Surrender to Marriage

by Sandra Field

  “I have to trust him, don’t I? Trust the values I’ve done my best to instill in him.” She paused. “And I have to trust you, as well.”

  Touched in a place he’d kept closely guarded for years, Jake said in a low voice, “No wonder I always liked you so much. You’re so goddamned brave, Shaine. So honest.”

  “I’m not always honest and I’m scared out of my wits,” she said flatly. “But you’ve come back to the cove and we’ve got to deal with it—change is the one thing I can’t stop.”

  He was scared, too. Scared Daniel would say no to a trip to New York. Scared to ask Shaine what she meant by honesty? “I’ll try and catch up with him in the next couple of days.”

  Wanting to take the haunted look from Jake’s face, Shaine said lightly, “At least with Cameron here, no one has asked me when you and I are getting married.”

  “You’ll have to come up with a new reply. Now that you’ve turned me down.”

  She gave an inelegant snort, getting to her feet. “If I’d said yes, you’d be halfway around the globe by now.”

  “Try me.”

  Her lashes dropped. “There’s courage and there’s insanity. Don’t push your luck—Cameron might start to look pretty good in comparison.”

  “You terrify me,” Jake said, and grinned at her retreating back. Feeling minimally better, he watched the rest of the game, dropped into Tom and Gertrude’s for tea and crowberry muffins and drove back to the motel. Where, once again, he dreamed about Shaine.

  Jake didn’t return to the cove until he was sure Cameron was well on his way to Toronto. At seven that evening, he crossed the grass toward Shaine’s back door. If Daniel was home, he’d offer the boy a visit to New York. What else was he to do? It was up to him to make the first move.

  The sun was sliding toward the sea, the kitchen windows open to the cool golden air. As he walked closer, he heard voices from inside. “We have to talk about it sometime, Daniel,” Shaine was saying. “Jake’s not going to go away just because you want him to.”

  Jake froze in his tracks as Daniel retorted, “You said he’d only stay a week. It’s nearly up.”

  “But he’ll be back. I’m almost sure of that.”

  Almost, thought Jake. So she didn’t entirely trust him. He held himself very still, his shadow elongated on the neatly clipped grass. He shouldn’t be listening; his mother would be horrified.

  “I wouldn’t bet on it,” Daniel said.

  “Jake’s your father. Sooner or later you have to accept that. I know he’s late on the scene—but that’s partly my fault.”

  “He went away and left you!”

  Jake grimaced. Shaine said steadily, “Yes, he did. But he didn’t know I was pregnant. When I found out, I should have tried to trace him. To at least tell him, and give him the choice of what he wanted to do. But I didn’t even try. Not then, and not later when he was becoming so well known it would have been simple to track him down. I was too angry and too hurt, I guess, to bother.” She sighed. “But I should have. I’ve robbed both of you by being so stubborn.”

  Some of the tension relaxed in Jake’s jaw; he had to admire how straightforwardly she’d admitted to that long-ago mistake.

  There was a long silence, which Shaine broke by saying vehemently, “It’s not as though Jake knew about you and stayed away—that would be unforgivable.”

  “Yeah, Mum, I get it.”

  Jake heard a chair scrape and the tap running. Then Daniel said edgily, “You gonna marry Cameron?”

  “Absolutely not.”

  “He doesn’t know the blue line from center ice.”

  “He knows about a lot of other things,” Shaine said firmly.

  “You gonna marry my father, then?”

  “You’re the sixth person to ask me that since yesterday!”

  “The kids at school are laying bets.”

  “Oh, Daniel, I’m sorry…we live in a fishbowl in this damn place, you can’t break your fingernail without someone finding out about it.”

  “You’re not supposed to swear, Mum,” Daniel said smugly.

  “I can’t marry Jake just because he’s turned up out of the blue,” Shaine said in exasperation. “Thirteen years have gone by—I’m a different woman. I was only eighteen when he left and now I’m thirty-one.”

  “Pretty old,” her son said.

  “Oh, hush. Anyway, your home is here, Jake travels all over the world, and he and I don’t love each other. It’s impossible. Talking of home, you’ve got homework.”

  “Gee, thanks for reminding me.”

