Death of a Chocoholic

by Lee Hollis

  I dashed out of my office and raced to the school, praying there wasn’t another flu bug going around, because I just couldn’t afford to take any personal days to care for him at home. I had to get him out of that virus-infested school as fast as I could.

  After parking the car and racing to the nurse’s office, I burst through the door and came to a screeching halt in the reception area as five other mothers were standing there, all staring daggers at me. I looked at the crying boys and the angry parents and thought, How could a flu bug be my fault? Dustin was perfectly healthy when I dropped him off at school earlier!

  The school nurse informed me that she had determined through questioning that Dustin had brought candy to school and had passed it out to his friends. I said that was not possible because there was absolutely no candy in our house! I knew that for a fact because it was just the night before that I had finished off the last of the Mini Snickers Bars, which I kept hidden in my bedroom closet. So there was no possible way Dustin could have gotten his hands on them. But all the boys admitted to eating candy and that it was Dustin who gave it to them.

  I knelt down on the floor in front of a sniffling Dustin, who rocked back and forth, looking scared to death and a little pale. I gently asked him where he got the candy everyone was talking about. After a few minutes of me reassuring him I wouldn’t get mad, he finally told me he found some mints in my purse while he was getting his lunch money. I was totally baffled. I turned to the parents and told them I most certainly did not have any mints, gum, or candy in my purse and I had no idea what my son was talking about. Six little boys, all sniffling and holding their tummies, kept nodding and insisting that “yes, yes,” I did.

  I asked Dustin if he had any of these so-called mints left. He nodded and reached in his back pocket and pulled out a small box. I heard the gasp from the other mothers behind me before I saw the package that Dustin was holding in his chubby little hands. The mothers started shouting. The boys cried louder. The nurse called the principal’s office.

  I grabbed the package out of Dustin’s hand and simply stared at it in horror as I felt the blood rush to my face. I knew exactly what it was. It was my box of birth control pills, which I had just opened the night before. I will refrain from telling you why.

  I tried to make light of this ghastly situation. “Well, at least we won’t have to worry about our boys getting pregnant.” No one seemed to appreciate the joke.

  There was nothing else left to do but stand up, grab Dustin’s hand, and make a mad dash out the door past all of the upset parents, offering my apologies over my shoulder as we fled to the doctor’s office.

  All I could think about on the drive to the hospital emergency room was what harm could this possibly do to my beloved little boy? Oh, Lord, I hoped it wouldn’t affect him in any way physically. I already had one girl at home on the crest of adolescence, who I knew in my bones was going to be one moody teenager when she grew up.

  Luckily everything turned out for the best. Some upset stomachs, but no permanent damage. No one had any allergies, so that was a relief.

  Dustin and I had a very in-depth discussion about not taking any more items out of my purse other than the ones he has permission to remove. I felt we dodged a bullet.

  I just hoped that the other mothers would eventually feel the same way, but I wasn’t holding out much hope. I dreaded the next PTA meeting.

  Well, for me, the best way to end a day of crisis is with a really great cocktail (or two). And I’m also going to prepare a delicious chocolate appetizer to share at Liddy’s niece’s baby shower tomorrow evening. I’m just thankful it’s not my son having the baby shower!

  Hot-Pepper Martini

  Ingredients

  3 ounces pepper-infused vodka

  8 drops grenadine

  Juice of 1 lime

  6 fresh pitted cherries

  Combine your vodka, grenadine, and lime juice in a cocktail shaker filled with ice. Strain into two chilled martini glasses, then garnish with cherries. Sit back, relax, and enjoy!

