Surrender to Marriage

by Sandra Field

  It wasn’t the moment for Jake to remember how his own eyes and Daniel’s had locked together for a few brief moments at the rink; or how profoundly uneasy that contact had left him. What did he know about parenting? Nothing. Not one thing. He’d steered as clear of babies as he had of commitment. His friends tended to be singles, or couples who were putting off parenthood until they’d made their first million; which was the way he’d liked it. No fuss, no muss.

  “I can learn,” he said, wishing he sounded more convincing.

  “Daniel’s doing just fine without you. He has no lack of male role models, my three brothers see to that. His marks are good, he loves hockey, he has lots of friends. He doesn’t need a father appearing out of the blue.”

  She ran her fingers through her tangled curls, trying to ignore the conflict in Jake’s face. “There’s something else you haven’t even thought of—this is Daniel’s home. Cranberry Cove. Not New York City. You’ll tear him apart if you make him spend weekends and holidays with you, and then dump him back here for the rest of the time. After a while, he won’t know where his home is.”

  “People are more important than places.”

  “His people are here,” she said stonily. “Go away and forget about us, Jake. You’re good at that.”

  “It’s too late—I can’t just forget that I have a son,” Jake said savagely.

  In a gesture that shocked him with its violence, she kicked the nearest rock with her foot. “You’re like this granite—immovable!”

  He gave an unexpected laugh. “You’re like a she-wolf fighting for her cub.”

  “And why wouldn’t I be?”

  “You’re also exactly like me—stubborn’s your middle name.”

  “We’ve got to stop this,” she cried. “Daniel’s far too important for us to be standing here trading insults.”

  “Finally there’s something we can agree on.”

  Jake wasn’t going to go away, Shaine realized with a sick feeling in her belly; nothing she’d said had made any impression on him. But there was one more tack she hadn’t tried. She said levelly, “I want you to do me a favor.”

  “Depends what it is.”

  “I want you to leave the cove this morning without seeing Daniel. I want you to go back to New York and think very hard about whether you really do want to be a father. Because if there’s something I’ve learned in the last twelve years, it’s that parenting is one of the biggest commitments there is. I’d be willing to bet you’re commitment-phobic.”

  “Until now, I have been—and you’re partly responsible for that,” he said in a steel voice. “But I didn’t just have to be ruthless to get to the top—I had to be flexible. Willing to change. Open to new possibilities.”

  “Daniel’s not a business deal!”

  “Don’t insult me more than you already have.”

  She had the grace to look momentarily ashamed of herself. “I’m sorry,” she muttered. “But I haven’t finished. I want you to take a whole week and think about this. At the end of the week, you can phone me. I’ll give you the telephone number of the shop, so you don’t talk to Daniel by mistake.”

  Her voice suddenly shaky, she stretched out one hand in unconscious supplication. “Don’t you see, Jake? This is a decision that can change three lives irrevocably, in ways we can’t possibly anticipate. And one of those three lives is Daniel’s—he’s only twelve years old. This is much too significant for you to make a rash decision that’s based on anger.”

  Jake felt a sudden rush of respect for the woman who’d just abandoned her pride to plead. He, better than most, knew how proud Shaine could be. And she was right. He was angry. Angry and hurt and, deep down, afraid. “If, after thinking about it, I say I want a part in Daniel’s life, will you fight me on that, Shaine?”

  “No,” she said quietly, “I won’t.”

  There was a lump in his throat. Swallowing hard, he said, “You’ve learned a lot by staying in the cove.”

  “I wouldn’t have expected you to understand that.”

  She looked exhausted. Jake took two steps forward and enfolded her in his arms. She fit perfectly, just as she had so long ago. In a gesture that touched him to the core, she rested her forehead on his shoulder. “So you’ll do it?” she whispered.

  “Yes.”

  She sagged in his embrace. It wasn’t lust he was feeling, at least not predominantly, Jake realized. It was tenderness. Not sure he wanted to pursue that thought, he said, “I won’t call you on the weekend because of Daniel. How about a week from Monday around ten in the morning?”

