Head Start (Cedar Tree #7)

by Freya Barker

  I swallow hard before I can talk again. “I love Kendra.”

  “Not a surprise.” He smiles.

  “I mean; I love her. I want a future with her. The whole package. I already bought the house. We have the dog. I’ll put a ring on her as soon as I know for sure she’ll have me, and I want a family, Gus. I need to be right to have a family. I don’t want any of this touching them. Ever.”

  Letting my arm go, Gus pulls open a drawer in his desk and pulls out an address book and a piece of paper before looking at me. “You’re afraid if you’ll have kids...” He lets his words trail off and all I can do is nod my head. “Okay, I get that, but you’ve been around Beth’s grandkid, Max, and Caleb and Katie’s little guy Mattias worships the ground you walk on. Has being around them ever triggered anything for you?”

  “I don’t think so,” I admit.

  “Still, I’m going to call a buddy of mine who runs a veterans’ clinic in Durango. I know they offer some services. Might be a good place to start?”

  “Naomi mentioned something along those lines,” I mumble.

  “Naomi’s always been sharp as a tack. What about Kendra? She know?”

  “Told her everything.”

  “Proud of you. That can’t have been easy, although I’m sure it didn’t make one lick of difference to her,” Gus says and the lump shoots back up my throat.

  “She cried, but I think it was as much for me as for that boy,” I admit. “I’m surprised she didn’t judge me.”

  “Is this why you don’t see your family? Mormons, right? I’m guessing they weren’t too supportive when they found out you were a sniper. That you had killed.”

  “Got it in one.”

  “Their loss, son. Don’t know whether you’ve noticed, but there are a lot of people with fucked-up backgrounds here in Cedar Tree. All different kinds of fucked up, but we make up the best family a man can have. Now,” he says, resolutely sitting back and picking up his phone. “Let’s get you sorted out.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Neil

  “Please, Neil.”

  Kendra’s good leg slides between mine and her hand is snaking into my boxers. She already has a good grip on my painfully hard cock by the time I can grab her wrist.

  “Babe...” I warn her. “We said we’d wait.” I can barely get the words out, because although I can now control the movement of her hand, I don’t have any control over her thumb, which is rubbing the blood-engorged head of my Johnson. This is week three of abstinence, one and a half weeks since Kendra was released, and I’m about to explode just from the feel of her skin against mine.

  Since finding Franka, Kendra has been on an emotional roller coaster, one that I have a hard time keeping up with. The two of them have talked on the phone, and I’ve brought her to visit Franka in the hospital, but every time they’ve had contact, it’s like Kendra has a little setback. Naomi assures me it’s actually good that some of those emotions brought on when they are together are coming out, but the result is either withdrawal or tears. Neither of those I want to see from her. And her emotional outbursts usually end in a search for affection. We tried once last week, and when I accidentally ran my hand under her shirt and touched the skin of her back, she burst out crying. I told her then, until she was one hundred percent ready, we weren’t even going to go there. But here she is again, for the second time in as many days, with her hands all over me. It takes everything out of me not to roll her on her back and sink into her, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to be gentle. And that’s what she should have—gentle.

  “I need you,” she whimpers in my neck, letting me pull her hand from my underwear. “I’m not kidding, Neil. I’m about to spontaneously combust if I have to wake up next to you, feeling your morning wood against my ass. Please...”

  I don’t know whether it’s what she’s saying or the fact that her leg is still rubbing suggestively between mine, that has me roll on top of her. She’s assured me the past few days that her back doesn’t hurt anymore, and to demonstrate she willingly drops her legs open, allowing my hips to sink between them.

  “Yessss...” she hisses, lifting her hips to rub her pussy against my cock. Instead of letting her get off like that, I lift my hips. Lowering my head, I capture her lips between mine and rub my tongue along the crease so she opens for me. I kiss her long and deep until her body is squirming under mine. Then I pull away from her mouth and plant kisses along her jaw, down her neck and along the edge of her T-shirt.

