m so tense I don’
t even notice Laura is not at her desk. But that doesn’t matter now.
I’m at my office for no more than two minutes, when the phone starts ringing.
- Morning, Mark. – It’s Angela. – Could you come see me right away?
Just don’t let Bryan be there.
- Sure, I’m coming.
She’s alone at the office. As usual, she’s wearing her glasses in the middle of her nose while staring at her laptop. She waves me in as soon as she sees me.
- Hello, Angela. – I try to look cheerful. – How are you?
- Fine, Mark, thanks for asking. How are you? It seems that you left the office yesterday in not so great mood.
- I’m fine. Really. I was just surprised to see him, that’s all.
- Good. I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen between you two; it would seriously interfere with the cooperation and atmosphere at the firm.
- No, of course not.
- If you have anything to say, I’d like to hear it. The look on your face when you saw Bryan yesterday…
- Oh, it’s nothing serious. – I smile. – Just some silly college stuff.
She doesn’t really believe me.
- How are we doing with Kolba?
- Well. Great, actually. I’ll send in the report today.
- Good. The board hasn’t decided anything yet, but Kolba will most probably remain your client. Bryan will probably work on other projects. But you didn’t hear this from me.
- Got it.
- What’s going on? Aren’t you going to ask me about Laura? – the serious expression on her face is finally replaced with a smile.
- What?
- You haven’t noticed that she’s gone?
- Um… the desk is empty, yes. What’s wrong?
- She called in sick. Some kind of virus. I think you should call her, check how she’s doing. – she winks at me.
- I will. – I smile with relief.
- Now, scoot, I’ve got tons of work to do. And don’t forget to send me the report.
I call Laura as soon as I get into my office. It’s ringing. She’s not answering. I don’t even get her voicemail. The call ends automatically after a couple of minutes. Maybe she’s sleeping. I try again later. Three times. But Laura’s not answering.
I think about surprising her after work. Getting her oranges or something. But I don’t know where she lives. We’ve been working together for so long, and I don’t know her address. It would be stupid if I asked someone. And maybe someone’s already taking care of her. My ears go red at the idea. No, we won’t be opening that door.
I sit in my armchair and start typing the report. I don’t call Laura anymore.
Greg calls me around half past one.
- Hey, Mark, my man.
- Hey, Greg.
- I haven’t heard from you in a while. How are you?
- Fine. It’s just that I’ve been too busy these days, I guess. I’m sorry.
- Always apologizing. – he laughs loudly; he’s somewhere in the street, I can hear the noise of the cars.
- Listen, Kiara and I are celebrating the Cholesterol Day today. Later, we’re going out for some burgers and fries. Would you like to join us?
- Thanks for the invite, Greg, I’d love to…
Discipline, Mark, discipline.
- ... But I’ll have to pass this time. I’m on a diet. Lasts two weeks. It’s pretty strict… So, no room for cholesterol.
- Suit yourself. If you change your mind, give me a call. We’re going out around 4. We can pick you up, if you’d like.
- Thanks, Greg. I’ll call if I decide to come.
Of course I’m not coming. Last night, I decided to get things back on track. I have really let myself go. Like most men, I have a soft spot for fast food. Plus the everyday stress and spending the whole day sitting; problems with libido and erection are practically inevitable. One of the first things I had to change when I began doing penis exercises was the diet. You have to steer clear of fatty and high-calorie food, or at least avoid it as much as possible.
For a harder erection, better sperm, and a larger penis, you have to stick to a special diet regimen, which I’ve been failing to do lately. So, the first thing I’ll sacrifice is Wechler’s. For two weeks. Sausages are fatty and packed with calories, and beer contains estrogen, which is bad for the male hormones.
For two weeks, I will be living like a Spartan. Nothing but exercises, healthy diet, rich in zinc, thiamin, vitamin B6, omega-3 acids…
That’s why I’m already making a list in my head of all the groceries I should pick up after work: salmon, oat flakes, broccoli, bananas, pumpkin seed, chili peppers, low-fat pork, garlic, red onions…
All of this food helps raise testosterone levels and aids erection, ejaculation, and size improvement, and I haven’t had any it in my house or on my menu in a while.