  Shaine’s voice softened. “I love you—that hasn’t changed.”

  “Me, too,” Daniel mumbled, and thudded his way up the stairs.

  He and I don’t love each other… The last person Jake wanted to see right now was Shaine. He backtracked, keeping behind the garage, and hurried to his car. Then he drove to the motel, watched a very noisy war movie on video and went to bed.

  Jake woke early the next morning. After switching on his laptop, he immersed himself in work for the better part of the day. Then he did a few Internet searches and drove into Cranberry Cove. He’d timed it right. School was out and Daniel was clumping along the road. His T-shirt advertised a local brand of beer; his wide-legged jeans sagged around his hips. Jake pulled over and rolled down the window. “Let me drive you home,” he suggested.

  Daniel hitched at his waistband. “Okay.”

  As Jake pulled into Shaine’s driveway, he said, “Hold on a minute, Daniel, there’s something I want to ask you.” He half turned in the seat so he was facing the boy. “You’ve got a couple of days off after midterms and then it’s the long weekend…I’d like you and your mother to come away with me for a few days. We’d go to the Canary Islands first, there’s some interesting stained glass there your mother would like; and you could swim and windsurf. Then we’d come back via New York—I have a season’s pass for the NHL games, plus I could get you into a practice session with one of the best amateur teams in the state. I’d like to buy you some new skates, too—top of the line.”

  Daniel had been staring at him, his jaws agape. But at the mention of new skates, the boy’s eyes flicked Jake’s skin like a knife. “My skates are fine. Mum did without new boots so I could have those skates.”

  Jake banged on the wheel with the flat of his hand. “I’m doing this all wrong. I’m not trying to bribe you with a pair of skates, and I don’t want to be throwing my money in your face. But there’s no use hiding the facts—I do have a lot more money than anyone in Cranberry Cove.” He took the plunge. “I just want you to see where I live. How I live. Then maybe you’d come down on your own some time later on, and stay with me.”

  “So if Mum came along, we could go to an NHL game?” As Jake nodded, Daniel smiled almost shyly, a smile that lit up his face. Then he said longingly, “I’ve never windsurfed.”

  “I could teach you the basics. You’re strong and you’ve got good balance, you’d catch on fast.”

  “I learned how to ski pretty quick.”

  “Then windsurfing would be a piece of cake.”

  “Did my mum say she’d go?”

  “I haven’t asked her yet. Thought I should check with you first.”

  “She’s at the shop today.”

  “So you’d go, Daniel?”

  “The Canary Islands are near Africa—all that way to see some stained glass?”

  It didn’t seem the time for Jake to mention his private jet. “I want your mother to enjoy the trip, as well.”

  “If she’d go, I would,” Daniel said in a rush, and for a moment a scared little boy looked out of his eyes.

  Unbearably touched, Jake said, “Why don’t you tell her about it? Then I’ll come by after supper and check it out with her.” He wanted Shaine to have time to think about it; he was almost certain if he asked her now, she’d say no. “I’ll see you later, Daniel.”

  After the boy got out of the car, Jake drove off; he’d been invited for
dinner with Emily Bennett. For dessert Emily served a bakeapple cheesecake decorated with whipped cream. Jake sat back afterward, testing his belt. “I’ll have to jog an extra five miles tomorrow.” He grinned. “But it was worth it, Emily. That was wonderful.”

  They washed the dishes, chatting easily; then Jake said, “I’m on my way to see Shaine. I’m hoping I can persuade her and Daniel to go on a short holiday with me.”

  “Don’t you play with her affections now, Jake,” Emily said sternly.

  “She won’t let me.”

  “Then I wish you the best of luck.”

  Jake was remembering this as he tapped on Shaine’s door. She pulled it open, her cheeks flushed with temper. “You’d better come in,” she said, “so we can fight without the whole street hearing.”

  It was a fight she wasn’t going to win, he thought, as he followed her into the kitchen. “Where’s Daniel?”

  “Out with friends. We’ve got half an hour. The answer’s no, I’m not going away with you. This trip is about Daniel and you. Father and son bonding, and all that good stuff. It’s nothing to do with me.”