  “Need to see you, Pup,” I mumble against the swell of her breast and she willingly allows me to shift up her shirt to expose her gorgeous tits. I close my mouth over her breast, sucking the perky nipple and surrounding creamy flesh in my mouth.

  “Gahhh...Jesus. Yes.”

  Switching sides, I slide one hand down her soft belly and into the top of her panties. Her body instantly freezes and I stop with only the tips of my fingers under the elastic. “Babe?”

  “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I haven’t...I didn’t...” she mutters incoherently.

  “What?”

  “Since...well, I haven’t bothered grooming.” She whispers the last word like it’s the dirtiest thing to ever have come out of her mouth, and I fight to keep the chuckle that bubbles up contained. Mostly. “Don’t laugh. It’s probably a jungle down there.” This time, I don’t bother holding back and I belt out a laugh. That earns me a punch to my shoulder which only serves to make me laugh harder. “It’s not funny,” she hisses.

  “I don’t care. I don’t,” I repeat when she lifts an eyebrow in disbelief. “But because I see you do, we’re going to solve this problem.” In one move, I’m up and off the bed, pulling Kendra along with me.

  “What are you doing?” she squeals as I lift her up with my hands under her ass, and her legs instinctively wrap around me. Marching her into the bathroom, I sit her on the edge of the tub.

  “Stay put,” I tell her when she makes a move to get up. Grabbing a bar of soap and my razor, a wet washcloth and a clean towel, I drop to my knees in front of her and set it all on the toilet-seat lid. “Lift your butt,” I tell her, slipping my fingers in the elastic of her panties.

  “Neil!” she protests. “I can do it myself.”

  “I want to.”

  She rolls her eyes and doesn’t budge. One very determined look her way and she finally complies as I slowly slide her panties down and wrestle them over her cast.

  “Spread for me,” I tell her when she clenches her knees together. “Pup, we’re going to do this. You may as well open up.” Leaning in, I plant a soft kiss against her lips and mumble, “I promise to make it worth your while later.”

  “Oh, fine,” she sputters, trying to mask the heated blush on her cheeks as she spreads her legs wide.

  Trying not to react to those pretty swollen lips peeking through the negligible pubic hair she finds so offensive, I wet the area before gently soaping her up. “How do you like it?” I ask, the razor ready in my hand.

  “Uhhh, shouldn’t I ask you that?”

  “Like I said before, I don’t care. You’re beautiful any way you come. But I want you to be comfortable, so what stays and what goes?”

  “Erm, well...I usually leave a landing strip. You know? Just a bit of—“

  “I know what a landing strip is, Pup. Seen one or two of those.” I chuckle, but from the look on Kendra’s face, she didn’t find it that amusing. Not a good time to fuck up, dumbass. “All right, ready?”

  I’m a little nervous, since I’ve never done this before, but I’ve been able to do my face without too much damage for a few years now. As gently as I can, I slide the razor along one side of her labia, noting the strong scent of arousal. Fuck, she likes this, the minx.

  It only takes a few strokes to get her smooth. “Gotta stand up for the next part. Hold on to the counter.” I help her up and have her lean her butt against the counter. “Spread your legs a little.” This time, there is no protest, and I kiss her belly righ
t above her mound.

  When I’m done and have wiped away the soap with the washcloth, I lift my eyes to find hers half-lidded and looking down at me. “That okay?” I ask, and she slowly nods, not even looking at my handiwork. Without taking my eyes off her, I lean in and nudge at the top of her crease with my nose. Her mouth falls open, and her chest rises. Dropping whatever I still had in my hands, I place my hands on the back of her knees and slide them all the way up to her ass, forcing her legs open a little more. Just enough to slip my tongue over her soft folds. Her taste is rich and unique, and I’m suddenly hungry. “Bed,” I manage, before standing up and helping her into the bedroom.