  Chocolate Chip Cheese Ball

  Ingredients

  1 package (8 ounces) cream

  cheese, softened

  ½ cup butter, softened (not

  margarine)

  ¾ cup confectioners’ sugar

  2 to 3 tablespoons brown sugar

  1 teaspoon vanilla extract

  1 cup miniature chocolate chips

  ¾ cup pecans (or your favorite

  nuts), chopped

  In a mixing bowl, beat cream cheese and butter until creamy. Add sugars and vanilla and mix until well combined. Stir in your chocolate chips. Cover and refrigerate for at least two hours. Gather together the cold mixture into a ball and cover with plastic wrap. Chill for at least another hour. Roll the ball in the chopped pecans just before serving. Serve with butter or shortbread cookies or any flavor graham cracker.

  Chapter 8

  Bank teller Pam Innsbrook’s normally warm and sweet face was particularly strained this morning as she tried to ignore the shouting coming from an office on the other side of the large open lobby of the First National Bank. The teller was processing Hayley’s paycheck from the Island Times as a deposit into Hayley’s account.

  “Going to be a cold one out there today,” Pam said with a forced smile as she handed Hayley her receipt.

  “At least it’s not snowing,” Hayley said, her words drowned out by the yelling.

  “I’m sorry, what did you say, Hayley? I didn’t hear you.”

  “I said at least it’s not snowing!” she shouted.

  “Oh yes, right,” Pam said, her smile slowly sinking into a frown as she glanced across the lobby at the two people engaged in an epic battle of four-letter words and finger pointing inside a glass-walled office.

  Hayley glanced behind her and saw Bessie Winthrop, her massive frame nearly pinning the bank’s wiry loan officer, Cody Donovan, up against the wall in his office. Her pudgy index finger was so close to his face that it was threatening to poke out his eye.

  Cody squinted and squirmed, desperate to be free of this unbelievable force of nature, but Bessie wasn’t going anywhere.

  All eyes in the bank were drawn to Bessie’s splashy-colored Hawaiian print muumuu, which spruced up the dullish beige walls of Cody’s office.

  Cody tried to make a break for it, but Bessie anticipated the move, and used her considerable bulk to keep him trapped against the wall. Cody’s sudden move had caused Bessie’s finger to lodge up one of his nostrils, and a few chuckles erupted in the bank as it appeared Bessie was picking Cody’s nose.

  Cody whipped his face sharply to the left and Bessie managed to yank her finger out of his nose and then wiped her whole hand on her muumuu as she screamed, “I’m tired of you talking down to me, you sniveling corporate scumbag! I demand you take me seriously!”

  “If you don’t get out of my office right now, I’ll have you physically removed!”

  Easier said than done.

  Hayley glanced outside to see Sid, the security guard, crossing the street. In his hand there was a paper cup of piping-hot coffee purchased from the diner directly adjacent to the bank. She didn’t want him overreacting and having Bessie arrested, so Hayley decided to take matters into her own hands.

  She stuffed the deposit receipt into her coat pocket, thanked Pam, and then scooted across the lobby and into Cody Donovan’s office.

  “Morning, Cody. Morning, Bessie.”

  They both looked at her, dumbfounded for a moment.

  The fear and tension slowly drained from Cody’s face.

  Help at last.

  “I don’t mean to interrupt, Bessie, but I just had to tell you how much I enjoyed the truffles you gave me yesterday. They were so yummy! I may just have to buy some more from you.”

  Hayley thought it best not to mention her dog nearly dying because of her blasted candies. Hayley’s sole mission now was to lower the heat on this very hot situation.

  Bessi
e grinned from ear to ear.

  “Oh, I’m so pleased you liked them, Hayley,” Bessie cooed, before looking back at Cody and scowling. “See, I’m not a fruitcake. I have real talent.”

  Cody ignored her. His eyes were fixed on Hayley. “You look younger every time I see you, Hayley. So pretty . . .”

  His voice trailed off as he stared at her. He had this rather wolfish smile on his face, which made Hayley extremely uncomfortable.

  She and Cody had dated briefly in high school during junior year. Nothing serious. He was a basketball player, even though he was on the short side. She was a cheerleader for one season before they started doing more elaborate routines involving pyramids and cartwheels. Then Hayley dropped out and joined something less physically intense, like glee club. But then they started doing these complicated dance routines, so Hayley just decided to focus less on extracurricular activities.