  “Fine.”

  Something in her voice alerted him. He raised her chin with one hand, seeing a bright shimmer of tears clinging to her lashes. “Shaine, don’t,” he said helplessly, “I never could stand it when you cried.”

  The faintest of smiles curved her lips. “Remember when I failed algebra?”

  “All I had in my pocket was a handkerchief I’d used to wipe my skate blades…yeah, I remember.”

  She grimaced. “And then you tutored me for six months—you were the toughest teacher I ever had.”

  “But you made 98 in the final exam.” He grinned down at her. “Tell me what’s the matter now.”

  Evading his gaze, she muttered, “Nothing.”

  “You’ve been lonely, haven’t you?” he said with the air of a man who’s just had a blinding insight.

  “Oh, shush. This is about Daniel, not about me.”

  “Not sure how to separate the two of you. If you let me into his life, I can help out. Financially, of course, that goes without saying. But—”

  “You can’t buy him!” she said, panic-stricken. Wasn’t that another of her many fears? How could Daniel be immune to the kind of money Jake had? No young boy would be.

  “Just when I start to think we’re acting like reasonable human beings, you belt me one,” Jake rasped. “If I’m that bad, why aren’t you setting the local police chief on me?”

  “Jake, I’ve got to go—Daniel’ll be home from hockey in the next few minutes and we can’t risk him meeting you. Will you go back to the road through the woods?”

  He nodded reluctantly. “I’m parked outside your shop.”

  She stepped away from him, gazing out at the ocean as though she’d never seen it before. “Goodbye,” she said.

  He didn’t like the finality in her tone. Not one bit. Because it reminded him of how she’d said goodbye to him all those years ago, her lips set stubbornly in just the same way?

  He was older now, and he’d learned a thing or two. He said equably, “Goodbye, Shaine. In case I decide I don’t want to meet Daniel, I should tell you I’ll be making a monthly deposit in a savings account for him in a bank in Corner Brook—I’ll let you know the details. That way, he’ll have more options for whatever he decides to do with his life.”

  “You can’t do that!”

  “Try and stop me,” he said.

  “I won’t touch the money.”

  “That’s right, you won’t—it’ll be in his name.”

  She looked as though she was about to explode. Giving her a bland smile, Jake walked away from her. He hadn’t imagined that flash of disappointment in her eyes, he knew he hadn’t: Shaine had been expecting—hoping?—he’d kiss her goodbye.

  He’d wanted to, of course he had. But she didn’t have to know that.

  Shaine stayed where she was as Jake’s back retreated through the trees. Now that he knew about Daniel, her terror should have abated. But it hadn’t. If anything, it was worse.

  She tried very hard to think calmly and logically. If Jake decided he didn’t want to meet their son, she didn’t have to worry.

  But what if that wasn’t his decision? What then?

  Was she afraid of losing Daniel?

  She sat down on the rocks, watching a flock of eiders wheel over the waves. Jake was forceful, ruthless and charismatic; she, of all people, knew that. He was also extraordinarily rich. If Jake decided he wanted Da
niel, how could she withstand him?

  I’d never try and take Daniel from you. But could she believe him? Years ago he’d destroyed her ability to trust. She’d believed in the bedrock of their friendship just as she believed in the hardness of the granite on which she was sitting. But Jake, in those long years of silence after he’d left the cove, had betrayed friendship in a way she’d been too young and too idealistic to anticipate.

  Betrayal: a powerful and frightening word.

  Shaine clasped her hands tightly in her lap and prayed with all her strength that she’d never see Jake again.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  TWO days later, when Jake stepped from the cabin cruiser onto the wharf of the seaside resort, his first thought was that Shaine would like it here; his second that Daniel probably would, too, despite the boy’s love of ice hockey.

  Who could not like it?

  He was on one of the forest-clad islands lodged between the mountainous shoreline and the Great Barrier Reef in Queensland. The island’s own reef encircled it with clear turquoise water, and was encircled in turn by water of a much deeper blue. Blue like his son’s eyes, Jake had thought as his plane had come in to land. Was it coincidence that he was about as far from Cranberry Cove as it was possible to get? “Hello, Ma,” he said, and embraced his petite, determinedly brunette mother with genuine affection.