  “Come here.” I lie back on the mattress and have her straddle me. “Now hold on to the headboard.” The moment her hands reach over me, I slide my body down between her legs, giving me a perfect view of that plump pussy. With my hands on her hips, I guide her down until I feel her thighs against my ears and her arousal against my lips. Fucking heaven. Gently, I lick and prod her, at times running the flat of my tongue up to flick her clit. When she starts rocking her hips, I give her the friction she’s looking for. “Ride my face, baby,” I mutter, my voice muffled against her pussy. With a cry, she grinds herself down while I feast on her. When I feel her legs shaking with her impending release, I quickly slide out from under her and push my boxers down. Moving behind her, I take all of her in. Arms stretched out in front of her and her upper body leaning over so that her ass is gloriously tilted up in the air.

  “Beautiful. My beautiful girl.”

  Kendra moans in response, lifting her ass higher when I gently push her shirt up and her shoulders down at the same time. So needy, she doesn’t even notice that her shirt is now up around her neck, exposing her back completely. Not even when I slide my rock hard cock inside her from behind and thrust balls deep into her heat. Already her pussy is clenching, she’s that close, and having saved up for three weeks, I’m not far behind. I lean over with one hand in the mattress and the other slipping around her hip to find her clit. Pinching it between two fingers, I pound inside her once, and again, until I hear my name cried from her lips and feel her body shudder her release beneath me.

  Then I let go with an explosive roar.

  Kendra

  I vaguely notice my ears ringing from Neil’s bellow.

  Still catching my breath from my own mind-numbing orgasm, it takes me a minute to realize my shirt is around my shoulders, leaving my back exposed. But before I can wiggle out from under his weight, I feel his lips against my skin, leaving a trail of kisses down along my spine and up my side. I can’t breathe. His touch is so slight, so tender. I feel treasured and the lingering worries that the markings on my body might turn him off simply drain away.

  “Breathe, babe,” he mumbles against my skin and I do as he says, taking a lungful of air in and slowly releasing it—letting all my reservations go. “That’s my girl.”

  I try to roll over with him still on top, but my cast hampers my movements. Instead, Neil rolls off me and lies on his side, head perched up on his hand. I turn to face him and put my hand on his chest. His face is soft, relaxed, and his eyes show everything that I’m feeling reflected back at me. It’s one of those moments where no words are needed. Still, my mouth wants to form them. “Thank you for not giving up on me. For following your heart and letting me find mine. For the way you force me to feel everything instead of letting me retreat. I wish I hadn’t been so blinded by my own misconception and had given you half a chance from the start. You are so much more than I ever allowed myself to believe of you.”

  “Shut up.” His deep voice sounds rough as he pulls me close, pressing his chin to the crown of my head. “I have what I always wanted and never thought I was going to get. Don’t fucking thank me. I don’t deserve you, but I have you, and there’s no way in hell I’ll let go of my dream.”

  -

  “Anyone want to share?”

  The no-nonsense therapist manning the therapy group both Franka and I joined looks around the room at every individual. This is our second time. The first session just three days ago had been branded in my mind. I was shocked not only that both men and women were in attendance, but at the diversity and depth of cruelty people inflict on each other. These are all victims of violent crime, and although I initially balked at the fact there were men present as well, Franka insisted I give it a chance. So I did, and the few men that spoke up when this same question was asked in the first session, made it painfully obvious that my preconceived idea of women as victims was archaic. Some of the stories shared, by both men and women, were horrifying, but what struck me hardest was that the feelings—the emotions—experienced during and after the events described, were heartbreakingly similar.

  Which is why, only the second session in, I don’t flinch when Dr. Marten’s eyes land on me. Instead, I give Franka’s hand a squeeze and take a deep breath. “I’ll share,” I say, my voice a little shaky.

  “Then so will I,” Franka surprises me by saying in a much stronger voice beside me.