  Cody finally tore his eyes off Hayley and glared at Bessie. “Look, I’ve told you a hundred times. It’s never going to happen, so you might as well get used to it.”

  Bessie’s face scrunched up and her face turned a bright shade of red. “You know what I could get used to? Seeing your head go through that glass window. Then when you’re on the floor, lying on your back, with your face cut to pieces, I could take a shard of the broken glass and stab you in the heart with it about a thousand times. Yeah, I could get used to that!”

  Cody reached for the phone on his desk. “I’m calling the police.”

  Hayley put a hand out to stop him. “No, Cody. Please. Don’t. Bessie’s just upset. She’ll leave quietly. Right, Bessie?”

  Hayley turned to Bessie, who was contemplating her next move. It looked like she just might go through with her initial plan of smashing Cody’s head through the glass wall.

  But finally she backed down.

  “I’m only leaving because Hayley is my friend and she’s just here to help. I’m sorry you got mixed up in all my personal drama, Hayley. You’re a good friend,” Bessie said, straightening her muumuu, wiping the sweat off her face with her manicured purple-painted nails, and then waddling out of the office.

  “Call me later, girlfriend,” Bessie said, her head held high as she marched toward the double doors, ignoring all the stares from the bank employees and customers.

  Hayley suddenly noticed she was still touching Cody’s hand and tried to pull it away, but he was too fast for her and grabbed it. He caressed it gently with his other hand. “I always remember your soft hands.”

  Hayley tried wriggling her hand free from his grasp, but he held it more tightly.

  “Thank you, Hayley. That woman needs to learn some manners.”

  “What were you two fighting about?”

  “It’s not worth getting into. Suffice it to say, she’s a public nuisance and nobody in town should take her seriously.”

  “Bessie is my friend,” Hayley said, trying once more to yank her hand free from his grip and once again failing. “And I’d really like to know why she was so upset.”

  “I don’t want to talk about her anymore. I want to talk about you. I heard Lex Bansfield left town to take a job in Vermont. So, am I to understand that you are now on the market again?” Cody asked. His wolfish smile was getting bigger.

  Suddenly a woman’s voice drifted in from the doorway to the office. “I hope I’m not too early for our lunch, Cody.”

  Cody’s hands grew cold as he turned to face his wife, Kerry, a formidable, strong woman, bigger than Hayley, whose imposing nature just about rivaled Bessie’s. She had a dark complexion, with long, jet-black hair pulled into a bun. She was wearing a bright yellow business suit, even though she didn’t have a job. She just liked to look professional as a banker’s wife.

  Kerry’s eyes were locked on her husband and Hayley holding hands.

  Cody let go of Hayley as though he had been touching a red-hot stove-top burner.

  “I see you two are catching up on old times. How special,” Kerry said in a low, steady, ominous voice.

  Kerry also went to high school with Cody and Hayley and had her sights set on Cody when he had shared an apple with her in the lunchroom. But it took Cody a while longer to get up to speed with Kerry’s plans to marry him. So Kerry was acutely aware of all the women he had pursued before finally settling down with her.

  Especially the flirty cheerleader he was head over heels for during junior year.

  Hayley.

  Even after their wedding, Kerry never went out of her way to be friendly with Hayley. She always saw her as that long-lost first love of her husband’s—the one still lurking about town, divorced, with no man in her life. A woman who at any moment in time could decide to prey upon Kerry’s husband once again.

  Kerry Donovan was going to remain vigilant and keep a watchful eye on this potential threat to her security.

  The past was going to stay just that.

  The past, if she had anything to say about it.

  Hayley wanted to reassure Cody’s wife that she was only sixteen when this overblown relationship occurred with Kerry’s future husband. The whole affair had barely lasted a month. In fact, it basically amounted to three dates and a fumbled grope in the backseat of a 1983 Oldsmobile.