  “I’m so glad you came to join us for a few days,” Anna Sarton said. “This vacation is one of the nicest birthday presents I’ve ever had, thank you so much, Jake.” She smiled fondly at her second husband. “Except for Henry, of course. We met on my birthday, did I ever tell you that, darling?”

  Jake grinned. “Several times. Ma, you look great.” Then he gave his stepfather a hug. “Good to see you, Henry.”

  “You must be ready for a swim,” his mother said. “The ocean pools are wonderful, and they bring your drinks and snacks right to the edge of the water.”

  His mother had never quite been able to shake off her upbringing in a small and often harsh Newfoundland fishing village; her sense of wonder at all the world had to offer was one of her many likable traits. She and Henry refused to accept any regular support from Jake; so he made sure they had at least three luxury-laden holidays a year. “A swim would be great,” he said. “Get the kinks out.”

  The next few days should have been guaranteed to get any number of kinks out; especially when Jake was working so hard at having a good time. He knew he couldn’t sit down and rationally decide what he was going to do about Shaine and Daniel; he had to wait until the answer became clear to him. In the meantime, he intended to play and play hard. He snorkeled, went scuba diving, kayaking, and sailing. He danced in the clubs at night, not always with his mother. He flirted.

  None of it worked. The women, scantily clad and sending out signals galore that they were available, were not Shaine. The young boys vacationing with their parents reminded him painfully of Daniel. Six of the nine days before he was to phone Shaine with his decision fled past.

  Who was occupying more of his thoughts, his son or Shaine? If she’d appeared at poolside in a bikini made of fake emeralds on tiny scraps of fabric, like the blonde who was sending suggestive glances his way, he’d have thrown her over his shoulder, taken her to his flower-bedecked bedroom and made love to her until neither one of them could walk across the room, let alone back to the pool.

  He didn’t want the blonde, gorgeous though she was. He wanted argumentative, fiery-haired Shaine, too thin, obstinate as the cliffs of the cove and twice as dangerous.

  If he took an active role in his son’s life, he’d be in contact with Shaine for at least the next six years.

  If he took an active role? What choice did he have? Hadn’t the decision been made in the rink when he and his son had stared at each other for what had felt like ten minutes and had probably been no more than ten seconds? He couldn’t walk away from Daniel. He’d never be able to live with himself if he did that.

  Blood really was thicker than water, Jake thought moodily, watching the salt drops dry on his bare thighs. He’d like to teach Daniel scuba diving. But he didn’t even know if the boy knew how to swim…

  “What’s wrong, darling?” Anna said, briefly resting her bejeweled fingers on his arm. “You don’t seem yourself.”

  They were sitting in the shade of the awnings. Henry had gone for a swim, and most of the other holiday makers were eating lunch. Jake glanced over at his mother. Not the least of his dilemmas was whether he had the right to keep from her that she had a grandson.

  He said in a clipped voice, “I went back to Cranberry Cove last week. First time since you moved to Australia.”

  She shivered, her face looking suddenly pinched. “I’ve never gone back. I couldn’t bear to after your father drowned. And, as you know, my best friend Bertha had moved away a few months before that. So there really was nothing to take me back. I didn’t even keep in touch with people. Not very admirable of me, I suppose, but that’s the way it was.”

  “I saw Shaine.”

  “She’s still there? That surprises me.”

  “It surprised me, too,” Jake said wryly.

  “I always liked Shaine…I was glad when you befriended her.”

  “I fell in love with her, Ma—right after Dad died.”

  “I wondered if that’s what had happened…I wasn’t a good mother to you in those last few weeks at the cove.”

  “You did the best you could,” Jake said gruffly. “Shaine stayed behind when I left, even though she’d promised to leave with me.” He took a gulp of his cold beer. “Near to broke my heart.”

  “You never told me that.”