  There are a few tears, and not just ours, some horrified looks but much less than I’d have expected, and finally there is a sense of acceptance expressed in looks and softly murmured words of encouragement by the other twelve members of the group. It’s also harder than I thought it would be to expose myself to strangers like that, but I’m trying. For someone who’s always been carefully contained, sharing simply doesn’t come naturally. What makes it possible is the knowledge that the emotional aftermath is very similar for everyone here, regardless of what they were victim to or even of gender. Guilt, self-doubt, regret, anger; those seem to be common themes.

  I’m exhausted by the end of the session and I’m surprised, when we walk out of the hospital—me still on those blasted crutches—to find Neil leaning against the grill of his truck, talking with Tom Bridges.

  “Guess Ben has a double shift tonight,” Franka explains. “He’s taking on as much extra work as he can. His medical insurance isn’t the best and he really wants to give Tom his dream of going to college, but the expenses for his surgery and treatments, plus the fact that there are three more kids waiting in line, have really drained them. I’m lucky I have the insurance I do through work, or I’d be screwed too.”

  When we reach the two men, my mind is preoccupied with Franka’s words. I give Tom a quick hug and tell him I hope to be back at work next week, which earns me an eye-roll from Neil. A cheek kiss for Franka and the promise we’ll see each other next week and then they are off.

  Neil helps me into the truck cab and leans in for a kiss. “How was it?” He wants to know.

  I wait until he is buckling up in the driver’s seat. “I shared,” I tell him, noting the surprise on his face.

  “Already? Fuck me, Pup. I’m so proud of you. Can’t have been easy.”

  “She shared right after me. It made it easier having her there.”

  “Naomi was so right,” he mumbles under his voice.

  “Naomi?”

  “The first time you two met in the hospital, Naomi told me to watch, that you’d be good for each other. She’s right,” Neil explains. I turn to look at him and see him watching me from the corner of his eyes, obviously chewing on something. But rather than question him, I wait him out. I know it pays off when he blows out a breath he’s clearly been holding and closes his eyes. “I don’t know how she figured this one, but she also told me to contact Veteran’s Affairs and see about handling my own shit.” I reach over and slip my hand upside down under the one he holds clenched on his thigh, lacing my fingers with his. I know this is big. This is something he’s carried around for many years and from what I gather I’m the only one he’s told, which is why what he says next surprises me. “I talked to Gus the other day. Told him.” He snorts his disbelief. “His reaction surprised me about as much as yours did. He put in a call to a buddy of his running a veterans’ clinic in Durango in his typical no-nonsense way. Guy told him to give me his number b
ut that I’d have to make that first step myself. Been hanging on to that piece of paper not sure if I’d call or not.” He twists in his seat, turning his body toward me, his eyes serious. “I’m gonna call. Figure if my girl can find the courage to stand up and tell her story, then dammit, so can I. Or I’m not worthy of her.”

  “I love you so much.” My hand strokes his jaw and I try to convey with my eyes how deep my feelings run. “I’ll always be proud of you, of what you do, but more so of who you are. Call him, by all means, but don’t do it for me. I don’t need it to know how much courage you carry in your heart. Do it for you. Because you deserve to put your own monster to rest.” His face turns into my palm as he sucks in a deep breath.

  Sitting up, he pulls his phone and a piece of paper out of his pocket. And right there, sitting in the Cortez Memorial Hospital parking lot, he makes the call that will hopefully, finally, free his soul.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Neil

  “I told you already. Fuck me, you’re a pain in my ass. It’ll be done.”

  I chuckle as I end the call. I’m sure I’ve been a pain in his ass these past weeks. Since closing on the house, the work has gone into overdrive. Especially since I hit Clint’s Mason Brothers up with a few additional requests. Maybe I should call them requirements. Both Kendra and I have become quite attached to the sizable bathtub in the guesthouse and can appreciate the benefits of a separate shower, which is why I’m having the guys renovate the bathroom as well. It was intact after the explosion, but since work was already being done... Same with the kitchen. That needed to be redone anyway, but I put in some requests, hoping Kendra would be pleased with them. Instead of a closed off kitchen, it would now be an open-concept to the living/dining room so that we’d never have to lose sight of each other.