  “What did Daniel say to that?”

  She glared at him. “Oh, you’d done a fine job—he wants me to go. What did you think, that you could coerce me with a stained-glass window?”

  “Actually it’s a whole roof,” he said mildly. “By Pere Valldepérez from Barcelona.”

  In spite of herself, she felt a desperate tug of longing. “I’ve heard about him.”

  “Now’s your chance to see one of his most spectacular works,” Jake drawled. “And on the same day go swimming in water a lot warmer than what’s outside the window.”

  “I’ve got a business to run.”

  “Delegate.”

  “Daniel would miss some school.”

  “On the Canaries, he’d be having history and geography lessons he’d never forget.”

  “I won’t get into bed with you!”

  “Okay,” Jake said casually.

  “Not that you look the slightest bit interested.”

  Her flare-up of temper delighted him. “I’m interested. But you’re right, we’ve got to focus on Daniel.” He advanced on her, amused to see her fingers tense on the counter. “Just to keep the record straight, Daniel doesn’t want new skates, he told me how you’d done without boots to pay for the ones he’s got. So I can’t buy my way into his affections.” His voice deepened. “You’ve done a great job bringing him up.”

  “Thank you,” she said in a stifled voice. “This kitchen is plenty big—you don’t have to back me into the wall.”

  “Flustered, Shaine?” he said, running a finger lightly over her lips.

  “You are, based on my limited sampling of the population, the sexiest man I’ve ever met. How am I going to keep that hidden from my son for a whole week and a half?”

  “You’re a clever woman, you’ll think of something.”

  “You must promise to play fair!”

  “You’ll go?”

  “Only if you swear in blood to treat me as if Maggie Stearns was watching every move.”

  He laughed. “Your hormones really are in an uproar.”

  “Yours seem to be fast asleep.”

  Moving fast, Jake trapped her against the counter, running his hands down her ribs to her waist, then pulling her hips into his as he kissed her hard on the mouth. Desire slamming through him, he backed off fast and gave her a lazy grin. “Just say the word and I’m all attention.”

  “You’re treating this like a joke,” she said in a choked voice.

  Relenting, he said, “I won’t do anything on this trip to cause you embarrassment or distress, I promise. Come on, Shaine, I’d like you to have a good time. How long since you’ve had a proper holiday?”

  She raised her brows. “Devlin, Padric, Connor and Daniel could empty the refrigerator in one meal. Not to mention things like dentists, hockey gear, school trips and the mortgage on the shop. A long time.”

  The Ferrari alone would have paid for all that. Trying to hold guilt at bay, Jake said, “I’ll keep this trip low-key. We won’t go near my place at the Hamptons, and the Canaries aren’t top-end luxury by any means. I don’t want to shove my money in your face.”

  “You’d have to pay for both of us. I can’t afford a trip like that.”

  “It would be my privilege,” Jake said with raw truth.

  And Shaine, once again, found herself melting like wax to the flame. She muttered, “You’ve just made me agree to something I shouldn’t be doing.”

  “Good,” said Jake. “Tell Daniel the trip’s on. I’m heading back to New York early tomorrow, and I’ll call you as soon as I have the dates finalized—give me a couple of days. I’ll meet you at the airport in Deer Lake, how would that be?”

  He sounded very business-like, he thought in exasperation. Was that so she wouldn’t guess how ridiculously happy he felt? Happy because Daniel had agreed to spend some time with him, of course. But for eight or nine days he’d be with Shaine. Giving her the gift of a holiday. Not diamonds or orchids or a shopping spree in Paris; just a break from the hard routine of years.

  Giving something back to the woman who’d given so much to their son.

  It felt wonderful. Money could, on occasion, buy happiness, Jake decided, kissed her lightly on the cheek and left.

  Shaine moved to the window where she could see him stride down the path. Change could be exciting. It could also be very frightening. Two of the ways she’d managed to handle the last thirteen years were by not looking any further than the width of the cove; and by keeping to a routine that gave her some control over her life.

  Now Jake was changing all that. What if this trip unsettled her so that the constrictions around her became unbearable? It was fine for Jake, he could just return to an existence she could scarcely imagine. But she’d have to come back to the cove. To hockey games and Maggie Stearns and making red and white lighthouses for the tourists.