  But it probably wasn’t wise to try and reason with Kerry Donovan at that moment.

  Especially since Hayley had just been caught holding Cody’s hand.

  Chapter 9

  Hayley was grateful for the distraction when Bessie barged through the door to the Island Times. She was bundled up in her bright pink parka, which made her look like a giant bottle of Pepto-Bismol with tiny legs.

  Sal and the few full-time reporters on staff had already gone home for the weekend, leaving Hayley alone to work on Bruce’s column in his absence.

  She still hadn’t figured out what to write about. There were zero crimes to report. The police scanner she kept on top of the refrigerator at home was so quiet she thought she had left it unplugged.

  No missing bicycles.

  No broken windows.

  All in all, a typical boring mid-February week in Bar Harbor.

  Bessie threw her arms open to hug Hayley, forcing Hayley to stand up from her desk. Bessie grabbed her so hard that Hayley audibly gasped, and her face was buried so deep in Bessie’s pink coat she could barely breathe.

  “I just stopped by to thank you, Hayley,” Bessie said, still squeezing her.

  “For what?” Hayley managed to squeak out with her last bit of breath.

  “If you hadn’t shown up at the bank, I would’ve decked that weasel, Cody Donovan. And now I’d be in a local jail cell eating a cold ham sandwich, with wilted lettuce and mayo past the expiration date, cooling my jets and worried about my cats.”

  Bessie certainly had the talent to paint a mental picture.

  “What were you two fighting about?” Hayley asked.

  “His itty-bitty, tiny penis,” Bessie said with a guffaw. She was honking with laughter.

  For a split second, Hayley thought she was serious.

  By some stretch of the imagination, were Bessie and Cody sexually involved? It seemed so random, so unexpected. But in a small town full of juicy secrets, it was entirely possible.

  “No, I’m kiddin’ ya, Hayley. I wouldn’t be caught dead rubbing bellies with that grade-A loser. Not me. I have some taste when it comes to men.”

  Running in her mind through the list of local men she knew Bessie had dated over the years, Hayley thought it best not to comment on Bessie’s wildly deluded opinion of the gentlemen from her past.

  “But his little penis is my official reason for our argument and I’m spreading it all over town,” Bessie said with a big smile on her face. “Because I won’t rest until I humiliate that lying, power-hungry prick!”

  “Do you really think that’s a good idea, Bessie?”

  “Probably not, but I’m at my wit’s end, and it’s better to attack first than be attacked. Plus you know he’s going to blab all over town th
at I’m this unstable, uncouth loudmouth, and we both know that’s definitely not true!”

  Again, best not to comment right at this moment.

  Hayley wanted to press Bessie further to find out what she and Cody were fighting about at the bank, but she had the distinct feeling Bessie, like Cody, had no interest in talking about the real reason they had nearly come to blows.

  Suddenly Bessie stuck her small pudgy hand in Hayley’s face and latched onto her chin, pulling her closer. Bessie puckered up and planted a big kiss on Hayley’s cheek, leaving a bright red lipstick smear.

  “Don’t worry. I’m not looking for any lesbian action. I totally like boys. Except for one time in my twenties after one too many Fireball whiskey shots with my Weight Watchers sponsor, who had the hots for me.”

  “Okay,” Hayley said, not sure where this was going.

  “I’m just in a really good mood, and I love you for being my friend, Hayley, and I had this huge brainstorm after I saw you at the bank and I rushed right over here to tell you.”

  “What is it?”

  “Hayley’s Kisses,” Bessie said, grinning from ear to ear, her eyes wide with excitement.

  “I don’t get it.”

  “A new recipe I came up with for a line of chocolates that I plan to sell, once I get my new business up and running.”

  Hayley suddenly had a notion of what Bessie and Cody were probably fighting about. Bessie desperately wanted to start a candy-making business, and Cody was one of two bank loan officers in town.