  “Never told anyone. Except Shaine, last week.” He paused, gazing into the bubbles rising inexorably to the surface, and knew he couldn’t stop there. “There’s more. Shaine and I made love, just once, the day I left. Last week I found out that I have a son. His name’s Daniel, he’s twelve.”

  “Shaine has a son?”

  “Your grandson, Ma.”

  Anna sat bolt upright. “Grandson?” she squeaked.

  “Yeah…I don’t blame you for being angry, I should’ve gotten in touch with Shaine years—”

  “Angry?” Anna interrupted. “Who says I’m angry?”

  He looked over at her. A beatific smile had spread over her plump, pretty face, and her eyes, blue as his own, were sparkling. “But he’s twelve,” Jake said, “you’ve missed so much.”

  “Then I’ll make up for lost time,” Anna said ebulliently. “I’ve longed for grandchildren, Jake, and you’ve shown no signs of settling down. Now I have a ready-made one. When do I get to meet him?”

  “I’ve never met him. That’s why I came here. To figure out what I was going to do.”

  Shocked, Anna said, “But you’ll go back. You’re his father.”

  “Yes, I’ll go back. I want him to spend some time with me in the Hamptons and Manhattan…I’ll invite you and Henry when he’s there.”

  “Aren’t you going to marry Shaine?”

  He winced. “Wasn’t planning on it.”

  “But you’re still in love with her.” His mother added vigorously, “You must be in love if you could ignore that blonde—she was just about falling out of her bra.”

  “So you noticed.”

  “Difficult not to,” Anna snorted. “Are you in love with Shaine?”

  “No! Well…no.”

  Anna hid a small smile. “When are you going back to the cove?”

  “I have a day’s business in Thailand. Then I’ll fly to Vancouver and head east.”

  “Do you have a photo of Daniel?”

  “Not yet, no.” Warming to his subject in a way that was very telling, Jake described all that he knew about the boy. “Shaine likely spends as much time at the rink as you did, Ma.”

  “She’d be a good mother…you could do a lot worse than marrying Shaine.”

  “Tell her that,” he said lightly.

  “That’s your job,” Ann
a said. “May I share this with Henry?”

  “Sure…and thanks for listening.”

  “Thanks for telling me.” Anna patted his hand and got up to join Henry in the water. “You’ll do what’s right, Jake.”

  Did that mean marrying Shaine? Surely not. Besides, a hundred to one she’d say no. Jake got up, too, stretched, and went in search of lunch.

  But not in search of the blonde.

  Cranberry Cove was wreathed in fog when Jake made the slow descent down Breakheart Hill. He’d phoned Shaine, as promised, last Monday from Thailand, telling her he wanted to be a part of his son’s life but hadn’t yet figured out how he was going to go about that. “I don’t want you telling him about me,” he’d finished. “Not yet.”

  “Don’t you trust me?” she’d responded edgily.

  It was a good question. “There’s not much point in me making all kinds of plans for the future if he’s not interested,” Jake answered evasively. “As you so rightly pointed out, he’s not two, he’s twelve. With a mind of his own. Maybe I want to meet him at the rink, where we have something in common.”

  “I think I should warn him.”

  “I’m not going to abduct him—give me a break, Shaine.”

  “I’m used to making all the decisions myself!”

  “One thing about you,” he said dryly, “I can always count on you to tell it like it is. I want to add something to Daniel’s life, for Pete’s sake, not harm him. Don’t you trust me?”

  A very expensive pause hummed over the line. “How can I possibly answer that?” she said irritably.

  “Think about it. I’ll be in touch,” he said, and slammed down the phone before she could reply.

  Shaine, so far, didn’t know he was coming today. Which didn’t mean he distrusted her. Rather, he didn’t want her running interference for him, setting up the first, fraught meeting between father and son. There was no easy way to tell Daniel that the man who’d fathered him and then vanished was now back in the picture. It was up to him, Jake, to do that. He was the one who’d left and hadn’t kept in touch with the boy’s mother. It was his job to make reparation, not Shaine’s.