  She sank down at the kitchen table, resting her head in her hands. Jake was like a force of nature, forceful and unstoppable. She wasn’t in love with him. Despite what she’d told him, she had been once, and had paid dearly for her mistake: so dearly that she now wouldn’t admit that long-ago love to him. But his muscular, rangy body still fascinated her, as did his rapier intelligence and the unconscious aura of power he wore as easily as his faded jeans.

  Which, to be honest, she wanted to rip from his body.

  Shaine groaned. She didn’t think he’d disappear again, not now that he’d met Daniel. She’d come to trust his commitment to his son that day at the rink when Daniel had been thrown against the boards. But once this trip was over, he wouldn’t need her anymore. He could invite Daniel on his own to New York and Switzerland and all the other places she longed to go.

  She’d be the outsider.

  Alone, as she’d been all too often in the village where she’d grown up. Alone and celibate, she thought with an unhappy droop to her lips.

  But how could she wish Jake had never come back? For Daniel’s sake, she couldn’t possibly do that.

  She was trapped. Tasting freedom but unable to choose it. Being with Jake but unable to make love with him.

  She was glad he couldn’t see her now.

  CHAPTER NINE

  THE skylight soared above Shaine, great pyramids of glass in a stark metal framework. Enraptured, she stared upward, losing herself in a shimmer of gold, red and orange accented by triangles of clear glass.

  Jake said to Daniel, “Let’s wander around, she’ll be here for a while.”

  They’d flown from Tenerife that morning to the smaller island of Gran Canaria, then driven north to the harbor city of Las Palmas de Gran Canaria. The skylight was in a magnificent stone auditorium designed for classical music; in the last few years, Jake had attended more than one baroque concert in the main hall with its sweeping view of the sea.

  Someone was practicing in one of the smaller rooms. Jake listen
ed with pleasure to the sonorous notes of a cello, then said easily, “You might as well know the worst about me, Daniel. I go for that kind of music.”

  “No kidding?”

  “Always have. Got me into a few fights at school.”

  “Kinda weird,” Daniel said, his head cocked as a violin and piano joined in.

  “It ain’t rap.”

  Daniel gave a bark of laughter. His wariness had begun to diminish yesterday, when he’d had his first windsurfing lesson. He’d gotten drenched, dumped and tossed by waves; but he’d persevered, and Jake would long remember the sheer delight on his son’s face as his sail had caught the wind and he’d scudded across the water for all of sixty seconds.

  They wandered outside, found an ice-cream vendor and sat under a palm tree to eat their cones. When they went back in to find Shaine, she was just closing her sketch book. “Wonderful,” she breathed. “Thanks so much for bringing me here, Jake.”

  “No problem. We could go shopping for a while, have lunch and go south to the beach before we head back to Tenerife.”

  “That sounds like a great way to spend a day,” Shaine said with a contented sigh. In a flowered sundress that bared her shoulders and a lot of leg, she looked relaxed and happy; Jake wanted to kiss her so badly that he glanced away, scared his feelings showed on his face. He’d been doing his best to treat both his son and Shaine with a casual friendliness that was open to any overtures, but that made no claims on them. He wasn’t finding this easy. But he was determined to stick with it. Low-key was his motto for this holiday; although even as he repeated the words in his mind, he remembered Daniel’s awed face as he checked out the amenities on Jake’s private jet.

  As they wandered Calle Mayor de Triana with its stylishly ornamented stone facades, Shaine found a display case of very elegant sunglasses, and stopped to choose a pair. Daniel tugged at Jake’s sleeve. “I want to get her a present,” he whispered, “but I can’t afford anything here.”

  “We’ll go to a market on Tenerife. You’ll find something there. Getting hungry?”

  Daniel, so he’d discovered, was always hungry. They found a restaurant whose patio was shaded by Canary palms and tall poinsettia shrubs splashed with red, where they ate watercress soup, delicious prawns and balls of gofio dipped in a fiery sauce called mojo. Daniel and Shaine both had flambéed bananas, Daniel following that with an avocado milk shake. “Let’s go to the beach,” he said.