Coffee is also important. But not too much of it, a cup a day. There, I’ll start with that. A cup of hot coffee from the coffee machine.
I step into the hall and freeze. I see Bryan talking to one of the girls from the PR section. He looks at me, but does not react. He turns back to the girl who is laughing at some joke of his. He’s smiling, too. Someone who doesn’t know him like I do would think he’s pleasant and attractive. I don’t know if I should go and grab my coffee or wait for Bryan to go away. I screw up my courage, while my pulse is racing. Discipline.
I turn left towards the coffee machine. While the diarrhea-colored stuff slowly drips into the cup, I expect Bryan to come sneaking up behind my back. The thought of it gives me chills. I can even hear that horror movie music crescendoing in my head.
I turn around, but the hallway is empty. I peek left at the corner. Bryan isn’t there anymore. I go back to my office and lounge in my armchair. It’s all so strange. I expected Bryan to come after me like a hound first thing in the morning. But no. He’s still. However, the day isn’t over yet. There’s still time for him to activate.
To my surprise, the whole workday goes by, and nothing happens.
To be honest, I expected Bryan to attack me on all fronts. I’m not sure if I should be happy or concerned about the current situation. I would be relieved, but I know how unpredictable Bryan’s always been. Just when you relax and think he’s left you alone, he drags you out of your shelter and sucks your blood.
Old Mark would be shivering with anxiety and having panic attacks, but over the years, I’ve learned how to face my fears and shortcomings. That’s how I got where I am today. So, I will not be afraid today, but enjoy the lovely day filled with new beginnings. I’ll enjoy the moment, like my acquaintance from the other night, Lulu, says.
After work, I spend some time sitting in the park. I enjoy the sounds and the view, as usual. After that, I go shopping and buy the stuff from the list I made today. No poisons or trash on it. Just healthy groceries to help me achieve my goal – to be a better and more successful man.
On my way home, I do something I haven’t done for a while: I stop and chat with my neighbors. They’re happy about it, and so am I.
For lunch, which is, in this case, both lunch and dinner, I cook pork with broccoli and garlic. I drink one glass of red wine. In the evening, I do the standard set of penis exercises, in a somewhat extended session. I finish edging and go to bed early, calm and content.
***
I wake up before the alarm goes off. My yesterday’s mood is still there, although my stomach is cramping a bit again. I fix myself a smoothie and a salmon sandwich to eat at work. At the entrance, I look around nervously and the cramp is twisting and tying my stomach in knots.
I see Bryan a few steps away. He’s carrying papers in one hand. Waves at me with the other when he sees me and then walks into his office. What the…?
I’m completely puzzled. I can imagine the expression on my face right now. I go to my office. Laura didn’t come to work today either. I won’t call her today, because she didn’t answer any of the missed calls yesterday.
I drop my pants down to my knees. I make a ring using my thumb and forefinger and put it around the glans of my flaccid penis. I stretch the penis, but not too much. I do it, but not overdo it. The point is not in feeling pain, but in stretching the tissue. I keep it stretched for two seconds. Inhale and exhale. I loosen it, but don’t let go of the penis. I hold it like that for two seconds. Inhale and exhale. I repeat the stretch. Loosen. And do 30 such reps. An extremely efficient exercise to be done in the morning or before going to sleep, especially if a tight schedule leaves you with little time to exercise.
Apart from the mornings and the evenings, you can do this exercise whenever you’ve got a couple of minutes to hop to the restroom or some other room where you can be alone for a minute. Doesn’t sound like much, but it’s more than enough to help you gain a couple of inches in the long run.
I finish the exercise, wash my hands, and go back to my office.
While I’m working at my desk, I decide to do another set of exercises that are not really demanding, at least as far as discretion is concerned. A doctor called Arnold Kegel came up with the exercises, so they’re named after him. He designed them as therapy for urinary incontinence, both in men and women, but over time, the exercises were proven to lead to several other improvements, in the sex department. Men who did Kegel exercises had a bigger, better, and stronger erection, and solved the problem of premature ejaculation. That’s why the exercises became a standard part of the penis enlargement exercises.
